*Brendon POV*

I talked to Gerard for hours from dusk to dawn. He was such an interesting man. I really appreciated his company in my time of lonliness. Of course I can't be with him forever. That's just not how it works. He doesn't live in Chicago and he needs to move on. I'm stuck in this city, wanting to go, but needing to stay.

Isn't that how it always is? Wanting something, but needing something different. I guess that's life. I wasn't even sure about the concept that I needed to stay, but I just did. It's not like I would have run off with Gerard, he has Frank and I had the slight chance of Ryan coming home...slight chance.

I would literally wait a thousand years for him, I would. I laid in my bed, staring at the empty oblivion of the ceiling. I wondered if it would be easier to take the pain all away. 'Just rip my heart out,' I told myself, 'It still won't hurt as much as when he left you.'

The truth hurts and that indeed was the truth. I sat in my room listening to only sad and depressing music. It help set the mood that I was already in. We may not have broken up, but it sure felt that way. I was a complete mess, I didn't want to do anything, not even eat. I felt sick and I didn't know why.

It was as if I was literally dying of a broken heart....

*One month later*

He called me yesterday...it was nice to hear his comforting voice, but my voice wasn't nearly as comforting. I was still sick. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. I was in this deep depression that wasn't quite depression. I didn't harm myself in any way, but I cried...all the time, even in the most random times. I couldn't sleep...the nightmares hurt too much. I hated myself and everything about me. I would go days without eating. Patrick hated this person I've become. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who called Ryan first.

I missed Ryan...he was the only thing on my mind, all the time. Life wasn't worth living without him. I was growing older than what I actually was. I was frail and fragile. I resembled an old weak man.

Ryan said he was coming home...but that things may not be the same. I understood. I had no choice, but to understand. Who would want to date a legitimately sick bastard? I don't mean that as I'm a sick pervert, but that I'm sick and a bastard for doing that to Ryan when all he ever did was love me.

I heard a knock at the door that broke me from my thoughts, thank god. Patrick stood there, "Hey Bren...Gerard is here."

"He is?"

"Yeah he's outside, why don't you go out with him."

I nodded and stood up slowly and carefully, as always. I stared in the mirror at my messy hair and dark circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. Great. I look like complete and utter shit. What else is new?

I put on a plain white t-shirt to go with the blue plaid pajama pants I was already wearing. I walked outside into the bright sky. It was still warm, still summer, for now...

Gerard sat on our porch and he smoked. I liked watching him smoke only because I've never seen someone smoke so attractively like he does. Yes, he actually looks pretty damn hot like that, but that doesn't mean anything at all. I sat down beside him, "Hey."

"Hey, how are you? Want a drag of my cigarette?"

"Probably not the best idea. I haven't eaten today...again. I don't know how I am anymore. I mean Ryan should be coming home soon, but what does that mean to me if he probably found a new love interest?"

"Brendon, you need to eat... Be positive. If you think negative then that will be the outcome."

"I don't think my negative feelings will have anything to do with the negative outcome as it is already going to happen negatively no matter what."

"You need to get out and do something. Stop being this giant ball of depression."

"I'm not. I don't have depression. It's as if I have it, but I don't."

"You still need to get out and do something, like I don't know eating?"

"I just want him back...Gerard. Life isn't the same without him."

"Patrick, Pete, and I are going to take you out tonight, whether you like it or not."

I rolled my eyes, "You're making me get out?"

"Yes, yes I am and you are going to like it."

"I can guarantee that I won't. You can make me do all you want, but it still won't lower my feelings for him or my feelings against this world."

Pete walked outside, "Get your ass inside and maybe shower since you haven't done that in awhile and put on the nice clothes Patrick and I picked out on your bed because we are all going out."

I rolled my eyes again, "Fine."

I was basically done with any participation in the world. But I did what they told me to do. I showered and sat in the tub for a bit to wallow in my tears. It was one of those times I wanted to go, but needed to stay...I finally got out and changed into the ensemble they pulled out for me to wear. I put it all on. Skinny jeans and some flannel shirt. I combed my hair back and even decided to wear my glasses today.

I felt refreshed on the outside even if I wasn't on the inside. They took me to a club. A loud annoyingly dark with strobe lights club. Yep, because this is "exactly" what I needed.

I sat at the end of the bar drinking some drink Gerard picked out. He wasn't drinking tonight. He was trying to end his drinking problem. He did smoke though, quite a bit. I did crack a smile at Pete and Patrick for being the only ones slow dancing while everyone else grinded on each other. They were perfect together. I wish I had something like that...I did.

I stared into the pit of my drink. Someone tapped on my back, but I assumed it was just some drunken character bumping into me. Gerard smiled at me and gestured for me to dance. I took his hand and followed him to the dance floor. Gerard was a great dancer to be honest. The way his hips moved to the beat, it made it hard for me not to look. He combed his fingers through his red velvet locks as he danced. I moved closer to him as I danced and he set his hands on my waist, fingers gripping my sides. Both of our hips swayed side to side.

I think we got too into the music...our hands moved around each other's bodies from hips to backs. Until Gerard brought his hands up to my hair and pulled my head forward into his lips. His tongue entered my mouth. That was the last thing I remembered before passing out...

*Patrick POV*

I looked over at Gerard and Brendon and they were dancing together which made me happy because I haven't seen Brendon smile in so long. Then I saw them kissing...that was weird to see since the whole Ryan and Brendon fling. I watched them kiss and suddenly Brendon fell. I sprinted towards the two of them, "What happened?!"

Gerard stared at me with tear-filled eyes, "We just kissed and then he passed out. Call 911!"

I pulled out my phone and quickly dialed the number. Pete was by my side in no time. He started checking Brendon for a pulse, some kind of pulse. The woman answered, "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?"

"We are at the club on West Monroe Street. Please, hurry my friend passed out and he's not okay!"

"We will get there as fast as we can, sir."

I hung up. I was now in full panic mode from the time until the ambulance came, to the time they took Brendon on a gurney into a hospital room. Pete, Gerard, and I all sat in the waiting room. Gerard had been crying. He blamed himself when really it could be anything. Brendon let himself go ever since Ryan left...

Speaking of Ryan...I felt like he deserved to know what was going on. I told the guys I was going to get some air. I sat on the hospital bench outside and typed in Ryan's number. I swallowed hard, nervous. Ryan answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Patrick.."

"Hey! What's up!"

"Well I'm currently at the hospital..."

"Why? What happened?"

"Brendon...he passed out or something at a club. I'm not sure what's wrong yet, but I thought you should know...ya know..."

"Oh my god....Brendon! I need to get there! I need to be there for him!"

"If you do, then why did you leave in the first place?"

"Has Brendon not told you?"

"Told me what?"

"I left because Brendon cheated on me with Sarah..."

"You caught him in bed with her?!"

"Well no....he told me he kissed her..."

"Oh."

I didn't understand that. I didn't understand why Ryan had to run away just to ruin Brendon's life over some stupid kiss. Maybe because Brendon has done stuff like that before in the past that makes him not trust him. I don't know the case.

"Well Brendon is here and he's sick and frankly I think it's because he's been a mess ever since you left. So goodbye, Ryan."

I hung up and went back upstairs to Brendon's floor. Gerard was biting his nails worriedly. I asked him, "Why were you and Brendon kissing?"

He looked up, "You saw?!"

I nodded slightly. He said, "I don't know...I might like him?"

"You might?"

The nurse came out, "A Mr. Patrick Stump is allowed to go in as you are his emergency contact."

I nodded and followed her into his room. I was eager to see him. I saw him laying there. White, pale, and frail. I held his hand, "What's wrong?"

"Lack of nutrition and sleep deprivation. They said I'm anorexic and an insomniac. They thought I was dying.... It's that bad.."

I hugged him gently and started sobbing, "I don't want anything to happen to you..."

Gerard walked into the room, "Hey, Bren."

He smiled ever so slightly, "Thanks for a great time, even if it didn't end well."

Gerard walked over to Brendon and kissed his lips. He's been around a lot since Ryan left. This type of action doesn't quite surprise me for how long he's been around.

Brendon said, "Can you give us a minute?"

I left the two. I walked out into the waiting room. The tall skinny brown-haired boy stood before me. He had been talking to Pete....it was Ryan. Oh god not now...

"What are you doing here?"

"When you called I was on the airplane down here. Please let me see him..."

"No...I don't think that's a good idea.."

"Why not..."

"Ryan, you do realize you're the one who caused all of this? Let me at least talk to him first.."

I walked back to Brendon's room and took in a deep inhale. I opened the door to Gerard on top of Brendon making out.

"Get off of him!"

Gerard fell off the bed, "W-what??"

"Brendon is too weak to do something like that! Are you crazy?! And Ryan Ross is here...."

Brendon's eyes widened, "H-he is?"

I nodded, "Gerard, you should probably leave for right now."

He left still embarrassed. I said, "Brendon, I understand if you don't want to see him...but-"

"Let him in. Let him see how much he means to me."

I thought that was a sick twisted way to let him know he made a mistake, but Brendon also made a mistake...

Ryan entered the room.

"Uh hi Brendon...."

Awkward silence engulfed the room.