Title: Thorns and Roses: How We Met

Author: 11drac11

Reviewer: Fayesther

Blurb: 5/5

The blurb is informative and a nice length. Starting with a quick introduction to the story and the themes of the book. Next including a bit of information about each of the four main characters. Then finishing it off with snippets of the story, displaying your writing style, which, in my opinion, is a good choice. A very clear blurb that works well for this story. 

Grammar: 2/5

I noticed a few recurring grammar errors throughout this story. One in particular that stood out was your use of the word (and the variations of) "told". A lot of the time you use "told" meaning "said". Although they technically mean the same thing, they are words that can't be used in the same way. The word "told" (and its variations), when written in this context , only works in a sentence if both parties are included within the written interaction (i.e. "I told you", "He was telling me" etc.)

There were a few other instances where you have clumsy word choices within your writing – I tried to pinpoint a few as I read, I hope you found this useful.

When writing dialogue make sure to use a new line for every new speaker – this helps the reader to keep track of who is saying what.

And lastly, a quick nit-pick - when writing numbers in prose, using the words looks better on the page, than digits.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Overall I found your writing style effectively engaging. The structure of this story is sound and the majority of it flows nicely. However, there were places where it got repetitive. For example: In chapter three, you repeat the word "lava" quite a few times.

Usually I do not like it when writers use more modern colloquial gimmicks within their writing, such as, adding extra letters to words, using all caps within narration etc. However, I found that this worked well to express Kajal's personality within her narration. Therefore it fit nicely within this story and was a well thought out, yet unique, choice to enhance the story. That being said, I don't think you should've used this tool when you changed the narrator later on. In my mind, the adding of extra letters to words is a "Kajal quirk" and ensuring that you keep it to only Kajal's POV will help distinguish between the narrators even more than you already have done successfully within other aspects of your writing.

I loved the moments where your narrator (Kajal) gets distracted from the story and has brief aside thoughts. I thought that was a really cool idea. It gave me a television drama sort of vibe, where the main character breaks the fourth wall and speaks to the viewer.

You are really good at describing actions within more dramatic scenes, you made these parts really exciting!

A small nit-pick within this section is; I think Kajal's rants at Irshad in the earlier chapters are a bit long-winded, I think it would benefit the reader if you broke them up a bit. You could do this by adding actions or gestures she might be doing as she rants.

Characterisation: 4.5/5

I love your characters! They are clearly well thought out and you portray them so well on the page.

Kajal is young and naive. The way she reacts to the situations she is thrown into is very relatable. She is decisive and strong despite her hardships.

Zuha is the best! Every woman needs a Zuha in their lives and thank goodness that she's there for Kajal! She is firm but caring and dependable. I love how tough she is when she meets Irshad and Zakir for the first time. She also has a mysterious side that I really was excited to explore.

Irshad was a strange one, I couldn't really get my head around him. His motives seemed to be unclear and I never really knew what his true feelings were. This of course is not a criticism, I think that is exactly how he came across to Kajal, and therefore, you captured his character wonderfully.

Zakir is brilliant! He is like the male version of Zuha and I found him really fun in every scene he was in.

Kajal and Irshad's relationship moved unnaturally fast. Seeing how they met was being that traumatising situation, I felt that Kajal was irrationally calm and unusually loving towards him. Irshad also moved incredibly fast I think. I think it would benefit the story if you included a few more chapters explaining both of their thought processes between their first meeting and when Kajal tells him she's pregnant, because without this information this part of the story comes across as incredibly illogical and unrealistic. That being said, once they're married, their relationship moves in a much better pace and I found their connection charming.

Zakir is a wonderful contrast to Zuha's hard exterior. As soon as I saw their first interaction I could see them getting together – the chemistry is strongly there from the very start! I love that you included Zuha's terrible cooking throughout the story and that Zakir is a good cook – this is such a good place where these two can work together in compromise; he can cook and she can make the coffee. But, there were times where I found Zakir's behaviour a bit too similar to Irshad's, especially in scenes involving him and Zuha wrestling with their emotions. It will be nice if you gave him more personality traits that are unique to him, to show the reader a bit of variety – you made Kajal and Zuha's personalities very different and their dynamics work really well.

There are good moments where each individual brings out the best in their partner. Kajal brings out Irshad's caring side and Zakir brings out Zuha's sense of humour.

I also appreciate that both the different couples display different balances of power – between Kajal and Irshad – Irshad has power over Kajal on the surface and with Zuha and Zakir that is swapped around – Zuha cannot easily be tamed.

Plot: 4/5

I like the idea of your story being set in another world. The world map with the place names was a nice addition. But because you decided to do so, I believe it is important for you to explain more about this world's history; this will help the reader understand where your characters are coming from better. It'll be good if you went further into the politics and military background, also the different religions that are briefly mentioned. A part of the story that this affects the most is when Zuha is re-introduced and we see her perspective. The world suddenly changes drastically and the story seems disconnected because of it.

A nit-pick relating to this point also – where you describe a man's accent as Italian distracted me from your story's world, for the world they live on doesn't have an Italy (I assume). It would be better if you mentioned that they have an accent belonging to a place on the map you provided, then add a small author's note saying that its similar to Italian to help the reader picture it better.

I did find the story as a whole very interesting. You have a brilliant hook at the start – when Kajal and Irshad have their first interaction within a crazy situation that is traumatising and filled with mystery. This scene sparked my curiosity and I was eager to learn more about their situation and what would happen next.

As I read, I was not disappointed. This story went to places I was not expecting. I loved the drama! Once Kajal found out she was pregnant I was so intrigued. I wanted to see how she would cope, how her relationship with her sister would change and what will happen with Irshad!

I found the interactions between Kajal and Irshad very interesting, you explore Kajal's insecurities and Irshad's desperation to prove himself in fantastically thought out scenes. Zuha and Zakir's interactions were also written incredibly well and flowed nicely from where you left off Kajal's narration.

A story that explored two separate relationship journeys - that show different situations and very different personalities. All leading up to terrible betrayal and uncertainty. I was not ready for that ending! It took me completely off guard! However, it works perfectly as a cliffhanger leading to the next book of the series.

OVERALL SCORE: 19/25

An intriguing story that's full of drama and charming, romantic moments. I loved the mystery included and the characters were truly brought to life on the page. There are a few things to add and tweak to improve this story: adding more world-building and back story. Also editing grammar issues here and there. These are things that I know that you'll be able to achieve with no real issue. You are a talented writer and you have a try exciting series on your hands!

Thank you so much for asking me to review this incredibly dramatic story! I hope you found my feedback helpful.