Title: Smoke and Mirrors

Author: SNNair

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 2/5

The summary does introduce the main character as a she-wolf, and hints at the antagonist, Damian. But other than that, it says nothing really of who the character is or what's going on in the story. The most interesting parts (that she's a warrior breaking boundaries for she-wolves, that there are gods and reincarnation involved) are all left out of the summary. You don't want to give away the story, but you definitely want to let readers know what they're getting into, and hook them with more than a generic storyline. The story has a lot of unique things, so I say go ahead and hint towards those things!

Grammar: 3.5/5

Overall, the grammar was fine, and the mistakes weren't too distracting. But there were lots of consistent mistakes that made the read a little more troublesome than it needed to be. There are often slips into present tense. Like in chapter one "The child begs..." "This phrase is repeated..."

There are also a lot of run-on sentences, using commas instead of periods, to the point where the meaning of the sentence is lost entirely. These are fairly easy fixes, and with some proofing would be corrected. 

Character Building: 3.5/5

I think what the story does best is create a lot of strong characters that are all really different from each other. The best thing about Sapphire is how strong and badass she is. She is a fierce warrior, and all the suffering she's been through to make her who she is has only made her stronger, and she doesn't let anything destroy her. That is a character we want to root for. When her full wolf comes out and she fights with all she has, it's something to behold and a lot of fun to read. What I wanted from Sapphire was that I wished I knew what she wanted, what the desires of her heart were. Yes, she wants revenge, but everything that she wants or does is in reaction or response to what others have done to her. I want to know, apart from all that, what is her north star? Doing the right thing, maybe? If so, how does that come into conflict and how does that change when Damian gets his hands on her? Her external arc (she was captive, then she's free) is fine and very straightforward, but what's her internal arc?

Damian also is a strong character in terms of having a backstory that describes why he is the way he is. However, he's so one-note, that he falls a bit flat on the page. We always know he's going to do the most evil thing he can do, which leaves little room for suspense or surprise. He has no nuances. This isn't a terrible thing, but as a character who we have to follow the POV of, it does make things a bit more static, as opposed to the dynamic nature of reading Sapphire's POV. It's easy to become a bit bored with Damian.

Chloe seems like she has the potential to be a very dynamic character, and one the readers could like a lot. But she only gets a couple of chapters and she's completely defined by her feelings towards her brother. It isn't until much later in the story that we even get any sense of what she wants or who she is apart from Damian and Sapphire. She cries over Sapphire but we don't really understand why. We get no glimpse of her life apart from her responding to the two of them. I'd love to see Chloe as a more fully fleshed out character, especially if she's going to be having her own chapters. The fact that she immediately cares for Sapphire shows that she's kind and caring, although how much she cares for her is a bit confusing. I thought maybe she knew her from before.

The goddesses were a lot of fun. The ways they meddle and interfere were bordering on comical, which was a nice touch to the story. I wasn't sure we needed their POVs, but I enjoyed reading them nonetheless. However, I also think there's a major lack of explanation of what their goals are. Why are they trying so hard to reincarnate this couple? Other than that they just feel a little bad because they died young and viciously? It seems like for whatever reason, this couple being reincarnated and finding love again is crucial to some kind of bigger world plan, but it's never made clear if this is the case or not. Which makes their actions really hard to engage with. I think we just need more information and more motivation from them. 

Writing Style: 2.5/5

In some ways, the writing style suited the tone and genre of the story. The description of pain and suffering were really beautifully done and heartbreaking to read. There were some great descriptions of blood and gore and fighting as well. But overall, I found the writing style a bit clunky and hard to read through. Lots of chunky paragraphs, run-on sentences, dumps of exposition, and odd word choices. A lot of the paragraphs were incredibly repetitive of each other, and could be cut down considerably while still maintaining the tone and pacing and plot of the story.

There are lots of descriptions of the actions of the characters (such as the torture) or the emotional experiences of the characters, but there is an overall lack of description about the setting or the world. I'd try to make sure you're painting more of a picture for the readers in terms of what things look like.

Plot + Originality: 2/5

Although this is a fairly standard werewolf/shapeshifter story, there are some elements that make it a bit more unique. I like the inclusion of the gods and the roles they play in bringing trauma and suffering to the characters. The inclusion of their plan to reincarnate the ill-fated lovers adds a layer to the story that makes it more dynamic and engaging. There are also a lot of strong messages and themes in the story (fighting back against those who do wrong, fighting against sexism, etc) that make it stand out.

Overall the story felt lacking in any real plot. Things happen, but there isn't much of a story structure or story arc. Essentially, Sapphire gets captured, tortured for a while, and then she escapes and finds another clan. Most of the story is just Sapphire getting tortured mentally, physically, and emotionally. Although some of these scenes and plot points are dynamic or interesting, overall it can get a bit tiresome to continue to read about another trauma or another torture scene. And there isn't much else to the story aside from the plot of the goddesses. Even the climax of Sapphire's escape was fairly lackluster. It didn't have that building of tension of climactic explosion that signified the end of the story. The story was also lacking a solid setup so that things could be paid off in a satisfactory way. I'd suggest checking out different story structures to apply here to give the story more of a backbone/frame for which to paint your vivid scenes.

Some more specific plot points to check out:

The opening is beautifully written, but it's a bit detached. First with the second person narrative (you, your) and also because the horrors that are being described are not tethered to anything I can see or understand. That makes them seem generic, like it could be any horror, any war, fight, terror. Although it's badass to have Sapphire enter and save the kid, I'd much rather start the story with Sapphire and with some understanding of what exactly is going on. It's great to start off the story with a bang, but if I don't know what's going on or who is fighting who or why, I'm going to lose interest really quickly.

Damian and Sapphire realizing they are mates feels really rushed. It's a crucial and important story moment but it happens in a paragraph and then is brushed over. Also be careful of relying too much on readers knowing all the elements of a werewolf story. It's good to establish and explain your own rules and world building in a way that is natural to the story. More to that end, I would have loved to see more world-building overall. The stuff with the clans and the warriors and wolfsbane and silver and the mates and the goddesses, all of that is really interesting and cool. And some of it is standard werewolf world building, but a lot of it feels unique to this story and I'd love to have seen that dived into a bit more.

The moment where her Lycan shows up in wolf form was really nicely done. Very powerful imagery and impactful speech, as well as a nice bit of worldbuilding. I love that her Lycan is trying to get her to keep fighting.

It's unclear why Sapphire blames the Moon Goddess for all her woes after their first meeting. She did not kill her family or make her go through all that when she was younger. The only thing she seems to be doing is trying to get her to love her mate, which is awful, but that doesn't mean she's responsible for everything. I don't understand why Sapphire blames her so much. Later, when it's revealed it was the goddess's fault, that makes more sense. But Sapphire doesn't know that yet at their first meeting.

The Bloodbath seems like a cool idea but I found myself confused. Sapphire challenges the girl so easily, it seems like something she does all the time, but then she reveals that people no longer do Bloodbaths, and it's a century-old tradition that has died out. She also has never seemed to have done one, so why did she challenge the girl? I have no idea what Sapphire's motivation is at this moment. She doesn't actually care that the girl is with Damian. Is she just offended by the girl's words? It seems petty and beneath Sapphire when her fight is obviously with Damian.

It's a bit unbelievable that the Moon Goddess and her sister made such an obvious and terrible mistake, and that they didn't catch it before now. And the Moon Goddess senses something is wrong with Sapphire's book but just ignores it? Even though they're in the middle of trying to figure out what went wrong? It's all a bit hard to believe and very convenient. It also is really unclear why they care at all. Be careful not to let plot points you need to happen make the characters seem dumb or unrealistic. The characters should drive the plot forward with their motivated decisions, not the other way around.

Why doesn't Sapphire kill Damian before she escapes? It would just take one slash of her claw at that point. She has the time and the means, but she just leaves instead?

Having Xander's POV suddenly at the end felt a little odd. We don't care about him really and he seems like someone who should be saved for the next novella. 

OVERALL SCORE: 13.5/25

Overall, there are a lot of interesting elements to this story about a kick-ass woman werewolf warrior, but the story failed to see a lot of it through. Readers will enjoy it for the main character, just to watch her suffer and kick butt, alternatively at different parts of the story. But what I found most interesting, such as the world and the plot with the goddesses, as well as some of the side characters like Chloe, were overall lacking in description and weren't fully fleshed out. The overall plot structure needs some work as well, but for anyone looking for a surface-level, fun (if you like torture stuff), werewolf story, they will probably enjoy this.