Sophia

Waking up, I stretch towards where Jungkook should be, but find the bed empty. My eyes fly open as I look around trying to find him. Was it a dream? Maybe he changed his mind... No... He wouldn't do that! I have to stop doubting him... I sit up and take in the view of our room. The rose petals are still scattered on the floor, and the scent is starting to be overwhelming.

Wanting to escape the stench, I stand to get some fresh air on the balcony. As I get to the door, I see him... He's leaning on the railing, a cigarette hanging from his lips, and looking really frustrated while he talks on the phone. I stand, frozen in my spot, looking at the man I love. I move slowly, unsure of whether I should intrude or not, but wanting to know what's upsetting him.

"Hyung... I don't think she could do it... She is better, but this is too much..."

Not being able to hear the other end of his conversation is frustrating. Is he talking about me? I'm sure that he is, but what does one of his friends want me to do?

"NO! I forbid you to ask her... It's not fair! She's finally better, and this could send her backwards..."

My thoughts run rampant to try and figure out what's happening... I'm scared to know, but also feel like he shouldn't keep something from me.

"I can't lose her again hyung... Please..."

Not standing it anymore, I move to stand next to him, surprising him. He stares at my questioning eyes, and ends his call. He knows I've heard him, and he immediately puts out the cigarette.

"When did you start smoking? And who were you talking to?" I don't wait, or sugar coat anything.

"Sophia..." "Who. Was. It?" I'm stressed, and feel like we're not where we should be if he is going to avoid my question. I'm done with keeping things to myself, and he needs to trust I can handle whatever is happening.

"Taehyung hyung..." He looks down, but I take his chin in my hand to lift it, forcing our eye contact.

"What does he want me to do?"

I fight off the trembling, as I see a fear grip Jungkook. His eyes tell me that it's not something I'll be happy about, but I don't back away.

"Jungkook... Tell me... Don't shield me. If it's hurting you, it's hurting me... Please... Trust me."

I feel frightened, but determined to not break at the first test. I spent almost 6 months away from everything, and everyone I love, to get stronger. If I can't handle whatever this is, I don't know if I'm fit to be with Jungkook and Olivia...

"Aera's trial is starting... The prosecution wants you to testify. They think it's important because the Doctor that drugged you, and then poisoned you, has already told everything. They want your version of the things that you remember."

I feel the sweat running down my back, and I shiver as a breeze hits me. Jungkook is looking lost, and afraid of my reaction. He knows I don't want to return to Seoul yet, and this would mean that I have to. I feel like I'm adrift without an anchor suddenly, and my breathing becomes labored. Am I destined to continue to lose everything I hold dear? If I can't do this, what does that mean?

"Hey... Don't panic Love... It's okay..." His strong arms engulf my anxious self, and I cling onto him. I hate myself so much... Why can't I just do this? Why can't I just face my demons? I've always run away, leaving their fate up to chance. So far, I've been lucky because Hae-un is in jail, but Ju-won got a pass because I was too afraid to admit what he had done to me. I lost years with my daughter, and the man I love, because of my weaknesses... Can I continue to hide away, and let another person walk free, just because I'm scared?

"what do i do?" I whisper my question, and feel his lips on my forehead. I hate how weak I am. I'm a miserable example of a woman for my own daughter, and I can't figure out how to change it.

"Sophia-ah... You don't have to do anything. Aera's going to be punished because the Doctor already told what she did. Namjoon hyung can testify about what happened, and even Hobi hyung. You don't need to do this... It's fine."

Even though I hear his words, I know that Taehyung wouldn't have called if there wasn't a reason. He's a lawyer, and he is only trying to make sure they have the strongest case. Jungkook is only trying to protect me. I love him so much for that...

"Jungkook? Can I ask you something?"

I pull back, and wipe my face with the sleeve of the hoodie I'm wearing. He's looking at me softly with an encouraging smile. I don't know how long he'll be wearing it though... I'm not sure he'll like what I want the answer to.

"Do you really think Aera deserves prison? She was your friend... She was a mother to Olivia... Maybe she needs to be in a hospital... I want you to be honest with me."

As expected, his smile fell, and he looked away from me. I waited, trying not to get upset, and saw how conflicted he truly is. Before I know what's happening, he pulls away completely, and moves to grab a new cigarette. I feel fear grip my heart thinking that maybe he actually cared more about her than he wants to admit. Did he start to love her, and only denied it when I came back into the picture? If I hadn't, would they be happy, with no worries now?

I wipe the stubborn tears that fall, and just stand in my spot, waiting. He's inhaling the poisonous toxins and staring into the distance, making me terrified at what he'll answer. I see a crystal tear slip from his eye, and slide down his face, piercing my heart. I've never been able to see him cry without it hurting me deeply.

"jungkook? i will understand if you want to help her."

His reaction is swift, and I stumble back as he turns towards me aggressively. His face shows a mix of anger and pain, but there is a love mixed in that I find intimidating. He realizes that he's made me nervous, and he lowers his head, gripping tightly onto his pants.

"Sophia... I don't know why I reacted that way... Please don't be afraid of me... I would never hurt you... Please..."

There's a hitch in his breath, and I see his pain at having made me scared. I move to him quickly, cupping his cheeks, and forcing him to look at me. The pools in his eyes hurt my heart, but I know he is struggling as much as I am.

"I'm not afraid of you... Kookie-ah, I have never been, and I am sorry that you thought that. You just surprised me... I'm sorry."

His tears fall now, and I hate it. He stares into my eyes, like he's trying to see something I'm holding back, and I just hold his gaze. Wiping his tears with my fingers, I lean up to kiss his lips sweetly. I relax when he again circles my waist with his arms, pulling me close.

"I'm sorry Love... I didn't mean to react like that... I'm just so angry... I'm angry at Aera... I'm angry at myself... I don't know what to feel about her anymore... She tried to hurt you... Because of me... I thought she was my friend, but it was all lies... I shouldn't care about her because she tried to take you from me..."

When I hear his voice getting thick, I place my hand over his lips. He stares at me, and I smile to reassure him.

"Jungkook... It's ok to feel hurt and confused. I know she helped you when I was away. She meant alot to Olivia, and helped you survive. I don't hate her for what happened... I might be stupid, but I feel sorry... I know that if I had stayed away, she wouldn't have gone as crazy as she did... And maybe you would have made your marriage work..."

"No... I wouldn't have loved her the way she was wishing for. Whether or not you came back to me, I know that I would never have felt for her the way she wanted... Maybe, part of me knew you were still alive... "

We stood like this, staring into each other's eyes. It was comforting to have him with me, and I felt stronger in his presence.

"Tell me the truth... Do you want me to testify and send her to jail?"

There is clear pain in his eyes. He doesn't look away, and just shakes his head no. There's some relief for me that he's not heartless, and a little pain because she tried to kill me to take him from me.

"Let's go home Jungkook..."

His surprise is obvious. I don't know what will happen, but I can't let them send her to prison, when what she needs is a hospital. A piece of me understands her more than I'd like to. I know she was abused in the orphanage... I know how that can change someone. I don't want to even consider the piece about her being my sister just yet... My father's voice in my head tells me that I'm supposed to help her because she's family...

"Are you sure Love? I told you that we could stay here... We can build our life with Olivia and the new baby..."

"I'm sure... Maybe after this is over, we'll decide to come back. For now, I need to face my fears... I want to see our friends, and hold our daughter. I think a meeting with Aera would be important before I make any decisions about what I'll do in court though."

"I love you so much Sophia... I don't ever want to lose you again... Promise me that you'll tell me if things get to be too much when we are back in Seoul... Promise me you won't leave me again... I won't survive it..."

As tears drip from his eyes, I lean in and lay my lips on his. Our kiss is loving, and my stomach curls with the way he always makes me feel. I pull away when I can't breath, but keep our foreheads joined.

"I'm sorry that I have run away in the past. I promise I won't do it again Jungkook. I'll talk to you, and from now on, we're going to figure it out together."

His smile says everything I need. His arms squeeze me tight, and we sway together to whatever song Jungkook is humming. My heart feels light, and I'm not scared for the first time in months. My ring catches the light, and I can't fight the grin remembering his sweet, nervous, proposal.

"I love you Jungkook"

-

Taehyung

He hung up before I could tell him the most important piece. Damn it Jungkook... I try to call him back a few times, but he doesn't answer. I'm worried now because if he ends up bringing Sophia back, then she's going to be hurt. I know I was trying to ask him to have her testify, but I had a plan to do it remotely. She could stay there and not have to face Aera... If only Jungkook's stubborn ass didn't interrupt and hang up...

"Did you talk to him Taehyung?"

"Oh... When did you get here Namjoon hyung?"

My friend's dimples are showing as he moves towards me. I can't resist to smile back at him, but it's completely forced. Nothing I'm feeling now is happy.

"Did you talk with Jungkook?"

"Yes... He is upset, and refused to even hear about her testifying... I didn't even get to tell him about the divorce issues."

"Don't worry too much. You know after what Aera did, the court will side with Jungkook... It just means he'll have to wait a little longer."

My heart pinches knowing he proposed to Sophia, and will want to marry her as soon as possible. Aera's accusation that she was coerced into signing the divorce, halted the court issuing their speration. I went to the prison to get her to sign the new ones, and she looked so crazy it scared me. Small little Aera, locked in a cell, was an image that will haunt me for a long time.

"What's the matter Taehyungie?"

Namjoon hyung is watching me, and I can't find the words to explain. I don't know if anyone will understand how I feel in this situation. I'm angry at Aera for trying to hurt Sophia, but there's no question about it, I feel sorry for her also...

"Talk to me Tae... Maybe I can help."

"It's just... I want to help her Hyung... I should hate her... She tried to kill Sophia... She drove her crazy with drugs... But at the end of it all, she was a friend... She had secrets, but so did we... She lied... But so did we... How can we be forgiven, and she can't?"

"Wow... I didn't expect that. I don't know about forgiving her. It's not my place to do that. The only forgiveness that will matter is from Jungkook and Sophia anyway... and I don't know if they'll be capable of it right now. Especially if she continues to fight the divorce... Is there anything I can do to help you Taehyung? I don't like seeing you this bothered."

My smile is now genuine at my caring friend. He and I went through alot together when we agreed to help Sophia, and I'll never be more grateful to him for taking most of the heat. "No hyung... I'm alright. I'm here trying to figure out what the best thing to do is... I guess when Jungkook gets back, we'll deal with it. It's not something I can decide on my own anyway."

-

Jungkook

There is a fear in my heart, but I try to stifle it. Taehyung hyung's call, and then the discussion about whether Sophia will testify have made me nervous. She seemed broken about it, but insists that she wants to go back home. Her questions about Aera upset me, but not for the reasons she may think. I saw the look in her eyes that told me she thinks I care about Aera still.

Watching my love sleeping, I feel a little relaxed. She looks so peaceful, and like there is nothing that bothers her in this moment. I don't stop my hand from caressing her belly, and watch in amazement as the small human inside moves around. How must that feel? Does it hurt? I know I'm grinning like an idiot, but I can't control it.

"I love your smile..." Her voice sounds soft, and I look up to meet her gaze. I don't know how she does it, but as soon as our eyes connect, my heart thrums in my chest. Her own smile is soothing me, and the frustrations I'm feeling melt to the back.

"Did you sleep well baby?" I ask as I move closer to lay a kiss on her lips. She hums, nods a yes as our mouths connect. It's a fond and loving kiss, and I don't even try to push it further. I feel like we always fall back on sex to get closer, but I'm trying to let her know that I want something deeper. Maybe I'm growing up finally, or maybe I understand that I need to let her lead in this area... Either way, I'm more than satisfied cuddling her in my arms.

"What's going on in your mind Jungkook-ah? You seem a little far away." Her cold fingers move to my cheeks, and she forces me to look in to her eyes. I am nervous to talk about some of this with her, and I guess she still sees through me.

"Please talk to me... If you don't I'll imagine things... I'll understad whatever it is..."

Her words say one thing, while her eyes are screaming for me not to hurt her. This is my fear... That what I'm going through in my mind, will only hurt her in the end...

"I was just thinking about going back. I know you don't really want to, and I'm feeling guilty that I can't even protect you from this small thing... I'm frustrated Love... Frustrated and angry... I'm sorry you're again being forced into something you don't want to do... I'm sorry..." I hang my head trying to not get too upset...

"Jungkook... Don't do this... It's fine. I need to face my fears. If you're with me, I'll be ok... We're going to be ok as long as we face it as a team..."

Listening to her words, I feel a sudden anger rise within me. Before I can process my actions, I push away from her and jump out of the bed. I hear her gasp, but I know I have to walk away. How can she say those things after everything? I feel crazy right now... It's what I always want her to feel, but she never does. She has never trusted me to protect her, or be that person to lean on... She's probably lying to make me feel better even now. How do I believe her? How do I trust that when things get tough she won't leave me again?

Before I say something I can't take back, I walk out onto the balcony, leaving her behind for the first time by choice. I know she doesn't understand, but the truth is, I'm angry... I'm angry at her... My love...

-

Sophia

What just happened? He was smiling and happy, right? Did I imagine it? Stubborn tears begin rolling down my cheeks and I feel like I can't breathe now. My own baby is rolling around inside restlessly, mocking my already stressed self. I struggle to disentangle myself from the sheets, to go and find him, when my phone begins to ring. I free myself from the bed clothes, and grab it not looking to see who's calling. I bark into the phone as I stand from the bed.

otp

Hello!

Sophia? What's wrong?

Hearing his angel voice, I crumble... I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.

Jimin...

Yes. Talk to me... Why are you crying? Did something happen?

I... I don't know what to do...

Shhhh... Tell me...

I explain through periods of sobbing how Jungkook stormed away, and then I completely lose it.

Hey... Shhhh... It's fine Sophia... He loves you so much. Give him a little time, he'll come around. I promise you.

What if this time he's done? What if he decided that I'm

NO! You listen to me Sophia... Jungkook loves you more than anyone has ever loved another person. He will calm down, and I'm sure feel awful for making you cry... Trust me on this...

I just think I have asked too much Jimin. How can I expect him to be the only one to bend? I thought I was meeting him in the middle by offering to testify... To meet Aera and help her instead of making sure she goes to jail... I thought he was happy about it, but now I don't know... Maybe he wants to help her because he realizes he's made a mistake... Maybe his love for me is fading... Maybe it's changed after all I've done... I hate myself so much... I should have just died for real...

Sophia? Please don't say these things... I know you're hurting, and you feel like he's doubting his feelings... But he DOES love you... He always has... I promise you... I don't like the things you're saying to me... You're scaring me a little... Don't do anything stupid...

I just don't know what to do...

Jimin?

Yes?

Can you help me?

What do you need?

-

Before our conversation can continue, I hear the balcony door bang shut, causing me to jump and turn to find an angry Jungkook shooting daggers at me. I end the call even though I could still hear Jimin's voice calling to me.

"Who was on the phone?"

"Jimin"

"You called him?"

His jealousy and anger make my eyes go wide, but I shake my head immediately. He either thinks I'm lying or doesn't really notice because he grips onto his hair and kicks a foot stool across the room, scaring me.

"He called me... Here... Check my phone..."

My voice is a whisper, but he storms toward me, grabbing the device. Not even looking at it, he throws it somewhere. My whole body is shaking at this point, and tears begin to prickle at my eyes. I know he won't hurt me... In my heart I believe this...

"What did you tell him?"

"Jungkook-ah... Why are you so angry? I'm sorry... He just wanted to talk... He told me not to be worried... That's all..."

"So you told him what? That I was angry? Were you looking for his sympathy? You were asking him for help... To what? Leave me again? You're something else, aren't you? Using my own friends to escape me over and over..."

"NO! I wasn't going to do that! I swear it!"

"Then what did you want him to do?"

I don't answer because I can't see where this will go. I only wanted him to research and find me a therapist in Seoul. I know I need to continue my therapy, especially if I am going to survive being back where so many things went wrong... I know that Jungkook will not believe me though... He doesn't trust me... It's my fault... I don't blame him.

"TELL ME!!"

I can't help but flinch at his voice, but I meet his eyes anyway. His gorgeous brown ones hold only anger, and my heart breaks into small pieces. He has finally had it... This is it...

"I wasn't going to leave... I wanted to ask him to" "SHUT UP!"

The first tear falls, but I wipe it away, trying to not panic. He continues to glare at me, and I realize I'm still only in a t-shirt. I move to grab my sweat pants, and begin to pull them on.

"You're going somewhere?"

His tone is sarcastic and every word hurts me. I don't speak, but shake my head to indicate I'm not. He scoffs, and grumbles something I don't hear, but I'm lost at what to do... I'm in completely new territory... He's never shown his anger to me before. How can I be surprised though? How many times have I thought that he SHOULD hate me? Now, it seems we're here...

"Jungkook"

Before I can say anything, the doorbell to the suite sounds, starling me. As he goes to check it, I take a minute to go to the bathroom and freshen up. I need to calm down, and figure out how to endure whatever he is going to say... I threw him away repeatedly, and left without trusting in our love too many times... Now I'm going to lose him, and it's nothing more than I deserve. I hear voices, but I don't go out right away. I need to stop crying first...

"Sophia?" The soft knock on the door as my name is called signals I've been in here a while. Wiping my face dry, I open the door to Hobi standing outside it.

"Hi... What are you doing here?"

My eyes search for Jungkook, but he's not in the room.

"Sophia... What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm alright... Just tired Hobi... Don't worry about me."

His hand on my cheek makes me jump, and he lifts my face to look at me.

"You can't lie to me... I know you too well after everything. What happened?"

"Where's Jungkook?"

He pulls me to sit on the couch as he holds my wrist, and looks at me. He hasn't answered me, and this makes me even more nervous. Did Jungkook leave me this time?

"Hey... You need to calm down Sophia... Your pulse is high, and I'd bet your blood pressure is up... You know you can't get like this... Jungkook only went to get some breakfast. He'll be back soon."

I nod, but still don't meet his eyes. I have come to rely on his friends too much. He made it clear to me just now that he doesn't like it.

"Sophia... Talk to me... Did you guys have a fight?"

I just shake me head. It's not a complete lie. I'm not fighting, and he's only feeling what he has every right to...

"It's fine Hobi... He's just frustrated because Aera's trial is starting and they want me to testify... It'll be fine..."

"You are an awful liar Sophia... Has anyone ever told you that?"

I look at him to find him smiling brightly at me. I can't help but allow my lips to twitch up at the corners. How could anyone see that smile, and not return it?

"I'm not lying... He is frustrated about that... And I think he is frustrated with me also... I don't know why it's happening now, but I can't blame him for his feelings about the things I've done... So I'm fine Hoseok... I just have to get through it..."

Before he can respond, Jungkook returns with a tray of food. I smell it and my stomach immediately grumbles. A giggle escapes Hobi, but I just stare down and run a hand over my belly.

"Come on So... Let's get you fed..."

I look up, seeing the breakfast on the table. Jungkook is sitting on one side without looking at me. I watch as he is just eating like he doesn't care if I'm even here. My heart hurts, and I feel a wave of nausea. I stand to walk to the table, but turn quickly and run to the bathroom. As soon as I'm there I drop to my knees and heave all my stomach contents and bile into the toilet.

I feel like my stomach is going to come out of my throat, and I can't seem to stop wretching. I feel my hair being pulled back, and a warm hand run up and down my back. Thank God for Hobi... I feel like I'm going to pass out, but just rest my forehead on my arm.

"i'm sorry love... i'm so sorry..."

Jungkook...

His voice sounds broken, and I hate hearing him like this. Why did I ever leave him? Why did I hurt him so much?

"jungkook?"

"yes love..."

"i love you."

As soon as the words leave me, I pass out.

____________________

Thanks for reading!

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