[edited]

Avoidance.

Gabe has been avoiding me for three weeks now.

He has been keeping himself busy, going on extra shifts on border patrol, staying locked up in his house to 'strategize new war plans', according to what Chase said.

Over the three weeks I've only seen Gabe twice, and both times he seemed to be pained at the sight of me. I found myself quickly looking away from his gaze.

Weirdly enough even after what happened between Gabe and I Hope was still appearing to me like nothing happened. She even seemed excited, like she knew something I didn't.

Of course I shrugged it off after all I suffered from paranoia, it was a self diagnosis but still...

So back to present time, after my talks with Hope she had convinced me to talk to him which is why I am currently on his doorstep, taking in deep lungfuls of air and giving myself a mini pep talk.

I sighed after I distracted myself long enough by admiring his plain brown welcome mat, just to prove how far I would go to stall our talk.

I took one last deep breath then knocked.

No answer.

I knocked again.

No answer.

One last time I promised myself.

I knocked again.

No answer.

I let out a deep breath that I was apparently holding. I grinned, admittedly seeing him would be nice but, i wasn't ready. And since I came, I could easily get Hope off my back about coming again.

I turned and started to make my way down the porch steps. I halted on my tracks when I heard the door creak open. Too shocked to move I stood there frozen, my back turned to him.

I took deep breaths. Celeste was stirring awake, she had been distant and closed off the past few weeks, and I took a moment to relish her rebinding our souls.

Then I turned, holding my breath. But what I saw left me winded.

He was...

Not himself.

He wasn't drunk -thanks to werewolf genes- but he reeked of alcohol. He had dark circles around his sunken eyes, his skin had a pale, yellow green hue. His hair was longer, but unkept, it looked like he was constantly pulling at the sides.

His lips were dry and cracked, he held my gaze, waiting, wary, he didn't seem to care anymore. He had give up.

I gasped. He can't... Not now!

I licked my dry lips, steeling myself.

"Can I come in."

Despite my earlier feeble display at acting in control, my voice betrayed me. I winced at the soft, unsure way I sounded.

He barely shifted to the side, but I took it as an indication to go inside.

I almost smiled. Gabe was obviously in disarray but his house still liked like nobody lived here, clean and impossibly neat.

I turned to him when I heard the door close softly behind me.

The earlier smile tugging at my lips faded.

I felt tears pooling in my eyes, I didn't dare blink for fear of them spilling out. Gabe, my Gabe looked broken. More broken than ever. I felt waves of guilt wash over me.

I know that my strong façade was long gone so I wasn't surprised at how my words basically betrayed my feelings.

"Gabe...please stop this, I-i..." I sighed.

Suddenly it was all too much, Hope insisting I come, my guilt, his state...it was too much

So the droplet that fell on Gabe's immaculate grey carpet didn't surprise me at all.

I swiped at my eyes quickly, annoyed at myself for getting so emotional. I took more deep breaths before looking back up at Gabe.

"I know its hard to acknowledge what happened without feeling guilty, but truth is you have nothing to be guilty about. It wasn't your fault."

The silence that ensued after was deafening, unnerving and aggravating. All the things that happened started to get to me,I found myself getting angry.

"Stop being a big baby Gabriel! You're not the only one who feels sorry about what happened, so what? We nearly fucked get over it! I'm tired off losing sleep, and avoiding the many questions I get about you."

"I already don't get as much sleep as it is, and with all this added stress do you think its normal to sleep only once a week? And then when I do... There's Hope and I feel like shit all over again! So excuse me if I decided to come make things right but obviously you aren't done being sorry for yourself."

I was breathing hard and my lungs wanted to combust.

"Stop being selfish Gabe, this is affecting everyone else too!"

I stormed past him to the blurry outline of the door deciding if I didn't get air now my lungs will in fact collapse and the ache in my heart made it even harder to breathe.

But before I could get far I was pulled back into his arms. It wasn't hard to figure it out, he still smelled the same, plus we were the only ones here.

I pushed at his chest, we can't be like this.

"No s-stop please, let me go...Gabe!"

I tried hitting his chest and it surprised me that he let me probably guessing I would tire out.

I did.

And I found myself being pulled closer to him so he could rest him chin on top of my head. He was whispering things to me I didn't understand, in another language maybe. I was too weak to care.

I was still crying, I was never one to cry out loud, so all that happened was i'd soak Gabe's shirt and hiccup a few times.

"I am so sorry I..."

I cut him off.

"Its not your fault..."

"...didn't know I was hurting you so much..."

"You said you were sorry so..."

"Stop interrupting me Grace! God dammit!"

I giggled, I forgot how he hated that.

He stepped away so there was enough space between us that he could look me in the eyes.

"Grace, I'm really sorry for what I did, I wasn't thinking straight and there were so many things and I was so confused because I couldn't understand why I did what I did, I swear I..."

I had to cut him off. Some sick part of me didn't want him to regret what happened, even if it was killing him with guilt.

"I forgive you for being an a-hole now go shower and clean up you look like your dog just died and smell just as bad."

I scrunched my nose up and pretended to gag, trying hard to not smile.

"You wound me." He said touching his chest and pouting.

"Aww, sorry not sorry, now go you stink."

I pointed at the stairs that led to the bathroom upstairs, trying my best to keep a poker face which quickly changed to a look of horror when Gabe gave me a mysterious smirk.

"So I stink huh?"

He said as he stalked up to me slowly.

I nodded then gulped backing away.

"Of course not in a bad way you know like..." I trailed off and gave out a squeal that was muffled by Gabe's broad chest.

"Inhale the scent, die you wicked  witch, scent insultor...die!"

Gabe yelled animatedly giving out a evil laugh. He was currently squeezing me to his chest.

I stopped struggling. And stood still in his arms, which loosened a little.

"Is insultor even a word?" I asked. My voice sounding weird since my face was buried in his chest.

"It is now," he mumbled quietly as if in thought, he still had his arms around me and his chin was again on my head.

"Grace."

"Mhmm?" I mumbled, I was crazy comfortable and would gladly stand here forever but...

"I missed you a lot." He whispered and he held me tighter.

"Promise we'll never do this again."

I nodded. Because what else could I do. This vulnerable Gabe was a rare commodity and this moment didn't need any words. I think he knew that too because I heard him sigh softly, before kissing my head and moving away.

"I'll go take a shower."

He shuffled towards the stairs then turned seeming to struggle with the words but I knew...

"I'll be right here." I said softly

But he must've heard because he nodded and disappeared up the stairs.

I stood there for a while, watching the door he disappeared through.

"I'll always wait for you."

I mumbled into the empty air.

Always.

•••
Right IN THE FEELS 😭
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