{Trigger warning for suicide and self-mutilation}

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"I Don't Have An Identity. I Always Feel Like Someone Else"
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Dawnclaw awoke.

She blinked, everything around her was a faded grey colour.

Immediately her head was pounding. It was like someone was banging her head into a rock, again and again and again.

"Oooh." She groaned, still feeling sleepy heaviness gripping her limps.

And then she remembered.

"StarClan!" Dawnclaw yelped.
"Where am I? Am I dead? Did someone kill me? What happened?" She yowled.

"Shhh!"

It was only a simple noise, but it lashed across Dawnclaw's throat, and along her chest. She felt sweet blood that tasted like flower slid down her open throat.

"No. It cannot... not you.. I have to believe it isn't you..." Dawnclaw whispered, her paws shaking.

"I'm sorry. You think it's wrong, you think I'm wrong. But it's you who's wrong."

A small, grey and white cat stepped into the moonlight. It illuminated her; she looked ethereal, divine.
Her hazel eyes shone with a wild hope, it was dazzling and dizzying and Dawnclaw's ears rang.

Perhaps it was the ringing, or perhaps the headache was blurring her vision. Perhaps none of this was real, and she would wake up in camp, having fallen asleep, and having the worst dream possible.

But no dream could conjure up Minkfoot in this way.

Everything about her was different. She wasn't the weak, sad cat that Dawnclaw had been seeing for the past two moons. Or was it three? In fact, her whole life she had been a rather weak, pale character.

Now, she reeked of power. It sparkled in her every move. Dawnclaw was a mere rain shower and Minkfoot... she was a tempest.

An angel in their rage.

Starlight ran in her veins and she was drenched in liquid paranoia.

"Did you.. did you kill Lotusfur? Bearkit? That OakClan apprentice they said was called Beepaw? Rooktail? S.. S.. Sablepaw?" Dawnclaw stuttered.

Fear that tasted like mother's milk was warming Dawnclaw's insides, filling her with pain unlike any other. Her sister had done this ?

Minkfoot let out a laugh that was like a gust of wind.
She was a picture of translucent vulnerability.

And then she sniffed.

To Dawnclaw's surprise, her sister looked as if she were about to cry.

Minkfoot's head was bowed, her legs were shaky.

She looked up, her hazel eyes were  luminous. She let out a sigh. It was tired but triumphant.

"Yes. It was me. I murdered a newborn kit, an innocent apprentice, my lover, and my best friend. Ha, I killed my lover and my previous lover. Shame I didn't kill Waspwhisker, then all the cats I loved would've died at my claws. Did I ever tell you that I loved Lotusfur? We were together once. And yes, I did kill your Sablekit. I did them all in such horrible ways. Before you judge me, Dawnclaw, you must listen."

Dawnclaw was having none of it.
"I'm not going to be that cat in nursery stories. I'm not going to listen to your story and wind up getting killed. I'm no fool trying to play hero. And I'm not going to waste my time talking."

Dawnclaw stood, her fur shining over her muscles. But she hadn't reckoned on additional factors, and her feet collapsed from under her.

She still had this heaviness inside of her.

Minkfoot looked oddly amused.

"Let's start on how I got you here. Remember when Coyotepaw gave you that vole? I asked him to give it to you. He thought it was a nice gesture. It wasn't. It was a death sentence."

Minkfoot paused, and Dawnclaw felt her heart racing. She knew what was next.

"You drugged it. With poppy seeds, didn't you?"

Minkfoot purred. It sounded forced.
"Yes, I did. You should've realised, voles are usually bland. Well, they're disgusting of you ask me, but you usually find them bland. But the poppy seeds would've made it sweet."

Dawnclaw tried to stand once more, but her legs wobbled and she tumbled to the ground.

"Don't bother." Minkfoot said, her tone deadpan.
"You ate the prey a while ago."

Dawnclaw felt sick, sick to her bones, sick to her stomach. What had become of her sister? She had killed Sablepaw!

"Now.. I don't like killing. I'm no monster. After all, I killed people who I love. I don't want to kill you, Dawnclaw. I didn't want to kill Bearkit or Sablepaw, I'm no monster! StarClan, I didn't want to kill Lotusfur, or Rooktail! But between you and me, my love with Rooktail wasn't exactly romantic."

"That's disgusting! I don't care about your motives, I don't care about whether you like killing, you repulsive slug!" Dawnclaw couldn't fight the red that was circling her paws, twining up her legs. This rage was consuming her. It was carmine, and rough like the surface of a rock. It tasted like violence, it felt like impulsivity and scorched bloodstains.

"I will destroy you for what you've done to my kit! You monster! You sickening monster! All along I was worried that it was Aquiver, that it was Sablepaw. But it was you! You did this! You -"

"Silence! Do you want to know why I'm like this, or will I kill you now?!" Spat Minkfoot. She looked glorious, but cracked.

Her mask was slipping.

This time, she seemed desperately sad, as pitiful as she had when Rooktail had been found dead.

Dawnclaw wondered how much was genuine.

"When we were kits, you found your place. Extroverted, happy Dawnkit, who already knew who she was. I didn't. It didn't matter until I was an apprentice, when suddenly I felt.. so alone and lost."

"I blamed myself. Why, it was my fault, I wasn't a good person. I wanted to be a better cat."

Minkfoot began again, this time with shining eyes and wonder. Joy laced her tongue, and pure idolisation spun from her tongue, like a web.

"And then I saw Him. I met some loners, no big deal. But they told me about a God, that will spare you of your crimes and purify you. They told me about him, and I... well, it was as if all my dreams were handed to me on a golden crown."

What in the name of StarClan is a crown?

Dawnclaw could only listen to the words of her sister, as she tried to process what was going on.

"I don't think you understand how desirable it was. I was insecure, I hated the cat that I was. And here was a chance to be free from all of those heavy, destructive thoughts. In the afterlife, I would be with Him! I wouldn't have to worry about the Dark Forest!"  Minkfoot crowed, she shone like a glacier.

"You wouldn't have had to worry about the Dark Forest if you hadn't have murdered everyone!" Dawnclaw snarled, still in a state of shock.

"No. No, Dawnclaw. Every moment of every day, I was obsessed with purity. I still am; I can't help it! I worried, that every tiny thing I did would land me there. I was irrational. 'Oh no, I missed the prey; what if someone starves to death as a result! I would've killed someone and I'll be forsaken!' It sounds pathetic, but that was going through my head every day!" The grey and white molly continued, hysteria lining the insides of her words.

"And He was a promise. A way to save myself. And I will join Him in spirit, tonight!"

Dawnclaw attempted to stand once more. She managed it, but only to crumple again.

"And what does this have to do with the murders?" Dawnclaw asked, desperation in her voice.

"It's the price you must pay to join Him. Your soul must be fully blackened before you can be purified. You must be a monster before you can be purified. But it must be in a certain way. "

"The loners and I, we continued meeting. They told me about these things called the Seven Sins. Sins are acts of evil. They are Greed, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Wraith, Sloth, that means laziness or apathy, and Lust. Each crime I did, was one sin committed."

Dawnclaw was dumbfounded. She assumed the murderer simply murdered because they wanted to, not because of some huge complex plot!

"I killed Bearkit first, that was out of wrath. It was a revenge on Brindlebee, for what she did to you." 

"No!" Dawnclaw hissed, terror racing up her spine, and clogging her lungs.
"You can't murder in the name of me!"

Minkfoot examined her claws.
"Oops." She said sarcastically.

"I killed the apprentice in the name of gluttony, why else would they be stuffed with fresh kill? And a heart too. Rooktail was killed because of lust; he and I had an interesting relationship. Basically, we mated, I killed him, I bore his kits as a mark. Fell in love with him though, that was an unforeseen circumstance. I killed Lotusfur out of pride, I was finalising our last argument. I told her I would be the last on my paws, and I was. I cut out her tongue as a symbol; she cannot tell of our former relationship. I killed Sablepaw out of envy, he got a second chance that I didn't get, not without a price."

Dawnclaw was shaking, incapable of speaking. Her sister had murdered her kit out of jealousy?

"And the last two, well, sloth was my apathy to the murders, even though I'm not necessarily apathic on the inside. I know they died for a selfish cause, but really, I don't care so much anymore. I'm corrupted, I'm forsaken, I am the storm. But yes, I care. But it won't matter when I'm with Him. And Greed, well, you'll find the wretched thing. They're an ElmClan warrior, in a hole by the Twisted Rowan. He'll be dead soon, you'll kill them when you find them. You have to, put the dear thing out of their misery. They're currently in solitary confinement. They've been driven to insanity due to the drops of water that continually drip on their head. I'm surprised no one noticed the small stream I dug to direct the water to them."

Dawnclaw was gagging, her world was in motion, spinning, and breaking, and reforming in a form of chaos.

"I didn't want to kill Sablepaw, I didn't want to hurt you. But I had to. But don't you worry, you'll be seeing him awfully soon. After all, the final phase of the plan will make sure of that"

Dawnclaw's insides froze at her sister's cryptic words. She didn't want to die, not now! The world had become still in response, frozen in motion.

"I have to kill you, a blood sacrifice. It could've been our parents but frankly, I'm not close to them."

"You were never close to me!" Dawnclaw screeched, awakening at last. "Someone save me! Help! Once I can move, I swear to StarClan, i'll-"

"Kill me? Doubt it, herbheart. I'm experienced. And after I kill you, I must kill myself. Claw out my heart, and engrave the symbol of my God!" Her words rose in ecstasy, apparently she couldn't wait to kill herself.

"How do you know this god exists? What if he's fake?" Dawnclaw sneered, really, she was just buying time.

"He's real, trust me. I've seen Him. Not in His full glory, but he appears to me. In dreams, as trees, as the faces of the deceased. He calls me, from the wind, from the sky, and from my heart."

Minkfoot advanced on Dawnclaw, Dawnclaw struggled to her paws once more.

She found she could stand, but she couldn't step.

"You'll simply have a slit throat, no pain. I have to cover myself in your blood, at the same time as I slice the symbol into myself. And then, when I am covered in your blood, I will claw out my own heart. I will be dead, and I will be His."

Dawnclaw vomited, it was her typical reaction. She couldn't do it, she couldn't believe this. Was her sister serious?

To prove this speculation correct, Minkfoot unsheathed her claws, and held one paw awkwardly over the other.

"This will have to do." She muttered, slicing into her skin. One line, vertical, straight. Two more, quick slashes. They were diagonal, and thin lines of blood began to spill.

Minkfoot watched the blood well for a moment or two.

Without warning, Minkfoot leapt, her claws hooking in the soft skin of Dawnclaw's throat. Taken by surprise, and out of practice, Dawnclaw simply fell and flailed.

Her throat had torn, and there was blood, it was running down Dawnclaw's chest, staining it red. Everything became cold and hot simultaneously, as breathing became difficult.

She watched in horror and shock as pain filled her body, as her sister began rubbing herself over Dawnclaw's wound.

Dawnclaw felt herself bubbling. Her throat was gurgling, and her lungs were flaring flames.

She tried to scream as Minkfoot began clawing at her own chest, blood was everywhere and Dawnclaw was sinking. Minkfoot's wound was getting deeper and deeper, she was screaming in pain, (or was the screaming me?) And swift, healing darkness pressed against Dawnclaw from all sides.

But maybe it was Minkfoot who was the God. Because, tonight, she was glorious, and certainly no mere feline.

I'd like to stay, but yet..

I'm gone.

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A/N:

Hopefully this made sense, I'm pretty proud of the plot. Basically, Minkfoot believes in some God that will purify her, but to do so she must become an absolute monster.

The God does not exist.

You'll find out what happens to the two next time.

Facts Of The Chapter: After some debate, I've decided Dawn claw is heteroflexible, she did have some attraction to Aquiver in the beginning. I also headcanon Minkfoot as having a subtype of ocd, where someone becomes obsessive over religion, or a similar belief. I know next to nothing about this, I just remembered it from something I read however, the person who wrote it obsessed over the environment. (It was about her) I say headcanon because I've already written a mentally​ ill character as a villain, and I don't want to enforce that belief that mentally ill people are villains, and vise versa. So, it's up to you.

Friendly reminder that Minkfoot is my second favourite character and I love her. Also this is glitchy and unedited so expect even more typos than usual.

Also Minkfoot couldn't have actually clawed out her heart - cats don't have elbows.