Title: What Matters Most

Author: SherePatrece

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 3/5

I think your summary is well structured and isn't terrible, but there are a few things I think could work better. You start the summary off with Leigh, but this seems so much more like Chase's story, at least from when I can tell from the first 15 chapters. So I would recommend starting off your summary with Chase, and introduce Leigh after. The other thing is that the summary only seems to explain what happens before the story starts, what gets Leigh and Chase to Atlanta. It's okay to include some of the backstory for context, but we need to know what to expect from the story that's happening now. So I would suggest making those changes so readers know more about the storyline beyond the fact that they'll be romance. Since it's a romance story, that much is expected. 

Grammar: 2/5

There were two majorly consistent issues that were enough to really affect the read and make it challenging to read, to the point of not being able to understand the story sometimes. Beyond these two issues the grammar was mostly okay, but the two issues were enough to really distract me.

The first is the constantly switching between past and present tense. It's super jarring for a reader. Here's a few examples, just from one chapter, but it was consistent in every chapter. To the point that I actually don't know which you were going for. I'm going to assume past just for the same of this example.

From ch. 14

Something was up though, she looked pissed. "Hey, is everything ok?" Chase asks.

>> Something was up though, she looked pissed. "Hey, is everything ok?" Chase asked.

Leigh sits back in a huff like she is finished, but then starts again.

>> Leigh sat back in a huff like she was finished, but then started again.

That's just two examples from the chapter but there were probably about ten or fifteen more from that chapter alone.

The second big issue was the dialogue formatting. Sometimes the dialogue was done right and sometimes it was done incorrectly, so not sure if it's just a matter of not proofing correctly or if you're not fully aware of how to format properly. Here are some of the errors so you can get a sense of how to do it properly:

From ch. 14 (and I'm also going to adjust the tenses here as well.

When using a question mark, you don't need to include the comma.

"Am I still invited to watch the game with you tonight,?" Leigh asks.

>> "Am I still invited to watch the game with you tonight?" Leigh asked.

When the same person is talking, you do not split up the paragraphs.

"I'm sure I'm overreacting but Christopher was supposed to call me today after his shoot, and he still hasn't called me."

"I'm not one of those clingy girls that expect..."

>> "I'm sure I'm overreacting but Christopher was supposed to call me today after his shoot, and he still hasn't called me. I'm not one of those clingy girls that expect...."

Make sure to separate the dialogue from the tag with appropriate punctuation and quotations marks.

"It's fine it's just beer, it will wash out Leigh said laughing. I better get home and get cleaned up," she says.

>>"It's fine, it's just beer. It will wash out," Leigh said, laughing. "I better get home and get cleaned up."

Consider using some kind of site like grammarly if you're having trouble with this. It will do wonders for your prose and it really helps the reader if there aren't so many errors on the page.

Character Building: 2.5/5

Chase was the character I felt was the most fleshed out in this. He has daddy issues, commitment issues, and seems like he wants to be a good guy but can't help but be kind of a rake. He seems like he definitely has something to learn in terms of making peace with his father maybe or learning to take something more seriously in life. I like how he begins because it leaves a lot of space for growth. He's flawed, and I like that. However, I think him going after his brother's girlfriend (even if he thinks it's just a game) makes him really unlikeable, to me. If that's how you want him to be, then it works, but just something to think about! I think there's also probably a space in the romance genre where this is a common trope, I just think it's fairly unmotivated and unrealistic to characters usually.

Leigh, on the other hand, feels like she doesn't have much of a personality yet. When she opens up about her dad passing we get a little more of a glimpse, but overall she doesn't seem to have any particular interests or flaws. I would recommend taking a deeper dive into her character if you haven't already. Do some questionnaires as her, take random quizzes pretending to be her. Think of her likes and dislikes. What is she bad at? What can't she handle? What's her flaw? How is she going to change over the course of the story?

Christopher is the same. There doesn't seem to be much to him yet. He's kind of a side character that doesn't get much page space, so he doesn't have to pop as much as Chase and Leigh, but he should have some flair/personality.

Other than the parents those are the only three characters in the first 15 chapters. If there are going to be any more side characters I would recommend introducing them sooner than what you have now. 

I don't know if you are a twin or know twins, but I would consider if not, talking to some real twins about what it's like. My roommate is an identical twin and a close friend of mine is also an identical twin. And both sets of twins hate any mention of "twin telepathy" or "twin special powers." They hate anything that makes them out to be special or creepy or like they're the same person. I would recommend reading Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell if you haven't yet. Because one, it's excellent, and two, it deals with the twin stuff really well. 

Writing Style: 1.5/5

I think this is the category where you need the most work. I think you'll get better with practice and time, but right now the writing style is lacking in a lot of ways. Here are a few things that you can focus on to help improve:

It's unclear whether it's present tense or past tense, first person or third person, at first. If it's supposed to be in third person, then keep your first person internal monologues to a minimum. A sentence or two at a time, and then only sparingly. You should never stick for first person for paragraphs at a time.

There too much telling instead of showing. Let things come up as they happen. For example, you introduce the twin brother in the second or third paragraph of the first chapter. Instead of just telling us how Chase misses his brother out of the blue, wait until a moment where he gets a text or call from his brother. Or something that reminds him of his brother that makes him think of him. Don't just give the info to us unmotivated, as that's what makes things feel like an info dump or feel like telling instead of showing.

The dialogue is too perfect. Everyone is saying exactly what they're feeling with no subtext, and the speech is a bit too proper. I would recommend reading it out loud. And think about the things people don't say, the ways they lie, the information they withhold. Think about the fact that some of these people (Chase especially!) should not be so self-aware as they are speaking. He is completely open and seems to completely understand perfectly his issues with his dad. But usually with that kind of tumultuous relationship, it's not so easy for someone to share about. Maybe he'll downplay it or hide it away or make jokes. Maybe he lashes out and knows he's angry but can't really so clearly put into words why his relationship with his father is bad. When Chris and Leigh talk, maybe they're not as open with each other from the start. What information do they withhold from each other? Why are they so flirtatious and open with each other right from the start? An exercise that helps me, maybe it will help you, is to take your characters and write a scene where they're fighting about something, but neither character is allowed to say what they really want or what they're actually upset about. How do they skirt the issue? How do they lie or manipulate? Do they know what they're doing or is it their subconscious? This is just a good exercise in trying to practice subtext.

Think about POV. We're in third person limited for the first two chapters and then in the third we jump to being third person omniscient and we go between Chase's thoughts and Leigh's. That's fine if that's how you want to do it, it's just a bit harder of a thing to pull off as it can be jarring to readers when not done in a crafty way.

There was very little to no description. Apart from knowing the "where" of their locations at any moment, I never really knew what anything looked like. Think about how the setting can play into what the characters are doing, what they're feeling. Try practicing setting the scenes a little more.

Hope that's helpful!

Plot + Originality: 3/5

So for context, I read ch. 1-15. So all of my thoughts/notes are about those chapters. I think you have an interesting premise with the boys switching their homes. That was kind of a fun thing to start out with. I thought it would mean we'd be following both brothers, one in Atlanta and one in New York, and I thought it was set up that they'd sort of switch lovers. I liked that as an idea for a romance book and felt that that was what was being set up.

However, as I read on past the early chapters, I started to think maybe none of that was accurate, and maybe the story really was just about Chase and Leigh. If it is, I'm not sure why we need the Christopher character. Or at least, why they have to be brothers or switching places like that. If my guess was accurate, then I think you need to devote more time to Christopher and Sidney, because right now they seem really unimportant to the story.

I think people will root for Chase and Leigh to get together. They have a fun, flirtatious sort of relationship that feels bound to get into the physical eventually.

I had some early notes on the first few chapters, then realized that a lot of the stuff I was noting happened in further chapters as well. So rather than keep giving the same note, I just kept the below. But a lot of the stuff mentioned applies to all of your chapters, so consider that!

Ch. 1

Rather than tell us all about Chris being the twin and Chase having an opportunity to come home, let the dialogue tell us. Rather than tell us about the dad and how he's disappointed, have one of them make a crack about it on the phone. Hint and hide your exposition within the story through dialogue or setting or other things, rather than just telling it all to us in an info dump.

Ch. 2

This is a lot of unmotivated telling. I think you could actually do away with this chapter entirely and instead just jump into the story by sticking with Chris going to Atlanta. That's the main storyline. The backstory stuff is stuff that can come up or that Chris can think about, but it's not actually a part of the current storyline.

Ch. 3

It feels like there should be a little more of a meet-cute moment here. Other than Leigh being attractive, what is it that Chase latches onto so much? Their conversation is relatively standard. What fun thing could come up or what inside joke could they have? They joke a little at the end but it isn't anything too particular or specific.

Ch. 5

Be careful of repeating things we already know. We know how they met, we know Chris is moving, we know he took Leigh to the wedding. Skip ahead to the part that's new story, otherwise readers can become disengaged. Consider just starting right at the moment where they're out and Chris is about to tell her.

OVERALL SCORE: 12/25

Sorry if this review was a bit critical! I think you have a good premise and are starting to form some solid character work. I know this is your first novel, and so I think a lot of what I'm noting will just come with time and practice if you KEEP WRITING. Good luck to you!