Harry:

There was a time we would share stolen kisses in the density of the night while in my car, parked outside her family house. There was a time we were so carefree, so in love that we were just falling deeper in love with each other, but now, now I am unsure of where we stand with what we have. There are no more shared kisses or glances, there is no more depth to a love that was once felt between the two of us.

I spent my life anticipating for a girl that would fill the void inside my heart, someone that would ignite a flame within my soul, someone that would make me feel things I had never grasped before. Here she is, sitting beside me, her head resting on my shoulder with a blanket draped over her, but I am not sure I know who she is anymore. Emily used to be so full of life, and her presence always poised everyone, but now I perceive a woman that doesn't even see herself the same way she used to. The eyes I fell in love with don't shine the same radiant shade they used to, the fingertips that used to grace my skin are now cold to the touch, part of me feels as if I have lost the best thing that has happened to me despite her being right beside me, curled up in the chair, her hair falling around her face, as her eyes dream tightly.

I have no idea where we went wrong— where I went wrong—  I have always done my best to give her my world, to keep her comfortable and happy, but somewhere down the line, I managed to fail. Failure being something that does not settle well with me.

Every time I fool myself into thinking things will be okay, that we would be okay, there is always a downfall that screws up my train of thought and the hope cast in my mind. For every good moment, we can manage to muster up, there are at least four downfalls to soon follow.

I am at a loss. Either way, I lose.

When we first started to hit our rough patch, I thought it was just that, a rough patch, but here I am, with the love of my life beside me— the woman who I thought would love me through everything— who I am pretty sure, no longer loves me.

It is a daunting feeling to have the mental object of not being loved travelling through the mind, it emotionally drains me, and physically... well, I physically have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I fell in love with a beautiful young lady who made the gloomiest of days lucent— a woman who fell in love with me for my terrible jokes, and for everything that makes me the person I am away from the media and the fans.

Now, I don't even know how to pull the two of us from the morose sinkhole we keep sinking into. It is suffocating us both, limb by limb, breath by breath.

This journey to New York was meant to spark my career further and our relationship; I thought time in a city we both love would be enough to get us out of the woods, even if it is just an inch. I was wrong, so wrong.

All that New York managed to bring was more chaos and a furtherly more enraged Emily— who I am pretty sure is ready to sign those papers at the house— the papers that will demolish our marriage and family. I don't think there's any escaping the danger now, the damage just keeps burning radically.

I love her, I do, but I don't think either of us has the strength to continue to combat the conflicts. Moreover, I don't think she has the energy to do it anymore.

I have watched her deteriorate gradually, her smile was the first to fade, then it was the glow in her eyes that had the ability to light up a room, it was all downhill once she lost the glow in her eyes.

The first time I watched the luminosity in her eyes vanish was when she had Sophia. She had a relatively smooth pregnancy, in fact, she barely had morning sickness, thank God for that— she didn't really seem any different the first trimester— she was her usual, blissful, go-go-go self. Everything was fine until she reached the third trimester, that is when things started to get a bit iffy with her.

She was fatigued all the time, she refused to eat half the things she would make me go get at ungodly hours. Emily was always achy— no remedy would help her with the aches and pains, not to mention the only way I could get her to fall asleep was to rub her back every night and let her fall asleep on my chest.

When Emily finally had Sophia, it was a relief— she was no longer in pain and cursing me out when she had had enough of incubating our baby.

After the first few days of having our newborn home, it was then that I noticed Emily wasn't back to her normal self, she was quiet, heavy-hearted, and didn't want to hold our baby much.

She would crawl up in bed and not move for hours, then when she would finally move, she was still exhausted. It was back then when her eyes washed-out for the first time.

It took a while for her to regain the beautiful colour and the smile. I think for the first year Emily struggled a lot; I held the weight of her and our newborn— it was something I had to do. I made it my mission to see Emily smile again, to make our family whole, and that I managed.

Well, I thought I did.

It was whole up until two years ago.

It was nothing that either of us did, specifically. It just occurred, without much of an explanation— I started to perceive her deteriorating once again, something wasn't right, and I didn't have it in me to try to fix it, to mend her once more. I shrugged things off, we both did, I guess.

Our hugs and kisses got further apart, the family outings became minimal; both of us would come up with different excuses on why the other could not make the gathering at the park. Mainly, it was me making up excuses for Emily on why she could not attend the park picnic or why Emily was not able to make it to the celebratory dinner when my sister's first article became published in a magazine.

Maybe I am to blame for things; I started to put my mind towards my writing and the music I wanted to produce once I could get my solo career going.

I found my own escape, but for Emily, she struggled to find her safe haven. I was— I am— her safe haven.

We shifted away from who we were, we neglected each other. Sometimes I would take the longer route home just to take a few extra minutes to breathe. The further we drifted the more we fell into the natural depression of destruction— the further we conceded our love to wither to nothing.

Every bone in my body advised me that we needed to come back together and not ignore what was going on between us, through the smiles and the faked laughter, we were lost in our own demented version of love. But, we let ourselves glide through the cracks, we made excuses. We still, to this day, make self-justification for ourselves. perhaps that is why Emily has irrevocably given up on me, on us. perchance I am to blame.

If I had of been a better husband, perhaps things would be altered, perchance if I listened to her more, understood her more. possibly if I didn't have the career I do, things would be easier.

We are hopeless hearts passing through and I no longer know what to do.

I should have been there more, considered Emily a lot more than what I did, and do.

I love her, I do. But we proceed to spiral down a valley of devastation, one that is not healthy for either of us, particularly our child. Our little girl, who brought us so much love and hope, now has to go through such desolation.

If things continue how they are, we will have to justify to her why Mummy and Daddy are no longer living together, and why she can't have both of us at the same time. We will have to explain that late at night when all she wants is her Mummy to hold her, she will be stuck with me because Mummy is at the other house. We will have to demonstrate that she will have to have two sets of clothes and split holidays with us.

My heart breaks at the cognitive content of her going through the same heartache I once did growing up. I had my sister to rely on and to comfort me, Sophia only has Emily and I. Her only consolation in the world is about to crumble her division to pieces.

I never expected my life would turn out the way it is visioned. I thought Emily was the one, the one that would spend the rest of my life, but after today, I don't think she can even bear to look at me.

I drag myself away from my deranged thoughts as I feel the slight drop of the jet, a heavy sigh escaping my lips as I glance beside me and see Emily beginning to wake up. I can only assume the sudden inclination managed to jerk her away from her slumberous dreams. Her eyes make contact with me before they promptly flicker away, her hand pressing to the armrest as the jet dips again, a small air pocket being nothing that worries me, but for her, it is like her world is crashing around her with every decline she feels on an aeroplane.

"It is okay," I find the words mumbling from my dry lips, my hand reaching for hers but she pulls away, not wanting my touch on hers.

"Don't touch me." Her voice is sharp like a sword, slicing my heart into diminutive pieces. I groan, my eyes dropping to stare at my lap as I push the blanket off of me and I stand to my feet, my legs needing to be stretched. I stretch my arms out, the jet again drops, my hand instantly presses to my seat to keep me balanced, a heavy gasp escaping from Emily.

I catch a glimpse of her eyes, the eyes that are stone cold and full of anxiousness. I want to reassure her, I do, but it would be pointless.

"Emily, you're okay."

"Mhm, just like our marriage, huh?" She throws our marriage at me as she wearily laments, her hand tapping against the armrest, a motion she does when she is nervous.

I gulp, not sure what to say to her. I don't want to set her off, but I don't want her to continue in an anxious state while mid-air.

"You are fine on this jet, I'd never let anything happen to you," I assure her with a dry voice, my words wanting to choke up in my throat.

She gives me a shrug. Part of me wonders if she doubts the words that I just said. I don't know what runs through that beautiful mind of hers, but I do know that we are both far from who we used to be, especially her.

❅❅❅

The journey home was nothing short of silence; Emily refuses to say more than two words to me. The best I can do, to keep myself from snapping, is to shrug it off as her being exhausted from the flights.

The moment I step into the house, I am filled with a sense of clarity and calmness, the scent of the house fills my lungs, the character of Gemma and Sophia giggling somewhere is like harmony to my ears.

Emily follows, closing the door behind her while I make my way down the hallway and to the living room, "Daddy!" Sophia screeches merrily, scrambling from her position on the couch and leaping straight towards me.

I engulf her in my arms, picking her up as her little arms wrap around me, "Hey Angel," I grin as she nestles into me, a sigh of relief escaping my lips. "Why aren't you in bed?" I hum, holding her close to me while her body is clothed in her favourite onesie that she'd wear every night if we'd let her.

There is nothing better than to have my daughter in my arms and delighted to see me.

"Mummy, Mummy." Her eyes get a glimpse of Emily as she steps in, Sophia instantly wiggling against me until I put her down, allowing her to run straight to Emily without a struggle.

"Careful, Soph," I warn her, knowing she will want to bounce right into Emily, but I am not sure if Emily even has it in her to be jumped on.

I turn to my sister, walking closer to her as she gives me a faint smile, her arms extending out to me for a hug.

"Everything okay?" She whispers while I wrap my arms around her, her own arms hugging me a little tighter than usual.

With a heavy sigh, I come to terms with the fact that everything is not okay.

"No," I whisper, my voice sounding vulnerable as I try my hardest not to let it crack.

❅

When I step back into the living room after escorting my sister to the door, I am surprised to find Sophia on the couch with a blanket, her wide eyes gleaming up at me, a quirky smile printed across her lips.

"It's past your bedtime, missy." I gently poke her side and she instantly giggles, standing to her feet, "And you know mummy doesn't like you standing on the couch." I chuckle as I wrap my arm around her and draw her off the couch, her little legs wrapping around me as I hold her.

"Sorry," She whispers, "Can it be our secret?" Her beautiful eyes gleaming up at me in such a captivating way that I could never tell her no.

I nod, agreeing to keep her secret, "We gotta get you in bed," I kiss her cheek, commencing to walk towards the staircase as she fills me in on her adventures while we have been gone.

I am glad to see someone had a good time recently because I sure have not.

I place Sophia in her bed, wasting no time in stretching her comforter over her figure as she wiggles within the sheets, her hand clutching her teddy bear.

"Can I have a story?" She questions as I turn her nightlight on, getting ready to kiss her and leave.

"Which one?" I glance towards her several storybooks systematically placed in her room; I am pretty sure I have read every one of them to her at least twice.

"The one about you and mummy." Her little voice requests.

I sigh at the concept of telling her another story, a romance that appears to have a tragic ending.

For a moment, I contemplate telling her, no, but I don't have the heart to turn down such a simple request. She does not know what is going on with Emily and me.

I nod before I sit on the edge of the bed, my mind racing to find the right story to tell her, a happy story.

"Hmm, okay." ... "Well, a few years ago, I asked your Mum to marry me." I begin...

❅ ❅ ❅

The box has been nestled among my clothes in my suitcase for most the tour, travelling from continent to continent, waiting for the right time to make the move from suitcase to my pocket. The boys' laughed at me every time they'd find the box while searching for clean clothes to wear.

Twelve weeks and five days— that is how long it had been since I last saw Emily, the last time I had the privilege to hold her in my arms, the last time I looked into her deep, vibrant eyes and felt home.

Today, today everything changed. I had been counting down the days until she could join me, and today I was finally graced with her in my arms.

The day was nothing unusual, filled with the typical tour activities; sleeping, eating, cuddling, and giggling at the random, absurd circumstances.

I had it planned. I was going to take her to dinner at the restaurant on the corner by the hotel, her favourite foods were on the menu, and I knew it was the right place to take her on such a day. After that, I had a show, and that—that was where I was going to ask what felt like the most prominent question of my life. I was going to wait for Madison Square Garden to clear out before having her wander back out on the stage with me. Most would think it is an unromantic and ludicrous idea, but they don't comprehend the significance. A year ago, I was sitting backstage at the venue with my ideas scribbled into my journal, my thoughts turned into a song— they turned into her song. It was the right place to sing her the song I wrote for her a year ago.

My plan did not go as directed, I couldn't wait, I was far too eager.

I sat in front of Emily, my eyes fascinated by the way she was radiating in the dim illumination, and the way everything about her was flawless—from the way she walked and talked, to the way she smiled and could irradiate a room. I was so in love with the woman in front of me that I was full of reverence and love.

She was the one for me.

The whole meal, I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was so beautiful and captivating—she was all I wanted— she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

❅ ❅ ❅

I take a breath and extract myself away from my memory of the night that I proposed to Emily. A memory that was once filled with such love and hope, is now tugging at my heartstrings, threatening to pull tears from my eyes.

I look down at Sophia, grateful when I see her eyes are closed and that she is asleep. I don't think I had it in me to continue the story and keep dry eyes.

I lean down and kiss Sophia's cheeks, adjusting the comforter to her liking before I carefully leave her room.

I follow the dim light down the hallway towards our bedroom where I find Emily on the bed with a book in her hand.

"Em... can we talk for a moment?" I break the silence, luring her away from the book as her eyes gaze up to glance at me.

"I have nothing to say," Her voice is hushed and dismissive.

I know she doesn't want to talk to me, but I need to say a few things.

"I will do the talking," I lament, walking closer to the bed and sitting on the edge, keeping distance between us as her eyes narrow down on me, "I fell in love with you years ago, I fell in love with a woman that was so full of life, someone that looked at me with lustrous eyes and love, love that I didn't deserve at the time. Now, I am still in love with you, but your eyes don't shine, you don't look at me with the love you used to, you—you don't even laugh and smile. Emily, talk to me. What is going on? I've been through this with you before, but if you don't talk to me... we have no hope. I love you, I do, but you can't push me away and do this alone." the words leave my lips without much thought, I mean every word. "You might have given up, but I haven't. I'm not going to walk away because it is easier, I don't believe in walking out of a marriage and divorcing unless it is the last resort... I love you, I probably always will no matter what happens... Just keep that in mind." my words come out as a horsed whisper towards the end, emotions beginning to play on me.

I glance at Emily, her own gaze staring at me with a dismal appearance. I give her a petite smile, not knowing what more to do, or to say at this moment.

All I can see in her eyes is sorrow and it breaks my heart; I don't see a light, I don't see that glimmer that I grew so used to viewing.

I stand back to my feet and step to leave the bedroom, the only thing being heard—the footsteps against the wooden flooring. I reach the door and step out into the hallway, pausing instantly when I overhear the same sweet voice call my name—calling me back.