Plug in your earphones and play that song while reading that chapter. I listened to it while
writing and I promise you it changes the whole reading experience.🤍

The days after Franco's death are like a nightmare. Zach and I returned back to my place only a few hours after Caleb's remark about Zach not being made for a proper relationship. Since then, he's barely talked to me and even avoided touching me throughout the days. No hugs, no kisses, no smiles. Nothing.

Only when he's sleeping, his arms wrap around me as if there's nothing else in this world which gives him comfort. As if I'm the only thing he needs to live. I tried to talk to him. About that horror day, about Caleb's statement. About everything, but each time he finds a way to escape the conversation. It kills me. It literally robs me the air to breathe, and I feel like drowning in all the anxiety and pain I'm enduring at the moment.

My nightmares are getting worse every day. I keep waking up every night, anxious, and in a cold sweat. These are actually the only times Zach returns to his loving and caring self. That's when he's holding me close, whispering soothing words into my ear, and strokes over my hair until I've found a way back into sleep. Back into another nightmare. Honestly, I haven't been more exhausted my whole life, and I have no idea how to get back out of this misery ever again.

Abbey, of course, called me hundreds of times after Clarks had taken me to the station. After I told her everything, she started crying and offered me that she'd be there whenever I needed her. I'm more than grateful for her care, but what I'd need the most right now is my old Zach. The Zach who used to show me so much affection and always tried to make sure I'm okay. I know he's suffering too from the after-effects of that night and I know he's having nightmares as well, but I can't help thinking that these are not the reason for the distance he's keeping between us.

Right now, it's Friday afternoon, three days after Franco's death, and Zach and I just shared a pizza, and are both lying on the couch now. Zach has his earphones in and listens to Metallica. So loud that I can hear every single word. The gap between us is like a dagger right into my heart. Maybe I should just make another attempt to approach him?

I reach for Zach's arm, causing him to wince. His head snaps around and he pulls out his earphones, giving me a questioning look.

"I'd love to talk to you, Zach," I say quietly, almost pleadingly.

Zach eyes me for a moment and then sits up. It doesn't escape me that's he's still keeping that gap between us.

"What would you like to talk about?" he asks warily, his eyes trained on the wall opposite of us.

"About everything. About how you are feeling. About what happened. I don't know, Zach," I start with a shaky voice. As so often the past days, I'm already on the verge of crying again. "I just want to hear your voice again!"

I watch as Zach looks down into his lap and fumbles with his fingers. He bites down on his bottom lip which is still slightly swollen, and I notice a tear escaping his eye.

"Zach, just talk to me. I see how much you're suffering. Tell me what you're feeling. You know, talking can help a lot!" I place my hand on his shoulder and this time he doesn't flinch or back away from me. Instead, he lifts his head and faces me with sad eyes.

His bruises and wounds from his fight with Franco are slightly better already, but he still looks harried.

"Olivia, I can't," he breathes, and I spot a few more tears in his hazel eyes. "This is killing me."

He stands up and walks over to the window. His fingers rake through his dark, tousled hair while his head tilts back.

"You can't what?" I get up as well and step behind him. "Tell me! Talk to me!"

Zach keeps silent for another minute, and he doesn't turn around when he starts talking again.

"I know how much you suffer from what happened. I know how much pain you're undergoing every day. You're having those fucking nightmares every night, and I know I can't stop them from torturing you. My fucking heart is aching when I look into your broken eyes..." He pauses and turns around to face me. Tears are streaming down his cheeks. I'd love to lift my hand to wipe them away, but I resist the urge. I want to hear what he needs to get off his chest. "...and I know that I'm the reason for all of this. Every time I see the pain in your fucking perfect eyes, I am reminded that you wouldn't have to go through all of this without me."

I close my eyes and try to calm down as I really don't want to have another breakdown where I end up sobbing on the floor. I've had quite a few of them the past days, and right now I don't need one. Right now, I need to be strong for the both of us. Just this once.

"So, it's all about me suffering?" I ask softly. "What about you? You went through the same load of shit. Even more. Why don't you tell me how you are feeling after what happened?"

Zach aggressively wipes away the tears from his face. "I don't give a shit about my feelings right now. I can't be so selfish and concentrate on my own pain and sorrow while watching you suffering time at the same time! I just can't!" He raises his voice and tugs hard on his hair. "Liv, I honestly don't know how to get out of this. I don't see a way to heal this!"

He buries his face in his hands and utters a scream of despair.

"How do you mean that? Of course, we'll get out of this. Don't say that!" I don't like where this is going. My heart is racing and I'm blinking rapidly to prevent the next wave of tears from crashing in on me.

Zach drops his hands and looks at me. His bloodshot eyes drill into mine and I can't help but think that despite the fact that he got beaten up very badly just a few days ago he's still the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

"Damn it!" he mumbles and the next moment he cups my face in his warm and big hands and gently presses his lips on mine. I'm so overwhelmed by the intensity of his kiss that I can't stop my tears from falling this time. As by itself, our mouths open and our tongues meet to start a slow and tender dance. A sigh escapes the depth of my throat at all the emotions washing over me. I sense Zach is communicating with me through this kiss. Something is different. Something feels off.

It takes me a few minutes until I realize that not only my tears are trickling down my face. Opening my eyes, I notice Zach's crying too and I pull away.

Zach keeps his eyes closed as I place my hands on his cheeks to wipe away his tears. I can see how hard he tries to hold back his sobs.

"It's okay!" I whisper.

Now, he opens his eyes again and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ears.

"It will be okay. I promise you. Don't cry, my beautiful girl!"

His words should make me feel better, but they don't. I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something.

"Zach... What are you trying to say?" I croak out even though I don't think I want to hear his answer and what's more, I don't think I'm prepared for it.

Zach presses a gentle and lingering kiss on my forehead before facing me again.

"I can't, Livie. I need to end this. You're not supposed to suffer in your relationship," he whispers shakily.

I shake my head.

"No. Zach, this isn't your fault. Please, don't go!" I blubber out and plead him with my eyes to take back what he just said. To just pull me into his arms and never let go of me again.

Zach gently takes my hands and removes them from his face.

"Olivia, these guilt feelings won't go away. They'll always be there, and I can't live with them while I'm near you. They are suffocating and drowning me." He gives me a sad smile. "Thank you for everything. I wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't found me back then. Thank you for that beautiful time. Trust me, I won't ever forget it."

With that he grabs his phone and walks over to the kitchen unit to get his money out of the little wooden box where I suggested to hide it a few weeks ago.

I'm frozen to the spot until he vanishes in the hallway.

A wave of despair washes over me and I run after Zach. He is just slipping into his sneakers when I approach him.

"What was that kiss for?" I whisper tearfully. "You can't say that kiss didn't feel right, Zach."

He gets up from his kneeling position and gives me a faint smile.

"It was a goodbye kiss, Olivia," he replies quietly and grabs the door handle.

I watch him closing the door behind him and stay frozen in my hallway for at least five minutes before I sink down to the floor and curl up into a ball, crying into my hands until there's no single tear left anymore. My body is shaking, and I don't manage to open my eyes as I'm scared of the emptiness which is awaiting me in my apartment. But in reality, the biggest emptiness is right inside my chest.

The pain I feel in that exact moment is so much worse than the pain I endured the past days. Worse than the entire pain of the past weeks. It consumes my whole heart. My entire soul. It overwhelms and surprises me how physical a heartache can be. Now, I understand why it is called a broken heart. I literally can feel the crack in my heart, and the longer I sit here and the more I lower what just happened, the deeper it gets.

How should a broken heart ever heal when its other half went missing?

To be continued...

*****

I hope you don't hate me for that ending. It had to be that way. I clearly felt that Zach needed to let Olivia go to find his inner peace. If it makes it any better, gosh did I cry writing it... 😭 I literally felt all the pain in my heart.🥺

So, there is going to be a sequel. I'm so excited for it as I started working on it a whole while ago and I already have written the first few chapters. 😁

Any ideas what could await Zach and Liv in the next book?

Please comment and vote.✨

Katie🤍