Imbolc, Island of Hirta

Sannah lifted her hands to protect her eyes from the rain, and scanned the horizon again. She finally caught sight of Gaen, wet and wind-whipped, standing on a rock by the edge of the bay. His figure looked tiny and lonesome with the storm raging around him. She ran towards him, pulling her sodden hood against her face. It made her skin wetter and colder where it touched, and gave scant protection from the weather.

"Today?" Sannah panted as she arrived next to him. He didn't turn, his eyes still set on the white peaks of the geometric sea. Sannah followed his gaze, and shuddered. Even in the sheltered bay, the tethered boat was pitching from side to side like it might break into smithereens at any time.

"Today?" Sannah repeated louder, though she knew what the answer would be.

Gaen heard her this time. When he turned to her, his face was slick with water, pale and drawn.

"It's not going to be today, is it?" Sannah said, knowing the answer.

He didn't say anything, his expression speaking volumes.

"Thirty-seven days," Sannah said, struggling to hide her dismay. Thirty-seven days. For thirty-seven days she'd had her bags packed, and they'd been ready to go. For thirty-seven days the weather had bested them.

First storm, then wind, then fog. Then a few quiet days when Gaen refused to make a move in case the storm came back. It did.

Then more storms. The waves were so big the spray hit the back of their blackhouse, far from the shore. The weather like this was bleak, awesome, terrifying. It made you feel like your grasp on existence, on living, had the strength of a blade of grass.

Nature is not a mother, Sannah thought. Nature doesn't care about humans at all. Nature would annihilate us with more brutality and indifference than any murderer.

***

"Today?" Deera looked up from her little stool when Sannah entered the store shed, dripping rain everywhere. She took in Sannah's expression and shook her head. "Not today."

"Nope."

Deera sighed and shrugged, casting a weary eye over the provisions. Pii was curled up next to her, weaving reeds into little mats. It looked more like she was doing it for fun than any useful ends. The mats were tiny and pretty pointless.

"So what's today's ration?" Sannah asked in her best positive tone, following Deera's gaze to the provisions.

Deera pushed eight potatoes, two large, emerald green cabbage leaves and a gnarled red chunk of dried meat towards her.

"Lavy again?" Sannah's positive tone faltered as she looked at the fishy, sinewy dried bird-meat.

"Is only protein left," Deera said apologetically. "Not enough chickens now. Until we kill sheep."

"No problem." Sannah tried to sound as bright as possible. "It's better than nothing, isn't it?"

She scooped up the food and pushed it into her voluminous pockets, taking care not to get the meat too wet. The edges of the cabbage had been nibbled by slugs into a delicate lacework. She wasn't looking forward to this meal.

Her stomach rumbled, and she ignored it.

"Have Hegri or Jaddy been for theirs yet?" Sannah asked.

Deera shook her head. "You want to take?"

"Yeah. I'll nip it round to them."

Deera pushed the extra rations into a grubby cotton tote bag and passed it to Sannah.

"Thanks," Sannah said. She lifted the bag of Hegri and Jaddy's food and smiled at Deera. "I'm on food duty tomorrow. I'll bring the bag back then."

***

"Today?" Judit looked up from the fire when Sannah came in. Her eyes were red, like she'd been crying.

Sannah's heart sank. Judit was all over the place at the moment, flashing from emotion to emotion with more force than the weather. Sannah had been trying to be sympathetic, but Judit refused to admit anything was wrong, and it was honestly getting exhausting.

"Not today," Sannah said, choosing not to acknowledge that Judit had clearly been crying, in case Judit bit her head off about it.

She emptied her pockets onto the bench by the fire. "Lavy stew again, I'm afraid."

Judit didn't respond, still staring at the fire, frowning like a frog.

Sannah stood awkwardly for a while, wondering if she should try to do something about Judit's bad mood.

"I'm going over to Hegri and Jaddy's," she ventured. "A few of us are nesting there, out of the rain. Just messing around. Do you want to come?"

"Nope," Judit said listlessly, and Sannah had to admit she was relieved. Judit and her moods were really draining. She needed some time to recharge her batteries.

"Do you think—" Judit suddenly looked up, her eyes animated. "A few of you? Is Lintie there?"

Sannah's heart sank. She wished she hadn't mentioned it now. "Yes," she said warily.

Judit flushed, and smoothed her hair with her hands, standing. She was wearing her coat, even though she hadn't been outside yet today.

"Dit—" Sannah said, hesitant. "You're not going to... I don't think– we talked about this."

"Skit off, Sannah," Judit snapped. "You talked about it. We're just friends. He needs someone to talk to. With the baby and everything. Can you imagine how hard it is for him? Lintie has you, and she has Hegri. She's got skitting loads of people. Everyone like, oh, Lintie, have extra rations. Oh, let me feel your belly. Who does Brock have? We can be friends. Stop trying to spoil everything."

Judit threw Sannah such a vicious look that Sannah stepped backwards, like it might smite her. She's licit crazy, she thought. She's acting like the baby is some weird competition between Lintie and Brock. That's not a rational reaction.

For a moment Sannah was worried about what Judit might do, when she was gone, if she ever actually got to go. But that was silly, really. She clearly had a crush on Brock, but it's not like she could actually do anything about it, out here, everyone on top of each other like they were. Still... Sannah wished Judit would stop seeking him out all the time. She was only going to make a fool of herself, get heartbroken.

"It's just... I don't think it's very healthy," Sannah said as gently as she could, feeling like when she'd had to bring up the baby business with Merle. "You... you obviously really like him, and considering the circumstances..."

"It's exactly the circumstances that mean I have to be there for him," Judit shot back angrily. "Who made you the moral police? I don't recall you being so worried about circumstances when you were rubbing Lox's boyfriend."

"Ow." Sannah winced, moving her hand to her chest. Judit's jibe had physically hurt her. "Dit." She felt tears rise, and tried to blink them back.

Judit just scowled and folded her arms. "It's true," she said sulkily. "Except we're just friends."

"I give up." Sannah snatched up the bag, trying desperately not to cry. Stupid daghead. I'm sick of tiptoeing around her irrational moods. I hate her. "I'm going to Hegri's. Do what you want. Make a fool of yourself. I don't care."

She slammed the byre door as she stormed out. Then the wind grabbed the outside door from her hand as she struggled to close it, and slammed it even harder, the sound clapping in her eardrums.

***

"Sannah!" Hegri called joyously as she entered. "Today? No way it's today."

"Not today," Sannah affirmed, shaking rain from her hair as she unzipped her coat. "We still wait."

"Well I'm glad." Hegri laughed. "We have very important business we need you for here."

The blackhouse was warm and cosy, well-lit with a variety of torches, and the fire up high. The atmosphere was palpably happier and more relaxed than in the home she'd just left.

Hegri and Jaddy were sitting next to each other on the bench, backs straight, almost unnaturally stiff and formal. Lulu and Lintie were standing next to them, giggling.

Lintie, as usual, looked huge, her hands on her round belly.

"I brought your food," Sannah lifted the bag.

"Ugh, thanks. Drop it over there," Hegri said. "I think I'd rather not know what it is."

Lintie leaned in close to Hegri's face, as if studying him, and they both began to laugh again.

"You think right," Sannah said, dumping the bag and walking over to them.

She rested a hand on Lintie's shoulder momentarily in greeting, and Lintie lifted one to the small of Sannah's back in return.

"I dunno," Lintie said. "I'm glad Sannah's here, 'cos I'm stumped. I'm thinking where you gain on magician points, Jaddy gains on baby gorilla points. So which are more valuable? That's the question."

She stood back with her hands on either side of her huge belly, pretending to survey the sitting boys. Lulu lifted her hands to her mouth and giggled.

"What on earth are you doing, you crazies?" Sannah asked, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Beard competition," Jaddy informed her, deadpan. "We've both stopped shaving, and we're seeing who can grow the best beard."

"Ahhh." Sannah grinned. "I see. So what's the consensus?"

"No consensus." Hegri shook his head mock-seriously. "Lulu think's Jaddy's is better. Lintie likes mine."

"I didn't say I liked it better." Lintie raised an eyebrow. "Just that it has an indefatigably rakish charm. Like you should be wearing jodhpurs."

"I see that." Sannah leaned in to study Hegri's patchy ginger beard. It was thick around his lips and along the sides of his face, and bare in between, so it looked like he had huge sideburns and a drooping moustache.

"Jodhpurs, definitely." Sannah tried to keep a straight face. "Maybe a bit of billiards and cards round the ears. The mouth is all about shocking society maidens with flowery letters full of weakly-concealed sexual references."

The others all laughed.

"Brilliant," Hegri said. "I'm all about flowery sexual references." He looked mock-earnestly at Lintie, and said in a high voice, "My stamen tremors at the thought of your carpel, Lady Gartnait."

"Oh Lord Galan!" Lintie played along in a sing-song voice, putting her hand to her chest as if shocked. "But I am betrothed!"

"Bridei?" Hegri lifted a fist. "Duelling pistols! I'll kill the dastard!"

Everyone collapsed in giggles.

"Now Jadrun," Lulu said shyly to Sannah. "What you think? Is nice, no?"

Sannah stepped over to inspect Jadrun's face. His hair was sandy, not even red, really, and his beard was straight and even, like an animal's fur. "Very nice," Sannah said. "Like a cultured and expensive dog."

"A dog!" Jaddy pretended to be insulted.

"An expensive dog," Hegri repeated.

"Is nice, no?" Lulu said shyly, reaching out to touch Jaddy's face. He sat looking pleased with himself as she stroked his cheek gently.

"I have to say, I'm jealous of your cover, sir," Hegri said to Jaddy in his Lord Galan voice.

"But yours has so much flair," Lintie put in.

"It's a hard one," Sannah said. She stared each face for a while. "It's weird how men can just grow beards," she mused. "Pretty useful out here, really. Keep your face warm."

"Yeah, I might keep mine," Jaddy said, stroking his face where Lulu had touched it.

"Not me," Hegri said. "This is off as soon as I've bested you, Burnside." He raised his eyebrows at Jaddy.

Sannah thought again about what Judit had said about the two guys sleeping together, and wondered if they still did. You'd never guess. Jaddy seemed entirely interested in Lulu, but maybe boys were better at separating that kind of thing.

"Brock can barely grow one," Lintie was saying. "I'm serious! He's got a face as smooth as a baby's." She rubbed her belly.

"How's he doing?" Hegri said gently, touching her arm. "Being okay? No more..." he hesitated.

"No," Lintie rubbed her belly again. "He really seems to be coming to terms with it now. I know it was hard, before—" Lintie and Hegri shared a look. "But I think he's really getting his head straight. He's being really supportive." She nodded happily.

Maybe Judit is right, Sannah thought, pretending not to listen to them. Maybe it is a good thing that Brock has Judit as a sounding board, if that means he can be there for Lintie.

A nagging doubt still persisted around the fringes of her consciousness, but she chose to believe that it was true.

Smiling, she turned back to her friends.  "Okay, so you ready for my authoritative beard tiebreaker opinion?"