What the hell have I done?

I felt a movement on the bed behind me, then warm soft lips touched my bare shoulder. I winced.

"G'morning."

Turning away, I muttered, "Fuck, Alfie."

"Yeah, we did fuck."

I rubbed my face, before stepping out of the bed. I didn't give a shit if I was naked. He'd seen me naked multiple times before. I wasn't gonna get shy now.

"You should go," I told him.

"Why?" He frowned.

Because I wanted to hate myself in peace for what we did last night. But of course, if I said that, he would ask even more questions.

"Guys aren't allowed –"

"Bullshit," he cut me off. He got to his feet and stalked towards me, staring at me with his piercing green eyes. "Do you regret what happened last night?"

I didn't back down from his stare.

"We broke up for a reason. Now we're starting shit again."

"Do you have any idea how much I missed you?" He shook his head, looking away in frustration. "Sure, when we broke up, it was a mutual decision. But fuck, I wasn't ready not to see you every goddamn day."

My forehead creased. "You haven't called me in months."

He cocked his head and gave me a look. "It takes two to tango, babe."

He was right. But for me, it was hard hearing his voice and not seeing him. Same went with the rest of the crew. So I never got in touch.

"I promise to text and call every now and then," I assured him. "But you gotta promise me something in return."

His eyes stayed on me, waiting.

"Promise me that you'll give it your all and won't give up."

He looked resigned. "Fuck, Con," he sighed, dropping on the edge of my bed. "I don't know if I can promise that." He let out a low chuckle, placing his elbows on his knees while his hands were on his hair. "All this fucking pressure is eating me alive."

In that moment, I saw my childhood best friend again. My feet took me to the bed and I sat down beside him, putting my arms around him and my chin on his shoulder. I couldn't do anything but comfort him silently like this.

But then, he started kissing me again.

I pulled away. "I can't," I mumbled.

"Why not?" he whispered in that husky voice, trailing kisses on my neck. "Whatever the fuck it is, it didn't seem to stop you last night."

Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pushed him away and looked him in the eye to make him see that I was serious.

"Last night was a mistake."

There was a flash of hurt in his eyes. "Are you fucking somebody else?"

His possessive tone snapped something inside me.

"What's it to you?" I demanded. "We're not together anymore, Alfie. You don't see me demanding how many girls you've fucked since then."

I stood up, grabbed an oversized old concert tee from my chair, and pulled it over my body. Alfie's eyes hardened as they landed on my now covered body, getting the meaning behind the gesture.

He nodded, getting to his feet. He started grabbing his clothes and putting them on. I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for him to get done. He picked up a random sweatpants and threw it to me.

When I caught it, I looked at him questioningly.

"Put it on. I can't concentrate on leaving with you looking like that." He raised an eyebrow at me, a smile playing on his lips. "I mean, you do want me to go back to Florida now, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes, before putting them on.

That's what I loved most about Alfie. He didn't like sappy shit, so he always kept it light and fun as much as he could.

"Come on, let's sneak you out."

I wasn't sure if outsiders were allowed to stay without notifying the admin, or at least our RA. Better not risk it.

Alfie grinned. "Ah, just like high school."

That made me laugh. "Shut up."

I felt his eyes on me as we waited for the elevator. When I faced him, he sighed and shook his head. Just then, the elevator arrived on our floor.

"He better fucking treat you well."

With that, he kissed me on the forehead and entered the elevator.

"If he doesn't," I started, following after him, "I'll be the first in line to cut off his balls."

He let out a small laugh. "I expect nothing less."

I let a moment pass, before adding, "We're not together. We're not even a 'we.'"

"I figured as much." He nodded. "Just don't Connie your way out of it."

"What does that mean?"

"That means you tend to run away from shit you can't control."

"I'm not running away." I'm definitely running away.

He smirked. "Did I hit a nerve?"

I didn't answer him.

When we got to the ground floor, I cautiously looked around the main lobby and sighed in relief when I saw that not one soul was awake yet.

Safe.

As I opened the door of the front entrance, I turned back to Alfie.

"Drive safe and call me when you get the –"

I stopped when I realized there was someone standing on the front steps of the dorm. My heartbeat accelerated at the sight of all his gingerness.

He looked just as surprised as I did.

"Hey, Crimson!" exclaimed Alfie. He stepped around me and patted Scout on the arm with a grin. "I forgot you go here, too."

"Uh, yeah." Scout's eyes narrowed on my clothes, then to Alfie.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"What brought you back up north?" Scout asked Alfie.

"Just visiting."

Scout's attention went back to me.

"Seems to be too early for you to be out on a Sunday. Walk of shame?"

Scout shook his head. "Nah, nothing like that."

"What, then?" The corner of Alfie's lips turned up in a tease. "You dating a girl from this building?"

Yet again, Scout's eyes flew to meet mine. My heartbeat faster, as if I was caught doing something wrong – which was fucking ridiculous considering we were never really dating.

Scout finally broke eye contact with me and turned back to Alfie with a smile. But it was too long, too late.

"Planning to. I don't think I made my intentions clear enough, though."

Holy fucking shit.

Alfie didn't respond right away. His eyes were on Scout, turning to slits. He was obviously putting two and two together. He was perceptive, after all.

As if confirming my hunch, understanding crossed my best friend's features. His ears turned red, and I knew he was seconds away from exploding.

I had to do something.

"Alrighty, then," I said, dragging Alfie to his pick-up truck. "You don't wanna be caught up in traffic."

"Connie," he warned.

"You better get back before Oz finds out you left."

Alfie stopped when we got to his truck. I caught his hands turned to fists before he let them loose. He turned around and faced me.

"That guy?"

I didn't answer.

"Tell me I'm wrong about this shit."

"You're wrong," I lied, knowing he'd see through it.

"Scout fucking Crimson?" He laughed humorlessly. "Is that why you asked about him back at the house?"

I crossed my arms. "You should go."

Our eyes locked, neither of us backing down from this staring contest. But in this silent exchange, Alfie knew I wouldn't budge. Finally, he nodded and unlocked his truck. When he climbed in, he rolled down the windows.

"Tell me how the fuck you two happened when I've calmed the fuck down."

I kept my expression stoic. "I don't owe you an explanation."

He met my eyes. "I wasn't asking, Con." With a nod, he added, "Take care."

He drove off, leaving me with a very pissed off Golden Boy. I looked over my shoulder and saw Scout waiting for me. Yup, he looked ready to strangle someone.

I took my time walking back to where Scout was. From afar, I silently admired him. He was wearing a navy blue shirt paired with jeans, and he had a Knicks cap on. Without the ginger hair to distract me, I was able to focus on his face that looked so perfectly sculpted.

"Hey," I greeted, even though I wanted to crawl upstairs, bury myself under the sheets, and hide myself all day.

But wait, why the hell did I feel bad? Scout and I weren't a thing. Not a real one, anyway. It was all just pretend. We were friends at most. I shouldn't feel like I wanted to scrub off my skin raw until I was sure I was clean again. But I did.

"Are you back together with him?" he asked, calm but straight to the point. He didn't bother beating around the bush, and I appreciated that.

I shook my head. "No, he just needed to get away for a little while."

Putting his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, Scout nodded and turned his head away as he looked around the chilly morning ambiance of the campus.

I opened my mouth and was about to explain what happened last night but then I stopped myself. I didn't owe anyone any explanation. Last night was a mistake, but I didn't regret it. Though I felt guilty for Scout's hurt expression earlier, we both know we weren't in a real relationship.

But dammit, I wanted to see him smile again.

"What happened to no fooling around with anybody else?" he asked, in an even tone. But I caught his jaw clench, a sign that he was controlling himself.

"He's not just anybody. He's my best friend."

Way to reason it out, Con.

Turning his head back towards me, his eyes didn't hide the anger he felt. "Who am I to you, then? What have we been doing for the past two months?"

"Hanging out – as friends," I said, keeping my face devoid of emotion.

His forehead creased, while his eyes narrowed. "Do you honestly believe that?"

I crossed my arms, trying to use them as armor. I didn't want him to see that I was scared shitless. I didn't want him to know that accepting we were anything more than friends would mean stepping out of my comfort zone. Everything with him came so easy and smooth that it freaked me out.

It felt too good to be true.

"Yes," I answered, looking straight into his eyes.

"And that kiss?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Just a kiss."

My best friends would see through the lie and call on my bullshit. Scout, on the other hand, shook his head in disbelief and looked away, letting out a low chuckle that didn't reach his eyes.

"Have it your way." His voice had hardened, and his jaw set. He turned around and left me standing there alone.

I embraced the cold as I watched him leave, knowing I deserved it.

_____________

Scout :(

Next update: Thursday (May 23rd)

Coming up next... Chapter 20: Hanging By A Moment