BILLIE JEAN Carpenter was the eldest Carpenter. She was only a year older than Charlie, but their lives were vastly different.

Billie had plenty of friends and a boyfriend who was in his freshman year of college. She was more athletic than Charlie by a landslide. She was guaranteed a soccer scholarship at any school that she applied to. She was smart, headstrong, and knew what she wanted when she wanted it.

And right now she wanted her pink tank top that she knew Charlie had stored away in her closet.

She knocked on Charlie's door but didn't hear a response.

"CJ!" Billie called as her fist hit the door. "I want my shirt back!"

She knocked again.

"Charlie Jade, open the door!"

Billie sighed when she didn't hear a response and opened Charlie's bedroom door.

The room was warm and the walls painted a muted white color. Charlie had hanging shelves that held various plants and small trinkets of things she liked about space.

Billie wished she could find something that she was as passionate about as Charlie had with space and time. Of course, she had soccer on her side, but she knew that Charlie would stay determined to go to space, to work at NASA. It was something that she lived for. But Billie wasn't as passionate about soccer as Charlie was about space.

Billie sighed as she stepped into Charlie's room. Usually, when the door was closed she was home and though Billie didn't want to invade Charlie's personal space, she really wanted to wear that top when her boyfriend and friends arrived.

Billie ran her fingers through her hair and quickly spotted the folded clothes basket on Charlie's bed.

"Jesus." Billie muttered.

As she approached the bed, from the corner of her eye and as she turned, she saw Marcus ducking down which caused the eldest Carpenter to scream.

Billie placed her hand over her chest and tried to catch her breath. She stood in that spot for a moment longer before she grabbed the pink tank top from the bed and rushed off into her room to change as she muttered swears under her breath.

     CHARLIE DIDN'T know what was wrong. Maybe she knew that her therapist was right and that she couldn't compare what happened to herself to any relationship that she could and would have later down the line.

She decided to walk home from her therapy appointment that day as she cried. She felt overly emotional after the day, and it was a valid reaction for her to have. She wouldn't have a clear mindset immediately after especially when Billie texted her that she found Marcus peeping through her window which made her laugh, but questioned why he was there because she had told him that she wouldn't be home until way later.

Regardless, Charlie opened the front door and saw that no one was up. The lights were off in the kitchen and living room and she assumed that Billie had been out with her friends when she saw that her bedroom door was wide open.

Charlie sighed and made her way into her room. She wiped her cheeks as she threw her bag off of her shoulder and shut the door behind her. She closed her eyes for a moment before sliding down and sitting on the floor.

She let a small breath escape her lips as she kept her eyes closed. She tapped her fingers against her knee and began kicking her jeans down to her ankles and opened her eyes to see the aged white bandage that covered the scar on her leg.

She hadn't yet looked at it and this would be her first time unraveling the old bandage.

"Charlie?"

"Holy shit!" The girl shouted. She stumbled to her feet and pulled her shorts back up as she looked over at the voice that called her name. "What the hell are you doing here Marcus?"

"I, uh..."

"I told you that I wouldn't be home until late and then I get multiple texts from Billie saying that you were peeping in my window?" Charlie questioned. "Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

"Charlie-"

"No! I'm serious." Charlie shouted. "What are you doing?"

There was a long pause between them. The two of them looked at each other as Marcus braced himself to either completely embarrass himself again or face the fear he never needed to have.

"I think I love you." Marcus whispered as he looked at her with an intensity that made her heart flutter.

But she couldn't... not now. She didn't feel like it was the right time and it killed her. She wanted nothing more than the words to fall from his lips with ease and when they finally had all she did was shake her head.

"What were you doing?" Marcus asked.

"You can't be." Charlie muttered.

Marcus furrowed his brows. "Why not?" He shook his head. "Tell me why I can't."

"It's- It's not that you can't." Charlie said. "I'm not sure I'm ready. Ready for... whatever this is." She licked her lips. "I love you, Marcus, but for right now... I can't."

Marcus's face fell at her words, and Charlie felt a pang of guilt in her chest. She wished that she could give him the answer he wanted, but she didn't want to lie or lead him on.

But he nodded. He didn't say anything. All he did was nod.

"I'm sorry." Charlie muttered.

Marcus licked his lips. "I'll wait. Trust me. I've been waiting a long time."

Charlie nodded. "I think you should go."

The two of them stood there once again. The same one as before but something about loomed longer in the room. It was awful. A sense of dread between the two of them that they had never felt for each other. It was scary and Charlie almost didn't want Marcus to leave.

But she watched Marcus turn his heels and make his way back out the window which she closed behind him with a heavy sigh.

Charlie stood by the window a moment longer before backing away from it. Her tears ran down her face as she turned her head slightly.

The same pen that had been used that night had been staring right back at her. Almost as if it was mocking her to use it over and over again.

Charlie's lip quivered as she grabbed the pen from her desk swung open her bedroom door and knocked on her mother's door with a force she didn't even know that she had.

"Jesus," Lori muttered and swung the door open, but her expression went from annoyed to concerned when she saw her youngest with her knuckles white around the pen and tears running down her face. "Charlie?"

Lori didn't wait another second to pull her daughter into her arms. Charlie's head fell onto her mother's shoulder.

And things would only grow worse when she discovered that her best friend had gotten onto the motorcycle and driven off into the night. He had gotten into a horrific accident and would only blame herself.

— lucy has something to say !!

NOOOOOOOOO(short chapter)OOOO

can't believe lori named her child billie jean wtf is wrong with her

i personally can't wait to write something upbeat for once.

slight (maybe) smut next chapter cry

bye :))))