- 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✔-

: Chapter 10 : Perspective ~ Her :

Gasp.

The beeping of the monitors surrounded her, the slow fluorescent lights on top of her flickering on and off. The slow tiny 'beeps' every second. The pale walls trapping her in, the pungent smell of hospital disinfectant, invading heavily into her nostrils. Vivian lay down, her breath ragged and puffed out. Her heart was in her throat, her lungs screaming to be free. Inkblots danced around, the small black hellholes, dancing around teasing, mocking her.

That dream. That dream again. It was too realistic this time. Too realistic, she thought.

Dressed in hospital scrubs, she tried to sit up, her back aching. "Ow." she whispered. "My stomach. It hurts. It hurts so much." Vivian groaned. The cold air shot back and forth towards her, giving goosebumps.

She slowly moved her fingers towards her shirt, edging her fingers closer towards the cotton of the 'soft' scrubs. Lifting it up, she couldn't believe her eyes. Her stomach was bandaged. Heavily. Like a mummy. Like a white bound corset wrapped heavily against her stomach, there was the oozing of blood coming out from underneath the wrapping, the warm fluid wetting the edges of the dressing.

Why am I here? What happened? Why can't I remember?

Vivian felt the need to move, an uncontrollable surge to let her limbs move, let the anxiety wash away, or at least until she could erase her mind. It was the walls inside her, the coursing blood through her veins, the vibrating noises in her ears that kept her sain. She looked around, her eyes adjusting towards the view, the blue and white walls paint slowly peeling off. As her eyes searched around the room, bouncing off back and forth that's when she caught herself in the mirror.

Her hair was knotted, the ends strangling each other. Her eyes had dark circles. Against her pale skin, the dark circles were like whirlpools, coming out. Her lips were faded, almost colourless. Her face was rough, her eyes gloomy and depressed. They didn't have emotion. No happiness. Nothing. The aura was dull, the anger, the pain, the sorrow drained. She looked like the living dead. Just by a second.

The yelling, the screaming. Where was it coming from? I wasn't sure. I was just so scared. So scared. My head hurts. A lot. Please. Just please. Help me. Help me, please. The pain. It's pulling me apart. Why do I hear so much screaming? Why is my face wet? Why is my face wet? Oh. I'm crying. My eyes felt heavy, as I lay against the floor. It was so loud. Why was the world so loud? My mind is clouded with so many thoughts. Do you think he will remember me? Do you think anyone will remember me?

I just want to say sorry. I want to say sorry. To myself. My family. To everybody I ever met. I hurt people. I now know I did. And I don't want that anymore. I don't want to hurt others. I'm so sorry. I really am. Please, just, please, le I just want to live again. But I guess that's not happening because all I feel is light. I feel like I'm slowly disappearing. I feel so lightheaded. All I see is the dark sky. The stars shine so nicely today. The stars are so pretty. Such a nice colour.

Pain. A lot of pain.

"Arghhh!" Vivian exclaimed as she clutched her head in her hands. So many voices echoed around her, screaming for plees, for help, to be saved again. She kneeled into the hospital bed, hiding herself from the ghosts, the crazy spirits coming after her.

"STOP!" she screamed, her voice hoarse. Her fingers were turning pale, as she clenched them closer together, blocking her ears. And like that, a pair of hands slowly reached on top of them.

" Please! Please! Just stop!" she exclaimed once again, her eyes clenched together, her breath slowing down, her heart dropping slowly.

"Good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me if you ever cared to ask." he replied, his piercing eyes shattering her. It was quiet, soothing, but a threat. A single threat.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." she replied back, her eyes glistening with tears. " I didn't mean to do it, I swear."

" Oh. It doesnt matter. It doesn't matter if you didn't do it or not. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that your alive, and I'm not." the voice whispered back.

"And do you know who's fault that is?"

There was a foreboding silence.

"It was your fault. It was all your fault." the voice echoed.

" But it's a dream! It's a dream! It never happened!" she shot back, her voice cracking in tears.

" Was it a dream? Are you sure it was a dream?" the voice answered back.

" It was! I've never killed anyone. I've never done anything bad." she sobbed back, her tears running down her face.

" You did. You did. How else do you think you ended in here?" the voice answered back.

" But. But. No buts. The answer is gone. I'm forever gone. So don't. Don't come back. Don't try. Don't apologise. Don't forgive yourself either tho. And don't. Don't you ever dare forget."

And with that, she fell. She fell into a deep rut, her heart shattered, her mind confused.