~*****~

"Sheriff Carnegie," Sam greets as we hurry into the precinct.

"Sheriff, what happened?" Dean asks.

Carnegie looks a little lost for words. "I uh, um... I don't know." He gestures to the women in the back room.

I glance back at Sam and Dean before moving into the room. "Excuse us, girls." I say politely. "We're with the FBI. Can you tell us what happened?"

"It was horrible." The girl in the leather jacket whimpered.

"Way horrible," The girl in pink agreed.

"What was horrible?" Dean asks.

"I thought she'd be nice!" The girl in black said.

"I still can't believe it," The pink girl adds.

"Believe what?" I press.

"She took Danielle!" The girl in pink exclaims.

"Who?" Dean asked.

"It's okay," Sam reassures them as they hesitate. "You're safe. Just tell us. Who took your friend?"

"It was..." The girl in pink whimpered. "Paris Hilton."

"I'm.... I'm sorry?" I say.

"She looked really good, though." The girl in pink states.

"Skinny." The girl in black adds.

"Skinny and fast!" The girl in pink nods her head.

Dean begins to stammer. "Where did they go?" I ask.

"We don't know, they just-- vanished!" The girl in pink explains.

"Would you excuse us for just a minute?" Dean asked. "Paris Hilton's not dead, as far as we know, right?" Dean whispers to us.

"Pretty sure, no." Sam nods.

"Which means it's not a..."

"Ghost, no." I nod.

"So, either Paris Hilton is a homicidal maniac or--" Dean trails off.

"Or we missed something." Sam sighs.

"What do we do?" I ask.

~*****~

Sam and I glare at one another, our hands held out with, formed in fists. "I'm not reaching in." I state almost aggressively.

"Neither am I." Sam snaps back.

Our hands bounce again before popping back down, and I throw my fist around angrily. "Damn!" I exclaim before snatching up a pair of rubber gloves. Sam is beaming with absolute glee. "This is so gross," I comment as I shove my hand into the incision on Cal Hopkin's chest.

Sam groans. "That's ripe," His face scrunches up as I move my hand around. My fingers brush against two small little orbs and I grasp them tightly before pulling my hand out with a sickening squelch.

"Dude," I huff as I hold my palm out. "Oh, son of a bitch." I glance over at the container. "You get to check the other one.

"Oh, come on, really?" Sam complained.

"Get to it, skippy," I chide.

Sam agreed in my irritation. "I can't believe we missed that," Sam mentioned as we exit the building.

"Missed what?" Dean asked as he met us at the bottom of the steps.

"Sam and I went back over the other two vics. There was blood loss-- major." I explain.

"Yeah, well, being a gory smear will do that to you," Dean states.

"No, no, I mean more blood loss than a car crash or head wound should cause." I reiterate. "Almost like--"

"Something's feeding," Dean says.

"Yeah," Sam nods.

"Awesome," Dean groaned.

"And then-- there were these," I hold out the small baggie from my pocket.

"What are those? Seeds?" Dean asks as he takes a closer look.

"Yeah," Sam nods. "They were in both vics' bellies."

Dean quickly lifted his hands. "I hope you guys washed your hands."

"They're unlike any other seed I've ever seen before, Dean," I mention.

"You know, I keep saying it, you're way too hot to geek out like Sam." Dean comments.

I roll my eyes at him and swat at Sam's shoulder. "I'll grab the beers; can you start on these?" I ask as we get into the car.

"Yeah, no problem," Sam nods as he takes the seeds from me.

~*****~

Sam and I are back in the swing of it. Dean's just staring at us go back and forth with speculations on where they could've come from before we come to an agreement. "Yahtzee," Sam chimes.

"What?" Dean asks.

"The seeds aren't from around here," Sam says. "In fact, they're not from any tree or plant in the country."

"Where are they from?" Dean asks.

"We went back and forth from Europe to Asia, but Lottie agreed with me that they're from a forest in the Balkans, which is not even there anymore. It was chopped down like thirty years ago." Sam explains.

"So?"

"Local legend has it that the forest was guarded by a Pagan God whose name was Leshii-- a mischievous God that could take on infinite forms." I explain.

"And let me guess-- he liked to munch on his fans." Dean hummed.

Sam snorts. "Yep. Could be appeased only with the blood from his worshippers. It would drain them, then stuff their stomachs with the seeds."

"How's he doing it?" Dean asks. "What, he touches James Dean's key chain, and then morphs into James Dean?" Dean gets up and travels over to us.

Sam and I glance at one another and hum. "That's a good guess," I say. "But I know you're interested in the good part." I comment as I bat my eyelashes at Dean. "You kill him by chopping off his head with an iron ax."

Dean beamed at me. "That's my girl. Let's go gank ourselves a Paris Hilton."

"This is such a strange case." I mention.

~*****~

We go back to the museum later that night with our ax to find Leshii and kill him. I come upon a closed off section and quickly whistle for Sam and Dean to follow. "Hey--" Sam says softly and hurries to a tree where a young girl is tied up.

"She alive?" Dean asks.

Sam presses his fingers against her neck for a moment. "Yeah, barely."

The ax is ripped from my hand and slams into a tree. I swing my head around and gaze at Paris Hilton with a confused expression before she slugs me across the face-- twice. I hit the ground with a ground. "Damn, she's got a good left hook--" I comment as Sam and Dean hurry forward. I glance up just as a cute heel appears above me.

"Awesome!" I hear her hum before my head is cracked against her heel.

When I come to, I'm tied to a tree, my bleary gaze slings to the sound of metal being scraped along metal to see Paris Hilton running her nails across the blade, where a small spark spits out of it.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're awake for this." Leshii chirps. "This is gonna be huge."

"Super," Dean comments from the other tree. "I wouldn't want to miss it."

"I mean, I've been stuffing myself with fast food lately," Leshii sighs. "So it's nice to do the ritual right, prepare a nice, slow meal for a change."

"Just like the old days, huh?" Sam huffs.

Leshii tilts her head to Sam. "You have no idea. People adored me. They used to throw themselves at me, with smiles on their faces."

"Yeah, I guess these days nobody gives a flying crap about some backwoods-forest God, huh?" Dean comments.

"No. Not since they cut down my forest to build a Yugo plant," Leshii retorts.

"March of progress, sister," I taunt.

"For years now, I've been wandering. Hungry. Scared. Scrounging for scraps. So not sexy." Leshii says. "But then... The best thing ever happened-- someone tripped the apocalypse. And I thought, what the hell-- I'm tired of watching what I eat. I want to pig out. So, I found this little place. It's awesome. Adoring fans stroll right in the door."

"Yeah, but they're not your fans," I say.

"So?" Leshii hums. "They worship Lincoln, Ghandi, Hilton. Whatever. I'll take what I can get."

"You know, I got to tell you," Dean says. "You are not the first God we've met, but you are the nuttiest."

"No. You. You people. You're the crazy ones. You used to worship Gods. But this?" Leshii scoffs. "This is what passes for idolatry? Celebrities? What have they got besides small dogs and spray tans? You people used to have old-time religion. Now you have Us Weekly."

"I dunno," I hum cutely. "I prefer People magazines. It contains the worlds sexiest men."

"Yeah, she goes gaga over George Clooney." Dean adds.

"That's cute." Leshii hummed. "But, at least you still have a lot of meat on those bones, child." Leshii comments as she approaches me.

"Are you calling me fat?" I ask teasingly. "Oh, that's it, you so cannot eat me anymore. I am officially not, a Paris Hilton BFF."

"No, but I can totally read your mind, Carlotta. I know who your hero is. It's your dad, isn't it? Am I right?" Leshii questioned.

"Depends, which dad we talkin' about?" I tilt my head.

"You know which one I'm talking about." Leshii rolls her eyes as she approaches the ax in the tree. "This belonged to him, didn't it? Poor little Lottie. All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol. One distant father figure, coming right up!"

The ropes snap after what felt like hours of tugging and I tackled Leshii to the ground. "That's hot--" Dean called as I straddle her waist and start pounding.

"Shut up, Dean!" Sam and I complain.

I grunt loudly as Leshii takes a swing at my face and reverses the position. I let out a sigh of relief as Dean tackles her off of me, only to get whaled on by her. It would've been funny, had she not whaled on me. I grasp at her shoulders and roll her off as I see Sam leap over us. I grasp onto Dean's jacket, and we watch as Sam decapitates Leshii.

Sam glances back at us and I give him a look. "Don't say a word," Dean orders as he remains on the ground.

"You just got whaled on by Paris Hilton." Sam teased.

"Yeah? I didn't see your ass charging in," I comment as I help Dean stand. "So what he got whaled on by a girl."

"Oh, both of you, shut up!" Dean complains.

~*****~

"Paris Hilton?" Zack echoes as we wait by the Impala for Sam and Dean.

I nod and chuckle. "Oh, yeah, and she totally whaled on Dean." I mention. "It got funnier the more we thought about it, so the entire time we were at dinner, Dean's sitting there pouting as Sam and I are choking on our French fries."

Zack snorts. "Well, I oughta get going." He grunts as I take the baby from him. "Bobby actually wanted me to check out a case for a few hunters nearby."

"You're hunting officially now?" I ask with a smirk.

"God, no--" Zack laughs. "Just gonna confirm whether or not it's a salt and burn or something worse."

I laugh. "You sure you wanna be in this life?"

Zack just snorts again. "Kinda had no choice. Gettin' bit by that werewolf kinda ruined my life. My daddy don't want me anywhere near home, and the rest of the family blacklisted me. Huntin' down every evil sucker I can makes it better."

I roll my eyes and grasp his shoulder. "Be careful out there."

"Yes ma'am," Zack nods and walks towards his busted old truck.

"Hey, Lottie," Dean calls as he and Sam approach. "Guess what--" I tilt my head and hum. "Sheriff Carnegie put out an APB on Paris Hilton."

"That oughta be good." I comment. I pop the trunk and step to the side for Sam and Dean to put the bags in.

"Listen, I thought about what you said yesterday, about keeping too tight of a leash on you." Dean says to Sam after a moment or so. "Well, maybe you're right. I mean, look, I'm not exactly Mr. Innocent in this whole mess, either. You know, I did break the first seal."

"You didn't know," Sam states.

"Yeah, well, neither did you." Dean shoots back. "I'm not saying the demon blood was a great way to go, but you did kill Lilith."

"And start the apocalypse."

"Which none of us saw coming," I mention. "I mean, who'd have thought killing Lilith would've been a bad thing. Hell, I'd been gunnin' to kill her myself."

"Point is, I was so worried about watching your every move that I didn't see what it was actually doing to you." Dean says.

"We, didn't see it." I add softly. "I was just as responsible in this, Dean."

"So, for that, we're sorry," Dean says.

"Thanks." Sam nods.

Dean shuts the trunk and sighs. "So, where do we go from here?" Dean asks.

"The way I see it, we got one shot of surviving this." Sam explains.

"What's that?" I ask.

"Maybe I am on deck for the devil," Sam shrugs. "Maybe the same with you and Michael. Maybe there's no changing that."

"That's encouraging," Dean huffs.

"But, we can stop wringing our hands over it." Sam continues. "We got to just grab on to whatever's in front of us, kick its ass and go down fighting."

Dean and I glance at one another and smile. "I can get on board with that." I mention.

"Okay." Sam nods. "But we're gonna have to do it on the same level."

Dean nods. "You got it." Dean glances at me and brushes his hand over Mary's head, earning a delighted coo and a very broken pronunciation of da-da. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"Hell yeah." Sam grunts.

I snatch the keys from Dean. "Since the baby is kinda fussy and wants her dad, you're driving Sammy." I state impishly.

Sammy glances down at them before glancing at Dean. "You sure?"

Dean just hoists the baby from my arms. "We could use a nap. I don't think you wanna be in the back with stinky number one."

"And stinky number two," I comment as I gesture to Dean.

"Hey!" Dean complains as Sam and I laugh and get in the front seat.