Title: Paint Me a Heart

Author: Superovkata

Reviewer: Stormsly

Title: 4/5

I like how it's about how Thomas asks Alice to paint her a heart and stuff. I'd rate it 5/5, but I don't like how you rushed that scene. And most importantly, how you didn't weave the words, correctly. 

Spelling: 10/10

I didn't see any spelling errors in this department, so good job! 

Punctuation: 6/10

You spelled all the words good and all, but your punctuation was lacking its potential. A very common grammar I have seen throughout my time reading Wattpad books. The punctuation. In kindergarten teachers have taught us a period is needed to end a sentence. That falters in writing, though. 

A very throughout lesson; a comma is needed when: "Alice, stay at that pose, but let me just get that off," my best friend Linda said as she bends to remove a leaf from my face. 

Because there is a dialogue tag after. 

But a period is needed when: 

"Alice stay at that pose, but let me just get that off."  

See? There is no tag after that sentence, so we use a period.  

Description: 4/10

This is very common! 

You describe too little or too much. 

Just a good opinion, when you write your character art and reveal, for example, Thomas: Singer, lead guitar at band and etc. You should remove that. When making a book, don't tell the readers, show them. What would you prefer? 

Hi, my name is, Kia, and I'm super famous and even have a manager, called Lia, that helps me manage my fame since I'm still in school. 

Or: 

"Kia!" Lia my manager yelled. "You have school in ten minutes, but the amount of paparazzi outside might make you late!" 

 Already, the reader knows Kia is famous and is still in school. 

Understand, how the second one shows the reader that Kia is famous but the first one tells the reader that Kia is famous. 

For a more exact example, for Linda, etc...likes to wear crop tops and shorts. Maybe each time Linda is introduced into a scene, describe her clothing (crop tops and shorts). The reader, (if they have been paying attention) will soon figure out the pattern that she loves to wear crop tops and shorts (henceforth you might get a lot of funny comments about that c: ) 

You can keep the character cast if you want, but I'd recommend you remove the telling part. 

In the first chapter, I saw you have trouble showing not telling, and you have information clumps. 

Linda is Korean. Telling.

Her family moved to our city because of a job her father had to take etc. Information Clump. 

No, I wasn't bullied or anything. Not that I am popular or skilled in martial arts. Information Clump + Telling. 

When you talked about Alice's family Information clump and telling, I know you might want to tell your readers this, but make it in a way, it's not an information clump. Like she could be telling someone this, or twist the words better. And you break the fourth wall a lot. That's the problem when most writers on Wattpad write in the first person. That's why I switched to write in the third. When you break the fourth wall, your book seems less...formal and it's cringy and you get more information clumps than if you don't break the fourth wall.

When you wrote, Accidentally sleepy me dropped it on my snickers, etc, what does that mean? Did she drop her backpack on some snickers? I don't get it. You should go back and explain it more. And, before that scene put some clues that she is sleepy. She yawned, she thought of her bed, eyelids started to droop..., whatever works. 

I could continue to rant about the description, but I wouldn't like to read a rant about how something like that. So I'll stop there since you hopefully get it, that you need to go back and edit. 

Creativity: 3/5

Your MC was slightly cliche, sorry! 

 You think you're making her 'strong' but she's actually a little cliche. She just agrees to meet up with him for a second chance. And Thomas. Oh my gosh. No joke, I cried when I read the paper throwing scenes. He's mean and then he's wanting to make it up to her. I see how you made her like art and stuff, but still. Slightly cliche. 

You say he is a bad boy. Yet, I see no signs he is a bad boy. Also, do you understand what a bad boy is? The commonly Wattpad bad boy is 'mean' but he has a soft side for the mc, and the mc can change him. But a bad boy is someone who doesn't care about anything/anyone and they can do what they want. Okay sure, he is popular. That doesn't make him a bad boy. He is in a band. Doesn't make him a bad boy. And why does he want that second chance? 

Totally, good guy. No bad guy would want a second chance. Maybe make them argue or something, and they get detention together, and then write a scene or chapter about that, and then they are in the same art thingy midgey. And the teacher says that there isn't a lot of time and a lot of work, so they will need to pair up. But since Alice and Thomas were late, the teacher made them work together, since there was no more other people Alice and Thomas could work with. And make them bond over an insult or something, or maybe Thomas has a hard time making a mixed color, and Alice helped him and stuff, and when she made the mixed color, she drew a heart for an example. Then she went back to her stuff, but Thomas was still staring at it. Then he told her to paint him a heart.  

Like, you don't need that plot if you don't want to, but I'm just saying it would better portray Thomas as a bad boy. And make it a bit more interesting if you weave the words. 

Off-topic, and this goes with description, but you might be wondering what does 'weave the words' mean. I can't explain it. but I'll give you an example. 

No weaving words: My legs went weak, my stomach churned, and my heart thumped with fear. 

Weaving words: Fear thumped at my soul, its cackling voice rattled in my ears. It made my legs go weak, my stomach to lurch, and fear pounded at my heart. 

You see how it has similes, and personification, and metaphors?  

You need to weave them in your writing. 

Writing Style: 2/5

I think I spoke about this in the other departments, but not that clearly. I'll explain why it's a 2/5. 

1) You don't weave your words. I honestly recommend it if you continued to practice writing! 

2) You either move to fast or too slow. Like I said, the information clumps make the writing less enjoyable.

3) Think I mentioned this but you break the fourth wall. Avoid talking to the readers like it's some, Fuller House, movie. Breaking the fourth wall just gives off the beginners writing style vibe, and you do not want that.

I think that covers everything about your writing style. Please, work on it. You will get better. 

Focus: 5/10 

My focus was not spot on. I felt bored while reading the book. There wasn't really any excitement, and that's how you lose readers. 

You move too fast. The scenes are boring, and you describe too much or too little. And like I said. The fourth wall broke, and you have a lot of information clumps. (Your information clumps would be a bit acceptable if you remove the parts where the fourth wall breaks or the parts where your fourth wall breaks, it would be a bit acceptable if you remove the information clumps) 

But still. It would be better to space out the information clumps. 

Cover: 4/5

It's really good! I would recommend a better one to attract readers, but if you want to keep it, okay! 

I like how you have that heart on the cover, but it would be better if it was more enlarged, and there was more color on the cover. 

Plot: 8/10 

I think I basically covered this department while writing in the other departments. 

Characters: 9/10

 I really like Linda! She seems very nice! Alice...I have mixed feelings. As I said, you're trying to make her different but it's not working out. She seems like EVERY other Wattpad girl. Why is Tina mean? Don't just make some HBIC mean for entirely no reason. Maybe in the future of the book, in a chapter, Alice catches Tina crying, and Tina confronts something. Something Alice has that Tina doesn't. Do you seriously want to be like every other cliche book in the universe of Wattpad, which the mean girl has no life but to break hell loose to the mc? Steven seems okay and chill, maybe make a bond with Steven and Alice. Why does the dad have bad luck with women? In the future, at least show the reader why the dad has bad luck with women. 

Synopsis: 4/5

I was hooked when I read the synopsis, but I got entirely disappointed when I read the book. Don't do that to your readers. Your synopsis had a few areas where you could improve like 'He came to rock her world, but also changed in the process' eh...maybe a cliff hanger instead would make it more interesting? 

But that's just my opinion, you can totally keep it if you want! 

OVERALL: 

Keep writing! You'll get better in no time! 

Sorry if I repeated things. When I was reading your book, I had a google doc and I just wrote down a rough draft of this review while I read. It was really messy and had no sections of departments, and was even missing some departments, so when I wrote this one, I had to read the whole thing and pick out stuff for departments and add stuff.  

Sorry if this seemed rude! I tried to be blunt, but be nice at the same time! Thanks for choosing me to be your reviewer!