CHARLIE AND Marcus hadn't spoken about what happened that night in his room. In fact, they were lucky that they hadn't been taken in by the cops that night.

But Charlie would try to keep things as casual as possible. At least, until one of them would pussy up and say something about it.

Charlie sat in her room as she took the flatiron to her hair one last time before unplugging the device and putting on her dark green Converse that matched the dark brown jacket she would be wearing that day.

She wore a pair of wide-leg jeans and a Bob Ross T-shirt that she'd stolen out of her mom's closet. She gathered her belongings and made her way outside to meet up with Ginny and Max.

It was strange to separate herself from Marcus. She couldn't remember a day when she hadn't spoken to him or seen him face-to-face and maybe if she pussied up she wouldn't be in the situation she was in now.

"Charlie!"

The girl turned, looking towards the kitchen as she saw her mother sitting at the island, her laptop in front of her as she sipped on her coffee.

"Don't forget about this afternoon."

Charlie nodded and exited the house, seeing Ginny and Max having their own conversation in her front yard.

Charlie and Lori had been looking over some therapists that would be best for the young girl and after finding a suitable one and having small one-on-one conversations, she would finally have her first official appointment today.

She would think about the countless conversations they could and would have later, but, for now, Charlie shoved her hands into her jacket pocket and made her way toward Ginny and Max who'd been talking about Cynthia's ad campaign against the mayor and her mother.

"I can't believe Cynthia." Ginny muttered. "My mom's been busting her ass. The way she is about this job, I've never seen her care like this before. I'm so proud of her, and then this B pulls this C?"

"Bitch, crap, I'm with you." Max said.

Before Max or Ginny could add to the conversation, Max took notice of Padma and Marcus standing by her car.

"Whoa!" Max exclaimed. "Holdup. Drama!"

"I don't know what to think anymore, Marcus." Padma said. "I- I just feel like I don't matter to you. Do you even like me?" She asked.

"You know I like you." He said as if he was dull of the conversation.

"No, I don't."

"I told you. I just... I just... I can't do this."

"What?" She questioned. "This conversation? Or hooking up with me with zero commitment? Which one can't you do?"

"All of it!"

There was a pause, the two of them looking at each other before Marcus spoke up.

"I'm sorry."

Charlie sighed to herself as she watched Padma get in her car and drive off, leaving Marcus alone. She licked her lips as Max muttered a "shit" under her breath and watched as Marcus made his way towards the school without a ride and a quick fuck.

    IT TURNS out that trying to talk to your best friend about having a crush on them was harder than Charlie thought. She had planned the conversations in her head about twenty times and yet could not find a single outcome that would leave her happy and content.

But she did have therapy today and could and would try to talk about it with Dr. Harlee Mayson and though she had talked to the therapist before her first appointment, she was still nervous about it.

She played with the rings on her fingers as she waited for her name to be called by her therapist. She closed her eyes for a moment as she bounced her leg up and down.

"Charlotte?"

Charlie felt her leg suddenly stop moving. She looked up and saw her therapist at the door with a smile on her face and the door wide open.

The girl sighed and stood to her feet as she followed behind her and sat down on the grey couch in her office.

It was silent for a moment. All Charlie could hear was the air conditioner and could only focus on the baby pink dollhouse that sat in the corner of the room.

"I'm glad we could meet today, Charlotte." Dr. Mayson smiled. "It's been wonderful talking to you over the computer, but seeing you in person will always be a delight."

Charlie didn't know if she was just this cheery and this was her personality or if this was her doctor, PhD front showing.

Either way, Charlie gave Dr. Mayson a curt nod before clasping her hands together.

"How are you today?" Dr. Mayson asked.

Charlie sighed. "You don't tell anyone anything do you?"

Dr. Mayson softly smiled. "No. Anything that is said in this room stays between you and me unless you say otherwise. You sighed the papers that stated that if you felt the need to, I could tell your mother what was happening, but until I get that verbal response from you, it's just you and me, darling."

Charlie nodded. "We don't have to start too deep, do we?"

"We can start with whatever you like?"

The main reason Charlie was here was because of her father, but so much more had happened since that night. She'd wanted to message him again and she knew he wouldn't respond, but maybe, someday, he would, and maybe she'd missed that day because she hadn't tried.

Her mother had deleted all the messages between her and her father, it wasn't like he'd replied so Charlie wasn't missing much, but it was a lot of emails to delete... over a thousand of Lori could remember.

It wasn't healthy and it wasn't okay.

But that hadn't been on the forefront of Charlie's mind.

Her relationship with Marcus was and she didn't know why she was so scared of change. She didn't understand where this sudden fear came from. She wasn't scared of Marcus and would never be, but she was scared about the idea of the two of them being something more.

"Charlotte?"

She looked down and saw Dr. Mayson holding a tissue box out for the girl. She'd been crying and hadn't realized it.

Charlie scoffed as a soft laugh escaped her. She grabbed the tissue and patted away some of the fallen tears.

"I'm sorry." She muttered. "It's just- I'm so new to this. I don't even know what to say or what's important to talk about."

"It's all important, Charlotte." Dr. Mayson reassured. "You can talk about whatever you want in here. You are free here. Say you want." Dr. Mayson said. "But let's start with: how was your day?"

"My day," Charlie repeated. "It was okay. I... went to school and came here."

"Is that it?" Dr. Mayson asked. "Did you... talk to people at school? I know you have to have some friends, Charlotte."

Charlie nodded. She balled the damp tissue in her hands and fiddled with it as she spoke.

"Um, yeah. I talked to this girl named Ginny. She moved down the road from me a couple of months ago and my best friend's sister, Max was with us."

"Who's this best friend of yours?"

"His name is Marcus." Charlie smiled. "He's always been there for me. He always knows to say or to do to get me to smile and... it's confusing me now because if I want him to do that."

"What do you mean?" Dr. Mayson asked.

"I tell Marcus everything. Even things I don't think I should." Charlie said. "I told him about my dad with such ease but I can't seem to tell him that I like. And I... I don't want to say it's because of how things went down with my parents... but...." She sighed. "I'd rather keep everything in than have it out and be hurt."

Dr. Mayson nodded. "Your parent were never together, right? Never married I mean."

"No." She answered. "But he was always there and suddenly he wasn't anymore. And I would hate myself if that happened to Marcus and I."

Dr. Mayson nodded as she crossed her leg over the other. She gave Charlie a pointed look, but it was soft, reassuring.

"You and Marcus aren't your parents, and you will never be." Dr. Mayson began.

"It's understandable that you have fears about the relationship, Charlie. But it's important to remember that every relationship is unique. You and Marcus will have your own path, with its own challenges and joys and love that no one will understand."

Charlie nodded slowly, her eyes flickering with emotion. "I know." She muttered. "I just don't want to end up alone."

Dr. Mayson leaned forward in her seat, her expression compassionate. "It's okay to be scared, Charlie. It's a natural response to vulnerability. But it's important to remember that vulnerability is also the key to deep connection and intimacy."

Charlie bit her lip, her gaze dropping to her hands. "I want to be vulnerable with him," she admitted softly. "But it's hard. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Dr. Mayson gave her a reassuring smile. "It's always a risk, Charlie. But it's also the only way to find out if there's potential for something real between you. And remember, even if things don't work out with Marcus, that doesn't mean you'll be alone forever. If he's the best friend that you claim for him to be, there will be no losing that. No matter what happens."

Charlie nodded slowly, a small chuckle leaving her as she took her hands to wipe her tears once more.

"Yeah." Charlie muttered. "I understand."

The two of them talked some more and towards the end, Dr. Mayson held her clipboard in her hands.

"This is a question that I ask at the end of every session with every person that I talk to." Dr. Mayson began. "Remember, this all stays between you and me, and if you feel the need to tell your mother anything that's okay."

Charlie nodded, she felt like she knew what her question was and dreaded it because she knew she didn't want it to be true.

"Have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself?"

Charlie sat in silence and licked her lips. "I had done it once, but I didn't realize that I was doing it. I had this pen and just ran it across my leg without much thought." She explained. "Would I do it again? I don't want to."

Dr. Mayson nodded thoughtfully, her expression serious. "I appreciate your honesty, Charlie. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something like that. Self-harm can be a coping mechanism for managing difficult emotions, but it's not a healthy or sustainable one. If you ever feel like hurting yourself again, I want you to remember that there are other ways to cope with those feelings. You could try deep breathing, journaling, talking to a friend or family member, or reaching out to a professional like myself for support."

Charlie nodded slowly, taking in Dr. Mayson's words. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I'll try to remember that."

Dr. Mayson smiled gently. "I'm here to support you, Charlie. And remember, our sessions are confidential. If you need anything before our next session, you can always reach out, don't hesitate."

Charlie nodded as she stood to her feet. Dr. Mayson led the girl out of the room and towards the lobby where Charlie made her next appointment.

She wished that this good feeling lasted.

— lucy has something to say !!

awe :(

anyway therapist is illian glazer

i think (don't quote me) i wrote dr. mayson in the way that i hear my own therapist talk :) seeing a therapist and having one should be normalized and i was very shameful of having one when i was in high school but now im more comfortable with that fact that i am lucky to have one :)

i think i like this chapter a lot go me

okay bye

bye :))))