Today I woke up feeling empty. 

I didn't have work today, nor did I have any other plans. 

Those day were the worst.

It was those days my mind go to far places and there was no end to my thoughts. I couldn't control my thoughts and the sadness that pricked beneath my skin.

Sometimes the worst place to be is in your own head.

Tears prickled my eyes as I stood in the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror.

Days like these, I used to run into my big brother's room and jump in his bed until he was awake. He used to yell at me to get out because I was being annoying, but I never did, except once. Once I did leave when he yelled at me because he needed more sleep, but as I made my way to the door, he sat up in his bed, telling me to give him a good morning hug before I left.

I loved to annoy him, I loved to be with him and I loved to be seen by him.

My big brother had always been the one I looked up to the most. Even though little siblings hate to admit it sometimes, they look up to their big sibling more than anyone.

In early years I was just his two years younger little sister, who was just there, yet he never failed to show me affection. But as we grew older, and I got more mature than him, our relationship changed. At 16 and 18, we were the bestest of friends ever. We spent every moment possible together, when I wasn't in high school and he wasn't in college. At 17 I even started to hang out with him and his friends even though they were all two to three years older, and by the age of 18, my friends and his friends had all become one big friend group.

My friends loved that we were able to hang out with older guys, it being more interesting and exciting. I just loved being able to spend that much time with my big brother and best friend.

We fought too, but believe it or not, we never had huge arguments. I reckon the biggest we ever had was once when I stole his favorite T-shirt he apparently wanted to wear to a baseball game in high school. Or when I got my first boyfriend at 17 and he scared him away, literally. Long story short, he gave a speech in private on how to treat me and how not to and apparently he said something that scared the poor boy. At that time I was furious, now I just laugh at it, obviously he wasn't worth it if he didn't get along with my brother.

We did almost everything together, and I never felt happier than when I was by his side.

That was until 3 months ago.

In January this year, he died in a car accident.

I remember the night vividly when two police officers showed up at our door step. 

I was in my room, just about to go to sleep when I heard the sirens coming closer and closer. They stopped, but just as they did, the blue lights escaped through the tiny holes in my drapes. I ran out of bed and into the living room, where I found my parents standing in the door.

I wasn't sure what was happening, but I knew it the moment my mom's knees caved in and she fell to the ground. It was something terrible. Next, I heard the cop say my brother's name and it was then I knew, I was never gonna see him again.

I never got the details as I couldn't bare to know them, all I knew is that he died from the crash immediately and it supposedly happened due to slippery roads and speeding.

That was one reason I was scared of driving with anyone besides my parents, and also why I still didn't have my drivers license at 19.

I missed him more than anything.

I had lived in my room for a whole month, I rejected going to college and took another year off school, and I barely saw any of my friends.

Our friend group separated, girls from boys as me and my big brother had been the glue. However, recently, a few weeks ago, I had been invited to join them all when drinking together at a restaurant. 

It made me smile, to see they all wanted to form a group again, but it ached my heart to think I would be there without my brother. I didn't go.

I couldn't go.

Some may think 3 months is long to hide, but my big brother was my everything. He was my best friend, my protecter, my stupid brother, my bully and my idol. We practically spent every breathing second together. It was tough without him by my side. Everything was tough.

"Do you have work today?" My father asked, as I sat down next to him on the couch, looking at the TV and whatever show he was watching.

I hummed and shook my head no.

My father pulled me in for a side hug as I rested my head on his shoulder.

My parents seemed to be fine by now. Of course they missed him too, but they still had me to take care of. I think they hid their pain from me, to make it all seem more normal and less like we were grieving still.

I would never stop grieving.

My phone in my back pocket buzzed and I pulled it out to check what it was.

As I saw a message from Jimin pop up on my screen, I moved away from my dad's embrace, not wanting him to see the name.

Luckily he didn't bother my quick movement as he was deeply engrossed in the show playing on the TV.

I went to my room and plumped down on my bed before opening the message.

Jimin😘: Are you up?

I looked at his name for a while, thinking why I hadn't erased the emoji yet. I pressed the contact, letting my finger hover over the edit button, but instead went back to our conversation.

It's just a stupid contact name anyway.

Me: I am...I think?

Jimin😘: Great, let's do something today!

Let's do something? Why was he suddenly being so casual, asking me to hang with him when we'd only ever made out and went on a coffee date. 

But I really hated these days with no plans, and if saying yes to this would get me out of my head, It'd be great.

Me: Sure, what do you have in mind?

It didn't even strike me as weird when I agreed to do something with him. I'd stayed inside for months, rejecting plans with my friends and even with my parents.

Maybe it was because Jimin was a stranger. He wouldn't remind me of my brother, maybe he'd even get my mind off him?

Jimin😘: Iceskating?

Me: Jimin, it's April

Jimin😘: Y/n, there exists indoor ice rinks

Jimin😘: Let's go rollerskating instead. It's similar, and that way you won't catch a cold

The sense of care in his text made my heart skip a beat.

Me: Okay, sounds fun🙃

"Have you ever been rollerskating before?" I asked, as both Jimin and I were sat on the bench, putting on our rented roller-skates.

"Nope." Jimin replied. He kept focused on his roller-skates, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he concentrated on tying the laces.

I stopped tying my own as he replied, "You have not!?"

"Nope." He replied absentminded again, still busy with his shoelaces.

"Then why were you so keen for us to go skating?"

A few seconds went by without a reply, before he finished tying his shoelaces, "There it is." He muttered, sitting up straight and looking at me.

"I'm quite good at ice skating, it can't be much different." He shrugged.

I looked out onto the rink, observing the many people. Some looked like professionals, other's looked like it was their first time.

I felt Jimin's presence disappear from my side and I turned to look at him as he knelt down in front of me. He grabbed my ankle, gently tucking it closer to him as he begun tying my shoelaces.

"I can do that myself you know." I chuckled, finding the gesture cute.

"Why haven't you done it then?" He stopped and looked up at me.

Well I was busy looking at you

I kept quiet, scoffing and looking away. I sensed the smile on Jimin's face as he went back to tying my shoelaces.

"There you go." He said, standing up and extending his hand for me to take.

"I'm not a baby." I nudged his hand away and got up from the bench myself. I didn't stumble and proudly straightened my back.

"Sure." Jimin chuckled. It annoyed me, it was his arrogance again. He grabbed my hand anyway and headed towards the rink, gently pulling me with him.

When we got onto the rink, the slippery floor and wheels under my shoes surprised me and I stumbled. I reached for Jimin to get steady, but ended up grabbing the railing as I saw Jimin struggled to keep his balance as well.

"Can't be much different, huh?" I teased, remarking his cockiness about how he thought it would be easy.

Jimin went and grabbed the railing too, "Shut up, give me 5 minutes and I'm flying."

"Sure you are." I laughed, trying to move away from the railing slowly.

"Doesn't look like you're much of a skating princess yourself?" Jimin teased, reaching my side and surprisingly he already seemed much better, though it had only been 2 minutes.

"Shut up will you? This is my first time." I admitted, holding my hands up in front of me to keep the balance.

"Skater virgin, I see." He spoke. He skated a bit ahead of me and turned around. It didn't look much nonchalant when he turned around and started skating backwards, but he made it work. He then took my hand in his and guided me forward. The touch of our hands, made a warmth spread from there and through my entire body. I bit my lips, trying to suppress the smile that was so eager to spread all over my face.

"Virgin in other ways too?" He spoke and I immediately let go of his hands, "Jimin!" I warned.

"Hey, it was just a question. You don't have to answer." He excused, reaching for my hands again.

I skeptically laid my hands in his, trusting him, "It's a weird question being this is only our second date." I said.

"Date?"

I looked up at him to see a smirk drawn on his lips and I got embarrassed immediately. He didn't think of this as a date?

Jimin stopped skating, which resulted in my bumping into him. He most likely did it on purpose, as he wrapped his arms around my waist immediately as if he expected it to happen. I held onto his shoulders with tight grips, as I tried making the wheels under my feet stop moving.

"Relax, I got you." Jimin said. His voice was low and seductive and I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter wildly. I looked up and him, our faces were close. My eyes flickered between both of his. I felt flustered, "Don't worry, I think of this as a date too." He smirked, squeezing my sides which sent a shiver through my body.

If only we were alone, I would've kissed him right then. I hated to admit it, but one thing I did remember from the night at the bar was his kiss. He kissed so well, I was scared if I did it again, it would be even more addicting than alcohol.

I pulled away from his embrace and a nervous chuckle left my lips.

Jimin laughed at my reaction, and turned around to skate a bit further around the rink.

I tried following him and it was only then I noticed how bad my choice of outfit was.

I wore a light brown checkered skirt that reached just above my knees and then an oversized beige turtle neck that was tucked into it. It was kind of like a pencil skirt, but it wasn't tight around my legs. However the material wasn't very flexible and as I tried to skate I felt it preventing me from taking big skates.

Damn you Jimin, I thought as I blamed it all on Jimin. It was Jimin's fault I wore this. I'd stood in front of the mirror for long, trying on different outfits just to pick out the perfect one to wear for him. It had been long since I cared about what I wore. Since my brother's accident, I didn't care much about how I looked, what I did or what people thought of me—but somehow I just did around him.

We stayed on the rink for a long time until we both decided to quit due to our sore feet. We sat down and got something to drink at the kiosk just besides the rink. As we sat and talked, I realized how much he actually made me smile. 

He drove me home again, which made me feel guilty for him always getting me home somehow.

"When am I gonna see where you live?" I asked, as he stopped the car outside my house.

"Well, soon?" He replied with a question. 

Maybe it was a stupid question. We'd only been on two dates. Maybe he thought it was weird. It's not like we were a thing, why would he show me his home? He hadn't even been inside mine yet.

Maybe he noticed the nervous expression on my face, when he grabbed my hand, "Tomorrow?"

I felt my face lit up at his words, but then I remembered, "I have work."

"So do I, until when?"

It surprised me he also had work. I knew he was a dance teacher, but it was the first time he said he had a class.

"4 pm."

"I have a quick lesson after coaching my class, I'm done at 6, wanna grab something to drink at my place?" He suggested.

"Something to drink?" I questioned, getting curious.

"Alcohol? I have lots of soju, I can buy some vodka if you want."

Maybe it was weird, but I got so excited when he said that. It was Friday tomorrow, and I would go to the club as normal, but thinking of getting drunk with Jimin, all alone, sounded way more fun. Getting to shove away my worries for a few hours, and with Jimin? Sounded like a perfect idea.

"Yes!" I smiled eagerly.

"You really got a love for the strong stuff mhm?" He chuckled, laying a hand on my hair and caressing it.

I ignored his words and instead focused on the hand gliding over my hair.

Why did I feel so happy right now?

"I'm home." I yelled when I got inside my house. Nobody answered and nobody was home. It was around 5 pm, so maybe my parents were out shopping something for dinner.

As I reached my room, I felt an excitement in my body that hadn't been there for long. A genuine happiness I hadn't had for long. And a warmth that lasted to keep me smiling even when I was in my room by myself.

It was only when I sat down in my bed I felt the emptiness appear again. Nobody was home. The house was all quiet. It was never this quiet when he was around. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, trying to make the emptiness go away. I missed him so much.

As I sat with closed eyes, I realized something. This morning, I woke up to the empty feeling of a day without plans. Those days were the worst. Then Jimin distracted me. He got me out of the house. He made me forget about it all. Jimin made me smile and all day when I was him, I didn't think about the hollowness I felt—He made me forget my sadness.

I opened my eyes, grabbing my hand bag I had brought with me to the skating rink, in which my phone was. I wanted to send him a text, thanking him for today. Maybe it was cheesy, maybe it wasn't. I just needed to thank him for this.

I grabbed my phone out of my bag, but before I got to unlock it, I noticed something yellow and unfamiliar in my bag.

I picked it up. It was a piece of paper. A light yellow one, the same color as a post it note, but the paper was thicker. It was folded on the middle and on the outside it said OPEN.

I hesitantly opened it.

Hey Peaches

You looked beautiful today. Just wanted you to know that.
- JM

"JM..." I read out loud, "Jimin?"

I read the note over and over again. Peaches? I thought it was a weird nickname, but in a weird way, I found it cute when it was Jimin who called me that.

When did he slip that letter into my handbag without me noticing it? I was with him at all times, I thought.

Either way he did it, it made my heart flutter. It was cute. I didn't expect Jimin to be the love note type of guy, but I cherished the letter, holding it close to my heart as I rolled in my bed squealing. 

A boy called me beautiful. Just that was something to internally scream over, but not only that. Jimin called me beautiful.

The outfit you wore hehe: