Title: The Book Keeper's Heart

Author: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 4.5/5

Adorable. Your summary is really cute! Furthermore, it includes all the right things – a bit of context, the main characters, and where the story will lead. Of course, it doesn't include stakes, but as most people know, romance stories don't necessarily need to include stakes within the summary – especially since it looks like it's more of a chicklit than anything. So, well done! I'm very excited to read this. I don't often get awkward little love stories to review.

One quick thing that stuck out to me:

"Nandini Varma is the Keeper of books in her town. Rather, she owns the only bookstore."

Usually, when 'rather' is used in that structure, the 'rather' is used to connect two sentences when the second sentence sets a counterexample to something negated in the first.

"There is nothing wrong with the teacher. Rather, the problem lies within the students."

Or:

"This is not a meaningful sentence. Rather, this is an example."

When you used 'rather', it wasn't to set a counterexample, nor was the sentence negating anything. Maybe just write something simple, like:

"Nandini Varma, the owner of the only bookstore in town, is known as the keeper of books." 

If you want to keep the same structure, it also makes sense to write: 

"Nandini Varma is the keeper of books in her town. Or, rather, she owns the only bookstore." 

That clarifies that there is a preference over how she is referred to. 

Grammar: 4/5

For the most part, your grammar and punctuation is spot on – well done! There were a few slips I found, though, but I'm assuming most are typos. However, there were some examples I thought we should discuss. First of all:

"She was thankful that Lily's place was still open late on Saturday, even though all the other shops in the district were closed, she could still see lights winking at her."

In that example, the comma between the words 'Saturday' and 'even' just isn't strong enough. The 'even though' sounds like it should be the start of a new sentence. In that example, I would use a full-stop, or even a semicolon:

"She was thankful that Lily's place was still open late on Saturday; even though all the other shops in the district were closed, she could still see lights winking at her."

There were some instances, on the other hand, where I thought you were missing a comma. For example:

"Long time not see Nandini?"

First of all, in that example, it should be, 'no see' – I figured that was a little typo. Next, there should be a comma before the name. It should be:

"Long time no see, Nandini?"

Since 'long time no see' is a common phrase used without a comma, I don't think people find it necessary to do this, but I always include an additional comma for the sake of clarity:

"Long time, no see, Nandini?"

That last one is optional, though. Next, be careful with capitalising letters when it's not the start of a new sentence – particularly when it's preceded by dialogue. Example:

"Out with it. I know you've got questions," She said.

In that example, the word 'she' should not be capitalised. It is not the start of a sentence. It should be:

"Out with it. I know you've got questions," she said.

Another thing about dialogue: when dialogue from one characters stretches out over two paragraphs, you start the second paragraph with quotation marks. It should look like this:

"The way we address our family members is a ltitle weird once you translate it into English, but in simple terms, some of my aunts and uncles are addressed as mum or dad, and my cousins – some of them – would be my brothers and sisters.

"The other ones would be addressed as my in-laws, and thus, their children would be my brother-in-law or my sister-in-law."

As you can see, there is a punctuation mark starting the second paragraph. There is a punctuation mark missing at the end of the first paragraph, but that's intentional; that tells the reader that the following dialogue is spoken by the same character.

Apart from those, there were also some simple typos. For example, at the end of chapter fourteen, you wrote:

"Stop joking withme."

There needs to be a space between 'with' and 'me', but my assumption is that it was only a little typo that needs some polishing.

Character Building: 4/5

I loved reading about Nandu as a character! From how defensive and passionate she gets when it comes to her bookstore and vandalism, right down to how she feels about exercise and how she refused to do it until she found an exercise that didn't involve running or having to swing the fat around. She was incredibly relatable, and throughout the course of the story, she often lost track of her surroundings, which led to awkwardness – which was very, very entertaining to read.

Along with this, I loved seeing that she's slowly developing as a character. She has many insecure thoughts throughout the course of the story – worrying about embarrassment and shame from the family – and, as she and Ryan get to know each other more, we can see her actively trying to press down those insecure thoughts. That's great development!

Speaking of Ryan, oh my goodness, he is such an awkward bean. He shows complexity – making mistakes, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and his first interaction with Nandu was precious. Even after their initial meeting, their interactions continued to be adorable, with him holding his arms out for hugs, or their constant banter. The development of their feelings was also very smooth – I liked how they knew they felt something, but they were initially unsure of what that feeling was.

I was a little confused when he asked about the 'fun one-time' thing, though, especially since he knew, by that point, what her family was like. I figured it was another example of him saying the wrong thing at the wrong time?

I also loved the roles Nandu's parentals played in the story. Her mother is awesome. I love her. Her father? He's horrible! My heart hurt when he started yelling at Nandu's face, and I'm so glad Ryan overheard that so he could comfort Nandu for me. It really explained where her insecurities stemmed from!

Quick note: when you're talking about character feelings, make sure you elaborate by showing when you blatantly tell the reader about a characters' emotions. For example:

"He had hurt her many times before, playing on her insecurities..."

That moment presented a good opportunity to show the readers what those insecurities are, or how they were played with. If you leave the reader with a vague sentence like that, it's sort of disconcerting.

Writing Style: 4/5

For the most part, your writing was very character-driven, which I loved. There were some beautiful moments where you weaved some literary devices into your writing, which was gorgeous, and I encourage you to do that even more! Your writing was engaging and very easy to follow, so well done – it's perfect for your genre.

I do wish you elaborated more on setting. For example, the town itself as a whole – describe it to me. What's it like? You don't need to give me a tour-guide of it, but I'd like to at least feel an atmosphere. There's obviously a mix of cultures in there, but if it weren't for the characters showing me that, I would have assumed it was somewhere in India based on the first chapter alone.

There were some instances where you did a fantastic job at describing the setting. For example, you did a great job with the bookstore. However, think about the parts that you really should be emphasising. As a reader, I would love to know more about the wedding and the cultural variation within the weddings. I want to know how things are decorated, I want to know what the sounds and smells are. You had lots of opportunities to do so, and sometimes, you glossed over those. For example, when Nandu sees food on the table and the smell makes her nauseous – describe that smell for us. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5

I love the social commentary you include with the old lady about how race and religion shouldn't define a person, nor should it lead to disrespectful treatment. Stories with those snippets of philosophy are what I love to read.

At first, the story did feel a bit like a typical chicklit – instant chemistry, perfect banter, a secret (that he is an author) yet to be revealed. However, the plot itself thickens quite a bit. There's the whole movie deal – and I suspect that will come into play later in the story? And, of course, there's the whole crazy thing where everything was going so wonderfully, and it was all sweet until Nandu is found in a ditch. I'm so glad she survived! What a way to throw a twist into a story!

I suspect it may have something to do with Mrs Walters, who previously offered to set her up with her grandson, despite the beef she already had with Nandu. I'm not entirely sure, but damn, am I intrigued and excited to see where the story goes from there! 

OVERALL SCORE: 21.5/25

Overall, a very sweet story that is perfect for sitting back on the sofa and swooning with a hot cup of tea. You just need to work on showing us a setting an atmosphere, but otherwise, you should be good to go. I hope this helps!