Title: 32 Days in a Month

Author: TheSamyP

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 4/5

The summary was pretty thorough which I liked! I enjoy the quippy logline followed by a longer synopsis format that you used. It introduces the character clearly as well as some of the struggles she is going through. The main issue with the summary was the grammar. This is the first view that readers are getting into your story so I would recommend having an editor look at it to clean it up for you. 

Grammar: 2/5

The grammar was not great in this story. It was riddled with errors. There were typos and formatting errors and many, many word choice issues as well as jumping from past to present tense quite frequently. A lot of the quippiness and humor of the story (and there's a lot of good humor!) was lost with all the grammatical errors that made it a lot more challenging to read. Some examples to display what I'm talking about:

"And the room was immediately silent. All the bidders, including the French auctioneer were looking at the woman who have just bid for a blue monochrome, abstract painting: me."

You're missing a comma and you slip into past tense. Should be: "And the room was immediately silent. All the bidders, including the French auctioneer, were looking at the woman who had just bid for a blue monochrome, abstract painting: me."

"I smiled. I was quite acquainted with this sentence, knowing well that dad turns into only and only Alec Brooks when he says so. He is aware that his words would not have quite an effect on me."

Incorrect word choice, repetition of "quite", and slipped into present tense. Should be: "I smiled. I was quite acquainted with this sentence, knowing well that Dad turned into the one and only Alec Brooks when he wanted to. He was aware that his words would not have an effect on me."

"Yes, that too drunk sex everytime. I wonder when I am going to have a romantic consensual lovemaking without be high and sleepy."

Incorrect verb conjugation, missing dashes, incorrect article usage. Should be: "Yes, that too-drunk sex every time. I wonder when I am going to have romantic, consensual love making without being high and sleepy."

I would recommend working with a proofreader or editor once you are finished with a final revision of your story, to get help to clear up a lot of the mistakes.

Character Building: 2.5/5

Eden is absolutely hilarious and that's the selling point of this story. She's so quippy and sarcastic and says all these things that most people would never say out loud let alone think. I like how you introduce her with the painting. She's confident in what she wants, even if other people don't believe it's the right decision. It's clear she knows what she's talking about. And the way her father treats her says a lot about their relationship. I did wish that we could have seen this side of her more throughout the story. I thought she was going to have this passion for art, but it was basically just buying the one painting and then that's it.

Eden is very unlikeable, but in a way that's mostly fun. That being said, for me, there were a few moments where she became unlikeable in a way that wasn't fun anymore. Like when she admitted to being racist against Latinx people or when she comments on young children's sex appeal. That's a choice on your part and isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some people will really enjoy those darker aspects of the story. It's just something to really consider for yourself, as that will definitely turn some readers off immediately to this character. But she's a risky character, so that might be a risk that you're willing to take. And I applaud that, even if it wasn't necessarily for me.

What is good about her being so unlikeable and having so many flaws is that she has a very clear arc and a clear journey to take. The way that all her relationships sort of come into question and how she has to start thinking about love and family and happiness is all done really nicely.

I really enjoyed the relationship between Eden and her therapist and Eden and her sister. With her therapist, they're very open and encouraging of each other, in unexpected ways. They're real with each other, in a way that I think Eden really needs in her life. Dana is completely honest with her. I would have liked to see their relationship unfold a bit more over the course of a few sessions, or over something that really bonds them. As it was, it felt like they went from strangers to knowing everything about each other even though it was never said in one session. Dana suddenly seems to know exactly who Eden is just based off that one meeting, consistently commenting on deep aspects of her character despite barely knowing her. Which, even though Dana is intuitive, is not very good therapist behavior as it's not very thorough. They have such a fun relationship, it would be great to see that actually be built up over several therapy sessions instead of just jumping straight to it. That would be my suggestion, to slow their relationship down just a bit.

For Eden and her sister Renata, and in some ways with her half-brother too, I love how mean they are to each other. It feels like a real sibling relationship, especially a relationship that was fostered in a fairly dysfunctional family. But it's clear that Renata actually really cares about Eden, even if Eden doesn't think so. And vice versa, Eden, despite all her talk of not being a part of her family, sure cares a heck of a whole lot about them and is really involved in their lives. This duality in her is really nicely portrayed.

As for Fox, I actually think he falls very flat compared to all the other colorful characters. Apart from being sexy, confident, and attractive, it's unclear what else he's about. What kind of person is he? After just a meeting or two, Dana and Eden seem convinced that he's not just a playboy and that he's a really good guy who is totally deserving of Eden giving him a real chance. But it's never shown or even told why they think this. Why do they know that he's a good guy? He's done nothing to prove it. He hasn't been behaving badly either, but he definitely hasn't done anything to prove his worth or show what a good guy he is. So why do they keep acting like he's the perfect guy? I would love to see him do something kind, or show how he cares for others, or show him doing something really clever. Whatever traits you think he has, show it to the reader in a very real way. That will make them fall in love with him. As is, we mostly just fall in lust with him. And if that's all you're going for, great, but if you're aiming for something deeper, then you have to go deeper.

So the relationship between Eden and Fox, to me, fell flat as well. I was totally in for them lusting after each other and just wanting each other sexually. That seemed to be what they were all about. But then they became so serious after two conversations. Eden seems to have fallen for him very quickly. And that is totally valid, people fall in love at first sight or after a few dates all the time! But it's hard to engage with someone who is falling when we haven't actually gotten to see a lot of meaningful or cute interactions between them. Their conversations are fairly standard, and half the time Eden is lying in them. So it's unclear to me where the love is coming from, despite it just being an attraction. Which it can be just attraction, that's fine, but then that has to be clearer.

As for Dana individually, I loved her as Eden's therapist but felt a bit perplexed by her character overall. When she's speaking to Eden as a therapist, it's great, but outside of that Dana's behavior is incredibly erratic, to the point of being nonsensical. After just meeting Eden, she wants her to hang out with her son. And then she blames Eden for Aurelio getting hurt even though it really wasn't her fault. She seemed really overprotective of her son in that moment, but if she is overprotective of her son, why is she pawning him off to hang out with Eden in the first place? Especially since she knows Eden has some issues she's working through and isn't in the best headspace to care for anyone right now? Essentially, I just don't understand any of Dana's motivations with that, and in other ways like giving Eden a beer and then getting mad at her for drinking it.

Overall, people are going to get such a kick out of Eden and they're going to really enjoy the fun, witty banter between her and Dana. The romantic relationship, I think, needs some building up. But Eden's arc is really clear, even though the story isn't finished yet. So that's nice!

Writing Style: 3.5/5

The writing was fairly easy to read and apart from the grammar and word usage issues, flowed well. There was humor in almost every line, which made it a really fun read. The humor laced throughout the story is definitely the selling point of this book, and what readers will enjoy most. Some of the lines said made me laugh out loud.

This is a story that's much more concerned with dialogue and emotion, so it's pretty bare in terms of descriptions (apart from describing sexy people). I think it's okay that this is a more dialogue and internal monologue driven story, but I think overall there could have been more description. There are times where certain descriptions (like the incense smell in Dana's office) break up the read and are not motivated by anything, so I would recommend instead looking at places where it's natural to set the scene a little more. Follow Eden's lead. What's she looking at? What is happening in the conversation that might make her look down to the floor or notice how a certain character is behaving? If you do that the descriptions will be motivated and feel natural to the story.

You could particularly use more descriptors between dialogue. Often it seems that characters are feeling a certain way or saying something with a specific tone but the reader has no idea what it is. It's hard to track how characters are responding to things, when they're joking versus when they're actually upset, if we don't get any sense of body language or tone or emotion between dialogue.

Plot + Originality: 2.5/5

I really enjoyed the setup of splitting up the 32 days with two chapters each. And the fact that one chapter always includes her session with Dana was nice. This is a bit of a gimmicky setup, but I think it works because it lets us suspend disbelief. I'm not asking too many questions about Dana's odd methods, and it gives the story a nice, quick pace.

As for the story itself, I think you do a good job of setting up who Eden is and where she's going to go. The way that her job, her family, her romantic life, and her therapy all intertwine together is great. Again, it makes us suspend disbelief, and we can go along for the ride instead of poking holes in the coincidences.

That being said, there were some plot points that I felt were too nonsensical/illogical to follow. The biggest one was how on earth Eden thinks she can get away with lying to Fox about who she is, and the fact that she gets away with it for so many chapters. His son is best friends with her brother. Everyone at the school knows who she is and knows who he is. He is best friends with her sister's fiancé. Fox and her father are business rivals. Fox is her stepmom's ex. Her family is often in the papers. Giving her a nickname of Eddie in her family is not enough to make me believe that this would ever work in a million years. She would be caught in two seconds, the second he mentioned her name to anyone in her family. I think in order for this plot line to work, Fox cannot be as connected to her family as he is.

I think you don't need to have all the connections. He can be a rival and he can be the stepmom's ex and that's more than enough of a connection. The reveal that he and the stepmom dated was really great. I loved that plot twist and it added a nice bit of tension and conflict to their romance. I would stick to that over some of the other connections.

The other plot point I didn't believe was the part about Renata's fiance buying out the company and that Eden would know about this. It was unbelievable on several points. Crazy rich businessmen don't become successful by believing in people blindly and not looking at the numbers. It's hard to believe Mr. Brooks, when shown proof that his future son-in-law might be messing with his company, would just shrug it off because he "trusts" him. He's an intelligent and successful businessman. If Julia knows about this, then the fiance isn't being very sneaky. The other thing is that Julia would tell Eden at all. Eden is not in the company and doesn't want anything to do with it (so she says). I don't buy gossiping as the reason she tells her. If this really is a threat to their company, Julia would be telling everyone in the company and handling the problem herself, not turning to someone who is not connected to the company and has no sway over her family members.

I think overall, a way to fix some of these things is to give Eden a bit more agency. Right now, everything is kind of happening TO her. People are telling her all of the things she has to know with little to no work on her part. It makes her inactive and it makes the story seem like a giant coincidence. Instead, have her poking around and figuring things out for herself. Maybe she's suspicious of the fiancé. Maybe she sees him taking a meeting while she's out with Fox and thinks he's up to something. But no one will believe her because she's the "disturbed" one. That to me is more believable and more fun to read because it makes her more active in her own drama and conflicts.

I want to take a second to talk about the chronicles. You mention in the blurb that she's a blogger and these chronicles seem like a big deal. But Eden never talks about it or even thinks about it outside of the actual blog posts that are between the days. What's her motivation? Why is Eden writing this? Would love to get into her head, since she seems to care about very little, why is she sharing her thoughts/feelings with the world? It seems really out of character for her, so I'd like to understand more.

That's it for my overall notes, here are some smaller thoughts as I read:

Dana is actually a name that means "Dane," as in, Danish. It's not a traditionally Hispanic name.

Why does she think Fox is American if he has an English accent?

Nice building of sexual tension between Fox and Eden. You describe Eden's attraction really clearly. You can feel the heat between them!

Nice twist with Fox and the stepmother. I was not expecting that and it definitely turned the story up a notch.

How did Alex know where Eden lives?

If Aurelio and Eden are going to go to the subway together, give them something to truly bond over, maybe something happens or there's an obstacle or someone shares a funny story that the other one relates to. Instead, you say they're going for this walk like it's a bigger plot point, and then nothing happens and it's summarized in a paragraph. If nothing is going to happen, there's no point in including it in the story.

Why does Alex almost tell Eden about Fox's secret when he doesn't trust her? I don't buy for one second that he would ever tell her anything.

OVERALL SCORE: 14.5/25

The best thing about this story is the humor. Readers will delight in Eden's twisted brain and will laugh out loud at her commentary and antics. The dialogue between the characters is a lot of fun, despite some of the grammatical issues with formatting and word usage. There's some great banter as well as some good sexual tension. The setup of the story works well, but there are some major plot holes and issues that should be addressed.

As an overall note that doesn't really fit in the other categories: I think you should consider doing a bit more research. Eden's character, her mental health issues, and her life in New York all feel a bit like details taken out of TV shows. She doesn't operate like a real adult in New York. I would recommend just really researching New York, and mental health in particular. But if you're also going to write a lot about business, I would recommend researching some of that a bit more as well! It's great to use your imagination in stories and I believe anyone can tell any story, but this one felt really not grounded in reality.

Side note about the cover: I would recommend finding a cover that does not have a famous person. At least, if you want this story to be taken more seriously. This image would never be able to be used outside of Wattpad, so that's something to consider.