Title: Letters in the Whirl of Time

Author: GiftiFikir

Reviewer: Prince_Pretence

Cover: 1/5

It's messy, unorganised and doesn't serve much to the story. We have been advised from ages ago to not judge a book on its cover, but the truth is that a book is always judged on its cover. Cover for this book doesn't really tell us anything about the book other than the title. Too many colours and too amateur execution. It can be done better by designing something that tells us more about the story.

Blurb: 4/5

One thing that almost instantaneously caught my eye was the improper formatting. I'm assuming that 'sky' and 'star' are characters here, which means that these names work as nouns. A lot of missed spaces and grammatical errors. I loved Star's part, though. Man, the character has a lovely vocabulary.

To the content of the blurb. This is one of the few times that even though the blurbs haven't filled the reader on four main aspects: aim, characters, setting, and stake, it is still fascinating, and we want to know more. Sky's words here are pure innocence and curiosity. At the same time, Star is limited in her dialogue and explains why Sky is so curious. From what I gather, Letters In The Whirl Of Time runs in two different spaces. Miamor is a setting, a location where one side of the things happens, and I side with Sky's questioning about where is it from and how? While I love Star's vocabulary, I could not understand what is the character referring to? Befall of a disaster? Star's name is perhaps, Hannah, as Sky has referred to, so is Hannah replying to the same letter? If so, then what attack is she formulating? She is royalty or someone with high social standing that I know. So far, there's a mood in the whole thing: Sky is the curious commoner, and Star is the mysterious royalty. I'm hooked to know how these two are communicating, why, and who they really are to call themselves 'sky and star'.

Grammar: 3/5

For the most part, Grammar is sleek. The word choice is quite flowery at times. Like in the blurb. Where, at one point, I almost questioned my own extent of vocabulary. As far as the tenses and typos go—there are none. Then again, I'm not the most prominent judge of Grammar. One difference that I've noticed is that the language is distinctive when the story runs in the form of letters between Sky and Star. The 'voice' of the writing, [writing style, in one sense] changes to something more uniform but extremely simplistic when the narrative turns to focus on Sky or Star alone [the non–letter part]. This is not bad, yes, but the details in the non–letter parts are not enough to tell us more about the Sky and Star, which is why I'm unable to decide what purpose those parts serve. Especially, given to the fact that the non-letter parts exist only for the first few chapters. More on this in Plot and Writing Style sections. As for Grammar alone, lesser adverbs and adjectives will do. Websites like Hemingway Editor can be used for basic editing [I'm not the official sponsor of Hemingway Editor, I swear]. Also, the formatting throughout the book is literally rammed into each other. I think this might be a problem because the story was written in Notepad or some software of the ilk and directly copied to Wattpad's editor. It's not a grammar error, but it definitely took away the visual value and made it hard to read the text.

Character Building: 2.5/5

The story has developed. The characters? To know character development, I must know the characters from the lens that they aren't holding. Star, who engages in one side conversation for the better part of the first few chapters, is shy, a young woman [or, girl?] who believes in freedom and her choice, at least when it comes to marriage. To be honest, I love the character as she is. No, not her misery, but the part where she wants to stand up for herself, but cannot do so because that doubt, inability to speak up, and general confusion is gnawing her. She is the epitome of a strong [female] character whom I like and can relate to because not all of us are Disney Princess with a sharp tongue who can just speak when they want to. No. Star's efforts to be a part of her family and stand up for herself are as heartbreaking as they make her 'human' and make me want to support her. She is a lovely, kind person—something that I've never regarded a character before. She is optimistic, a bit early on patience, and, overall, acts really human. I don't think if I've ever seen a 'royal' or 'rich,' 'strong' and 'female' character before who is so real and beautifully shown through the thoughts they're sharing in a freakin' letter!

Which is where I come to the 'development' part. I'm sure it's a bit too early for me to ask for development [I read until 11th chapter], but I'd like to know if I should hope for development. Will I ever see Star stand up for herself, and take what she thinks she deserves. This can be quickly done with her thoughts in the letter. Maybe she asked her sick sister's family to screw away and took her to the hospital? Perhaps she told her aunt or her annoying, bratty children to put a stop to there bullshit because she is a guest, not a servant? Maybe she could kick one of the annoying, masochist suitors in the nuts and ask them to leave without even bothering? Of course, that doesn't mean she has to be 'mean.' Think of real life, where such a shy, suppressed person suddenly decides to take a stand. Will they just go around kicking asses? I don't think if in today's fictional world, 'kicking asses' is even a real development. Nope, it isn't. The point is, we need to see even bare glimpses of either Star breaking further, or building up. The readers will want to know if she will grow up from her misery, become her own hero, or embrace the suffering and become a villain. This story is kind of self–discovery one, I assume. Self–discovery does not mean that the main character can't be a hero or a villain. It doesn't require a cape or some kick-ass power or a war to be won or something to be lost to become a hero or villain. I've never, actually, seen an ordinary character become a hero or villain that isn't one of the Disney Princess or Marvel Cinematic Universe's villains, so maybe Star can be that normal person hero we all need. Not just for herself, but for Sky as well.

Which brings me to Sky. Sky is being bullied, and the character has broken, I think. After the part where she is followed and then she stops replying to the Star, as a reader, I knew that something terrible has happened to her. But then by the 9th Chapter, when Star accuses her of being irresponsible and breaking the promise, she replies in kind of a fit and doesn't either explain why hadn't she shared her misery before. Which is understandable, to begin with. She speaks things that I don't know what she is talking about. So it's hard to note what Sky's character is all about. What purpose does she serve in the story? What will happen next to her?

Then comes the 'Nobody' and after trying to understand who is writing to whom, I lost it. In 10th Chapter, I think it's Star writing the letter to 'Nobody,' but the fourth line of the second para says this:

Star is suffering. She wrote that she lost her mother.

I'm sorry, what? All the letters between Sky and Star are in the story. They are the base of the story. And I might have missed it, but nowhere I remember Sky or even Star herself, for that matter, mentioning that they lost anyone. After this, it's total confusion, the utter chaos of who is writing these letters, and to whom. It is at this point, where some other questions begin to arise that could've been easily ignored had the timeline been consistent throughout the story, and had we known, what this story is about. More on this in Plot.

Apart from the main protagonist, and who felt like the main protagonist judging from the blurb, other characters are diverse and equally—the word, I believe, is imaginable. I appreciate the description and the sound of Star's family, which also proves that Star is an excellent writer, capable of awaking hundreds of emotions and drawing quite the picture with her limited words alone. The part where she talks about her father's behaviour towards herself is quite heartbreaking. And sadly, relatable.

In conclusion, the characters are here. Development might happen, as well. But the readers don't know how or in which areas will they develop. How to fix this problem? Fix your plot.

Writing Style: 4/5

Let's talk about the writing style. As I mentioned once, sometimes the words get too flowery. The visual description attempted to glorify or vilify through mere big chunks of words. Another best example of this is the opening para of the 10th Chapter. I failed to comprehend a single word. Apart from that, I LOVE Star's vocabulary and writing. I've nothing more to tell about writing style, except for some more critical things that I think fit in the same genre as writing style.

The parts after the 'letter' portion in the first three [or so?] chapters. What is their aim? With Sky's part, I understood it until the 9th Chapter, where she mentions about some guy saving her because of her wailing [I think?] and immediately thought that something might have happened after that man in so–and–so Chapter followed her. But then Star mentions that Sky's mother has died? And I lost the entire string again. The same goes for this 'Nobody' person, whose replies went totally over my head. I could not comprehend what they were trying to say. Is that Angela? Why did Hannah write to this person, to begin with? More on this in the Plot section.

Apart from that, I, personally, couldn't grasp the timeline. One more critical thing that thoroughly kicked me out of the book was who the narrator is? For the first few chapters, it's clear that the rich girl from Miamor is Hannah, aka Star. The girl from Earth is Angela, aka Sky. But then comes the part where Star 'supposedly' writes to this Nobody and mentions that Star's mother is no more. My misery had no end when the 11th Chapter is signed off by 'Sky, currently trying to make Darcy a beautiful young lady.' I'll accept that I didn't read the 11th Chapter properly because suddenly, the story has all the characters from Pride and Prejudice, and Satan knows that the book annoys the living hell out of me. Apart from the very personal reason, I seriously had no idea why suddenly the whole cute scene with the postie guy turned to Darcy and Elizabeth! I simply hope this is some kind of wrong posting or something.

Plot + Originality: 3/5

Originality, until the whole Pride and Prejudice part was excellent. Despite the complete disarray with the plot that I'm about to talk, I wanted to know what Star will do and what is going on with Sky. So, an excellent job of keeping the story original and fresh. But let's come to the plot.

Where do I even start? As an average reader, I have a few things to ask and tell. Is the entire book supposed to be in letter format? Then why the little show on Hannah and Angela's personal lives in the beginning chapters? If the author wanted to show the whole 'someone's stalking them' part, they could've done the same through the letters. Sky and Star telling each other that someone is stalking them [like Star spoke about the postie] and how weird they're being stalked. That could also give Star a more prominent reason to worry and prompt her to take some action.

Then comes the letters themselves. As far as my instincts tell me, I'm divided equally on 'what relevance does the whole letter system to communicate, how did it start, and why these two people' holds importance. There's a good chance that all these questions have been answered in further Chapter. But despite that, there are some things to keep in mind: it's good to break the rules and write your story the way you want. But that would've been the case had the author been writing, for themselves alone. And I don't think that's the case, given that they have asked for a review. So, coming back to point, if the story is supposed to be carried on between letters, do it more smartly, hinting at both the characters' lives beyond what they've written THROUGH what they're writing. Example: Star telling about her pains with how she is being treated by her family members. The part where Sky finally replies to Star could've been a pioneer in talking about characters' lives and progress, had the entire scene been clear enough as to who is talking and about what.

Now, why I don't think that the entire story is based merely on letters? In addition to the actual narration of the letters in the first few chapters, the whole 'revolution' part in the blurb. If that's the book's path, I suggest that this format be made consistent with regards to writing. And not consistent by showing Star cry about Sky or herself, for the mere sake of format. Instead, some solid information and progression on the plot. Like the part where Sky is being followed and then she stops replying. We also don't get any catch–up on Star's stalker, so there you know what I mean to say by figure out your plot.

Yep, you must. To break it to you simply, right now, the story is divided into these individual, tiny, exciting plots. Like, Star's marriage. Her crush on the postie. Her friendship with Sky. Sky's absence. These are like, episodes from a television show, not plot of a book. The big plot is missing. Blurb spoke of Sky wanting to know more about Miamor, but Sky herself is absent from the story. Blurb also showed us Star hoping to start a revolution—but for what? Personally, I understand and maybe, see where the whole blurb fits in, in the story, because I'm a line reader. I TRY to read between the lines, so I can see where does the revolution comes in or why Sky wants to know about Miamor so desperately. But I don't know what is the big plot here. How does all this weave into each other? How will Sky effect Star, vice–versa, who's Nobody, and why is there Pride and Prejudice halfway through the book.

To be honest, I don't think I've any suggestions on how to improve the plot, because again, I don't know what's the plot. What makes the skeleton of a good plot? Four elements: characters, setting, aim, and stakes. These were not present in the blurb of the book, which made me realise that there's going to be some kind of problems halfway through the story. And I wasn't wrong. Because I, for one, having read the 11th Chapter, do not know where all this is going. Is this all just about Sky and Star's self–discovery? Then the story had held that string fine and well until the 10th Chapter. Here's where things start to get messy, and I don't know what did I read after that. Literally. Maybe I'm thick-skulled, perhaps I'm stupid. But for having read at least a hundred books to this day, I can say that if I'm still ignorant or unable to understand the plot, this is the book's fault. How? Because a book is supposed to be easy for its readers to understand, no matter how dumb they are. Especially fictional stuff, where the author is at liberty to create everything from scratch. If your reader still complains about not being to pinpoint where the story is going, the author must revisit their book.

OVERALL SCORE: 17.5/30

Take an empty paper. Write down, in one line, the story that you want to tell your readers. Not Sky's story, not Star's story, but the mere tale of two young women/girls trying to overcome their weaknesses [or whatever the story might be]. Then chart down these four: characters [main and leading side characters], setting [where is the book taking place; in two different universes; does this point hold any relevance to the story? Like a fantasy book where the characters finally meet each other for some big war? Or are metaphorical settings, existing merely to show the differences between the characters], aim [what are the characters working towards, what this story aims to achieve; story, not your book. There's a difference], stakes [and what is the risk here]. Then write down the plot, point–by–point. What happens first, what next, where things go all down the shithole, and how the characters rise. At this point, decide what you want the book to tell, and then choose a narrator. Who is your narrator significantly affects your story. It can be both Sky and Star, or an omniscient third–person; the only requirement is consistency. If you need more help, I'll include a link in the comments section to help you more.

With this, I'll suggest that while I recommend a re-plotting if you feel like you should complete this plot, feel free to do so. But as a reader, I know that I won't be able to proceed after the 9th Chapter because I lost the entire story there.

In conclusion, I will say that the book's primary story is beautiful, characters realistic, and I want to read more and know what's going on. I'm happy to see a woman who tries to build herself up, but not at society's stake for a female character who is being forced to abide by society's rules. Because I'm really tired of women being depicted as 'badass' or 'self–serving' only when they directly break the rules. I'm sorry, but this isn't Disney's fictional world where Mulans and Jasmines exist who can just go against the law and get whatever they want. As humans, we have much more to worry about than stupid rules, and things don't come for us that easily. We are cowards, all of us, and it takes time for us to realise that no, enough is enough. Even then, we just don't decide, 'hey-today-is-a-good-day-let's-revolt-against-our-family-run-away-take-up-someone's-identity-and-strive-for-ourselves.' If running away was that easy, I'm sure all the teenagers in this Coronavirus quarantine would've have been halfway across the globe by now.

All that I've said throughout is only meant to help the author. I, in no way, judge or rate their skills and talents; my words are meant for the book they're writing. The critique is not even for the story itself, because I believe that it can be a lovely, out-of-the-clique story if corrected a little. It'll be a refreshing read, a real motivating one—something that one can enjoy. I hope this review helps you in any way to tell a more extraordinary story in a better way. If I've hurt you in any way, my apologies. That never was or will be my intention. I just tend to go with the flow, especially when it comes to something that I really love. I wish you all the best with Letters In The Whirl Of Time. If you've any further questions or doubts, just comment down.