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⇛ Blueprint Apartments
7:35pm

Chewing anxiously on his bottom lip, Felix lingered to the front of the older's apartment, the lack of support from either of his friends mixed with his heart's desperate cries for confirmation and settlement fueling the growth of his ambition. Muttering a few words of encouragement under his breath, he began soft knocks against the door that he had exited so full of hurt, anger and shame the day before.

"Chan?" Felix called out lowly after much hesitation, weakly repeating the soft cries and knocks despite the fact that there was zero chance of any audible recognition on the inside. "Chan it's me, Felix," he leaned his face against the wood in hope that the vibrations of the base in his voice would somehow alert any life behind that door of his presence. "I just want to talk... are you there?"

Finally realizing that his soft, almost effortless knocks and whispers would get him nowhere, Felix clenched his fists harder against the door and strengthened its impact, quickly stopping when a low "ouch" and swear could be heard just behind the frame. "C-Cha-"

"Felix?" Chan swung the door open without warning, a grimaced look formed on his face as he held one foot over the other uncomfortably, wincing at his firm grip on what had to be a stubbed toe. Letting down his leg with a soft whine, the brunette placed his complete attention onto the unexpected visit of the younger. "Felix, what are you doing- wait- did Seungmin speak to you?"

"Sort of," the blonde looked down, fiddling with the linty paws of his sweater. "But I- we didn't have a talk, per say... so I'd like to hear everything for myself if you don't mind?"

"Of course not," Chan shifted for the boy to walk in, slightly embarrassed at the mess of endless pieces of tissue in his living room due to the unplanned visit. "Don't mind the mess, please. It's been a stressful twenty-four hours for me..."

"Same," Felix smiled softly, voluntarily stooping and piling up all of the tissue from the tiles and carpet, looking up at Chan and tilting his head while holding up a handful of the paper. "Where's the trash bin?"

"No, no, Felix. You don't need to do this-"

"Just show me the bin, Chan," Felix spoke again, smiling and nodding when the older motioned his arm to the kitchen. "You're not the only one who's had a rough day, so I know how you feel. This is nothing for me to do, okay?" He walked back over to pick up the last lingering pieces of tissue, smiling satisfactorily when every shred was thrown away. "I'm ready to talk when you are."

Poking at the inside of his cheek with his tongue, Chan made his way to the far end of the sofa, Felix in turn taking a seat to the opposite side. He tightened his eyelids shut before speaking, the lack of light from his eyes finally bringing a stop to the relentless argument in his head as to whether he should apologize repetitively or simply reexplain his reasoning to the younger.

He inhaled deeply, hoping that the great volume of air in his lungs would somehow ease the lonely anxiety that he was pathetically moping in a few minutes before- hoping that the daily effects of his body's prolonged withdrawal from fulfilling those lustful desires would somehow sober themselves in the midst of the unplanned company.

Chan tried to gather his thoughts in such a way that they could act as a barrier against the oppressed cries to the back of his head that couldn't help but brew a pounding, almost unbearable headache. He tried to order that confession in such a way that not one hint of his secret struggles of withdrawal would be expressed to the younger- that not one falter would vibrate from his tone as he knew it would attract nothing but mere pity.

It was still hard though, because those voices were yelling and causing mass destruction on the inside, just to be voiced verbally on the outside. But it would be hard to believe. It was obvious that most people around already found his addiction to be negligible or just an excuse to be a "whore", so no one would automatically believe that the sex addict was having withdrawal symptoms.

No one would be willing to help the sex addict through his painful stage of withdrawal, especially the part where he went through overpowering sessions of loneliness or those sudden mood swings that he'd have to force to withhold until he was alone. No one would want to be there for the "inconsiderate addict" when he cried himself to sleep with hands itching to find his crotch or eyes burning to see at least one video on that sinful website.

Yes, Felix had proven himself to be tolerant and uncritical, but after that- after finding out that Chan was so easily manipulated or willing to have sex with practically anybody even when he had claimed to have feelings for someone who felt the same for him, there was no telling how much space was left for acceptance in the boy's open mind. So nothing was sure, and Chan wasn't willing to risk it again.

"Man up," his heart let out a whisper to the darkness behind his eyes, it's patterned beats finding ways and means to rebuild the empire that had reigned so beautifully the day before. "We can't lose him again. Just deal with it on your own, and all will be fine."

Finally planning out the proper flow of words for his confession, Chan sighed and fluttered his eyes open, but the previous willingness in his voice to keep all quaking restrained until he was alone completely vanished when his gaze almost instantly met the other's. His heart skipped a few beats at the clear, missed sight of the blonde's adorably littered freckles and how they were so beautifully highlighted by the red stains dusted behind them mixed with strips of dried up tears.

It was a sad yet breathtaking view for the older, and though those scornful, crippled leaders of lust in his head gagged at the supposed exaggeration, his new, glistening emotions could only smile, the words he had planned out so perfectly almost falling to their feet due to the new feeling of weakness in their knees. "Felix," Chan spoke lowly, gulping and brushing his tongue over his cracked lips. "Felix let me just start by saying, I'm sorry for everything... and I quit my job, for you. I mean it's a benefit to me too but, I wouldn't have done it without you in mind."

"T-Thank you?" Felix spoke softly, uncertainty of his response evident in the base of his tone. "But um, Seungmin told me something about harasser? She wanted to frame you as a harasser?"

"Yeah... she wanted to do that, and then I knew that explaining my innocence to you would not be easy," Chan coughed to clear his throat, clenching his jaw at the slight shake that could be heard with his last word. "That's why I- that's why I agreed. But I promise to let nothing like that happen again, Lix. I'm going to search for a new job, and if any wrong move is made, I'm leaving."

"You know you can take legal action for what she did, right?" Felix furrowed his brows, rotating slightly to lean more comfortably against the arm rest. "And about you not wanting to explain your innocence to me, Chan have you forgotten who I am? All our promises? How I sweared to never judge you once you told me the truth and nothing but the truth?" A small pout curved on his lips, and the sadness resurfacing in his emotions shown themselves through slight but noticeable shakes along his chin. "Do you really like me, Chan? I'm just asking because I- I want to make sure. I mean as much as I understand your reasoning, it's questionable."

"Of course I like you, Lix," Chan spoke lowly , thinking twice before scooting closer to the younger, his previously laid out structure of confession seemingly nonexistent at the sight of a severely dampened, doubtful Felix. "Lixie look at me," he hummed sweetly, bringing a hand up to gently cup the younger's chin and direct their eyes to meet each other's once again. "I like you, a lot, Felix. You've helped me so much, and you have stayed with me even though I don't deserve it and even though I started out as the biggest dick. You don't judge me, and you're so tolerant and forgiving it hurts to even have a wonderful person like you in my life. I don't deserve you, yet here you are. I like you, very much, and that's why I'm trying to fix my life up, Lix. I'm trying to fix myself for you more than me."

Felix couldn't help but smile softly at the older's speech, few tears brimming to the corners of his eyes while the scarlet stains only deepened along his cheeks and ears. "Good," he tried to look away, but leaving the brunette's deep, heartfelt gaze just seemed so illegal. "I'm happy, because I like you too. And you do deserve me, Chan- Channie. I always knew that there was a beautiful, deserving human being behind your issue, and I'm glad to be the one in your life, to pull him out."

"I'm glad too," Chan spoke again, his heart, mind, and weak feelings of lust feeling dejavú as the boys' eye contact returned to that same deep state as the moment of their first kiss. That time however, the surfaced emotions in both their eyes were settled, sure, and genuine. It wasn't a one-sided attraction, neither was it abrupt or unexpected. "C-can I kiss you, Lix?" His voice almost lessened into a whisper, but the feeling of his warm breath hovering so close in front of the younger's face was enough to sell out his request.

Nodding and stuttering a low "yes", Felix closed his eyes, the feeling of the older's palm against his cheek completely overwhelming his emotions of utter joy with nostalgia and causing boost in their like- love, for the "addict".

Their lips moved in a beautiful, heartfelt pattern just as before, and the mixing of their tears as their cheeks stayed pressed against each other's made the experience all the more memorable. Slowly and hesitantly, Felix drew a hand up to cup the other's face as well, stroking a thumb over the skin as their kiss only deepened- the feeling of his back arched over the armrest of the sofa with Chan's body practically hovering over his being so pleasurable and essential that he was willing to stay there forever if it wasn't for the need for oxygen to even allow another moment like that to be possible.

"C-Channie," he looked down with an even brighter shade of red highlighting his freckles, heart pounding anxiously against his chest when the older finally leaned away, giving him enough leverage to sit up properly. Finally mustering up enough courage to meet Chan's gaze again, the blonde's eyes quickly found another direction of focus as the soft, loving smile boasting the older's dimples was just too intimidating. "Don't- don't look at me like that."

"But you're so pretty," Chan teased, leaning in to plant a few pecks on all sections of the boy's cheeks and forehead. "I can't help it," he giggled at how each time Felix's face seemed at its maximum stage of red, the tint only darkened and claimed a larger span underneath the prevalent freckles. "Thank you for this chance again, Lix. I promise with everything I have, that I will not let you down. I will not let my Lixie down."

"Promise promise?"

"Promise promise. Because as I said yesterday, Felix. I want you, and not just for sex..."

"Y-you want me?" Felix's breath hitched, heart pumping anxiously against his chest as those words had only then registered in his head since hurt and fury had overtaken the space the day before. "What do you mean, want me? I thought I was already like, in your life?" He nipped harshly at his lower lip, mind attempting to avoid the rather obvious explanation to the older's statement.

"Okay how should I put this," Chan looked down, weak mind almost malfunctioning with the new, tedious task of finding a verbal method of explaining his unplanned comment to the younger. "I like you, and you like me, right? So um... especially since I'm trying to change for you, it's only fair that I have extra certainty of you in my life, you know? Like that extra, external, sure source of support? Like a daily reward for my efforts... like a reminder to keep making efforts?" He stuttered in between sentences, only hoping that the jumbled words made some sort of sense to the other.

"What are you saying, Channie?"

"Lix, I'm not used to being in a relationship environment and all, and I know that you too may be skeptical so don't feel obligated to say yes," Chan sighed, looking down and then back up to lock eyes with the boy's once again, the feeling of a tear sliding down his cheek only raising his skepticism to ask the important question. "Look, I don't know if I'm doing this right because I haven't asked anybody out in years, but Felix, I don't want to lose you, ever. And if that courage is what it takes to make sure that we never leave each other, then I'll do it- I'll ask it..." Thinking twice, he took the younger's hand into his, folding their fingers together and smiling at the contrast that each's size gave to the other. "Will you go out with me? Like a date date? Like boyfriend, boyfriend? Will you be my boyfriend, Felix?"

Mouth agape and palm sweating rapidly into the older's, Felix gulped thickly, the question, though fairly expected, being one that he simply could not prepare for no matter how many hints were given in advance. "C-Channie," he spoke lowly, hands shaking in the larger's grip while goosebumps flooded the skin all over his body. "A-are you serious?"

"Yes," Chan looked down, both the weak leaders of lust in his head and his feelings for the younger sitting to the edge of their seat, waiting anxiously for the boy's response but not willing to cry and sell off a wrong impression of obligation. "You can say no, Lix. I'm not forcing you... if you just want to be friends, that's fine with me."

"N-no, I mean yes, no I mean no- not no as in no, but no as in let me think about it," Felix stuttered and sighed with a quiver beneath his lips, mind once again overwhelmed with contradicting arguments of his decision. His confident heart sent up barrels of justification to the headquarters in his mind as to why he should say "yes", while the rationale department only tossed them to the side to raise the reasonable accusations that Chan was still an addict, and that Felix's heart would most likely be broken a few more times before complete stability if there would be any. "Let me- let me sleep on it, Channie. And I promise I'll get back to you... if that's okay."

"N-no of course it's fine," Chan quickly released the younger's sweaty palm, scratching the back of his neck with that same hand. "But thanks for- thanks for considering. Remember, you're not forced to do anything. I should already be satisfied with you being in my life... as my friend."