Chapter 14: Deserved (Claire's POV)

I had no idea what to say to him. I felt my heart ache for him. No one deserves to feel like that. Everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated. Everyone. Especially him. It's exactly what he deserved. 

I cleared my throat, "Why do you feel like you don't deserve to be loved?" I asked. 

"Because of the things I've done to people. I've killed people. And when my mom died, I didn't do anything about it. Even when I could. I could tell someone, I could ask for help." 

"Why didn't you?" I whispered. 

"I was told not to," he said, staring at the ceiling. 

"Then that's not your fault, Leo." 

"It's all my fault," he scoffed. 

"Did you even know? What your dad was doing?" He didn't answer me. "If you didn't know, then that was not your fault. And you weren't there when it happened, you couldn't possibly have stopped it." 

"No, but I could have done her right," he rolled his eyes. 

"You were just doing what your dad told you to. You were fifteen, you were a kid," I explained. 

"I wasn't a kid," he scoffed, "I knew what was going on. He didn't tell me but I knew. And I did nothing." 

I asked a question I was hesitating to ask. "Leo, did your dad bring you into all this?" 

"Of course, he did. What kind of high school student would want that?" he asked. 

"What did you want?" 

If he talked anymore about what happened, he would lose his patience, I could see him getting mad. He had so much anger suppressed in him towards his dad and even himself. So much, that he's convinced no one will love him. 

"Not this," he said coldly, "Now I'm stuck. With nobody." 

"You can have somebody," I said gently, lying on my stomach and looking at him, my cheek resting on the pillow, my hands tucked under it. 

"Who's going to love me, Claire? Who will even tolerate me?" 

"I'd say Flynn and I tolerate you pretty well," I smiled. 

He looked at me, mirroring my position. "He's known me forever. He saw me change. And you only tolerate me because you're locked in here with me." 

"That's not true. I told you, I would leave if I wanted to. I actually think you're really nice despite how you act. You're not that cold, Leo. Don't act like it." 

"I have to. I don't let people love me because I know they can't. And if they say they do, they're only lying." 

"No one's lying to you." I propped myself up on my elbows. "No one's lying. Flynn isn't like, neither am I. Leo, you just closed yourself off. You changed who you are and that's okay. If you like being closed off, that's perfectly fine. You just have to trust some people. Especially the ones making an effort. They do it cause they care." 

"Do you care?" 

I'm trying to talk as logically and calmly as possible so he feels comfortable but I am freaking out. This is the most he's opened up to me. Ever. "Yeah, I care. I cared in junior year too," I grinned. 

"I'm not talking about a stupid crush," he sighed. 

"I'm not either. I actually really liked you. And I knew nothing about you. Nobody did. But you can want something without knowing what it really is. Without understanding it. I just didn't try getting to know you back then. I'm trying now. Offer's up on the table," I gave him a small shrug. 

"I think we should just focus on your safety," he replied. 

"You can keep me safe while letting me in. That's the safest I can be." 

"That makes you my weakness. I don't have any nor do I want one." 

"Everybody has a weakness. You just haven't found yours yet." He turned over and his back faced me. I rolled my eyes and scooted closer, leaning over him. "But if you flip that coin, the weakness becomes a strength," I whispered in his ear. I pulled back when his head turned to look at me. 

"A weakness is a weakness." 

I shook my head, "A weakness is motivation and motivation is strength." 

He didn't say anything for a while. "Just go to sleep, Claire." 

"Just one question." I pulled on his arm and turned him to face me. "Are you ever gonna let anyone in?" 

"Is that really your question?" 

I sighed in defeat, "Are you ever gonna let me in?" 

"You're wasting your time." 

"That's not a no," I sang. He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh and one more thing." 

He chuckled dryly. 

"Please smile a little more. At least while I'm here." He turned to me once again. "I'm not staying forever," I shrugged. 

"Well, you're here for a while," he rolled his eyes. If he does that one more time, I swear to god. 

"Your eyes are gonna get stuck like that. All I'm asking is for you to smile a little more. Maybe laugh a little too. You know I heard you when we were at the pool." 

He stared at me, waiting for me to finish, probably thinking I'm just talking bullshit. He's probably listening through one ear and taking it out through the other. 

"Does he have any idea how beautiful he looks when he laughs and smiles?" I mumbled. For once, acting like I said something out loud 'accidentally' might work. 

"Beautiful?" he smirked. 

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" I mumbled into the pillow. I looked back up at him and he was biting back a laugh. "Stop doing that!" I smacked his arm. 

"What did I do?" he asked nonchalantly. 

"Stop biting back your laugh and your smile. Just smile, Leo. It won't kill you. A little serotonin won't kill you!" I said through gritted teeth shoving him. 

"Serotonin?" he chuckled. I held my chin in the palm of my hand and stared at him. "What?" he asked, rolling his eyes. 

"Don't roll your eyes, smile." He rolled his eyes again. "Smile!" I yelled, punching his arm. 

He snorted and let out a laugh, ending it quickly. 

"Please," I whispered, doing the puppy-doe baby eyes thing. Now I know it works. 

He shook his head and couldn't bite back his smile this time because he wasn't smiling, he was grinning. Ear to ear. "I hate you," he mumbled. 

"Feeling's mutual." I remember him saying that to me. Doesn't feel like hate anymore. 

Someone's gonna love you, Leo. Someone is. 

I woke up the next morning, my right hand numb. I rubbed my eyes open with my free hand and comprehended my position. I was lying on my stomach, facing the left, my left hand under me, and my right hand in his. I looked at our hands and my eyes widened. 

He was also lying on his stomach with his left hand locked in mine, clutching it. 

What are you gonna do? 

I don't know, what do I do? 

I don't know. 

I don't know. 

Figure it out. 

Help!!! 

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and slowly tried pulling my hand out of his. But then he would shuffle and stir and adjust his grip and I would have to start all over again. So I just lay there, staring at the headboard, waiting for him to wake up. 

He is going to flip when he sees your hands, Claire. 

I know that, okay? 

I tapped my fingers from my left hand on the pillow anxiously. I glanced at the clock, well, I tried to. I think it was almost eleven. Give or take. 

He finally stirred and propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his eyes. I freaked out and just sealed my eyes shut, facing the window and away from him. I was expecting him to pull his hand out of mine immediately and fall off the bed or something, but he didn't. Not even close. 

He pulled his hand out of mine slowly and I heard shuffling. Then he grabbed it again. I'm guessing he switched sleeping positions. I pretend to shuffle and face him, taking a peek at him. 

He was drinking water, now his right-hand holding mine. He put the bottle down and I closed my eyes. 

Don't smile, Claire. 

I'm trying. 

"Oh, fucking hell. That can't be good," he whispered under his breath. He slowly pulled his hand out of mine and I frowned at the loss but I turned the other way again so he couldn't look. 

His phone began ringing all of a sudden, really loud. "Shit," he cursed before I heard a thud. My head shot up and I caught him sitting on the floor, rubbing his elbow. "Ow," he mumbled under his breath while grabbing the phone quickly answering it. "Hello?" he asked. "Yeah. Yeah okay," he said while standing up. "Yes, Jack," he sighed. 

Jack as in my dad?! 

I rubbed my eyes and 'woke up' before looking up at him. 

"She's fine," he said, looking at me. I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly but he didn't react. Instead, he smiled. 

"She's safe."

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

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Chapter fourteen

We got him.

PERIODT

next chapter: sue me