10 | ten

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Blueprint Apartments
10:00pm

Chan had actually kept his word and showed up to his appointment the following day. He did his new usual; flashing winks and smirks to the secretary, and filling the sexual gap that Changbin had left so mercilessly with the help of his new therapist.

He had managed to wrap Jisung around his finger so easily within those two days. He was surprised at how simple it was actually; how with just one or two sentences about the boy's supposedly aimless love-life, he could have the older muffling his name against the couch pillow, while Chan only soaked in the guilty pleasure.

It was sad, and pathetic, but he was a sex addict with a merely working conscience. And it was so freaking frustrating for not only the people around him, but for him himself- pathetically depending on any form of external or self-given sexual pleasure to function properly each day.

Chan genuinely felt like a disgusting person sometimes- and that disgust only bred hopelessness and self-hatred in his mind causing him to feel downright undeserving of love, thus never seeking to find it. Chan never knew what it felt like to be genuinely attracted to someone to the point where he wanted to know them for who they were...

But that secretary was somewhat, different.

Even so, he'd never aspired to kiss any person of interest passionately on the lips in fear that unwanted attachment would bloom from such activity. He thought that the devotion that his values would force him to work up was like a carnivorous plant, rooting itself into the toxic soil of his past affairs with that regretted decision... but that secretary's lips were so tempting.

As the blonde sat idly at his window, all he could think about was the fact that Felix had said that he was going to call him, the supposedly lackadaisical patient, to make sure everything was okay. It posed as a new sense of belonging and care that Chan had never genuinely felt in a while.

He thought nothing much of it at first, but through his free time over the weekend, Chan couldn't help but ponder on how not even the therapists themselves had reached out to see how he was doing...

But Felix had at least considered it. Felix was the second person that he thought he had the tendencies of caring for...

Second, because there was Changbin. Changbin had to care for him, right? Changbin was literally the first person to show such attachment after a one night stand, and Chan kind of regretted not getting the younger's number as he honestly felt kind of bad about how they had supposedly broken off.

The weekend had passed by lazily, only to emphasize his neediness so much that he sought the feeling of satisfaction at glory holes at some random adult book stores. They weren't necessarily pleasing especially as he lacked the physical, all rounded contact, but Chan needed some sort of touch that was not self-given to let off satisfactorily.

It physically hurt, the way he would feel when being sex deprived for a lengthened period of time. He'd get constant erections and cold sweat, sometimes even a headache that the images of the fantasies in his mind could not overthrow- it was painful both on the outside and on the inside.

So now it was Monday night, and Chan had fought the urge to go out and fulfill his desires with anonymous prostitutes because he knew that he had therapy the next day- because he knew he'd see his new toy the next day.

He stared blankly out of the window, eyes lost of all hope to see Changbin. Chan was almost getting over the boy after not seeing him for those past days, and he thought that maybe, maybe Changbin was just like his other seasonal hookups...

But then Chan saw the familiar car pull up next to his, looking a bit foreign as he hadn't seen it for so many days.

The blonde hurriedly got up from his seat, rushing to the front-door and opening even before Changbin could knock. "C-Changbin?" He mumbled, lips quivering for a reason unknown to Chan himself. "Changbin I haven't seen you in so long." Worry filled his eyes as he noticed how Changbin was sniffling- Changbin was crying. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Changbin lied, quickly rubbing his fists along his cheeks. "I-I just didn't think you'd want to see me again."

Yeah, didn't think he'd want to see you again huh, Changbin? Let's pretend you didn't come from Felix's apartment after silently crying your heart out behind his door while listening to his faded rambles about some comedy series- let's act like you're not hurt from the realization that he's doing so much better, that he's moving on.

"Come inside," Chan shifted for Changbin to enter, closing the door softly behind the two. "Um, how have you been? I took up your advice and started therapy," he smiled softly, heart still aching upon noticing more tears form in Changbin's eyes. "Uh- um... I have sessions four days a week, Tuesdays to Fridays."

"That's good, Chan," Changbin mumbled, shyly taking a seat on the couch. "I'm sorry for not checking up on you after our talk. And I'm glad you finally went back," he fidgeted with his fingers, holding his breath as Chan took a seat next to him.

There was some sort of tension between the two- not exactly sexual tension, but a thickening tension that somewhat seemed like it was keeping some untold secrets hidden.

Changbin was still hung up on his ex, and just when he was prepared to completely fall for the older, it was then that he found out that Chan was a sex addict. He didn't know how it felt to be a sex addict, and he didn't know if it was safe to continue sleeping with a sex addict.

"So um, what time is your appointment tomorrow?" Changbin questioned carefully, contemplating whether or not he should ask his followup question.

"About 11am," Chan nodded, and despite the suffocating level of emotion, his mind still dwelled on one thing- despite the fact that he hadn't seen the older for so long, and that he had promised himself that he would abstain until the next day, his body only craved one thing. "You wanted to do something after my session?"

"Yeah, actually. Since I haven't seen you in so long, why don't we go out to catch up maybe before? And I could drop you off at your appointment before I leave?" Changbin asked the addict with pleading eyes, tilting to the side to meet Chan's gaze. "I understand if you're not comfortable, and I promise that I won't get attached because I know what you're going through. But I was thinking maybe... maybe we could be friends?"

'Friends'. Chan had never owned a friend in a while. He'd never maintained the proper state of mind to keep a friend without expecting something more explicit from them. But Changbin was willing to be his definition of a friend, so why not?

"Sure," Chan nodded, hand reflexively finding its way to Changbin's thigh. "That sounds like a plan," he stroked the exposed skin lightly, scooting closer to the younger. "I've never really had a friend."

Changbin blushed lightly at the contact, slightly surprised when he felt Chan's lips kiss the corner of his mouth softly, the older soon tilting the boy's head to match his lips with his neck.

And just like that both were ready to succumb to routine- Chan helplessly pounding into a whimpering Changbin; sex filled with obvious, unrequited devotion.

-

0325 Street, District 9, Seoul, South Korea
10:30pm

"Jisung you've been keeping your distance for the entire freaking weekend, and you're worsening by the hour," Minho cried, rubbing his temple in frustration as he watched his boyfriend irritably and aimlessly scroll his laptop. "You're not eating at the table and you can't even keep fucking eye contact with me anymore. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?" He almost yelled, slamming his hands against his boyfriend's work-desk, startling the younger. "I hate being angry with you, but baby it's the first time you're acting like this and it's hurting me."

Jisung stayed silent for a while, biting his lower lip softly. "Minho," he muttered, finally locking eyes with the older. "Minho just give me some space," he closed the laptop, getting up to head for their shared bed, slightly brushing Minho's shoulder as he walked distastefully past the older. "I just need some time, okay?"

Minho only closed his eyes, forcing more tears down his cheeks. "Whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry, Sung," he pouted, strolling unenthusiastically to their dresser. "I'll leave this here," he mumbled, but Jisung was to entranced in his thoughts to hear.

Minho shifted over some of their underwear to come in contact with the small, squared box he had placed in the drawer when they had gotten home from work. "I'll take you with me every day, just in case my old Jisung comes back."

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