Thank you to both judges lolaawrites and Laura from Cabalmen! Participants of this category are really lucky because their comments are really in-depth.

First Place —
The Witch's Bottle by Echo4Echo

TOTAL: 96/100
Cover: 8/10
Title and Blurb - 10/10
Plot - 30/30
Flow – 9/10
Character Development - 14/15
Anticipation - 10/10
Enjoyment -  10/10
Language - 5/5

Comments by lolaawrites:
Cover – Your cover is pretty spot-on and the font is easily readable. It does match the theme, but my only criticism would be whether it would be eye-catching amongst other covers. Does it stand out?

Title and blurb – The title is probably one of my favourites while judging. I know what to expect from it. The blurb mentions the witch's bottle and so that makes the title very relevant. The blurb itself is beautifully done. You didn't give away too much information, but gave enough to draw people in. I would say it's perfect so 10/10.

Plot and flow – The plot so far is very original. Its unlike anything I've read on Wattpad. The prologue alone sets it apart and without even knowing what Gabriel saw, I can feel the apprehension and terror. This creature is to be feared. The first few chapters are all well-paced and structured, and you don't shy away from shortening the chapters so that the information isn't overwhelming.

Character development – I love how you introduced William and Max and their dynamic lightened the mood a bit after William's panic attack. Their humour makes them very likeable as characters. For development, I'd say it would be nice to see more explanation about William's PTSD. Other than the main characters, your introduction and description of the side characters makes this story feel a lot fuller. We learn who the characters are through their actions and experiences. We see Max's fear and tendency to lash out when she is scared, and William's patience and resilience by how he responds to her. Their differences make the conflict in the story possible.

Anticipation and enjoyment – You ended a lot of cliff-hangers which made me look forward to each chapter. I found myself looking forward to reading on. I definitely enjoyed checking it out as it's something I've not come across before.
Language – it's well—written. I appreciate how simple your descriptions are. It allows me to envisage the scene, but doesn't overwhelm the senses.

🍬☁️

Second Place —
Fragmented Lies by MiniMoxx

Total: 92/100
Cover: 7/10
Title and Blurb - 10/10
Plot - 28/30
Flow – 10/10
Character Development - 12/15
Anticipation – 10/10
Enjoyment - 10/10
Language - 5/5

Comments by lolaawrites:
Cover – The cover is great to look at visually, but the font is hard to read. It fits the mood of the story, however, which is why I marked it a 7.

Title and blurb – I like the title – Fragmented Lies. I can already tell that some existing narratives are going to be shattered just from the title. The blurb is descriptive without giving away the plot twist, which I'm very impressed with. I wouldn't change a thing about that.

Plot and flow – I loved that first paragraph in the first chapter, it flowed nicely. I like that you introduced the strange messages so early on in the story. That scene (with the graveyard being eerie enough on its own) the text messages coming through sent a chill down my spine. However, some plot holes I identified is Caleb's appearance. I think he should change have a little makeover if he plans to live in the same town. I wanted Winter to ignore Caleb after that first meeting. Having a conversation with him that soon seemed a little improbable. He deserved to be iced out after she had her freak out, she shouldn't have even allowed him to speak. But I'm still very impressed that she left after he explained the situation to her. She didn't just hug him and accept him back into her life straight away.

Character development – Liam is perfect. At first, the idiotic side of me found that suspicious. But listen, reading on, I realised he's consistent and very human. His conflict about Winter's friendship was totally valued. I felt myself siding with him over Winter in many of the arguments. However, I was already leaning towards Caleb because of that established relationship, their long friendship, and the angst. Very nicely done. I do love Liam and Winter's relationship, but they were overshadowed by her past with Caleb. (That awkward moment when she was arguing with Caleb about their life together with Liam sat right there). I think Liam dropped the ball. He seemed to give Winter up so quick. They had a five-year relationship for Caleb to swoop in and take her.

Anticipation and enjoyment – Okay, I've been rambling for a while now. Anticipation and enjoyment is top scores with me. That made the story overall easy to read because I actually wanted to know what would happen next. You kept the intrigue up. Loved it! The jealousy, the fights, I adore a love triangle. The back and forth made it all worth it when Winter and Caleb finally got together.
Language – Your style of writing is descriptive, but still informal. It feels like a friend talking to you, and that really humanizes Winter. I came across no errors. It was well-detailed. I could visualise every scene.

🍬☁️

Third Place —
Second Chances At Love by panthesaiyan

Judge: Laura from Cabalmen

TOTAL: 85.5/100

Cover: 8.5/10
- The cover is an immediate 8.5, would give it more but I think it could be better. With better fonts and positioning of the lovers, maybe it can get a 9.5 or even a perfect 10 but not right now in its current state. Is it eye catching? Definitely is and is definitely setting a good tone and theme to the story just by the first glances.

Title and Blurb - 9/10
- The blurb's pretty good and sets up the theme and plot nicely, long yeah but that's fine. I'd say I'd give you a good 9 here. Everything's not bad just a lot of unnecessary dialogue as you did already gave a good blurb with that first paragraph. Either remove it or consider adding a prologue. The title, as I said above, is good but the font needs work.

Plot – 2730
- The plot isn't really that original but is an interesting theme to make for this genre. Imagining the scenes was easy as almost everything was described nicely and written well. It is slow-paced but other than that the writing of this whole book is just great. My only advice would really just to add more twists and thrill at the beginning maybe just to spice it up as it was boring in the very first chapter but was gradually climbing up and getting more and more interesting. Over all I'd give you a 27

Flow – 8.5/10
- It is rather slow-paced and a got tedious at times but everything was actually well-written enough that it was worth reading everything from the first to the 5th chapter. Guessing and predicting certain events were actually quite the challenge but was enjoyable to do so nonetheless. I'd give you a good 8.5

Character Development - 13/15
- The characters are all developed nicely and sure, slowly, but gradually yes and it actually works for your book. The personal growth and showing of their true personalities as they shine and show themselves more and more in the first chapters is good. I'd give you a nice 13 out of 15, good job

Anticipation - 9/10
- Since it is slow-paced but well-written, the anticipation for each chapter was great as it kept me on my feet with excitement to read more and more as I try and try to guess the events. The criteria here asks me on a scale of 1-10, how much am I willing to click the next chapter button, and I would say 8 as a reader and I would give you a solid 9 in this criteria

Enjoyment – 8.5/10
- It was easy to visualize the scenes and get immersed in it as I read through it. But is this memorable and original enough? Unfortunately, no but there's no way to fix that properly unless you really want ME to enjoy but you don't have to do that when there's a lot of others enjoying it regardless. And it isn't really a big impediment for the book from becoming enjoyable as it was over all. So I'd give you a 8.5

Language - 2/5
- How everything is written is a bit confusing at first. You made their dialogue have their own columns which for me is an odd choice to suddenly portray their dialogue like a script and in my opinion is a bad choice especially when you only have Hannah have that kind of thing in the book. Make it and rewrite it as one solid sentence, "I said etc etc" to be consistent with everything else. But don't worry, since you still wowed me with the rest, I'd give you a 2 as you didn't did too many errors in the actual wording department but still made it confusing by showing that you were confused in showing if this was first or third person, revise it a little and word by word, check it as I thin you actually want to make this a third person but forgot to remove the hints of "this was first a first person book", just fix those small mistakes pretty much only in chapter 1 and you're good.

🍬☁️

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TSG Awards May 2022