A/N: this is an interrogation. They're in different rooms, and have different responses, different fonts. Do try to keep up. Sasuke is Sasuke, Sakura is Sakura, and Naruto is Naruto 👀 the different fonts signify that this was a question that was asked to all three of them, and said words that the fonts are in is each of their answers.

Remember that they're all being questioned in different rooms, this is just a common question, and those are their answers.

This is a prodigy Team 7 AU for my friend Kitty's birthday because she deserves only the best. This is Non-Mass, and will contain some hints of SasuSaku :))) ketterdam-kunoichi happy birthday honnn
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Okay so this 100% turned into a crackfic bc I love the idea of badass prodigy team 7 killing it ahead of their time XDDD so if some things don't add up, don't be surprised

Konoha Police Force, 3:30 AM:

"Where were you last night?"

"Walking my pet octopus."

"Sleeping."

"Taking a shit."

Uchiha Residence, 12:00 AM:

Rap rap rap

Sasuke's eyes opened warily, fingers immediately inching for the kunai beneath his pillow as his incredible, red eyes wandered his room expectantly. They landed on his window, and he groaned exhaustedly when he saw a familiar blonde head of hair crouching outside his window, gesturing with his hands for Sasuke to get a move on.

Sasuke slipped out of bed, opening his window and shoving Naruto a little, watching as his friend balanced precariously for a second, before stabilizing him, so that his parents and brother wouldn't hear Naruto's concerned yelps. "What are you doing here, you idiot?" He sneered.

"I heard about what Danzo did to your brother, and I think it's bullshit that Danzo got away with it." Naruto's cheeks puffed stubbornly. "If my Dad isn't gonna do anything about it, I will."

"You will." Sasuke deadpanned, crossing his arms and raising a skeptical eyebrow. His friend was crouching before him, all decked out in black, except for the rather obvious head of obnoxiously blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes.

"Well, we will." Naruto amended.

"We will." Sasuke said in an even more deadpan voice, if possible. He reached forward to shut his window, but Naruto stopped it with his foot.

"Hear me out." Naruto yelped, resisting the urge to remove his foot and jump around. "Sakura's down there." He pointed down to solid ground, and Sasuke stopped moving immediately. He shoved Naruto to the side, opening the window and poking his head down. Sure enough, there was Sakura, back facing them as she kept a lookout.

"Why the fuck is Sakura down there?" Sasuke hissed to Naruto, dragging the idiot inside and shutting the window.

"Because we're doing this?" Naruto asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes.

"We're not doing anything- get out of my room, and sneak your ass into bed before both your mom and mine kill us." Sasuke put his foot down, opening the window once again and shoving Naruto towards it.

"You haven't even heard the best part-" Naruto protested.

"Forget it. I don't want to hear it." Sasuke shook his head.

"We're gonna break in and destroy some stuff."

"..." Sasuke turned around. "What stuff?"

Interrogation Room 21, 3:45 AM:

"You're telling me that it was pure coincidence that all three of you were found meandering around Councilman Danzo's flower bed the same night that the Councilman met his untimely end?"

Sasuke crossed his arms and leaned forward, staring the interrogator in the eyes defiantly. "I'm not saying a thing without my lawyer present. I know my rights."

The detective closed his folder filled with questions and prompts that Sasuke could see easily even though it was upside down, and sighed deeply. "Your little buddies have already started talking. I suggest you do the same."

Sasuke uncrossed his hands and stomped both feet on the floor in surprise. "They what?"

Interrogation Room 14, 3:43 AM:

"It was all Sasuke's idea." Naruto shrugged, crossing his right leg over his left nonchalantly. "We were just gonna go scope the place out, because my friend's dog took one of our kunai into the backyard. I swear that was all we were gonna do, ya know. We didn't even go inside- how were we supposed to know someone was dead in there?"

"Mmhmm." The detective drawled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, looking skeptical.

"Sakura was the one who broke into the tool shed and grabbed the broken rake."

Interrogation Room 10, 3:46 AM:

"Listen." Sakura leaned forward in her chair. "I don't wanna be here. You don't wanna be here. So why don't you do me a solid and let's just solve this like grown ups?"

The man looked down his nose at the little pink haired girl. "Miss Haruno, you're nine years old."

Sakura rolled her eyes and she brought up her hand to mimick what the man was saying by opening and closing her fist, copying a mouth. "yOu'Re nInE yEarS oLd, blEh bLeh Bleh. Some of the world's craziest people are nine years old. Haven't you read that one study? Kids are, like, sociopaths, right?"

The detective looked ready to blow up at the disrespect.

"All I have to say is, the whole thing was Naruto's idea. Stupid idiot woke me up super late at night to go gardening. So yeah, I opened the tool shed to get a rake and slap him with it, but you would've too. You should've seen his face."

Interrogation Room 21, 3:49 AM:

"Naruto was the one who opened the tool shed- I didn't touch anything before he did that." Sasuke threw his hands up in a submissive way. "It isn't my fault Naruto opened the tool shed."

"Councilman Danzo's flowers will never be the same."

"Tell him to cry about it. Oh wait."

Interrogation Room 10, 3:51 AM:

"You're saying that Sasuke Uchiha was the one who broke the windows?"

"No, sir, when we got there the windows were already broken. I saw someone climbing away on Miss Jun's roof, and I tried to tell your cops that, but they were too focused on arresting three nine year olds to arrest the real killer, who you let go, because you're all lame, donut eating, lazy, incompetent slobs."

"I should hold you overnight for that insolence." The man's round face was turning more and more red by the second.

"Awww, did I hurt the itty bitty copper's feelings?" Sakura made a condescending face before rolling her eyes. "Poor you. Imagine how uncomfy I am- the nine year old girl, basically handcuffed to this stupid metal table in my pyjamas. I'm being held here for a crime that I did not commit."

Councilman Shimura's Household, 12:11 AM:

Sakura tore the lock off the shed. The three of them silently made their way into the shed. It was on the edge of the property, far away from the main building, but after a couple minutes of hunting, they found what they needed. Naruto picked up a sledgehammer, tossing it at Sakura, who caught it one handedly. Sasuke picked up a blowtorch, pleased, because a fireball would be too big and noticeable. Naruto picked up a copy of the keys to the house, blue eyes sparkling. The three didn't make a single sound as they crept across the yard.

Minutes later, they were attacked by two ROOT, and the whole situation turned into a battlefield of sorts. Sasuke manipulated the fire so expertly that at least four ANBU had been burnt to a crisp before two minutes. Sakura made quick work of another three of them with her sledgehammer. Brute force and blunt objects, along with Sakura were not a good combination as one learned fast. Naruto reigned in his impulse to shout instinctively as he and three shadow clones took down a small group of ANBU that attacked him.

The gardens were covered in evidence of the battle, though. What a shame.

all three, in their separate interrogation rooms, 3:38 AM:

"You mean to say that you're being framed."

"Obviously."

"No shit, Sherlock! That's only what I've been trying to say this whole time. Kami, what is it with you people?"

"Uh, duh? Who else would've knocked out that ANBU."

"Literally any of you."

"Dude, I'm literally nine. Sakura's super impressive, obviously, but she weighs, like, 50 pounds. How could she knock out a couple 20-some year old ROOT foot soldiers, break into Councilman Shimura's mansion, kill him and set fire to his petunias at the same time? Are you gonna tell your boss that you arrested three nine year olds for the murder of Danzo Shimura? That's not gonna hold up in court. How could we have killed a powerful guy like Shimura? It's physically impossible." Sasuke threw back his innocent little head and laughed. "The press will have a field day- and you'd be accusing the Hokage's son, no less. This police force would be a laughingstock. Is that really what you want to do?"

Councilman Shimura's Household, 12:39 AM:

Sakura ran forward before Naruto or Sasuke could react to being caught, kicking one of the ANBU in the chest, and using that momentum to bounce off him. She knocked the other over, and made sure that the two of them were flat on the floor before she wrapped her tiny hands tightly around the rope in her hand, and looped it around one of their necks. The other one she choked with her thighs. Ordinarily, Sakura would be incapable of this feat, what with her tiny, lithe body not having the necessary power, but she had learned from the great Tsunade Senju, and was quite adept at applying her insanely strong chakra into certain specific parts of her body to enhance her strength.

Naruto and Sasuke kept an eye out as Sakura did this. Sakura had been rather quiet in her takedown of the agents, but there were always more hidden in the rafters.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sakura asked, sitting up straight and brushing the dust off her clothes. She dropped her rope, which was stained with blood where it had rubbed against the man's neck, and straightened her hair again.

"Sure it is, why wouldn't it be?" Naruto asked, slinging the sledgehammer over his shoulder so he was balancing it using the handle.

"Well, this guy is kinda one of the most important people in the village." Sakura said, continuing to lead them all down the grand hallways of Danzo's lush palace.

"Danzo took Shisui's eye. Shisui is now swimming with the fishies, and Shimura approached my brother to try to convince him to kill my whole family." Sasuke informed his friend, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sakura hissed, sighing. "Alright, fair enough, this is completely justified."

Interrogation Room 21, 3:40 AM:

"Alright, Mr. Uchiha, you think that there was someone running away from the house?" The police officer wrote this down in his stupid little notepad as Sasuke watched with an annoyed disposition.

"Yep, I've told you this eight times. Someone was running away using Miss Jun's roof. But all of you are idiots, for some reason, and didn't listen to me when I was literally handing you a promotion. Come on. Arresting a group of innocent kids instead of a real suspect? Way to go, Officer."

"How do I know you're innocent?" The officer pointed out, before looking extremely self-satisfied.

"Did you find our prints at the crime scene?" Sasuke asked.

The color drained from the cop's face.

Sasuke resisted the urge to smirk as a memory came back. (Sasuke was standing over the very asleep Danzo Shimura holding a shopping bag from his kitchen, Naruto standing on one side and Sakura on the other. Sasuke quickly slipped the bag over the sleeping councilman's head, cutting off the man's air supply. He was awake right away after that, but there was no fighting the three once they put their minds to something. Sasuke smothered, Sakura held Danzo's shoulders, and Naruto shoved his elbow into Danzo's torso. The poor man had no chance. But then, neither had Shisui, or any of the poor Uchiha who were found dead at the bottom of the river, without eyes.)

"Do you have any witnesses putting us at the crime scene?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow. "Where the murders were committed, I mean?"

(the three ANBU who tried to stop them from escaping were on the floor, either passed out or dead, who knows at this point? And Sasuke honestly didn't want these scumbags out in the world anymore, so they threw them into the body pit with the living ones.)

"Do you have any proof that it was us at all, genius?" Sasuke asked exasperatedly.

(before the kids went outside the house to escape, they wandered the house looking for the room. When they found it, hidden in the basement in a secret compartment, they spent some time disabling cameras and other items that might have caught them. Of course, all of them were wearing gloves, and not a single hair was out of place beneath the kids' caps. There was no DNA evidence. Just like there was no DNA evidence that Danzo had had those Uchiha kids killed.

but the truth always came out, and as he stood in a room full of eyes in jars of green goop, open for all to see, Sasuke was quite grateful for karma.)

"No?" Sasuke read the look on the officer's face. "Oh wait, you found us in Danzo's garden, where there had been a fire because we were looking for a stupid toy kunai. You personally watched us look for it for three minutes, before arresting us out of the blue."

The officer winced.

"Look, man, there's no case here, it's just embarrassing for you to keep us here." Sasuke sighed. "But look, it's fine, we won't press charges if you just let us leave."

"I think we still have questions for you, Mr. Uchiha."

Interrogation Room 14, 3:55 AM:

"Naruto," the detective cleared his throat, wary of offending the child of the Fourth Hokage. "Can I call you Naruto?"

"No you cannot." Naruto smirked, rubbing his nails on his ugly orange jacket and examining them. "You may address me as Lord Awesome or as nothing at all."

"Naruto," the man continued anyway, "what were you, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno really doing at Danzo Shimura's house earlier?"

Naruto groaned. "Oh my God- your questions are so repetitive. I'm not an idiot. I told you earlier- my friend Kiba's dog stole my favorite kunai, given to my by my dad, and dragged it into Lord Danzo's flower garden, and buried it. Sakura, Teme and I went over there to see if we could get it back, 'ttebayo. That's it, I swear."

Councilman Shimura's Household, 1:23 AM:

"Dobe," Sasuke grinned, leaning down. "Look at this."

He pulled out the flamethrower, and lit Danzo's garden on fire. The perfect, white lilies and roses burnt to a crisp, the petals curling up as the orange fire blackened the previously beautiful flowers. There was still evidence of a fight, which was what Sasuke was trying to cover up so strategically. Like it or not, it did work.

"Sick, dude." Naruto remarked, watching the entire garden shrivel and burn from on top of the statue of the Second Hokage placed in Danzo's maze of a garden. He had been spray painting some obscene pictures on Tobirama Senju's forehead. "Well deserved." He commented, before shaking his can of spray paint and continuing his juvenile drawing.

"Amen to that." Sasuke stood up, wiping his hands together like he'd just finished something important.

"HEY!" Sakura stomped over, eyes flashing. "You IDIOTS! You lit the garden on fire??"

"It was Naruto," Sasuke pointed over at his blonde friend, who almost fell off the statue he had been defacing seconds before.

"Hey! That's not true! Sakura-channnn~" Naruto whined, making a pathetic looking face at his pink haired friend.

"Well whoever did it, we're fucked big time now! A fire is basically a beacon to this godforsaken house! Unbelievable!" Sakura stomped away to wipe away any evidence that they had been there.

Sasuke sighed, knowing that he had screwed up, but not really caring all too much either way. He followed Sakura, only taking a few seconds to catch up with her and walking right next to her. The two of them worked together to bag the bodies of the extra ANBU that no one knew about and threw them in a pit beneath the house, where no one would check. "At this point, the best thing to do is stay here, so that we can just figure this out when the police arrive. They're easy cons anyway." Sasuke mentioned to Sakura in casual conversation as they hefted the last unknown together and flung him backwards, then forwards.

"Good poin-" She got cut off by her own sharp yelp, brought on by her almost sliding into the pit, when releasing the body. Sasuke lunged forward, eyes widened, grabbing her arm quickly. He swung his friend back up, helping her stand again, looking relieved.

Sakura gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke held still for a second, savoring the moment. Just that small smile made him forget about how much he missed his stupid annoying cousin Shisui, and how much Naruto drove him insane, and how worried he was for his family and brother. "It's no problem, Sakura." He turned around quickly before the girl could see the look on his face, and lead the way back to Naruto.

Naruto appeared like an apparition beside them. "Hey, fam, we'd probably better go act not suspicious, because there are some members of the Village Police force about to come arrest us right now."

"Awesome." Sasuke clapped his hands, looking around at the destruction they'd done. Danzo's beloved garden was a mess, his cellar with the stolen Uchiha eyes was wide open, Danzo himself had been murdered, and the murder weapon had been burned. There were no prints or evidence at the scene, and the only suspects were three curious nine year olds, one of which was the student of Tsunade Senju, the other two were the children of two prominent governmental figures.

There was no case, and nothing to tie them to the crime but their location of arrest, which was near the back of Danzo's garden, where everything was untouched. They looked as clean as a whistle, basically.

Meeting Room, 4:10 AM:

Detective Shinu took a long sip of his coffee. "God, that was a nightmare. I can't believe this happened."

"The kids are right, we don't have anything that ties them to the crimes committed." Officer Wei sighed. "I don't think they had anything to do with it, either. Naruto's story was that he lost a kunai and came looking for it."

"Don't you think it's strange that they came looking for that kunai in the middle of the night? Conveniently right after Councilman Danzo was murdered in his bed?" Chief Takashi asked, rubbing his temples. The poor man was nursing a headache, and dealing with Sakura Haruno's sarcasm was not what he'd been planning on doing tonight.

"Well, based on what we found in the basement..." Officer Wei bit his lip. "I dunno, maybe we shouldn't be as concerned with this case as we are."

"The Uchiha clan are gonna be pissed." Takashi inhaled deeply, trying to refrain from throwing his mug of coffee in Wei's face. "So much paperwork for me to do, so little time. It all just had to happen today."

A flash of yellow appeared right in front of them, and Takashi actually did end up throwing that coffee- just not at his subordinate. On the floor. Minato Namikaze stood before them in his full glory, stern face and all.

"Lord Hokage!" All three policemen stood up and bowed respectfully to the man who had singlehandedly fixed their economy, schooling issues, chased away Orochimaru, saved them from the Nine Tails, and basically won the Third Great Ninja War for them.

"I heard my son and his friends have gotten into some trouble." Minato said, not even acknowledging the bowing men. "Where are they?"

"In an interrogation room, my lord." One of the men said.

"You're thinking of holding them on what charges?" Minato asked them seriously, crossing his arms.

"Multiple counts of murder and destruction of property, sir."

Minato's face broke into a grin, and he started laughing. Loudly. "Is this about the kunai?" Minato asked. "Because I told Kiba to take it to Danzo's house as a joke, I didn't think he'd actually do it."

All three men were suddenly feeling quite embarrassed. "My lord?"

"I had some kind of scavenger hunt thingy going for the kids, Chief." Minato said, shrugging. "I didn't know they were going to try to go at night. It's just bad luck, honestly. Did you see them doing anything wrong?"

"No," one of the men replied hesitantly.

"So then why are they still here, and not home in their beds?"

"... I'm not exactly sure, sir."

"Alright then. If you three don't mind, I'll be taking my son and his friends home." Minato turned around and walked into the interrogation rooms and retrieved his son, and his friends.

And so Minato walked out of the building with the only three suspects that the police had- life moved on and no one had any idea who killed Councilman Danzo. There were whispers of a room in the basement, though, full of eyes.

Sasuke sat by himself on Naruto's front porch a couple days later, minding his own business and watching the sunset when Sakura came out of the front door and stood in front of him. "You called it," Sakura nudged Sasuke. "It was so much easier to just deal with the police then and there, instead of waiting for them to pry."

Sasuke smiled. "I had a feeling."

"How does it feel to have avenged Shisui and all of those other people?" Sakura asked, taking a seat next to her friend on the porch swing.

"Good." Sasuke sat still, watching the sun set. "Pretty good."

The two of them sat in a perfectly peaceful silence, and just when Sakura was gonna rest her head on Sasuke's shoulder, Naruto appeared out of nowhere and dive bombed the two of them, landing in their laps. Sasuke shoved him off immediately, and Sakura belly laughed, trying her hardest to help him up, but eventually ended up laying on the porch with him, laughing her guts out. Everything felt right in the world.

As long as Naruto was still an idiot, everything could be considered normal, though, Sasuke supposed.

Happy Birthday Kittyyyyyy, I love youuuuu and I'm so so sorry for this horrendously written oneshot, but here, take this crack fic :))) <33333 I'm so sorry it's so late, and it's super rushed, but here you go. I promise eventually I'll write you something so much better!!! Until then, hugs, good night <333

-love, Julia