december 2020

i spent my entire life being warned about drugs
how they fuck up your life and how they change who you are
i had never been addicted to anything
but no one warned me that my first addiction would be upon you
the way you gazed at me
and the way you smirked
also the way you pronounced my name
like it was actually beautiful
you fucked up my life
and not in a good way i dare say
i'd like it to be different
that the two of us were different
but even though i'm wistful to admit it
i was always a strange game to you that you wanted to win
and you were always the unrequited love that flowed in my veins whenever you showed me a little bit of affection
and every time i got away from you
i desintoxicated myself
but as soon as my eyes laid on you again
i was unable to stop looking
and now i'm addicted to other things to
in part because of you
i'm a stoner
and an alcoholic
and a smoker
and i know you dont like that
because i'm not giving you as much time as before
i have other holes in me i need to fill
the cravings aren't just for your affection anymore
and i accept it now
i dont know if you realize what you've done to me
you've damned me
as long as you are a part of my life
i cannot love anyone else
but you have the right to
make a lot of people addicted, like me,
to your sweet brown eyes
and your caramel skin
and your bistered hair
you are my drug
my addiction
and i know it's going to kill me
so i have to stop
please let me go