Title: Cold-Hearted

Author: v3Olympus

Summary: [no score – not included in final score]

Summaries for short stories are really hard. With novels, there is usually a list to be checked off when it comes to traditional summaries (protagonist, setting, stakes, conflict). With short stories, summaries can be super flexible – they can be one sentence long, or they can be a paragraph long. There is no real set requirement.

Which makes this kind of hard to score. Overall, I think this is a great summary, since I am intrigued and can't wait to read on. I love the drama it encapsulates, and I think the vagueness works. Well done! 

Grammar: 4.5/5

For the most part, your grammar and punctuation are very polished! All the mistakes that I found were more or less typos (I think), and there weren't too many of them. That being said, there were actually quite a few in the final chapter, so I thought I'd list a few of them:

"The only birds that come to me are crowd and a few other scavengers."

Did you mean 'crows' instead of 'crowd'?

"The only thing that testers within me are the algae..."

I wasn't sure about the above one, but did you maybe mean 'teethers'?

"You gave made me poisonous."

Again, I'm not quite sure what that sentence was supposed to say. It isn't quite a complete sentence, though, so I'd suggest polishing it?

There was also one that I caught in the first chapter that was particularly disconcerting:

"At that moment, a felt within myself..."

I think you meant 'I' instead of 'a'. Another thing: be careful when you're using punctuation. When you use punctuation, you need a space between the punctuation and the following word. For example:

"You are back,little one."

It should be:

"You are back, little one." 

Character Building: 5/5

Okay, so my first impression: water is adorable. Or, well, the perspective of water that we got was simply adorable. I love how much of a child it sounded like at first – talking about how it, too, is ticklish, and it sounded so loving and kind and ready to serve the humans. The cloud, too, with its motherly-like descriptions and dialogue emphasised the child-like innocence of the water.

And despite the fact that you only had five short chapters, the water developed in a seamless, very heart-wrenching manner. It loses that innocence and becomes rather scathing – understandably, too. Not only did its voice slowly change, but it also changes in its purpose – it becomes acids, burning stones rather than focusing on the ticklish nature of its landing. It develops in the same way that we, humans, have developed. I thought this was incredibly effective, and though it made the words a bit hard to swallow because it was like talking to a friend who now hates your guts, it was incredibly powerful in terms of the message. 

Writing Style: 5/5

I don't have much to say here except for the fact that I adored your writing. As the water develops, so does the writing. The amount of rhetorical questions increase as the water starts questioning the reader, and while we see glimmers of the hope the water initially had in those earlier chapters, the writing itself is dark and cynical.

I love the figurative language you use. In fact, your entire story is personification taken to a whole new level – I simply love it. Keep up the fantastic work! 

Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5

Your story is incredibly unique. I haven't read a story that uses personification so masterfully, and my assumption is that you have done a lot of research into this. There was a lot of detail when it came to how the water entered and left, and so I commend you on all that research! It was woven into the story fluently, and felt very natural to read.

I love that this story had a very clear purpose – to spread awareness. I love the bits of philosophy, and how it makes the reader question our usage of water, whilst also forcing us to think about the plastic we have littered as well as all the destruction we are causing. I actually got a little emotional – this is the sort of thing I am very passionate about, so you hit my sweet spot!

The story, overall, starts very cute and whimsical. Then, it takes a dark turn. A lot like human nature, when you think about it. I loved this story, and thank you so much for asking me to review it. 

OVERALL SCORE: 19.5/20

Overall, an excellent story with a message for all readers. All you need to do is polish up a few little typos, and you'll be good to go. I hope this review helps!

And, believe it or not, this is the 200th chapter in this book! Crazy, right? I think, however, that is the limit Wattpad allows. This means that all future reviews will be posted in a separate book, titled, "Sapphire's Review Store 2.0" (creative, right?). However, for anyone looking to request a book, please request in this book. The other book is only there to post the next 200 or so reviews.