Title: Ages

Author: -_-creativity-_-

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

While you have explained a bit of your story, and there aren't any grammatical errors that I can spot, not all the elements of the summary are there. Additionally, some parts don't make much sense.

Let's go through your summary step-by-step. The first two sentences are great! You draw the reader in with a question, good job!

The next paragraph is also good, you introduce your main character and her friends. But what do you mean by the myths and tales being more alive than the humans themselves? Additionally, where is this story set? What exactly is the dilemma? It's not quite clear yet. What are the stakes--what happens if Mia doesn't solve this problem?

You do try and answer these questions in the last sentence: Can Mia and her friends unravel these secrets before it's too late or will they be kept away for AGES?

What exactly does 'kept away for ages' mean? Are they imprisoned or something? While I do like the title reference, perhaps consider rephrasing it. It sounds quite awkward and makes little sense. So instead of focusing on making a title reference, just try and make sure it's a little more understandable. Other than that, a decent summary!

Grammar: 2.5/5

Overall, you knew your basics when it came to grammar, but there were still a lot of errors and typos. Here are some of the ones I found.

In Chapter 1, you had a sentence that said:

then I woke up.

There needs to be a capital letter on "then" and you should remove the double space between it and "I".

In Chapter 3:

"Look, I know you're nervous but we won't hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of us" she cooed.

Always make sure to put punctuation at the end of your dialogue! I can understand that it may be easy to slip when editing, so I recommend doing some rereads and edits after finishing the chapter.

Chapter 4:

I had joked about Lilly being a flying google and teased Em; She had gotten healing...

This mistake was not just in chapter four, but it's where I got my example from. There's no need to capitalise a letter after a semicolon. It connects these two independent clauses, which is why capitalising a word after it doesn't make much sense. Also, while you can leave "google" as is (according to my research), it's best if you do try capitalising it as it is a company and is trademarked.

Also in Chapter 4:

"It was a trap," Kelly guessed. The goddess gestured. "Just too late did I understand. I was a captive to my own impulses."

Whenever you have a new speaker, make sure you are also on a new line. Otherwise, it can get very confusing. Make sure that when Hera replies, it is on a new line.

Chapter 5:

She possesses a scent like new blossoms of spring and simultaneously like death....the demise of similar blossoms.

An ellipsis (...) should only ever have three full stops (or periods). No more, no less.

Chapter 6:

Couldn't we just get one of those demigods' pegasus?

Since there are multiple demigods, and, presumably, multiple winged horses, I'd recommend saying pegasi instead of pegasus as "pegasi" is the plural form.

Also Chapter 6:

...my arm too has left it's enclosure.

There's a difference between "it's" and "its". It's is a contraction. It stands for "it is" or "it has". Its is what you use when something belongs to an object or just anything that you'd describe with "it". So, it should be "its" instead of "it's". Also, you need a comma before and after "too". Try:

...my arm, too, has left its enclosure.

Lastly, be consistent with your dashes. There are three types of dashes. -, –, and —. The shortest one (-) is called a hyphen. It's what you use to connect words (blue-eyed, for example). The next one is an en dash (–), because it's the size of the letter "n". You usually use it to connect dates (1983–1994). Lastly, is the em dash (—), the size of the letter 'm'. You'd usually use it like you would a comma, just a little less often as it can be jarring to see so many em dashes on a page. Here is an example sentence.

The breeze was chilling tonight—and it's as if she can feel someone watching her.

Also, your tenses shifted a bit. Make sure to keep them consistent. Either past or present tense, there's no in-between. As well as that, when talking about two people, you'd say: I and [character name]. Such as: I and Em. This is incorrect. It should be Em and I. (Not Em and me, either, that's wrong, too.)

Overall, you definitely know your grammar basics, but I'd recommend going back to find these errors (and others I may not have caught) and just rereading and editing your draft.

Characters: [no score -- not added to final score]

I like judging characters after I know them for a bit, and I don't think six short chapters is enough to do that. But I did have some things I wanted to say.

Firstly, there's an inconsistency with your main character's name. In the summary, she's called Maia, but then in the story, she's called Mia. Make sure you choose one name and stick to it.

Also, it's a good idea to give us some semblance of your characters' personalities within their first few introductory paragraphs and chapters. While this is not a writing rule per se, it's also a good idea to let a character's first line of dialogue explain their personality. I didn't get much of their personalities from the few chapters I knew these characters, so it would be a good idea to flesh them out a bit more and to show your audience what kind of people they are and the dynamics of their relationship with the main character.

Writing Style: 3/5

While I do think you have a great style, and I know this section is hard because writing style is very subjective, I do think some things could be improved upon.

Firstly, in Chapter 4, there was this phrase:

Hera smiled unfortunately.

What does this mean? You can't smile unfortunately, that doesn't make much sense. I'd recommend using another adverb in its place, and that brings me to my next point: adverbs. A lot of people despise adverbs and tell writers not to use it at all, which I don't agree with as I think adverbs can really add emphasis, but, you need to know when to use them. If you use it in a phrase:

She smiled happily.

Then it's useless because I already know that she's smiling happily, the verb 'smiling' is already telling me this. But, if you use it like this:

She smiled sadly.

Then this gives me a lot more information. Make sure to use adverbs only when necessary, otherwise use stronger verbs.

Also, try to keep your writing more active. This makes it more engaging to read. By this I mean instead of using a passive voice (that's stuff like: The clothes were hung by the boy) use a more active one (The boy hung the clothes). This way, it makes the readers feel as if they are more into the story.

Lastly, synonyms. A lot of the words you used were words you probably wouldn't see often in casual sentences, but they have different connotations and mean different things. Sometimes, sentences would sound a bit off, as you wouldn't usually use a word like that in a sentence. It's good to use more complex words, but that doesn't mean you always have to.

Plot: [no score -- not added to final score]

Since there are only a few chapters, I didn't know much of the plot. However, I love the set-up (though that's probably me, as I'm biased to all things to do with mythology). I'm excited to see how this world works and how the gods exist and what they do, especially since it's set in the future. One thing I noticed though, on the topic of it being set in the 2050s, you reference Aladdin, a Disney movie that in 1992. Considering the distance between these two periods, I'm not sure someone living in the 2050s would reference a movie like that. Just try to keep it consistent with the time frame.

OVERALL SCORE: 8.5/15

I definitely think you have an interesting premise and the beginnings of a book with great potential. I can't wait to see where you go with it. There are some issues with grammar, writing style, and your plot and characters, but these are easy fixes. Overall, good job!