~*****~

The hairs on my neck stood straight up while we sat at the safe house, going over the minimal lore we had on Archangels. I let my gaze slide up and I snorted irritably. "Where've you been?" I ask irritably.

"Jerusalem." Castiel answers simply.

Dean scoffs. "Oh. How was it?"

Castiel approaches us and places a dusty old jug onto the table. "Arid." He sighs.

"What is that?" Dean asks.

"It's oil. It's very special and very rare." Castiel explains.

"Okay, are we gonna... trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?" Dean teases as I peer into the jug, my fingers slipping against the rim. A wave of familiarity washes over me.

"No," I chuckle. "That'd be funny, though. No, holy oil can protect someone from angels-- hiding them in plain sight."

"That's... an odd way to use it, but yes. That's correct." Castiel said lightly.

"So, this ritual of yours, when's it got to go down?" Dean asks.

"Sunrise."

"Tell me something-- you keep saying we're gonna trap this guy, but isn't that kind of like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?" Dean continues.

"No, it's harder." Castiel responds with a sigh.

"Do we have any chance of surviving this?" I ask.

"You two do." Castiel says softly.

Dean glances at me worriedly. "So, odds are, you're a dead man tomorrow?" Dean presses.

"Yes." Castiel nods.

Dean glances at me again and sighs. "Well, last night on Earth." Dean mentions. "What, uh... what are your plans?"

Castiel glances up at him. "I just thought I'd sit here quietly." Castiel states.

Dean glances around for a moment. "Dude, come on. Anything?" Dean hums. "Booze, women?" Castiel nervously glances at him, then to me, then down at his hands. "You have been with a woman before, right? Or an angel, at least?"

Castiel rubs at the back of his neck in embarrassment. "That's... That's kinda hot." I mention, my eyes trained on him.

"Hey, hey--" Dean admonishes me. "We can do the virgin play in the bedroom," Dean comments before leaning over to Castiel. "You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?"

"Look, I've never had occasion, okay?" Castiel responds almost painfully.

"Dude," Dean and I say to each other at the same time.

"Let me tell you something, there are two things that I know for certain." Dean comments as he grabs his jacket and tosses mine to me. "One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on our watch."

"Let's go~" I chirp to Castiel and follow after Dean eagerly.

~*****~

I'd never thought I'd see anything cuter than Dean laying in bed in his post orgasm bliss. Castiel looked like he was going to vomit with how nervous he was, with all the sexy women strutting around us. I sat perched on Dean's lap, my jacket discarded, breasts practically pushed into Dean's face as we stared at Castiel.

"Hey," Dean called to Castiel as he gazed around. "Relax."

"This is a den of Iniquity." Castiel comments lowly. "I should not be here. Neither should you."

"Dude, you full on rebelled against Heaven, and if the winged dickbags had any say in it, they'd have come down years ago when I snuck into a strip joint to try and find a demon." I mention. "Iniquity is one of perks." A beautiful woman began strutting towards us. "Showtime," I hum lightly and lift my drink to sip while gazing over at her.

The beautiful blonde stared down at Castiel with a flirty smile. "Hi, what's your name?"

Castiel did not respond, he just sat there, unsure of where to stare. "Cass," I say lightly. "His name is Cass," I say to the Blonde. "What's your name?"

"Chastity." She chirped.

"Chastity?" Dean echoes. She hums happily. "Wow. Is that kismet of what, buddy, huh?"

Castiel just chugged his drink. "Well, he likes you, and you like him, so..." I trail off as I trail my fingers over my glass. "Dayenu."

Chastity hummed lightly at Castiel, grasped his hand and pulled him up. "Come on, baby."

I quickly slugged my beer down and grasped at Castiel's arm. "Oh, take this," I tug out a wad of cash from my corset and hand it over. "If she asks for credit card, no. Now, just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu." Chastity just gazed longingly at Castiel as he turned his gaze on her. "Go get her, tiger." I coo.

"Don't make us push you," Dean comments. Castiel takes the money and turns back to follow Chastity. "How about another round, huh, baby?" Dean hums as he curls his arms around my waist and presses his nose into my hair. I giggle and wave my hand for someone to bring us drinks.

"Care for some company?" Two blondes ask happily as soon as we get our drinks. Dean and I cast excited glances towards one another before nodding.

We both leap out of the booth when we hear a scream from the hall where Chastity took Castiel and book it. "Get out of my face!" Chastity screams as we burst past the curtains. "No! Leave me alone!" Chastity is screaming at Castiel in the hallway, shaking with either rage or fear. "Bastard! Screw you, jerk!" She shrieks. Ah, so she's mad. "I'll kill you!" She bellows as she throws the bucket at him. She whirls around and gets in our faces. "Screw you guys, too! God! Oh! Jerk!" She cries as she storms down the hall.

Her screams of rage die down and we turn to Castiel, our gazes confused. "What the hell did you do?" Dean asks.

Castiel shrugs. "I don't know. I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father, Gene, ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office." Castiel explains calmly.

"Oh, no, man--" Dean began to laugh.

"What?"

"This whole industry runs on absent fathers," Dean comments. "It's--it's the natural order!" The curtains open again, and Chastity returns with guards. "We should go. Come on!"

Dean and I are giggling like children as we escape the strip joint with Castiel, still rumpled from his near romp. "What's so funny?" Castiel asks as we start wheezing.

"Oh, nothing," Dean sighs happily. He lets out a puff of air.

"Man, it has been some time since we laughed like that, Cass," I comment happily as I grasp onto his arm.

"Oh, man, it's been more than a long time." Dean laughs. "Years."

~*****~

As soon as the sun rose, we headed to the hospital to get Donnie ready for the ritual to summon Raphael. "When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies." Castiel explains.

"Okay..." Dean hums as I perch on the bed. "So, we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire. But, uh, one question--how the hell do we get him here?"

"There's-- well, almost an open phone line... Between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial." Castiel states as he approaches Donnie. "Rah ah gah ee oh es. Vee nu nohno kee ah seh peh teh poh ah ma lah deh zod." I gaze skeptically at him, my head tilting. "I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me, you little bastard."

My brows furrow at his taunt. "Just a general question, but uh, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?" Dean asks.

"Be ready." Castiel simply says as he lights a match and ignites the holy oil.

Raphael never shows. We get back to the safe house in the dead of night, all irritated and tired. "Well, that's a day I'll never get back." I comment irritably.

Just as we step in, Castiel pushes ahead of us. "Dean, Carlotta wait--" Donnie stands in the middle of the kitchen, electricity burning off of him and lighting up the room.

"Castiel," Donnie hums.

"Raphael." Castiel responds.

I hum lightly. "And here I thought you were supposed to be impressive," I comment as I stroll towards him with Castiel and Dean. "All you do is black out the room."

"And the eastern seaboard." Raphael retorts. Thunder crashes outside. "It is a testament to my unending mercy that I don't smite you here and now."

"Or, maybe you're full of crap." Dean hums. "Maybe you're afraid that God will bring Cass back to life again, and smite you, you candy-ass skirt. By the way-- Hi. I'm Dean."

"I know who you are." Raphael snaps. "And now thanks to him, I know where you are."

"You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare." Castiel snaps.

"But I will take him to Michael." Raphael states.

"No, you won't." I say irritably. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

"Sure your precious little human has told you about Zachariah giving him stomach cancer." Raphael hummed.

I hum lightly. "Oh, yes, and if Cass hadn't have killed him, I would've ripped his wings off and put him under a magnifying glass."

"A little dark for you, isn't it, sister?" Raphael teases lightly. "But Zachariah doesn't have the imagination that I do."

"Oh yeah?" I taunt. "Why don't you come and show me, Raph." I taunt. Raphael's gaze darkens as he approaches me. Once he's inside the circle, I grin. "D'you think I might've gotten my imagination from you?"

"What?"

"We knew you were coming, you stupid son of a bitch." Castiel lights the holy oil and traps Raphael within. He glances at me and I just grin smugly at him. "Oh, don't give me all the credit, it was Cass' idea."

Castiel glances at me as if I sold him out for stealing from the cookie jar. He shakes his head and turns back to Raphael. "Where is he?"

"God?" Raphael hums. Castiel nods. "Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead. It's the only reason he left his little whelp on the planet."

"What?" I ask, my stomach tightening. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Raphael snorts. "You cannot elude yourself to being as idiotic as these mud monkeys you run around with. He's gone. For good."

"You're lying." Castiel snaps.

"Am I?" Raphael retorts. "Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? You think God would have let any of that happen if he were alive?"

"Oh yeah? Then who invented the Chinese basket trick?" Dean asks.

"Careful. That's my father you're talking about, boy." Raphael warns.

"Yeah? And who would be so proud to know that his sons started the friggin' apocalypse." Dean comments.

"Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions and a world to run. And to a mewling little runt, no less." Raphael scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. "So, daddy ran away and disappeared? I turned out fine, you're all basically adults anyhow, so why the hell are you so peeved? Oh, I get it, it's because you weren't his favorite. No, you're mad because he left all of it to someone like me-- someone who runs around with Mud Monkeys," I way as I curl my fingers in quotations. "Yeah, that's rich."

"This is funny to you?" Raphael growls. "You're living in a universe where it's god sucks down alcohol and kills for a living."

Dean scoffs. "Well, she's been down here fixing the trouble that your daddy caused. You and your brothers throw a friggin' apocalypse while she's busy, huh? You wanna keep the keys to the castle so bad?"

Raphael rolls his eyes. "We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want... Paradise."

"So, what, God dies, leaves me the keys and no one bothers to try and help me understand, and you think you can do whatever you want?" I snap.

"Yes. And whatever we want, we get." Raphael snaps back. Thunder booms outside again, shattering the windows.

"If God is dead, why have I returned?" Castiel asks over the loud thunder and pouring rain. "Who brought me back?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?" Raphael questioned.

"No," Castiel snapped.

"Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up." Raphael explains slowly.

Castiel doesn't acknowledge him. "Let's go." He says to us.

"Castiel." Raphael calls. "I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you."

Castiel wipes at his face. "Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch."

Dean and I glance at each other, hum and turn to Raphael. "What he said." Dean comments.

"Yeah, little bitch." I taunt before following after them.