chapter four: the cancer girl

☾ ☼ Owen Grey

Thursday, September 17th, 2017

SO APPARENTLY SUNNY WRIGHT HAS LEUKEMIA. THE WHEELS SUDDENLY BEGIN TO TURN IN MY HEAD, SHE HADN'T BEEN IN SCHOOL FOR THE PAST WEEK, AND NOW I KNEW WHY, BECAUSE THE POOR GIRL WAS DYING.

Today had gone fairly well, I aced a math test, which was almost as rare as a good nights sleep, Josie wore that cute shirt I liked on her, that brought out the color of her eyes, and my teacher's didn't drown me in homework for once, which is exactly why I should've know my mom was going to dump this shit on me, it was too good to be true, me having a day where nothing went wrong, it was unheard of.

"Owen, I'm not sure I see what the problem is,"My mom says, pulling one of her famous apple pies out of the oven, placing it on the counter, I lean on the kitchen island, a deep scowl growing on my face.

"Of course you don't,"I groan, throwing my head back, hair cascading in my eyes, I needed a haircut, my hair was beginning to get ridiculously long, it was  beginning to hover over my shoulder, it was a wonder my father hadn't tried to cut it off in my sleep. You look like a women, Owen, let me give you a trim. He said on the daily, whatever chance he got, now he sat at the kitchen stool, sipping from his coffee, a look of mild annoyance on his face.

Annoying my father was one of my favorite hobbies.

"Excuse me?" My mother snootily says, turning around to give me one of her disapproving mom looks.

"I just don't see why I basically have to babysit her,"I groan, taking an apple out of the fruit bowl on the island, I wasn't hungry, I just wanted to do something with my hands, so I begin to toss the apple from hand to hand as I fume.

"Jesus, Owen, she's sick, have some sympathy,"My dad says, taking a long sip from his coffee.

I turn towards him, still tossing the apple. "I do!" I begin. "I'm terribly and utterly sorry for her, she has my condolences, but I don't see how....befriending her would help her, if anything it would be worse, I'm a bad influence."

I probably seemed like the worlds biggest asshole, and maybe I was, but I simply could not hang out with Sunny, not after what I did to her, sure it was selfish of me, but I just couldn't stand to look at her, she probably hated me, I'd hate me too.

"Owen she's lonely, she doesn't go to school anymore, doesn't have any friends, and besides it's not like she's a stranger, you two were inseparable."

"Were," I grumble, it was true we were friends once, but that was a lifetime ago, people change, grow apart, we probably had nothing in common now, what was I going to say to her? "Sorry for being such an asshole, it really sucks you're dying now,"

The thought of being in a confide room with her, just the two of us was enough to make me sick with guilt, I simply couldn't be friends with her.

"Okay, lets put it this way,"My dad says. "You don't go, no more Xbox."

The apple I had been tossing, dramatically fell to the floor, my mom rolled her eyes, placing the pie on a cake plate.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, but I think I would."

I begin to nod my head, my dad liked to play dirty. There was no way I was giving up my Xbox, so what if Sunny hated me, she couldn't hate me as much as I already hated myself.

"Guess I'm going,"I say taking the pie from my moms hand, a smile grows on her pretty face.

"It could be fun!" She says trying to reassure me, but I wasn't so sure.

*

It's still sunny and bright outside, as I make my way across the street to the Wright's house, I contemplate not going to the house at all, and just disposing of the pie in a neighbors trash can.

The walk to Sunny's house is fast, after all she only lived across the street. I step up to her door and knock twice. Please don't answer, please don't answer.

I wasn't sure why I was resenting this so much. It was probably because I was a miserable asshole. Two miserable people in one room, probably wasn't a good idea.

I knock again, and I hear a woman shout something on the other side of the door. Seconds later it's swinging open.

"Owen Grey, you're all grown up,"Ms. Wright says smiling up at me, I smile down awkwardly, I haven't seen this women since, the summer of eighth grade, aka when me and Sunny retired our friendship, my eyes scan her, a small smirk playing at my lips, she was still a total MILF, that was for sure.

"It's so nice to see you." I say smiling at her, adjusting the pie to my left hand, nearly dropping it. Ms. Wright's eyes looked tired, her eyes were poofy and red, but she was still beautiful, sad, but beautiful.

I blush dumbly. "My mom baked a pie,"I say lifting it up, to show her, dumbly.

"How nice of her,"Ms. Wright says, taking the pie, walking away to her kitchen, I follow behind her, closing the door behind me.

"You want a slice, Owen?"She says gesturing to the pie, placing it on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, no thanks, my mom makes them like all the time,"I say rambling on. "They're good and all, but get redundant."

Mrs. Wright stares off into space, staring at the ground like she's in a deep dark thought, I watch not sure what else to do.

I finally decide to clear my throat, feeling as if I was intruding, watching something that wasn't meant for me to see, her sadness filled the kitchen like a cloud, the whole house seemed to cry out in misery, I wasn't good at these kinds of things, making people feel better about their depressing lives, so I said nothing.

"Sunny is upstairs, in her room,"Ms. Wright says with a smile so weak, the muscles in her face barely move. I smile, and nod before exiting the kitchen, I was happy to be out of there.

I sigh heading up the stairs. My eyes skimming the walls of the stairs, filled with photos. There was a photo with a baby Sunny in a tub with bubbles and suds surrounding her, she had a bright smile on her face, and her brown hair was soapy and wet. A photo of Sunny on the back of a boulder of a man, who I guess was her father. A more recent photo of Sunny in a blue dress, with her honey brown hair in a bun at the top of her head. I remember this. It was the eighth grade formal, I laugh when I spot a picture of Sunny and I dressed up and as peanut butter and jelly for Halloween, seeing the photos brought back memories of Sunny and I, memories that I forced myself to forget.

When I reach the top of the stairs, I walk to a room at the end of the hall, where Sunny's room was and knock on the door. There was no response. I knock again.

"What?" I hear a young female voice ask. I push the door open and see Sunny sitting at her desk, with her back towards me.

She turns those familiar honey brown eyes on me. Then turns back around to her desk, unimpressed.

"What brings you here, Owen?" She asks, plainly as she drags a colored pencil along a notebook page.

I clear my throat stepping into the room. I didn't quite know how to answer that question.

My mom forced me to come here, because you're dying.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing,"I say sitting on her neatly made bed.

"That's funny,"She begins, placing the colored pencil down. "You didn't check to see how I was doing, when you spread the rumor that we fucked the summer of eighth grade, who knew all I had to do was be terminally ill to get the attention of Owen Grey? I would have done it much sooner!" She finishes, turning around in her chair, to grit her angry eyes at me, her curly hair cascading in her angry eyes as she scowls at me.

"I'm sorry, I was an asshole,"I say not knowing what else to say, suddenly the room was 100 degrees hotter, my cheeks heated and my palms began to sweat from nerves, her eyes bore into my soul making me squeamish.

"Freshman year was one of the worst years of my life, because of you,"She hissed on. "Everyone made bets on who could get into 'Easy Sunny's pants.'"

"I....I don't know what to say,"I didn't, my brain couldn't form coherent thoughts, so I sat there while she yelled at me, I deserved it.

"There's nothing you can say, what's done is done,"She says, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "But why'd you do it, you owe me that much, why Owen?"

I run a shaky sweaty hand through my hair, a nervous tick. "Because...people were spreading a rumor that I was gay, I thought if I told everyone that I had been with a girl, they'd stop the rumor,"And they did, telling everyone Sunny and I had done it, was a major boost to my street cred, girls actually began talking to me and no one questioned if I was gay or not, ever again.

"God forbid people think you're gay,"She mumbles, turning back around in her chair, clearly done with me.

I stare around her room, still shaking, slightly. Her room was cozy and homey. She had a bookshelf filled with books of all sorts, she had paper origami butterflies hanging from her ceiling, a small stack of books on her nightstand and on her desk she had photos cascaded all around her. Her room smelled of cinnamon, lavender, paint, and books. Her room was way different from when we were kids, where as my was basically the same, same baseball sheets and all.

"Can I photograph you?" She asks after moments of uncomfortable silence, staring deep into my eyes. I shrug, and she takes this as an answer, rising from her desk chair.

Sunny rises from her chair, and walks over to her bookshelf, where her Polaroid camera sits.

I study her as she walks back in front of me, she's wearing a black hoodie, and cupcake pajamas shorts, showing off her long legs, her golden brown hair placed in a ponytail, exhaustion woven into her face, she was still the same old Sunny, the only difference from eighth grade to now, is that she actually had breast, small but they were there, I avert my eyes, so I don't seem like a pervert, blushing dumbly.

She raises the camera to her face and begins to snap photos, she shakes the polaroid to reveal its image. "What is that face you're making?" She asks examining the polaroid, laughing a little.

"I didn't know what to do," I say blushing, like an idiot, there was something about the girl that made me blushy and awkward.

"Just...pretend I'm not shooting,"She says with a shrug, raising the camera back to her face.

"Beautiful,"She states looking at the new photos. I blush. Why was I blushing so much? I felt like a fucking school girl.

"So you're a photographer?" I ask leaning down on her bed, with my elbows propped up.

She lets out a small laugh. "Hardly...I'm more of an artist, but some might argue that photography is art."

"Cool,"I say, resting my hands in my lap, we stare back at each other awkwardly. It was crazy to think that there was a time where we talked so freely, so effortlessly with one another. Now it was like pulling teeth.

"How are you doing?" I ask her, remembering that she was dying, almost forgetting about her leukemia, cancer was bad enough, but a kid with cancer, it was depressing. She had a whole life that would never be lived, so much potential, that would never be reached.

"I'm grand," She says with a genuine smile that lights up her face.

"I just wish people would stop hovering over me like I'm gonna die at any given second, like-like I'm some piece of glass that's teetering on the edge of a table top,"She rants, flopping in her bean bag chair.

"They're just looking out for you, would you rather them pretend nothing was wrong?" I question, as I shift positions on her bed. Her bed was very comfortable, I contemplated laying back, but decided that would be somewhat rude.

"Yes,"She says without thinking. "I would like that more than anything."

I say nothing because there is really nothing to say. We sit there in silence for moments that feel like hours, soaking up each other's company. Being with her felt so foreign, yet familiar.

"I'll treat you the same,"I say after a very long pause, so long a pause I'm not sure she even knows what I'm talking about anymore, I'm not sure I even know what I'm talking about.

Her eyes meet mine, she stares at me like I'm some complex puzzle, and I wasn't. Everything about me was straightforward and uncomplicated, her on the other hand, she was a maze, maybe that's why we bonded so well, or at least used to anyways.

"I'm not mad at you anymore,"She pondered, I offer her a glance, but she wasn't looking at me, her eyes stared out her window, as she mindlessly twirled at a piece of hair that escaped her ponytail.

"Now, all that high school drama bullshit seems so minuscule, it's crazy to think how just last week I was freaking out about college applications and now..." she pauses in her speech, exhaling a breath that I assume was a sad laugh. "I don't even go to school anymore."

"Shit." I nipped out, not sure what the hell else to say, I grasp one of the pillows on her bed, holding it to my chest, leaning back on the bed, staring up at her ceiling, looking up at the origami that hung from the ceiling, I reached out for a blue swan, but it was too far away to reach.

"Shit, indeed,"She laughed, rising from her chair, making her way over to her stack of vinyl records, sifting through them.

"You know,"I begin. "Just because you're dying doesn't mean your life has to stop."

She looks over at me, a sliver of a smile growing on her lips. "There's not enough time to do all the things I want to do, the things I need to do."

Maybe it was the heat of the moment, or the sadden look in her honey eyes, but nothing could prepare me for what I was to say next.

"I can help with that...it'll be just like old times."

She raises a brow at me, stuffing her hands into her hoodie pocket. "You'd do that for me?" Her voice was low, almost like she was scared to ask.

"Yeah, why not?" I say shrugging, sitting up on the bed, I study her face and I swear I see a flash of pain, she quickly covers it with a smile, had I said the wrong thing?

"Yeah...okay,"She says beginning to nod.

"Make a list of everything you want to do before you..." my voice trails off, I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I didn't.

She laughs. "Come on, you can say it,"She begins a sheepish smile growing on her rosy lips. "Three letters, one word, go on."

My cheeks heat, there was something about Sunny that made me feel all weird inside. "Die,"I manage to spit out.

"Okay, I'll write you a list Grey, only if you make one too,"She says, sitting back down at her desk chair.

I rise from her bed, stretching as I check the time on my phone, I had been here for a little over an hour, it didn't seem like it though. "What do I need to write a list for?"

"Because I'm dying and I asked you to."

"Fair enough." I say laughing, even though nothing she said was funny, she was dying, and last time I checked that wasn't funny at all, but there was something about Sunny, that gave death a whole new meaning, like it didn't always have to be looked at as sad. Everyone died, some sooner than others and who knew, maybe even Sunny could get better, cancer as deadly and monstrous as it was, could be reversed, cured.

"Okay, you're dismissed,"Sunny says smiling lightly as she rises from her chair, as she shoo's me out the door, I stumble out, as she closes it behind me.

"Goodbye to you to,"I say under my breath, though a small smile played at my lips. What have you gotten yourself into, Owen?

🌙🌙🌙