~*****~

"I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are we absolutely sure we're doing the right thing?" Bobby asks.

"Bobby, you saw what was happening to him down there," I mention tiredly. "The demon blood is killing him."

"No, it isn't. We are." Bobby retorts.

"What?" Dean says.

"I'm sorry. I can't bite my tongue any longer. We're killing him! Keeping him locked up down there. This cold turkey thing isn't working. If-- If he doesn't get what he needs... soon... Sam's not gonna last much longer." Bobby explains.

"No." Dean says in such a soft tone. I glance back at him and clam up. "I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it."

"And if he dies?" Bobby asks.

"Then at least he dies human!" Dean exclaims. "I would die for him in a second. But I won't let him do this to himself. I can't. I guess I found my line. I won't let my brother turn into a monster."

"That's enough." I say softly. "Go sit down, please... I'll bring you some coffee in a minute." Dean nods and leans down to let me kiss his cheek. "Bobby, I know you're worried, but Sam is stronger than this." I say in a very soft tone. "He will survive." Bobby doesn't respond, and sinks into his seat, scrubbing at his face nervously.

It's later that night when I hear something strange outside. I glance outside and choke on the sip of water I'd taken. I hurry outside, my shot gun in hand.

"Sam, stop--" I snap as I rush up behind him. His shoulders scrunch up. He stands slowly and turns to me. He looks awful. "You need to come back inside. Now, Sam." I say softly.

Sam's lip quivers as he stares at me. "No." He says in a shaky tone.

"Sam, please," I urge. "Don't do this."

"You won't shoot me, Lottie," Sam mentions lightly. He takes slow steps towards me, right until the barrel of my shotgun is pressed up against his stomach. Tears are burning in my eyes, and I blink them away wildly as I stare at him. "You won't do it." He says again. "You can't do it."

"Dammit, Sam, we're trying to help you," I snap at him. My own face feels like it's on fire from the effort it takes to keep my emotions in check. Sam grasps the barrel of the gun and lifts it higher until it rests against his sternum.

"Then shoot." He says softly. My lip quivers wildly as the tears come full force. "I'm sorry." He says softly and palms at my cheek before he snatches the gun, and it cracks against the bridge of my nose.

Pain blinds me, and I fall to the ground, gazing up into the dark sky as the world spins around me. I don't even notice that I've been out until I come too, and the car I'd been working on is long gone.

~*****~

Bobby, Dean, and I go to check the panic room after I'd told them that Sam had escaped. "How in the hell did he get out?" Dean asks.

"Maybe he had help?" I sigh, rubbing at the bridge of my nose. "Room full of busted devil's traps."

"Demons?" Dean asks. "Ruby."

"That'd be my guess," Bobby hums.

"How did she even touch the door?" Dean asks.

"You think she's got the mojo?" Bobby retorts.

"I didn't think so." Dean says. "I don't know, man."

"What difference does it make? How he got gone ain't as important as where got gone to." Bobby explains.

"Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing." I huff. "At this point, I hope he's with Ruby."

"Why?" Bobby asks.

"Cause killing her's the next big item on our to-do list." I retort.

"I thought you were on call for Angel Duty." Bobby mentioned.

I snort. "Yeah, but I'm technically one of the big bosses, so your timecard is officially punched." I mention to Dean.

"Signed on, in my car, on the way to murder the bitch." Dean comments.

"Oh, yeah, one thing..." Bobby trails off.

"What?"

"Sam don't want to be found. Which means he's gonna be damn near impossible to find." Bobby says.

"Yeah, we'll see." Dean sighs.

~*****~

"Police found my car abandoned in an alley in Jamestown, North Dakota." Bobby commented as he approached the Impala.

I snort. "Well, he's switching up. Any other cars stolen in Jamestown?" Dean asks.

"Two." Bobby nods. "Nineteen ninety-nine civic-- blue-- nice and anonymous, like Sam likes."

"What's the other one?" I ask.

Bobby snorts. "White oh five Escalade with custom rims." Bobby states. "It's a neon sign."

"You're right. He'd never take that," Dean hums. "Which is exactly what he did."

"You think?" Bobby asks.

I snort. "We know that kid, from the top of his ginormous head, all the way down to the mole between his big toe and second toe."

Dean chuckles. "All right, we'll head in that direction. You stay here, ride the police databases. We got to find him quick."

I hum. "You know, I think Zack's near Jamestown," I comment. "I can get him to scout the town while we make the drive."

Dean grimaces. "God, I hate askin' that punk for anything." Dean mentions.

Bobby hums. "Kids got a sharp eye. But he boarded a flight this morning, should here in an hour or so."

I huff. "All right, then we're not gonna do that." I groan. "Thanks, Bobby."

He offers a tight-lipped smile before Dean and I get into the Impala.

~*****~

"Cops found the Escalade in a ditch outside Elk River," Bobby hums over the phone.

"How far away am I?" Dean asks.

"Couple of hours." Bobby retorts. "I pulled up a weather map, made some calls. There's a town not far from there, Coldspring, lighting up with demon signs."

"That's a good place to look," I comment.

"Hey, listen," Bobby says after a moment of silence.

"What?" Dean asks.

"Us finding Sam? That's got to be about getting him back, not pushing him away." Bobby says.

"Right." Dean says in a tense tone.

"I know you're mad, Dean. I understand. You got a right to be. But I'm just saying-- Be good to him anyway." Bobby explains. "You got to get through to him."

Dean ends the call with a snap, and I swallow the lump in my throat. "He's right, Dean."

"Lottie," Dean warns me.

"I know, you're not in the mood. And I'm sorry, but... Sam's not in his right mind. He needs us more than ever now." I explain. "If I can forgive him for clockin' me with that gun, I know you can, too." I press a kiss to his shoulder once I scootch towards him.

Dean grasps my leg and gives me a strained look. "I know." He hums softly. "Why don't you get some sleep. I'll wake you when we get there." Dean says. I nod and lean against him.

~*****~

I don't know how long I'm asleep, but when I wake, I'm alone in the car. I sit up quickly and start cussing as I wrestle myself out of my seatbelt. I storm into the motel, swinging my hand over the receptionist, and she goes totally blank, staring at her computer as I storm up to her. I list out a long list of aliases I know Sam would use and get one hit. "Honeymoon suite," I scoff as I hurry towards the room.

I shunt the door open and peer inwards. Dean is on the ground, groaning in agony.

"Dean!" I hiss as I hurry towards him, my knees cracking against the glass on the ground, but I couldn't give a damn. "Oh my god--" I help him sit up. "Come on, we need to get out of here. Lean on me--" Dean just groans, but accepts the help nonetheless. He's quiet on the road back to Bobby's, just the occasional grunt from the pain probably still radiating from his injuries.

After I heal most of Dean's injuries back at the house, he dozes off with an ice pack plastered onto his forehead. I heave out a soft sigh and leave the room, my head swimming violently. "He all right?" Bobby asks as I enter his study.

"Physically, yes." I sigh. I rub at my face again. "Sam was juiced up with demon blood when Dean found them." I sit on the windowsill and continue to rub at my face. "Dean's hurting on the inside. His soul is so dark, and dim right now. I could feel it."

Bobby rubs at his face, his brows furrowing in confusion. "You all right?"

I hum in response. "Oh, yeah. Dean left me in the car, not like I got my ass handed to me." I rub at my face again. "It does feel like it though."

"Like when you sucked out the werewolf bite from the kid?" Bobby asked.

I shrugged. "I didn't vomit up the excess." I retort.

Bobby sighed. "Well, in all the lore on God's son, do you ever wonder how the hell he managed to heal all the people it said he did? I mean, with a human body, there had to be a limit."

I shrug again. "I'd rather not think about that right now. Not with all this shit coming down on us." I explain bitterly. "I've got to angel proof Mary's room. I need something-- if these seals fail, and-- and Lucifer rises..." I trail off, my throat closing at the aspect.

"Lottie, you've always faced all these problems head on, what's eatin' at you? Anything that ever insinuated on hurting that kid, you broke without a second thought." Bobby states firmly.

I stop rubbing at my face. "I've never told Sam or Dean this. Hell, I didn't tell John. I never told a soul." I say softly. "When I was a child, I was plagued with horrible nightmares. Horrible, horrible nightmares. A strange voice whispering horrible things to me in the dead of night, telling me just how intimately he's going to rip me apart. How he's going to peel the skin from my body and let me watch as he pulls my heart from my chest." I say in a trembling tone. Bobby is silent, staring at me worriedly. I wipe at my face again and swipe at the tears I hadn't noticed were dripping down my face. "I've never flinched at any monster that's been thrown at me-- even wendigos don't make me feel like I'm going to go crazy at the aspect of meeting one."

Bobby took a seat besides me. "Look, I can't begin to understand what you must be feeling. You start getting mauled, and you think that's it. But you wake up anyway. Then all these angels come down from heaven and say you're the offspring of the big guy." Bobby says lightly. "Hell, when you started showing more and more of those powers, I'll admit, I got scared." He heaves a heavy sigh. I gaze at him through my bleary lashes and mimic his sigh. "We'll keep Mary safe. Zack and I. We'll hole up in the panic room if we have to."

I nod and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Bobby..." I heave another sigh. "If he gets loose, well... I'll get him back in that cage..."

"How? Lucifer is an archangel. I thought they were the big guns." Bobby comments.

I gaze down at my hands and clutch them together tightly, but I don't answer. I knew what I would have to do. In the end, I'll have to sacrifice myself once I was strong enough. Strong enough to take on the devil himself.