Title: Tainted

Author: ThatBiryaniWaliLadki

Reviewer: SilasNevrin

Cover: 2/5

You've covered the basics: title, picture, extras. That's the only positive I have for this cover.

You use two different fonts with completely opposite colours and styles, your title blends into the background so I'm led to believe that your title is actually your extras, written smack bang in the middle of your cover in bright white.

White brings text forward, black pushes it away when you're using a dark picture like you have. And don't even get me started on that picture...seriously?

This picture gives you no space to utilise for your writing—so scrap it.

Find a picture with empty space so it's easier to lay out your title and extras. I don't see how the font for the title you've used is relevant as we're reading about a girl in high school, not a zombie bride.

Change your extras font to something clean and small, change your title to something bigger and bolder so people actually read it first, and find a picture that grips your audience.

Title: 3/5

It's okay. It peaks interest for about 10 seconds. But it gives off the wrong vibe. When I hear the word tainted, I don't think struggling girl in high-school.

If you're set on keeping this title, then make sure in the summary that you maybe use the word to reinforce the fact of it, and to make sure readers know what they're reading about.

Summary: 2/5

I'm sorry, I don't like it.

I'm just going to go through it piece by piece so it's clear about what's okay about it, and what is definitely not okay.

Anjali Menon is the definition of your usual overachiever.

Nothing wrong here, we can move on.

Editing the school magazine, being the topper girl and the beautiful dancing diva. 

Houston, we have a problem.

Okay cool, she edits the school magazine. Topper girl? I assume that means she gets good grades, otherwise I'd have no idea what topper girl means. Try changing it to 'she topped every class or got the best grades etc'.

And beautiful dancing diva.

Hm. Sure your character can be beautiful, she's a dancer fine, but diva is the word I have a problem with. If your character is the victim of constant bullies, mind you, I'd not expect her to be labelled a diva—unless that's what all dancers are called ...like a group name.

With skills as these, one would expect her to rule not just the school but everybody's hearts.

Being an editor of the paper and a dancer isn't really a skill. Doing it well is a skill. So just be clear on that.

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No, please don't do this (the periods as line breaks). 

Except. (There is always an except right?)

Also, no. Do not address the reader, please don't unless it's in a side note. Do not break the fourth wall of your story to have the narrator address the reader.

Also, why? Just put it all together it would frankly look a lot nicer.

Most people hate her. She is the ultimate victim of bullies of St.Notts international.

'She is the ultimate victim of bullies at St.Notts international high-school.' — is a better way of saying it.

With new bonds, rivalries and revelations, sneak in to watch Ms. Menon battle through her dramatic social and personal life.

The 'sneak in-' thing, it's cute I guess...for an 80's horror show. I mean come on, seriously? I know you want it to sound dramatic but honestly. Also you haven't established the stakes. Like—she'll risk everything to find out this one secret or she'll give her all for one last performance, even if it kills her etc.

There—I've established everything the character is putting on the line to finish the story. With yours...it just leaves me disappointed.

Description + Imagery: 2/5

You've done okay...because I didn't see any descriptions.

You've used a few descriptive words—the building shone angelically. Try and put some more effort into your descriptions—use the who, what, where, when method. It really can make you take a step back from your work and think: what can I do to improve this.

You also need to take into account people emotions and their thoughts on the area. Two characters can have very different views of the same place like a cowgirl and a shut in, both looking out onto the field.

The cowgirl relishes the sunlight, loves the breeze and the ability to feel the soil under her feet whereas the shut in will be thinking about when they can leave and trying to sit in the shade as much as possible. 

Dialogue: 2/5

I did not find the dialogue effective. 

First of all, you need to work on your grammar in the actual dialogue. You put full stops and commas right next to each other that will not only confuse the reader but make your writing very choppy because it doesn't make sense.

If a person is still speaking such as: "That's funny," she said.

See how I used a comma before I ended the quote marks instead of a full stop as she is still speaking, which is why I ended the sentence after the speaking word.

A full stop would be used in this example: "It's horrible." The boy bent over and gagged.

This is because I've ended the speech and started an action that coincides with the speech.

The actual dialogue itself, it's unrealistic. Edit through your work and fix spelling mistakes and incorrect sentence structures because it's messy right now. If you are looking for that, go to an editor.

Plot: 2/5

There's no depth to your plot. I honestly didn't understand it, even after reading through all your chapters. There's no progression.

It makes me want to cry. In anger.

You can do so much better, because all I got from your writing is confusion and irritation. Your writing makes no sense, you introduce characters at inappropriate times without a proper introduction—you introduce too many characters at once in the first three chapters I think we were overloaded by 8 new characters.

Take your time, don't rush your writing.

Characterisation: 2/5

I saw no progression in your characters. In Anjali, I actually saw nothing of her personality apart from the fact that she likes reading and is a bit stuck up. For the main character I want to like her, I want to be invested in the main character.

Your narrator sounds like a character in itself, they speak about the characters like they're standing alongside them and more Importantly—they sound childish. I hate childish narrators.

If you want to use this style of narrating, make the narrator a character.

Character Relationships: 3/5

I like the relationship between Tanya and Anjali, it's sweet and loyal.  Unfortunately, that's about it. 

There's no rawness or complexity. Friendships aren't always perfect, they're messy and fragile. Especially with high-school girls. Further into their friendship, make them break apart to have Anjali feel really alone and then make up again.

I don't see any progression in any of your relationships whatsoever. Like I said, don't rush your writing. It's supposed to be savoured, not swallowed. 

OVERALL SCORE: 18/40

Keep going, I feel like you're maybe newer to writing so there's obviously a lot yet to come. Writing takes practice, it's like art.

The more you write, the more you will improve. A technique that works for you will start to emerge and it will come to you as easily as eating a meal.

So keep writing! And please fix up your summary.