┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ❄️ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

⇛ M&J Psychology Clinic
1:10pm

Pouting at the assertive look lingering on the taller's face, Changbin shook his limbs childishly and defiantly, looking down to avoid locking eyes with the younger and possibly pissing himself in public. "Do I really have to do this, Innie? You're really making me regret telling you everything."

"Now no one forced you to open up to me like that," Jeongin spoke lowly, back pressed against the wall of the building and arms folded against his chest. "There's good in you, Changbin, and I can see it. You just need to make things right with the people you hurt, and then things will fall into place for you," he shrugged, cocking his head to the side and smiling softly. "Felix will be coming out any minute now. And as for Chan, if you still insist on not going to his place, I guess you can find him by asking Felix since he doesn't work at the café anymore."

"But can't we just- F-Felix," Changbin gulped, conscience quaking from overpowering guilt when he met the gaze of the one that he had hurt so selfishly not too long aback. But amongst all the times that he had contact with Felix after their breakup; from that heartbreaking morning, to their quarrel at the clinic, to their distanced meeting at the café... Changbin's eyes held a new level of sincerity- a level that Felix didn't think a "heartless" man like him could possess.

Glancing at an attentive Jeongin and then back at his ex, Felix tilted his head, double-checking the time on his phone and smiling at a text from his boyfriend before speaking. "Changbin? Can I... help you?"

"I wanted to talk, Felix. And I promise it's nothing bad... I just need to clear up some things," the older fiddled with the paws of his sweater, turning to view the contented expression on his partner's face to fuel his words further. "So could you spare me like five minutes of your time? Right here?"

"Okay?"

"Lix, I just wanted to say sorry," Changbin sniffled quietly, the widespread gathering of words in his mind somewhat overwhelming as they only skipped and stumbled over one another due to uncontrollable excitement at the fact that they were so, so close to the freedom that they had restlessly tormented for.

They wanted to run wild and flood the ears of the taller; they wanted to tickle his freckles with tears that'd escape his eyes when the pure genuineness would sound through their every syllable. But most importantly, they wanted to be expressed so that the very person responsible for their dispensation would be proud- be overwhelmed with satisfaction- be willing to give the shorter another long term, dedicated shot at a successful love life.

"Sorry?"

"Yes, Felix. I hurt you, and I know I did. I c-cheated on you, and I pre-planned leaving you. I-I tried to force sex upon you, and I didn't appreciate just your presence in my life," Changbin looked down, containers of shame unable to prevent their ship from docking in his own head, the guilt slowly easing itself through a few tears. "I'm not asking you for a second chance, don't get me wrong. But I just needed to apologize. Especially when I lied to Chan about you being the one who hurt me. And when I confronted you about liking him- and for seducing him just so you two wouldn't have a chance... I'm sorry, Lix. I'm genuinely sorry, for what I did to you. And I just hope that you could forgive me? We don't have to be friends, but I just want to know that I'm forgiven."

Wiping off a few of his own escaped tears, Felix spread a small smile of acceptance, nodding continuously while switching his gaze between the two males in front of him. "I forgive you, Changbin. Thank you for apologizing like this. It wasn't expected or planned for me, but it did bring clearance that I never knew I needed. I really hope that things continue to work out well for you." Thinking twice, he reached out to hug his ex comfortingly, both quickly releasing each other when the nostalgic feeling of their loving touches and cuddles as a couple started drizzling slyly into their minds.

Clearing his throat, Changbin spoke up again, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "It's only fair that I apologize to Chan too but I realized that he doesn't work at the café anymore... do you know where I can find him?"

"Chan? Don't worry about it," Felix strained his cheeks with a smile in hope that the slight sting would act responsible for the reddening spots underneath his freckles. "I'll talk to him on your behalf... there's nothing to worry about."

"Okay then," Changbin shrugged before indecisively turning on his heels, flashing Felix a low wave when the boy awkwardly walked away after much hesitation. "How did I do, Innie?"

Leaning off of the wall with the proudest look on his face, Jeongin walked up to the older, cupping his cheek and planting a few light kisses to his forehead. "You know, Changbin, as I said earlier, I think that there's a bit of good in everybody..." he slowly brought his lips down to the male's, pecking them slowly, tenderly... affectionately. "Thanks for proving me right."

-

⇛ Peaceful Seoul Apartments
6:25pm

Staring blankly at the packed bags laying stagnantly in the hallway, Hyunjin deadpanned, dried, puffy eyes practically begging to let out more tears. "I don't want you to move out," he barely whispered, reaching to take the sniffling boy's hand but flinching when the younger didn't hesitate to slap his arm out of the way. "Seungmin, please. Three whole years we've been together. Let's talk this out. Just listen to what I have to say and I guarantee you'll reconsider."

"You had all day, Hyunjin."

"No I didn't. All day you kept ignoring my calls, Seungmin. You ditched me at lunch and when I finally came to check on you, they told me you left... and then I come home to this..." the blonde broke down even harder, yet still the heavy streaks of liquid staining his cheeks seemed to have no effect on the shorter, clearly determined brunette. "Let's just sit and talk before you leave, Min. If you still want to go even after hearing my side, then I'll let you be. But please, don't go before hearing me out."

Scrunching his face with a sigh, Seungmin made his way to the table, an irritable pout still resting on his lips. "Make it quick," he muttered, fiddling with his fingers on his thighs anxiously- skeptically. "Say what you need to say before I leave."

"Min, I'm sorry, for kissing Felix," Hyunjin started lowly, long, blonde strands disheveled near his face and forehead as if to mirror the tear stains on his cheeks. "And I'm sorry for trying to manipulate you into leaving him. I just didn't want anyone to come in between us, Min. I started growing- since that day when we- I've had slight feelings, for him," he felt disgusted with the repetitive rearranging of that line, and his heart hurt at the fact that neither of the orders could voice them to seem somewhat civil, or forgivable. "But I hated it. I didn't like it, because I wanted you- I want you. I thought that ridding him from our lives would leave me in peace with you. I tried to get you to hate him so that I wouldn't lose you, Seungmin. But I see that what I did was wrong. I see that speaking about my feelings would be better. And for that I'm sorry-"

"Hyunjin-"

Standing and walking over to the younger's side of the table, Hyunjin got down on both knees, hands clasped and water still bothering his cheeks. His red eyes pleaded more than any amount of words that could bypass those plump lips, swollen from the constant gnawing of teeth against them. "Baby, don't leave me. I've fought way to hard with myself to lose you like this. I've fought way to hard with myself to keep my love for you, Min. Give me a second chance, I'm begging on my knees, Seungmin. You can keep being friends with Felix, but I'll keep my distance for the sake of peace and I'll apologize to him... but please take me back."

Heart breaking at the sight of the one he loved in such a helpless, almost hopeless state, Seungmin turned his head to the side to hide his own tears, coughing with his sob when Hyunjin took a hold of the hand on his thigh and squeezed the palm gently yet assertively. "Hyunjin," he almost whispered before meeting the older's gaze again, both their composures setting the tensest aura in that dining room, their whimpers and sniffles adding an uncomfortably appropriate effect. "Hyunjin I don't know what to do- I don't know how to deal with all of this."

"Baby just take me back. That's all you need to do, take me back. Let me redeem myself and treat you like the prince you really are in my life. You're my everything, Seungmin. And I was a dick for treating you like that," Hyunjin looked down, giving the hand in his grip a tighter squeeze. "And I'm ashamed of myself for giving in to that temptation- I'm ashamed that I had to let things get this far before taking action."

"He's sorry," Seungmin's heart whispered within, its own hidden eyes glossy and focused onto the other's as if they could see each other through the layers of veins, flesh and blood- as if they had some sort of connection that had just been sparked from that confession- as if the boy's heart was secretly waiting all along for the one that it loved to lock hands with its again. "He's really, really sorry."

"Mhm," Seungmin hummed and sucked some tears from his top lip. "I- I forgive you," he spoke lowly, retrieving his hand to motion for the blonde to stand from his clearly uncomfortable kneeling position. "I forgive you, Hyune. Just promise that you'll never do something like that again... Promise that you'll talk to me and set proper boundaries if you start feeling that way again..."

"I promise, Min. I swear on my life that I'll never hurt you like this again. I love you..."

-

⇛ Blueprint Apartments
7:30pm

"Channie!" Felix greeted with the brightest, most satisfied smile when the male finally answered to the constant, patterned knocks against his door. "How are you? I missed you at lunch time," he pouted teasingly, arching a brow at the almost silent response from the taller. "You okay?"

Faking a smile, Chan reclaimed his seat on the sofa, fingers idly and anxiously fiddling with the hem of his sweater. "Of course, Lixie," he forced up the first lie within their relationship, the desire to keep their ship on sea for a while longer watering down the sting in his conscience. "I'm sorry I couldn't come see you today... still searching for a job and all. But how was your day?"

"Channie," Felix whined, cocking his head to the side and observing how the other's dimples were clearly stained snd straining with the movements of his cheeks. His eyes trailed up to the chocolate ones of the latter, heart dropping at the way their new red background completely contradicted their natural beauty. The older's lips were dry and cracked, sort of like the only liquid left in his body was the pumps of blood coursing the veins beneath his blemish-free skin. "Channie what's wrong? Is it the job? You're not finding one? Is that why you're so sad?"

"I'm not sad, Lixie," Chan lied for the second time, the deceitful speeches unwillingly forming a pattern with the rolls of his tongue. Glancing back at the smaller boy lingering near the hallway, Chan motioned his arm for his boyfriend to waddle to his direction, cooing at the adorably hesitant movements of the younger. "Come here sweetheart. Come give Channie a hug." He breathed out his first genuine giggle for that day, sighing out of relief when the boy's temple laid innocently against his shoulder with toes wiggling childishly on the carpet. Smiling even brighter when the slim, homely arm found its way around his waist on the cushion, Chan spoke again. "Channie is just tired, okay? There's nothing to be worried about."

"Chan don't lie to me," Felix pouted, lifting his head and thinking twice before taking a gentle grip on the older's chin with his free hand, carefully turning the face that unwillingly hid those dimples to meet his. "Just last night I gave you a speech on relationships and honesty. What are you not telling me? It's obvious that you were crying a while ago, especially since you took so long to open the door. Channie, talk to me."

Sighing and running his tongue over the aching cracks on his lips, Chan turned to more comfortably face the younger, the worry and unsettlement in his eyes refuting his attempt to wear a warm, unbothered expression.

Damn.

Maybe Felix was right about communication being the key to a successful relationship. Maybe Chan had less time to get his act together than he originally thought- originally planned for. Maybe Felix was a bit more observant and caring than he had perceived, but it wasn't his fault, right?

Chan had severely lacked that experience with a committed partner, thus being the reason why he was practically completely uneducated on the commitment part. Yes, he liked, and yes, he made promises with his special person. He cherished and constantly thought about his special person- but maybe that was it; that was the problem.

He thought too much. He meditated too long and dug too deep into the obviously unrealistic scenarios that hijacked his every dream. Overthinking barricaded the obvious truth that Felix was there to stay.

Disbelief clouded the repeated promises that his boyfriend would never judge him as long as he told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Fear weakened the pillars of trust that Felix's heart had tried so persistently to cement and stabilize in his heart.

And his past- the past that unabatedly fought to claim a residence in his brightening present, bribed his weak heart into believing that it was only like that he felt, and that it was only pathetic like that his boyfriend felt towards him.

But then, with the increasing intensity of the younger's gaze directed upwards to his, those distrusted feelings weakened by their knees, the foundation beneath their sore feet quaking and cracking to let the key to a potentially successful relationship surface within.

"Lixie," he spoke lowly, voice raspy and words lining up to flow with the command of neither his mind nor his heart, but with the impulses of his nerves fueled by the memory of the younger's speech the previous night. "Lixie things are hard, for me."

"Hard?"

"Lixie, drastic abstinence is hard, for me. As unrealistic as it seems, there are withdrawal symptoms for sex addiction too," Chan looked down, nipping at his lower lip and scolding himself for even starting that speech as there was no way that he could stop talking after already admitting so much. "I- It has me weak. It makes me- I feel lonely and anxious. And temptations are at their maximum, yet I fight to resist. But Felix it is fucking difficult. It drains me, and I don't even know how I can maintain a steady job with all this shit going on inside my head. Look, I love you, and I respect you, and I don't want to hurt you, ever. So I've been trying to keep it from-"

"Chan?" Felix gulped, lips quivering, heart skipping beats, and mind overwhelmed with the replays of those three words flowing through his ears. "What did you just say?"

Closing his parted lips and looking around to recollect all of those words let out in that room, Chan froze up, throat going dry and heart malfunctioning at the eight letters that those nerve impulses had mouthed out.

I l-o-v-e y-o-u.

"I-I love you," Chan gulped with the reiteration, surprising himself with the lack of hesitance in his speech. Though dumbfounded, his heart decided to work in co with those impulses, communication acting as the wheels for their journey down that newly paved road. "I said I love you, Felix. And I respect you, and I don't want to hurt you, ever."

"You love me?" Felix repeated, words leaving his lips in hardly a whisper. A tear slid down over his freckles, hand reflexively reaching out to cup the older's cheek. "You mean that?"

"Of course I do... you're my boyfriend," Chan smiled softly, resting a hand over the other's on his face before continuing. "So as I was saying... I've been trying to keep my struggles from you, but I realize now that I have to communicate with you. And I'm not saying this so you can feel sorry for me to have sex with me. Please don't ever do that or feel like that. We could be together forever with no sex if that's what you want. I'm just saying that it's been eating me up on the inside, and I don't have many available options..."

"So what options do you have?"

Placing both hands to his side and sighing, Chan chewed on the inside of his cheek, mentally preparing to verbalize the only logical alternative for any further progress, hope that the younger wouldn't bring up his past actions brimming as tears to the corners of his eyes. "Uhm... another- another therapist. But Lix I promise I won't-"

"I know, Channie. I know you won't. And I agree with you," Felix smiled sweetly, still stroking his thumb over the older's cheek, heart settling when the dip of a dimple formed underneath his touch. "I'll help you look for a good therapist that is specialized with cases like yours nearby. And I'll also help you to find another job quickly so that you'll know what times would be best for your appointments."

"Lixie," the older sniffled, brushing a finger underneath his eye. "Why are you always so sweet to me? I don't deserve this- I don't deserve you."

"Stop right there," Felix glared softly, freckled smile still boasting those slightly noticeable, adorable eye wrinkles. "I love you too, Channie. And that's what matters."

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ❄️ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

Satyriasis - Completed
© mistopher