Title: Friendships and Other Disasters

Author: pour-me-some-liquor

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 5/5

I really like the title! It fits your story perfectly with a charming and humorous edge.

The cover is simple and aesthetically pleasing. The colours used set the tone beautifully and the title stands out nicely in a well chosen font. I have no qualms whatsoever for this section!

Good overall packaging! Awesome!

Description: 5/5

The description is wonderfully laid out and at the ideal length (if you've read any of my other reviews, you'll know I'm a fan of short and sweet descriptions).

You have given the reader a little taste in your writing style, introduced your two main characters and showcased your story's concept in a well managed display. You have given the reader the perfect amount of information to get them hooked in. Well done!

Grammar: 2/5

On the most part, your story was easy to follow. However, I had noticed a few issues here and there with your grammar that I would like to mention.

I noticed a few sentences where your choice of words don't let the story flow as nicely as it could.

An example of this is this sentence in Chapter 1:

"Listening his name, he gets up and turns around."

Swapping "listening" with "hearing" would make this sentence make more sense.

Your dialogue punctuation had some issues. In speech, if you include "he said", "she said", or any other speech tag, you need to put a comma before the closing speech marks, as that tab is part of the same sentence.

Example:

"Come on. Let's go. We have to get there before it gets dark." Dad says.

Edited: 

"Come on. Let's go. We have to get there before it gets dark," Dad says.

Also, if the speech is followed by a pronoun, the pronoun needs a lower case letter, regardless of the punctuation used immediately before the closing speech marks ("I" being the exception).

Example:

"Yes, honey?" He replies.

Edited: 

"Yes, honey?" he replies.

- A nit pick: Exclamation marks are a good addition to put in if your character is shouting or yelling.

Spelling out numbers looks nicer on the page, rather than using digits.

Careful when talking about single and plural objects. Make sure you remember to change the wording of your sentence to accommodate.

Examples: 

(Singular) 

"The hallway which are off-white in colour,"

Should be:

"The hallway which is off-white in colour,"

(Plural)

"The stairs thumps..."

Should be: 

"The stairs thump..."

I noticed tense jumps here and there, but this was not often. You did a very good job at keeping the present tense most of the time. So I'm guessing the errors regarding tense are just typos that you have overlooked.

Be careful when you are editing, I found a few instances where you have started to write one way then changed your mind mid-sentence.

Example: 

"I wish to see know about your collection of books..."

Possible edits: 

"I wish to see your collection of books..."

Or: 

"I wish to know about your collection of books..."

Writing Style: 4.5/5

Lydia's back story in Chapter 1 has a lot of information being communicated all at once. It comes across as if the narrator is hurrying through it- telling the reader rather than showing the reader. However, this is not a recurring issue in your writing style. The rest of your story is beautifully paced with a good variety of good and bad situations and a good balance of emotions. Well done!

I love the sentences in bold at the start of each chapter. They set the mood of what's coming next very effectively.

The story is written in such a unique voice. Lydia is passionate and so funny. It felt like she was directly talking to me, as if we were hanging out and she was telling me about her day. This shows that you have your character figured out!

Your descriptions of the characters and their surroundings are really well done. By describing the scene and other characters through Lydia's eyes you have effectively shown the reader parts of her personality, therefore killing two birds with one stone, this is very clever writing.

When you swapped the narrator for one chapter you wrote convincingly as a different person. This is not an easy thing to do! You write with a consistency that holds the reader steadily and you don't break the illusion at any time. Fabulous!

I also really liked how you included text messages. The way you laid out the words of the messages was really effective! It felt like I was looking over her shoulder at her phone! Great work!

Plot: 3/5

A fun filled story with incredible moments that build up interesting situations that help communicate all the characters' personalities.

I found the plot of the story easy to follow and you sparked an interest in me that made me want to carry on reading.

There were moments where I didn't really understand where Lydia was coming from (but that might just be my age showing. Yikes!) For instance, her feelings towards Ridge came across as hot and cold- her doubts about his feelings seemed unwarranted as they were not backed up by circumstances. Maybe adding a bit more information about her thought processes would help a reader like me stay on board with her.

I think Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 should be swapped over to follow the timeline of the story better. As chapter 5 is set as part of her first day of school and chapter 4 is set on her second day of school.

Characterisation: 4/5

You are incredible at writing relatable and diverse characters! The group of friends are believable, authentic teenagers. I identified with all of them in some way. Excellent work!

Lydia is so much fun to read about! She has a fiery spirit and a great sense of humour. She had a vulnerable side that you communicated sometimes (remembering her mum, getting distracted when driving) it would be interesting to see more of this side of her because there were times where she seemed to be like a super hero- this turns the relatability of the character off.

Ridge is gorgeous! He is the perfect man, but maybe too perfect at times it would be nice to see some flaws in his character to make him more relatable.

You managed to make others in the friend group more rounded. Bruce is fabulously written; he is funny and a bit of an underdog. I have a soft spot for that dude!

OVERALL SCORE: 23.5/30

A story with great potential. You have written well thought out characters who handle situations with great humour and passion. I found this book a fun ride. I loved how Lydia and Ridge met! You have made me laugh out loud multiple times, which is no easy feat, believe me!

To fix any problems I would suggest going through your book and reading it out loud. This is a method I swear by! It really helps to pinpoint problem areas. Good luck in future writing, you really do have a talent there!