Remington and Andy spend a few days just enjoying each other's company. The spiky haired boy is confused. He doesn't know whether or not to trust Andy, even after everything the older man has done for him, there is still that nagging in the back of his mind that he'll turn on him like Holly did. 

The boy hasn't mentioned any of this to Andy. He doesn't want to threaten their relationship again, but he can't rid himself of the thoughts he is having. There is a ringing, scraping sensation in his head that he gets whenever he's with Andy, as though there are people in his head who are protesting against their relationship.

Maybe there really is.

Sometimes he lies in bed next to the man, staring up at the ceiling with an absent, distant expression. And he wonders why he isn't happy. He's in love with a man who loves him back and he has the best brothers and gets to sing his own songs to adoring fans, but he's sad.

Perhaps it's the memory of Holly and the invisible scars she left, or the way that no one actually knows the suffering in his mind. Whatever it is that is bothering him, whatever the reason for his sleepless nights, he isn't willing to tell Andy. He isn't willing to hurt Andy again. He'd rather hurt alone than bring someone else down with him. It's always easier that way.

The men sit in the kitchen drinking coffee and chatting. Every time there's a moment of quiet he considers telling Andy, but he never does. What's the point?

"You tour soon, don't you?" Andy queries.

Remington nods. "Two weeks," he says, "it's like we're always touring."

"Being a Rockstar is mental."

The younger nods again. "Tell me about it," he mumbles, not meaning for it to come out so rude.

As the day passes, Remington only feels more and more empty. It's getting harder to keep hidden. Evening comes and Andy goes to have a shower. The poor boy sits on the stairs, contemplating everything, and ends up leaving the house without any intention of ever coming back or seeing his lover again.

He walks down into town and catches a taxi to a hotel just over 100 miles away, needing to escape everything for a while. In the strangers car, he switches off his phone and watches as buildings and trees fly by. He books into a room and collapses onto the bed, finally letting himself cry. What has life become?

The boy falls asleep eventually, and for some reason has a better night's sleep without Andy beside him. He sits in the breakfast room the next morning with a bowl of cereal and turns his phone on. There are texts and mixed calls from Andy and from both his brothers. He goes straight to Emerson's contact, calling the younger man.

Emerson answers straight away. "Where are you? Are you alright?" His voice is agitated, worried.

"I'm fine, Em, I just-I needed to get away. I'm staying in a hotel. I'm so confused and I need some time to think. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Yeah, you worried me!" He raises his voice. "I'm glad you called, Rem. Look after yourself, okay, and try and bet back before your starts."

Remington sips his coffee. "Please don't tell Andy where I am. I can't talk to him, not yet."

"Okay, I'll do that for you. Please stay safe. Call me if you need to talk. I love you."

The boy rubs his eyes. "Thanks, Emerson, I love you. I'll be back in a few days, I promise." He hangs up and puts his phone on the table, finishing off his breakfast.

After breakfast, Remington goes for a wonder outside, praying that no one recognises him. He doesn't feel up to talking to anyone except for his little brother, not yet.

He walks around random shops and buys himself a nice tee shirt from a vintage store, needing something to cheer him up. At around midday he gets some soup in a café and just tries to figure out what to do with his relationship with Andy. He knows he has to do something because it's killing him.

The boy loves Andy so much, and he wouldn't dream of hurting the man, but he doesn't know what to do. Holly is always in his mind, no matter who he is with or where he is, and it makes it so hard to trust someone who isn't his brothers. Everyone is out to get him.

It's like whenever he is finally happy, his mind won't let him stay like that.

Remington goes back to the hotel and has a meal in the evening before turning on the television and watching a random show. He texts Emerson.

Feeling a bit better tonight. How's Andy, have you heard from him?
Remington worries about the man, of course he does. He literally abandoned him without a word.

Emerson responds pretty much straight away. He's been thinking about his best friend all day, hoping that Remington isn't sat in a hotel room crying. He can't stand knowing that his brother, his saviour, is hurting.
Glad you're feeling better. Andy had lunch with me and Shy. He seems alright. Asked me where you were so I said I didn't know.

Remington is relieved that Emerson is protecting his 'secret'.
Thankyou. I'll talk to him when I have figured out what I'm gonna do. Can I call you?
The boy could do with talking to Emerson, to get some things off his mind. His brother is almost like his therapist at times.

Instead of replying, Emerson calls Remington. "What's up?"

With a sigh, Remington turns off the television. "I-Holly's in my head and I want to love Andy without her tormenting me, but I-how can I do that?" He lies on the bed and looks up at the ceiling as he talks, trying to clear his head.

"Have you told him this?"

"No-I-I want to, Emerson, I want to, but I'm scared, you know. I'm scared he's going to leave me or laugh at me or hurt me. And I know he won't, but I can't help it. I wish I could just be happy, Emerson, just for once I wish I could be happy." Remington feels tears well up in his eyes as he is talking.

Emerson sits down on his bed. "You can be happy, you just need to move past this, past her. I know that seems impossible at the moment, but you need to let it go. Holly hurt you more than anyone should ever have to be hurt, and I'm amazed that you managed to get through that. But you're through it now. It's over. You escaped. And you need to accept that." His voice is calm, soft, soothing.

Remington knows his brother is right. "How? How do I let it go?" He sounds agitated, on edge, overwhelmed.

"You need to accept that she hurt you, that she scared you, and you need to let it go. It was in the past, Rem, it was in the past." The man is aware of the way his brother is feeling. Ever since they were young he's been able to sense Remington's thoughts.

"I can't accept it, Emerson!" He raises his voice, upset. "Because if I accept it then I have to accept that it happened, and I can't bear that thought." He wipes his eyes. "It's easier to pretend that it never happened than to accept that she really did hurt me, that I really lived through everything she did. It hurts!" His voice cracks and he sobs into his hand.

Emerson is nearly in tears. He can picture his brother in the hotel room, pale faced and red eyed, defeated and lonely. "Take a deep breath, you're okay. Go to bed, please go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning."

The fragile boy sniffles. "Okay."

"Please call me if you need to. I need you to be okay. I love you, stay safe."

Remington sighs. "I will. Thankyou. I love you so much. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Rem, sleep well."