i dont know if im gonna be online very much the next few days because my mum's taking my phone for my mental health.

and like, im about to rant, it sucks because she told me to tell her whenever i get sad so i did once after id had an anxiety attack and she literally told me 'go to bed and you might feel better'.

and whenever im sad and i dont tell her she calls me a bitch or tells me im awful and spoiled and a whole bunch of other shit.

so shes taking the only way i get cheered up because she doesnt know how the fuck to deal with me and she doesnt really want to. like, i dont know how many times ive broken down in front of her and she hasnt ever done anything to even try cheer me up.

and i dont wanna tell her that every time she or my stepdad points out how much im eating i go the next day without eating anything because even though i like my body, theres still that voice there that calls me fat, and i dont want to tell her that i hate my nose and my lips and my especially teeth and my hair and i dont want to tell her that even though 'if you wore makeup itd make you so much more confident' her pointing out how much im wearing or how i need 'just a little more' of something makes me so much more insecure.

and that her calling me awful person turns into me thinking about the fact that everyone might actually hate me, including my girlfriend who my stepdad doesnt even fully accept me for.

i could rant for like, another thousand words but im not gonna because its annoying and you probably didnt even read this shit. but okay bye