Title: The Lost Knight

Author: CandyAtkins

Reviewer: Addison-AJ

Summary: 3/5

 Your summary includes information about Agatha and her personality to start it off. You talk about the Grim Reaper, use questions to intrigue the reader, and also finish it off with the stakes of what will happen. The only thing is that your summary seemed more like the most important bits and pieces from the story. That's good, but I would suggest giving the reader more about that. I'll be going through each part of your summary, sentence by sentence. Let's take a look!

So in the second sentence, you talk about how Agatha Stone is 'all that's left.' Perfect! Just add to that. It would have a much more powerful impact if the reader had a very clear idea of why she's the last one. You start it off perfectly, though. It's a great hook in the first sentence, so well done there! I would encourage you to talk more about the stakes in this part. Or even add in the information of Ashra from the ending that you already wrote: 'Earth will burn just like Ashra.' Everyone's depending on Agatha, so make that as clear as possible to the reader with some extra detail.

For the second paragraph, you once again had a very strong beginning sentence. I would recommend adding more about why 'she's all they have.' What would happen if she does fail? Will she bring all of Ashra down? I think this is a great paragraph to create more questions for the reader. Your story, connecting to the plot, is very interesting. You can pull the reader in with only a few sentences because of this. At the end of this paragraph, you did a marvelous job, however!

The third paragraph was also well-planned and definitely matched with your story. The only thing that I would suggest is maybe after the 'this is to work' part. Your summary overall has been very steady. But I think just a little more detail would do wonders for this story. When I read it the first time, I didn't sound as clear as it could have been. I couldn't quite understand as much about the conflict. You did mention Agatha stopping a war and preventing the invasion to Earth, but there's always room for more.

After I finished reading the book and came back to your description, I could definitely see where it was going. That's great because it connects back to the story pretty well. But whenever you write summaries, in my opinion, it's a good idea to imagine that you're the reader taking a look at it for the first time. What parts are not as detailed and clear? It doesn't have to be a complete re-tell, but it should be an overall idea with the smaller branches included.

In the beginning, you talk about Agatha's Auntie and the Orb. I think those are important and it would be great if they were included in the summary. Of course, it is completely up to you. But I would like to mention that it is important for the reader to know how the war will start and everything else. Other than that, a little more polishing and editing would be amazing. Details and descriptions as well. On the other hand, keep in mind that it's still great how you were able to take the main ideas from the story and change it into a summary. 

Character Building: 4/5

Your characters have been very interesting so far. Agatha's perfect as the main character, in my opinion. Her personality and the dialogue that you include go very well together. Especially when she's afraid or frightened (more commonly at the beginning of the book), the emotions are written beautifully. Her thoughts flow with the concept of the story, and so you've done a great job with that. I'd also like to talk about the dialogue, so let's take a look.

In chapter six, there was a lot of dialogue when it came to Agatha's conversation with King Ohad. At first, it seemed like there was enough detail to balance it out. Nice work there! The only thing is that after those first few paragraphs, it seemed quite heavy with dialogue between the two. I would suggest that the detail stays consistent throughout the chapter. I will say that you had some pretty great descriptions at the start, though. Just make sure you apply that to not just one or two paragraphs, but scatter the detail everywhere in the writing.

Also, a huge part of dialogue is through the dialogue tags. These can be very detailed at times. You had a fantastic variety, but I think there could have been just a little bit more occasionally. For example:

"Yes, Your Majesty," Jonah agrees, not intimidated at all.

When you say that Jonah is not intimidated, tell the reader more about that. How is he not, and why? Did Agatha wonder about this too, if it's from her point of view? Try and build off of this, and give smaller details as you go on. Moving on, chapter thirteen also had a lot of dialogue. This time, it was between Jonah and Agatha. You can add more about Agatha's thoughts to even it out if you'd like. It became a little overwhelming to manage because of how much dialogue there was, especially closer to the middle of the chapter.

I would recommend using more detail, descriptions, and anything else to fix this. If you want to, you can emphasize on Jonah's thoughts as well. You mention his 'flash of regret' in one paragraph. How does he feel about Agatha's parents? Is it even slightly visible that he doesn't like to talk about the topic? You can give more detail on what you already have, mostly the dialogue sections. If it's a part that's very important to the story, detail makes it very important.

One other part where there was quite a bit of dialogue was chapters four and five. I encourage you to go through both of them and polish them up a little. I found that it was mostly at the end of chapter four, and a few paragraphs at the beginning of chapter five. The diversity of your characters was amazing. Agatha, Jonah, and Dathid had the perfect personalities so they were easy to follow and understand most of the time.

For the introductions of the characters, you did a very nice job. At one point, it did feel like there were a lot of characters so it became a bit hard to keep track of. But after a while, they appeared more frequently in the book and were easier to remember. The different names were very creative, so nice job with that! Overall, you've come up with great characters that match the plot. Just make sure to take a look at the detail when it comes to dialogue. 

Grammar: 4.7/5

I barely found any grammatical errors in your story! I can't say this enough, but well done! It was amazing to read through your book because not much disrupted the flow of the plot. Even for the small errors that I did find, they can be very easily fixed. I'll be starting with the first one, which was probably the more common ones out of the two. Here's an example:

"Yes, your Majesty."

With this, the 'your Majesty' part should all be capitalized. This is because Jonah is talking to the king directly. Here's another example with the same mistake:

"We're ready to leave, your majesty," Jonah announces.

I would suggest going through and fixing this very small mistake, probably more in the second half of the book. Also, here's one other minor error that I noticed from chapter thirty-two:

"How fare you?"

It's a spelling mistake since the word 'are' should not be spelled 'fare.' But otherwise, your grammar has been very consistent throughout. It's very impressive with how well your story is edited and polished. Keep up the great work!

Writing Style: 4.2/5

Your writing style is beautiful, and I loved the imagery you put in the chapter through. It was wonderful because of how everything was described so well from Agatha's perspective. And when you talk about her feeling like something's wrong with the voices, it's written perfectly. She doesn't care about it and moves on, but you give the reader an idea of what the conflict might be. So amazing!

The only thing I did want to include in this review was that you had descriptions in the story, which is good. However, I think there's room for more at times. I noticed that you usually put most of the details into one or two paragraphs (that are a little longer than others in your story). I would encourage you to put them everywhere/ For example, you give the imagery about the ocean closer to the end of chapter fourteen. That was a fairly long paragraph. You can take what you've written there and put it throughout the chapter. That way, it's more balanced out and easy to understand.

Also, when there's room for more descriptions at times, I would suggest adding it in between the dialogue, connecting back to what I mentioned in the character building category. If it seems like an info dump to you at any point, then I would suggest that you only keep the main ideas. The details can come into other parts or even out anything else that happens in the story. That would make it much more interesting for the reader.

As for the introduction to the story in chapter one, it was literally perfect! You had such amazing detail here and talked about her life before she knows about her being a legend in Ashra. You also mentioned more about where she lived and her Auntie's personality. It was a great start to the book, in my opinion. Just keep in mind that the more dialogue there was, the flow was somewhat changed to overwhelming at times. Make sure that detail always stays there for the reader.

But other than that, your descriptions have been amazing so far. The setting and characters play a big role in it, especially because Ashra is very different from Earth. You've done a great job of explaining it clearly, and the dialogue has been written very well and only needs a little more detail.

Plot + Originality: 4.5/5

 You wanted me to talk about the ending, so here we go! Your ending tied your story altogether. The only thing is that with Agatha saying goodbye, I think there could have been more feelings and emotions. In my opinion, it would have had a very powerful impression on the reader. This relates to mostly the last two paragraphs. When you say they leave, how does she feel about that? You can add some information about this to transition into the final paragraph.

For the final paragraph, I loved the question you included at the end. It gave the reader something to think about but was still perfect. The combination of the two made it very enjoyable, and the only thing that I would recommend is more detail for the second to last paragraph. Moving on, I also wanted to talk about the events that occurred in chapter seven.

For the party in this chapter, it would probably be more realistic if she was hesitant and still thinking about everything that happened. She just figured out that she was a 'legend on Ashra.' The Orb that was only supposed to be a birthday tradition was much more important than she thought. Try and put that into words before she's so excited that 'she wants to run to the party.' I think it might make more sense for what happened in the story. Wouldn't her mind linger on the effect of that for a little longer before disappearing with thoughts of the party in her honor?

And also, there could have been a little more about everything else. She never knew anything about Ashra, and now she's practically in a different world. Is she still surprised about that? I encourage you to give more detail on past events, just so that they don't fade as much from her mind. It will also help the reader get a better idea of what she's like, and her thoughts because it's written from her perspective. It's still a very creative idea, though. I loved how you created so many different aspects: Knight Crawlers, Grim Reaper, and more. Great job!

OVERALL: 20.4/25

      Overall, you've written a very unique story with almost no grammar errors! Just make sure to go back and add more detail to your summary when you have time, as well as polish up your descriptions. Then, your book will be even better! I loved reading through your story, and I hope this review helps in some way!