Title: Pain

Author: anuvashah

Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Cover: 3/5

The cover is not bad. I would have liked, perhaps, if you had an ominous person in the corners almost faded so it gives you that eerie feeling.

Summary: 5/5

Your summary was fascinating, it piques my interest in the story, and I generally want to know more.

Spelling, Vocabulary + Grammar: 4/15

So your most significant problem I noticed was the punctuation in dialogue. You seemed to know when dialogue called for a question mark and exclamation mark; however, there was no punctuation present when you needed a full stop or a comma.

Dialogue requires a comma when a dialogue tag is used. A dialogue tag is phrases such as "I reply, he said, she whispers" and does not need to be capitalised.

Dialogue requires a full stop when action follows, and the first word after the dialogue must be capitalised.

If you need more information I have a chapter in my "Senpai, I have a question..." dedicated to dialogue and so does ray_of_sunshine9 in her book "101 Writing Tips from an Exhausted Reviewer".

"There is pain that is quite noiseless, MAKING human agonies a mere whisper in a hurrying existence." [Prologue]

"...robberies that leave MEN AND WOMEN FOREVER beggared of peace and joy..." [Prologue]

"...its edges are brimmed with hurt and pain, but if you dive deep enough, you will come upon a place where all you can feel is love." [Prologue]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Look out of the window," says my mother..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "It's so beautiful." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "When are we reaching," whines John..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Five minutes more," says my dad..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "What are you talking about?" asks John..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yes," he replies." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "I didn't," he says..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "It belonged to our ancestors." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Turns out our relatives are super rich," says Nick. [New Town]

"Plus it was on top..." [New Town]

"I didn't have to think before I answered that question..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "This is how every creepy movie starts." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Go out there and help your mother," says my father..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "I am just saying, John wouldn't be able to sleep alone tonight," [New Town] 

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Oh that's okay. I love ghosts," says John, "it's my new year's resolution." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "That's a lot of coffee," says Nick..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "...I need my coffee," I tell..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Cortland," he replies [New Town]

Is it spelt CORTLAND or COURTLAND as you have two different versions in the same scene?

"I am the new PREFECT so if you need anything, you can come to me," he tries to comfort me..."Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "He is a good guy." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Cool," I reply." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "My apartment is eight blocks from your house," he says..." [New Town]

Paragraph space before new dialogue "Just then a girl shows up..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "This is Emma," Nick introduces her." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "She is so funny." She laughs..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "I am home," I announce..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "They fought again." He sighs..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Your hot water IS ready, " he says..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Thanks," I say." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "I am glad I didn't donate you to the orphanage," I kiss him on the cheek..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Hey, Bree," she says..." [New Town]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Ally," she simply replies..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Nevermind, get lost," I tell him..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "...your head is a huge sack of potatoes," she says..."

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Ugh! I thought I already did that." She sighs..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Wha- uh- okay," I say..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yes." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "That means my brain HAS created you." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yes." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yes." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "In that case you won't mind if I bunk with John today." With that, I run..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Hey, Nick," I say..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "It's a New York thing," I assure him..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "You can help yourself with coffee." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "...I like to make friends." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "...I don't think the school janitor counts as a friend," I tell him." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Now Bree and John, don't start FIGHTING," warns my father." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "If Bree shuts up, everything would be alright," says John, "And as a matter of fact, I am so excited that I COULD jump off a bridge." [Big Day]

"...because the CLOSER we got to school..." [Big Day]

Paragraph line before new dialogue "Heyyyy, Breeeeeee," she says..." Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Hey, Bree," she says..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Shoot me," I whisper..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yeah, Bree Clifford," I introduce myself..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Yes! Otis Cooper," he says..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "YOU'RE welcome," he continues..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "I know what lockers are for," I tell him..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "No, it's just a four digit thing," he says..."

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "Okay, I think I have got this," I assure him..." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "See you later," he says as he skips to his class." [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "He is kinda cute," whispers Ally." [Big Day]

"of course" is two words [Big Day]

Missing ending punctuation in the dialogue "He is so not my type," I tell her..."

Sentence Structure + Paragraphing: 11/15

Paragraph line before "That's the way life works."

Description: 3/5

There was a description, but it was a bit inconsistent. We found out what Nick looked like, and what Emma liked like, but that was it. Though the pair went to Starbucks, it's still good to describe the location, set the scene and the mood for the readers.

At times you did describe, but I believe you could've taken it further; when Bree notices the streets are empty, you could've gone more in-depth with how it made her feel, was it empty in a sense there was no one walking around or ghost town empty? That would've made the lone girl on the other side of the street that even creepier.

Plot Development: 2.5/5

From the summary, I have an idea of the plot, and that was confirmed at the end of chapter one. As there were only two chapters it's hard to say a critique in this section thus I am giving you half.

Characterisation: 2/5

Much like the plot, I haven't got an opinion on the characters. Unfortunately, that includes Bree. I would say we still have a lot to learn of the characters.

Character Interactions + Relationships: 2/5

Not really much; Dad's the strict one, brother's annoying, and her cousin is the cool one. I haven't seen much to make me invest in these characters.

Creativity + Originality: 3/5

The concept is exciting imaginary best friend. I've heard of this plot before, but yours is the first one I've read.

OVERALL SCORE: 35.5/60

Aside from the grammatical errors, and the description of your foundation is quite good. With a bit more research and learning, you'll do fantastic.

AND! Before we wrap up this review, a quick note from ray_of_sunshine9.

This is, unfortunately, JJ's last ever review for the Treasure Community. They have decided to resign as a reviewer, and honestly, I just want to say thank you. 

JJ, you have been a fantastic reviewer. You have the patience to list out every single grammatical error, you have never left me hanging when it comes to responses, and you've been incredibly organised and kind throughout your journey in the community. 

Thank you so, so much for being one of my beautiful reviewers! I'll miss you a lot, and I wish you all the best in all your endeavours.