Everest

Confession: I can't even look at a taco anymore.

That Saturday morning, my mouth felt like cotton and my head continued to pound. I woke up aching and confused, eyes blurry and throat dry.

I groaned and rolled over. My hand cradling my head to somehow ease the ache. A bottle of water next to my bed caught my eye and I gulped it down. I laid back on my bed and stared up at my ceiling, recollecting my thoughts.

Have you ever just laid in bed and thought about how you managed to make it? I've had thoughts so absolutely horrid about myself, I literally tried to kill myself and I'm still here.

It's been three weeks since my attempt and I'm still wondering what I'm still here for. I have nothing to live for.

The dark room corresponded to my dark thoughts. The sun tried to make its way through the shield of blinds, but it was no use. Light can't win with this darkness.

The night before yesterday, my dad came home, bringing my grandpa. My grandfather isn't much different from my dad. Stern faces and briefcases. I think the reason my dad is the way he is now is because of his father. When I was younger I thought that my grandfather was the coolest guy, with his cigars imported from Italy and his expensive suits.

"One day you'll have it all," he used to tell me.

I was eight and I remember me being so determined in making sure I lived up to the family name.

I'm eighteen and I failed.

I thought that the pressure and stress was too much. The lying awake thinking about how I could be better. To not let anyone down, to make my father finally proud of me. Anxiety filling me up with emotion. Too much emotion. The tears and the blood, there was so much of it.

But nothing compares to now. Where absolutely nothing but disgust and disappointment comes along with my name. My grandfather told me yesterday night that I was weak. He called my appearance a disgrace, my dad watched with his arms folded and eyebrows furrowed.

When my grandfather punched me in the gut, my dad left the room. I bent forward and groaned, I wrapped my hand around my stomach and coughed a few times.

"I didn't want to have to do that, but your father needs to start toughening you up."

When Friday rolled around I didn't want to go to school. I took my truck and went to The Basement, I smoked until I couldn't even remember my name.

I don't remember how I got home, the last thing I remember is Aurora bringing in tacos. The taste of tacos still relevant in my mouth. My truck wasn't in the garage, so I must have walked all the way home.

My weekend was pretty much uneventful. I stayed in my room and listened to music. When you have earbuds in and shut your eyes, you can kind of forget about the world. My family doesn't come and check on me, so there's no interruptions. It's getting hard to tell if I'm avoiding my family or if my family is avoiding me.

I decided to go to school today just to spite everyone. Especially Nash.

"Hey Everest!" I lifted my head from my desk and was met eyes with my former teammate, Gabe Brooks.

"How's it feel knowing that Nash stole your girlfriend and your quarterback position?" he asked laughing, his blonde bowl cut, shaking slightly. It's funny how fast he forgets that I was the one he talked to when his girlfriend cheated on him.

"How's it feel knowing that your hair is three Justin Bieber's ago?" Nami asked him, before sending me a sympathetic smile.

I looked away and put my head down. The teacher collecting worksheets that I didn't do.

When lunch came around, I entered the cafeteria out of old habit. I eyed my old table and Cara was there. Someone patted her shoulder and pointed towards me and our eyes met.

I stood up slowly and reached for my boxer shorts that were thrown carelessly on the marble flooring. After grabbing them and pulling them up quickly, I stood in the soft glow of the rising sun through the window; and gazed down at the figure that was still lying on the bed.

Her back faced me, her head resting on the satin pillow, and her long golden blonde hair fell on the pillows that surrounded her.

I glanced around her room and caught the eye of the guitar sitting in the corner of her room. I didn't know Cara had a guitar. I picked up the acoustic instrument and strummed it. The tips of my fingers brushing along the lines.

She sat up in her bed and yawned. Her blonde hair a wild mess on her head, and I chuckled a little to myself. Her hair is never wild.

Her blue eyes grew wide "Oh no, don't look at me." She covered her face while I laughed.

"You look fine," I assured her and put my attention back on the guitar. "I didn't know you played," I told her, and she curiously moved her hand to look at what I was referring too.

"I don't," she spoke while using her fingers to comb out her hair.

I looked at her curiously. "I went to a Taylor Swift concert and I didn't just want her autograph on paper, so I bought a guitar," she explained.

I examined the guitar and sure enough there was a signature.

"Cool," I said

"Yep," she replied.

Our conversations never really last long, but I don't mind it much. The physical part of our relationship is great, but it gets awkward when we start to talk. We never really know what to say.

"My mom is going to come home soon," she drawled out.

"Yeah, I guess I'll get going." I set down the guitar and walked towards her door.

"Bye, love you," she told me before I left.

"Love you too," I told her.

Cara looked away and my flashback ended. I turned and left the cafeteria, I couldn't be there any longer.

I found myself entering into the east wing library. Beverly sat in her usual spot, she glanced at me before taking a bite from her sandwich. I was so caught up in my thoughts, I completely forgot that she usually comes in here.

"Hey," I greeted her, taking a seat.

"Hi." She smiled briefly at me, turning the page of a book. "How's your head?"

How did she know about my raging headache?

"I drove you home," she explained, probably reading my confused facial expression.

Pieces of my memory came back to me. Image of tacos and a small Korean child surfaced into my brain. Flashes of Beverly taking care of me also sprung, and I didn't understand why she helped me.

"You helped me?" I asked astonished.

She nodded before sipping on her water.

"...but why?"

"Because we're friends," she responded simply, completely ignoring the fact that I told her we wouldn't be friends. I thought about correcting her. I don't even know her, but then realized that she's been more of a friend than anyone I know right now.

"Tell me about yourself," I told her.

She looked surprised. "What do you want to know?"

I shrugged.

"How about I tell you something about myself in exchange for something about you?" she suggested, and I hesitantly nodded. I don't mind as long as she doesn't ask anything personal.

"What's your favorite food?" she asked me, and my answer was immediate.

"Pizza rolls all day." She laughed at my answer. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, you just answered that really fast and really serious." She chuckled more, causing me to smile a little.

"Pizza rolls are the best." I smiled.

"I thought you were going to say something fancy, and then you say pizza rolls." She attempted to imitate me saying pizza rolls, and I shook my head in amusement.

"I don't sound like that, how about you? What's your favorite food?"

She pondered for a moment. "Chicken parmesan."

I nodded my head."Okay, uh what's you're favorite color?"

"Blue," I answered.

"Same." She smiled.

"What's your favorite movie?" I asked her. This little game was kind of fun.

"That's a hard one. I think as of now it's If I Stay. It's so sad, I personally like the book better but the movie was amazing nonetheless. How about you?"Her eyes brightened as she answered.

"I don't really have one, but as of right now I really like The Purge," I answered after thinking about it for a second.

"The Purge?" she asked.

"Yeah, I wish they would have a real one," I told her, my lips twisted in an amused manner.

"I don't think that's a good idea, like what would you even do?"

"Rob a bank and then hide"

"What would you do with the money?"

"I would go straight to SAMs club and get the big family pack of pizza rolls."

And then she laughed, like really laughed.

"Is that really the first thing you would buy?"

"Hell yeah."

The game continued until the bell rang, and it was time to go to class. Before leaving I realized that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had a friend.