chapter eleven: teenage dirtbag

☾ ☼ Owen Grey

Thursday October 1st, 2017

NELSON AND I LAUGHED DUMBLY AS HE TOOK A PUFF OF THE JOINT PASSING IT TO ME.

              I took a hit laughing as I leaned back in the car seat. I hadn't gotten stoned in about a month and it felt good. "This shits good," I say passing the joint back to Nelson with a light cough.

He laughs, sinking down in the car seat, cracking his car window, a cloud of smoke filled his car. "Yeah, my boys got the good shit."

Nelson and I say nothing as the two of us laugh at nothing, passing the joint back and forth. Nelson puffs the rest chucking it out of his car window.

"So how's your little cancer girl?" he asks, facing me, I could barely make out his red eyes through the dense smoke.

"Hmm?" I say closing my eyes, letting my euphoria take over. I couldn't focus on what Nelson was saying and I didn't really want to. I just wanted to sit here and do nothing, absolutely nothing.

"Sunny?" he adds coughing a little. "How's Sunny?"

I groan thumping my head on the dashboard. "Do we always have to talk about Sunny?" I begin, raising my head, my hair falling into my eyes. "She's just some girl i'm forced to hang out with, nothing else, so why keep asking about her?" I say suddenly angry.

"If you're like trying to get into her pants or something...she's not like that so just fuck off." I add looking out the window.

Nelson shoves my shoulder hard and I scowl at him. "You treat that girl so shitty, yanno?" he says to me, a look of hate in his eyes.

My high was starting to feel less euphoric and more nauseating. Nelson's words hung in the air like the smoke from the weed.

"Oh fuck you, like you're so good a treating girls right," I spit out.

He grips the steering wheel. "Yes, but this girl is dying Owen," he begins. "You barely give her the time of day and basically string her along."

We sit silently. "Do you even like her?"

I open my mouth to speak, but Nelson raises a hand silencing me. I didn't understand why I was being chastised right now, as far as i'm concerned I treated Sunny well. "Not like that...but do you like her as a person, do you like spending time with her or is she still a charity case to you?"

My body felt too hot, I felt too dizzy and squirmy. Nelson's interrogation wasn't helping my case. "Nelson....I can't do this right now," I say placing my head in my palms, it was suddenly throbbing.

Nelson starts his car, obviously annoyed with me. Nelson wasn't one to get angry, especially at me, but under the influence he was unpredictable.

"When are you going to grow up?" he mumbles. "You don't do anything unless you get something out of it, if it doesn't benefit Owen, there's no point in doing it, right?" he spits.

I try to focus on his angry words, but my head is so heavy, what I needed was food and sleep, not to be yelled at, I already got that enough from my parents.

"You're too busy being hung up on a girl that doesn't give two shits about you!" he says, turning at the light.

I slam my hand on the dashboard, my blood boiling. Bringing up Josie was below the belt.

Nelson laughs which only makes me angrier. "See!" he begins. "I'm trying to have a heart to heart with you and the only reaction I get is when i bring up her."

"I don't treat Sunny like crap," I grumble not sure what else to say.

I think of my recents encounters with Sunny, I visited her maybe once a week if that, when my dad threatened to take away my xbox—except that one time I visited her when i was drunk off my ass. Each time I talked about myself and barely gave her the time of day.

So I did treat her like crap. I didn't intentionally do it, I was just naturally a dirtbag I guess.

Nelson huffs a breath out, irritated with me.

"No....you're right," I sigh. "I'm a terrible person, I'll treat her better," I say as Nelson pulls into my driveway.

He says nothing, only nods and with that I climb out of his car heading to my front door. He pulls off.

As I make my way up my driveway, I remember that I'm stoned, I hesitate at the thought of sitting at the dinner table with my parents trying to act normal, hoping that my eyes weren't too red. If my parents knew i'd be grounded for the rest of senior year.

Without thinking I cross the street to Sunny's house and knock on the front door. You're only seeing her to avoid getting in trouble. Something rings in my head.

Before I can reassure myself of the fact that i'm not a dirtbag, the door swings open, revealing a much perkier and lively Ms. Wright.

"Owen?" she asks with polite confusion. I offer a bright smile, hoping I didn't look as baked as I felt.

"Is Sunny home?" I ask leaning on the doors threshold, looking down at Ms. Wright. I towered over the woman, I towered over most people, I was tall for no reason.

"No she actually is out shopping with Mallory and Simon for some party," she says. "But she'll be back shortly if you want to wait inside."

I nod my head yes and Ms. Wright opens the door for me, I follow behind her. "Are you hungry?" she calls from her place in the kitchen. "I've just baked snickerdoodles!"

My stomach growls on cue, as I sit down at the dining room table. My munchies were something terrible, I was so hungry I could eat a cow, but I politely declined her offer, scared of looking too suspicious.

My high still lingered, my eyes were watery and I knew if I moved too much, I'd give myself away. So instead I sat as stiff as a board, which probably looked even more suspicious, now that I think about.

Ms. Wright insisted that I had some cookies, plopping a plate down in front of me with a glass of milk. I was too hungry to deny, so I ate one, then another, then another, trying to suppress a moan from my foodgasm.

Ms. Wright studied me intently, as I drank a sip of milk. "How's school, have you applied to any colleges yet?" She harmlessly asked, sitting opposite of me.

"Schools same old, same old, and no I haven't applied to any colleges yet, I don't even know where I want to go yet, or what I want to do," I say suddenly fidgety, I tap my hands on my thigh, looking down at my dirty shoes. I didn't know why I felt so anxious, this was not a typical characteristic of my highs, but my current circumstances weren't typical either.

Before Ms. Wright can interrogate me more, the front door swings open. "Hey, mom!" Sunny called. "You're gonna hate the dress I got, it's slutty," she calls again, she makes her way into the dining room, her eyes go to her mom and then me.

"Owen stopped by," her mom said with a smile, rising from her chair, taking my dishes, making her way into the kitchen.

Sunny raises a brow at me in question and I exhale a deep breath. I grab her by her arm and practically pull her up the stairs.

"Owen, what the hell?" Sunny says when we make it to her room, I shut the door behind us and plop on her bed with a sigh, Sunny stares at me annoyance growing in her face.

"Why are you here?" She asks, putting her store bag down, sitting at her desk, facing me. Her brows knit together and she chews at her bottom lip, a habit i've noticed of hers.

"I....wanted to see you," I say unconvincingly, running a sweaty palm through my hair. Sunny leans back in the chair, challenging me. She knew I was lying, why was it so hard for her to believe that I came to see her?

"Owen," she says. "That's bullshit."

"Fine, I was high and I couldn't go home because my parents would ground me, so I came here."

"Right," she huffs out a breath, and her eyes are unreadable, they avoid mine, as she rises from the chair, reaching for the store bag, she pulls out a simple black dress and places it in her closet.

She does this all without looking at, her lips purse in a thin line and my heart beats anxiously, holy shit I think she's mad at me.

"So?" I say, filling the tense room. "You decided to go to the party then?" I ask, gesturing to her closet where the dress was placed.

She sits back down in her office chair, leaning back in it again, I study her. I was not used to angry Sunny, it was honestly scary. I'd rather her yell at me then say nothing at all.

Sunny tapped her finger on the arm of the chair, looking down in her lap, her lips pursed, she didn't once look at me. "Mhm," she finally responds.

By this point I'm sweating, I can't keep my legs or hand still and the room is suddenly hot, so, so, hot. "What changed your mind?" I ask after forcing my mouth to make words.

"Mallory and Simon talked me into it," she says so duly, her mouth barely moves when she speaks.

"You're mad at me," I finally make out, because I can't take it anymore.

I was a terrible person, I knew this already, but to make a dying girl angry with me, that was a whole different level of dirtbag. Nelson would eventually forgive me, but would Sunny? This wasn't my first time upsetting her, and knowing me it probably wouldn't be my last, but I was trying to be a better person, I really was.

"I'm not mad," she simply says.

"You are, and you have every right to be," She looks up at me and shrugs, her brown locks moving with the gesture.

"I'm not angry with you, Owen, because I expect this," she begins, throwing a hand up. "If it doesn't benefit you in some way, you won't do it, i've known you long enough to realize that much about you."

My cheeks heat a deep red, her words sound vaguely similar to Nelson. If two people that close to me were saying this it had to be true, it was a wake up call.

"Sunny, i'm sorry," I say.

She says nothing for a long while, so long that I think she'll say nothing at all.

"See you Friday," she says facing her desk, turning her back towards me. I had been dismissed.

I rose from her bed and muttered out a "Yeah," before taking the walk of shame back to my house.

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a/n
a long overdue update, but how is everyone doing under quarantine, hope all is well and good and i hope this update will make your day better :))

~ i will i will i will update once a week 😌 i'm putting this into the atmosphere so tht it becomes true!