chapter six: dirty little secret

☾ ☼ Simon Burke

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2017

I, SIMON BURKE AM THE MOM FRIEND.

        W hich in its simplest form means, I'm the protective and responsible one, I listen to the struggles of my friends, and keep my own struggles to myself. I sit at the stool of the counter of Shake and Bake and do what I do best, or at least try to, with my current circumstances.

"Earth to Simon!" Sunny says, waving her small hand in front of my face to catch my attention, her charm bracelet jingles slightly, as my eyes meet hers, Mallory laughs behind the counter, a giant with her skates on, as she pours a bright pink milkshake into a glass bottle, spraying whipped cream on the top.

"Huh, what?" I say trying to focus, except I can't, because I can't play mom friend right now, because I need my own mom friend.

My mind thinks back to the cute boy I met at the library. His name was Kyle, he was Asian, slightly taller than me, with dark short hair, he wore a pair of gold rimmed glasses, he smiled a lot, and called me cute multiple times, my heart flutters as I think about him, I pull out my phone staring at the boys number.

It would be so easy to just text him. Something rings in my heart.

You can't text him, what are you stupid? My head shouts back to my heart.

I had known I was gay since the sixth grade, while all the other middle school boys were drooling over Angelina Mayfield's newfound breasts, I, along with the other sixth grade girls, was drooling over Connor Brandon, middle school heartthrob.

Me discovering my sexual orientation didn't come all at once, but in small tiny fragments. Mostly because I denied it for so long. I told myself that when Derrick leaned in real close, to share his math answers with me, it wasn't butterflies I was feeling, but unease from his closeness, I told myself that when we played spin the bottle at middle school gatherings, and I wished with all my heart the bottle would end up on Connor Brandon, instead of Angelina Mayfield, I had simply just lost my mind.

I did everything to keep this dirty little secret concealed. I kissed girl after girl, tried romantically involving myself with them, I couldn't understand why I felt nothing, I thought I was broken. Girls were beautiful, girls were goddesses, much better than men in almost every aspect, yet..I could never love one, not the way they wanted me to love them anyways. It always ended up in a failed attempt to try and hide my denial.

I didn't accept it until the winter of freshman year, I was tired of trying to be something I wasn't, i tried to cure myself from something that wasn't a sickness or disease, I tried to cure me from me.

Here I was, nearly four years later, halfway out of the closet with a dilemma bigger than The Great Canyon.

"I met a guy,"I say looking at Sunny who was laughing at something Mallory had just said, it came as no surprise to me when I saw four sets of eyes beaming out at me.

"Simon, what?" Sunny asks grabbing my arm, shaking me a bit, I blush a deep shade of pink, a smile growing. This was not supposed to be bad, this was a good thing, I spent too much time trying to convince myself otherwise.

"When, who, what and where?" Mallory asks, rubbing down the counter with a wet cloth.

I let out a sigh and tell them everything about my forbidden love.

When I'm done filling them in, they give me blank stares. "Maybe you should come out," Mallory offers, when she sees the look on my face she continues on. "I mean...you seem to really like this guy."

"My dad would disown me,"I say laughing, though my statement was only half a joke. The thought of talking to my dad was enough to make me forget about the boy all together.

Mallory sighs, picking up a plate of chicken tender and fries before skating away, into the bustling restaurant, leaving Sunny and I.

I stare down, deeply examining my hands, not wanting to meet her eyes, though I feel her staring at me. "Simon, you can't live like this forever, you're miserable."

I finally look up at her, but she's not looking at me, she's playing with her half drank milkshake, swirling the straw around in the cup. "I want you to be happy, I want you to experience love and romance, I..." want you to have the life I never will. She doesn't say it, but the words are written all over her face, the words are hidden in the curl of her lips, the furrow of her brow, the steady look of her eyes.

"I know, Sunny," I say, placing a hand over top of her small hand. "That's why I love you, you always want what's best for everyone."

"Okay enough with the sappy sad shit,"I say, nudging her shoulder. "How's things with your boy toy?"

She scrunches up her face laughing, shaking her head. "Owen Grey is not my boy toy."

I raise a brow, leaning closer. "Do you like him?"

"Not in that way,"When she says this, she says it like she means it, like if she says it sternly and confidently it will almost be true.

I feel shallow and stupid asking her about meaningless stuff like high school crushes, when she has more pressing issues like leukemia. But Sunny made Mallory and I swear we wouldn't mention it, made us swear we'd treat her the same. So we did. I asked Sunny about stupid superficial things, until I had to leave.

I left the diner giving Sunny a shove on the shoulder and a nod in Mallory's direction, who was busy taking a large families order.

*

"You're late,"Is the first words I hear my father grunt when I enter my home. I watch as my father, cuts a steak, barely glancing up at me, my eyes then travel to my mother, my loving, caring mother, she looks up at me, eyes as warm as a fireplace, and a smile that was made especially for me.

"Oh get off his back, Richard, he's a teenage boy,"My mother has a southern voice, curtesy of being born and raised in Louisiana, her voice is thick like honey and calming. So calming I dare a seat at the table, right in front of my fathers disgusted looking face, in front of the plate my mom prepared for me.

My little brother, Brett scowls at me too, sticking his tongue out from behind his glass of my mom's famous sweet tea.

I ignore their stares, pushing the mash potatoes around my plate.

"Teenage boy?" My father begins, with a low laugh. "He doesn't have a girlfriend, doesn't play any sports, his only friends are female!"

I let my fork drop on the glass plate, suddenly angry. Who was he to define what makes boy, he was so simple minded and shallow, there was a spectrum, not any one person was the same, and I'd be dammed if i lived up to the bone head, jock expectation my father kept trying to force down my throat.

"You're never happy, are you?" I begin cooly, calmly. My mother stares at me with comforting blue eyes, so I continue. "I'm top ten in my class, I'm president of the art club, I already have multiple acceptances from colleges, one in which being Stanford, for christ sake, Stanford, do you know how hard it is to get into that school? and all you care about is if I know how to throw a ball and if I fuck a bunch of girls?"

My father stares at me dumbfounded, he stabs his knife into his steak. "You have no business talking down to me like that, boy!"My little brother laughs, my fathers little minion. Maybe if I was more like Brett...Brett was quite clearly the favorite child, for my dad at least.

My family was distributed evenly into two teams. My father and Brett, they not only looked alike, with their dark brown hair and hazel eyes, but acted the same as well, both brutish and masculine, while only having one personality trait, sports. Whereas me and my mother, the intellects in the house looked the same as well, both with light blonde locks and bluish green eyes. I was my moms favorite and that's all that really mattered to me, I cared little of pleasing my father, especially since he never would be.

"You're being way too hard, Richard,"My mother says, taking a sip of tea, staring deeply at my father, if only to budge is stubbornness.

"Carrie...he's not normal, you know it, I know it, stop babying him, tell it like it is."

"Nobody likes normal anyways, that boy is the best thing you ever did, he's gonna be something."

This takes my dad overboard, his face is a deep red and he's practically foaming at the mouth. "Who's side are you on here, we're a team!" He growls at my mom.

She looks at him and laughs taking another sip of homemade sweet tea, some of her blonde hair cascading in her eyes, she'd never looked more beautiful. "I put my kids over you any day, Richard, I love you to death, but he is my son, and you will not try and turn me against my own blood,"Her accent is thicker when she says the words, her words are strong, strong and final. It shuts everyone up.

I offer a glance at my mom, but she's already back to cutting her steak, unfazed. It makes me love her even more.

🌷🌷🌷

A/N
I know a lot of you don't like the switching perspectives throughout the chapters, but it's very vital to the story, however most chapters will be of either Sunny or Owen, but here and there I will throw in chapters about Simon, Mallory and Josie, but the majority will be Sunny and Owen and their story. That being said, who's your favorite character so far? (This is also unedited, will edit later today or tomorrow! Feel free to point out grammatical errors)