Title: Until The Very End 

Author: Tricky_minds

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Summary: 3.5/5

Okay, so your summary tells the reader about the two main characters. It describes their personalities, the war, and really shows how different they are. Let's take a look at it in detail! So in the beginning, you have two sentences that intrigued the reader. Well done there! It's the perfect introduction to the rest of the description. As for the second paragraph, it focused on the main ideas that relate to Draco. The only thing is that there could have been more detail to describe him better.

Even if it was just a few sentences, I feel like the reader would have a better idea of what he's like. How did the war 'destroy him in the worst way possible?' And if not that, then maybe even more descriptions of the emotions that it brought. That might make it more impactful for the reader. Also, one small mistake that I found here was that deatheater should be two different words: death eater. Plus, make sure that the word 'Slytherin' is capitalized. That's very minor, though! Other than that, I thought you described Draco pretty well. I had a good idea of his personality, but more detail would have been amazing.

For the last two paragraphs, you did a great job of making sure there were interesting questions for the reader to think about. The only thing I would suggest working on a little is the pace. In the beginning, it was perfect. It didn't seem rushed or too slow. However, for the questions at the end, it did seem faster than before. I encourage you to add more detail here to even it out. Perhaps a few sentences that describe Hermione more in detail?

The last question that you included was interesting. It took two very different stories and combined them together. One small grammar mistake that I found was that 'Draco' was spelled 'Drace.' Overall, you've written a fantastic description! Just remember that more detail will pull the reader in more. And make sure to take a look at the pace closer to the end. Otherwise, well done!

Character Building: 4.4/5

The characters have been amazing so far. I love how different Draco and Hermione are. The descriptions of his depression are perfect. Hermione is also just as amazing, and you've done a great job! The only thing I would suggest adding more of is detail. She's supposed to be the brightest witch of her age (even though this is a fanfiction, there could be more connections to her past). It doesn't have to be too specific, but maybe even something like her thinking about the answers to questions.

As for Draco, like I said, I cannot emphasize how awesome you've done. He acts just like Draco! I can imagine him after the war, and you've taken that and made an outstanding story. It's a spin on the classic rude, mean, arrogant Draco that I know. I love it so much, and it contrasts so much with Hermione. Well done with both of them!

The other minor characters are pretty great as well. Harry and Ron haven't appeared as much so far. They both seem quite similar, though. I didn't notice many differences, and I would just suggest that they don't seem too similar at times. Try and include at least a little more variety between the two, or make it very clear to the reader. That way, they won't seem identical sometimes. An example would be when they both say they will write a letter to Hermione every day. Maybe some more variation here would be nice.

Neville, Ginny, and Luna were also amazing. I loved how many similarities you included, but it might be a good idea to add some more differences. Even if it's just a few small ones, I think it might do a lot for your story. For example, is Luna still more distracted from what happens in real life? What is Ginny like now? Try and add some more about these questions for the reader, if you'd like! It would make the characters more intriguing to follow.

For the dialogue, I thought you did it perfectly. It was very realistic, and I loved the dialogue tags you included. The conversations were easy to follow and didn't seem too sleek or sophisticated at all. There was one small mistake that I found with the punctuation, but I'll talk more about that in the grammar section. For the characters, you've done a great job! Just take a look at the similarities and differences between the characters.

Grammar: 3.8/5

Your story has been well-edited, and there were only a few mistakes that I noticed. Most of the small errors I found stayed consistent. There was punctuation for dialogue tags, which was probably the most common one. I also found other minor mistakes with capitalization and incorrect punctuation. So with that being said, let's go through each of them!

Starting off with the small punctuation and capitalization errors, just make sure that there is punctuation when needed. It shouldn't be a run-on sentence, especially when there's dialogue. Here's an example:

Excerpt From The Story: "Hermione dear come on or we'll be late."

The mistake here is that before the word 'come,' there should be a period or exclamation mark. If you read this sentence out loud, then it might make a little more sense as to why. It sounds more like a run-on sentence, and there should be a pause in the middle. Here are a few more examples of incorrect punctuation:

Excerpt From The Story: "Hot chocolate in such hot weather." He asked.

Excerpt From The Story: "What.?"

For the first example, he's asking something. That means that there should be a question mark at the end, and not a period. For the second example, there is extra punctuation. It should only have a question mark at the end. Just a very small error, though. Moving on, there's also the capitalization. This was probably the least common mistake. Let's take a look:

Excerpt From The Story: "Ah miss Granger."

The word 'miss' should be capitalized here. It's used to address another character, so that's why. The last thing I wanted to focus on was the punctuation for dialogue tags. Make sure that you use commas after quotation marks if there are going to be dialogue tags. If there is an entirely new sentence after, then there should not be a comma at the end. For instance:

Excerpt From The Story: "And I had some important work that I had to take care of." She said.

Excerpt From The Story: "I knew you'd be able to make it." Hermione said.

Make sure that there is a comma instead of a period at the end of the quotation marks. There are dialogue tags and they are not complete sentences yet. Otherwise, your grammar errors are very minor and easy to fix. Just make sure to go through and take a look at those. If you can, it might be a good idea to read it out loud to find the parts that need punctuation. I would recommend going through chapters three and five first since those are where I found the most mistakes. Overall, it's been pretty well-edited so far! Only a few small mistakes.

Writing Style: 4/5

The writing style is good because of how you include some detail. When Hermione reaches the room, you add a lot of descriptions there. I could picture it clearly, so well done there! The only thing is that sometimes, there could have been more detail. I found that you included it whenever the characters went to a new place. It was in the form of a few paragraphs, and then it went back to the thoughts of the characters as well as dialogue. To explain this more, I have a few examples.

When you describe the Hogwarts Express, you kept going back to it when Hermione noticed Draco. That was perfect, so I'll compare it a little to when she got to her room. Here, there was a part of the chapter that described it. I would suggest balancing out that detail more evenly. Maybe you could combine it with her thoughts so that the format is more consistent. That way, the details of the setting are still there throughout.

For the descriptions of the characters, I would suggest adding more. If I was a reader taking a look at the book (without reading Harry potter first), then I wouldn't have been able to picture and imagine them myself. In the beginning, you have some character aesthetics. Those would be helpful but try and describe it through the writing as well. It would make it more impactful and powerful for the reader.

And it also doesn't have to be too specific. There doesn't have to be long paragraphs describing them. For instance, you describe Draco in the first chapter. When you talk about his eyes, you could even include something as simple as 'silvery grey eyes.' Or when you talk about Harry, does he still have the same messy black hair? The same goes for Luna and Ginny. What do they look like? I would encourage you to add at least a few of these to the story. It would intrigue the reader more.

The writing style is easy to follow, but just keep in mind that more detail can never go wrong. It would be great if you could include these in between the lines. Other than that, you've done wonderful so far!

Plot + Originality: 4/5

Okay, first things first. With my time on Wattpad, I have read a lot of Dramione. It's a very popular concept, so it was difficult to rate this category. I would give it a 4/5 because of how it seems very similar to other stories so far. Right now, it just seems a little more cliche. I'm sure that it'll get more unique as it goes on, though. It's still really interesting, and I can tell how different it can go from here. Moving on, I'll also be talking about the plot itself.

I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, so obviously, I loved this book! It's interesting how their paths cross and how different Hermione (the war heroine) is from Draco (the 'death eater). You've made it beautifully, and it leaves the reader wanting more. I've loved it so far, and I want to know how it becomes more 'Dramione' very soon! I love it all!

OVERALL SCORE: 19.7/25

Overall, you've written a very enjoyable story. I love the way you created Draco and Hermione's personalities after the war. Just make sure to take a look at the punctuation with dialogue tags and summary. Then, it'll be awesome! I loved reading your book, and I hope this review helps you in some way!