Title: Blood Ink Muse

Author: Joyiaaaa

Summary: 4.5/5

I actually think this is a pretty fantastic summary. Short, yes, but it contains everything the reader needs: an introduction of the protagonist, hints of a backstory, introduction of a conflict, and even the stakes. Very well done! Just don't forget the full-stop in that last sentence that starts with, "A tale of obsession awaits you in...".

Also, you've written your blurb in past tense, but the very first sentence is written is present tense. I can see why you've done that, but at the same time, it does feel a little clunky. I generally advise people to write their blurbs in present tense – it adds to the sense of immediacy, and helps the reader feel as if the journey won't start until they read it. 

Grammar: 3/5

Okay, so there definitely quite a few errors I found throughout your story. Don't worry, though – it was nothing too significant, and some of these grammar rules are complex as it is. Besides, fixing up grammar is the easy part once you know the rules.

Make sure that the starts of your sentences begin with a capital letter, and that all proper nouns are capitalised. Whenever you have a character say, "I did this" – the 'I' must be capitalised. You also have a few run-on sentences here and here, so make sure you try reading the story aloud when you're editing it. That way, if a sentence sounds strange without a pause, you know there needs to be a comma where that pause is.

Onto more specific rules, the two biggest issues I found dealt tense and dialogue. First of all, let's discuss tense. Most of your story was in past tense, but there were times where you flicked back and forth between past and present tense. For example, in our paragraph you wrote:

"Even in such a state, she has effortlessly drawn attention to herself." [has = present tense]

However, in the next paragraph, you wrote:

"The ladies' envious eyes trailed her every move..." [trailed = past tense]

You need to make sure that you stick to one tense.

Next, dialogue and punctuation. If dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'she exclaimed' – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question and exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"Natalia" she croaked.

That above example is incorrect. There must be a form of punctuation before the closing inverted commas. Since 'she croaked' refers directly to how the words are spoken, it should be:

"Natalia," she croaked.

Another example:

"More than alright." she answered.

That is a verbal dialogue tag. It should be:

"More than alright," she answered.

Character Building: 3.5/5

I love the banter between the characters. The dialogue is incredibly relatable and realistic, and is often quirky and amusing. I love that there are light-hearted moments, such as the barbeque, that contrast the haunting and eerie elements within your story. This was particularly highlighted due to your great characterisation.

First of all, I think Mona made a great main character. Yes, she was gorgeous, but there was more depth to her – she was defiant, she showed hints of courage, and hell, in the most pivotal moment, she turned into a badass killing-machine and stabbed someone in the eye with a fork. It was very intense, and I loved her development of character.

Her relationship with Hugo was developed smoothly and slowly (albeit, I did find it a little weird at first – thank goodness they're not blood-related!). The love-making scene was done fantastically; it was intense and graphic, but there were lines of beautiful imagery and symbolism woven throughout it that helped readers feel as if they truly are soulmates. Additionally, their deaths were heartbreaking – and Mona's last line to Hugo did make my heart hurt. I like to imagine that, in their graves, their hands are still intertwined. Great job with their tragic ending!

Also, villains. The plot-twist with Natalie turning out to be Natasha (the old best friend) was a terrifying but clever plot twist, considering how bubbly Natalie had seemed initially! It was foreshadowed well, but was subtle enough that I genuinely did not see it coming until it was too late.

There were times where I thought you did a bit too much telling in terms of characterisation, and not enough of showing. This sometimes stopped me from truly connecting with the characters. For example, rather than writing:

"She was fuming mad at herself."

Try describing it! Does she feel her cheeks heat up? Is her stomach twisting and churning? What does the anger feel like? Don't be afraid to use physiological imagery to take us there and make us connect with the characters you would like us to connect with.

Additionally, in pivotal scenes, rather than glossing over huge bits of information, really flesh those moments out for us – these moments could contribute to major character revelations. For example, when Natalie was revealed to be Natasha, rather than writing:

"Natasha was her best friend who died in the fire when the foster home burned down."

Show this moment to us! Take us there! Make Mona remember the smoke, the flames, her friend's battered body. Make her see and remember, so that we can fully understand and relate to her shock and terror.

Writing Style: 4/5

I love, love, love the flower language that you use when you describe the appearance of characters. The very first chapter was simply gorgeous, and I loved the way you used natural imagery and imagery involving light to help readers envision her. It's a very clever way to set up what will eventually be her downfall, and it's a great way to contrast all this beauty with all the blood and action that comes in the later chapter.

I also loved the manipulation of sentence structure! I liked that you made the paragraphs shorter and snappier to milk out the drama – for example, when they found the blood in the wall, or when Mona realised that the body she was seeing was Hugo. Those were great moments were short, one-word paragraphs really drilled the tension home.

Another thing: it was so nice to see your describe the setting! From the canopy of dogwood trees and the carefully woven net of bulbs and fireflies, all the way to the grills and shattered glass – it was a great way to set up each chapter and depict a certain mood to the readers.

I do think you could slow down the pace a bit, but I'll discuss this even more in the next section regarding the plot. I also think, for the sake of professionalism, you should avoid using more than one punctuation mark at once. For example:

"I'm starving!!!"

Rather than overusing the punctuation mark, use descriptions to show how the character is emphasising the description. And, to be completely honest, I think a single exclamation mark would have sufficed, anyways. 

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

I adore the structure of this book. It felt a bit like a puzzle piece, where all these pieces came together and led to one epic, very climactic and tragic finale. At first, I was very concerned because I thought Natasha was the main villain and she was revealed relatively quickly. Luckily, there was a lot more depth from the plot, and you even hinted that in the writing when Mona realised that Natasha wasn't even behind the paintings.

The final unveiling moment with Dominic was such an exhilarating read! Very action-packed, and wow, Mona really fought! I loved that we didn't even get to see all of it – rather, some characters ended up coming together at the end to put the pieces together for the reader. However, as mentioned above, I think your pace could be slowed down just a bit to really milk out the deliciousness of the fight scene.

For example, when all this action is taking place, yes, you showed us each movement – which was great! You showed us the blood and guns, which was also great. However, I think you could have slowed it down to describe to the reader the smell of the blood, the sounds that each action was making, the inevitable pain Mona would have felt if she hurt someone (for the sake of realism, too).

That aside, the end was gorgeous. I love how that final chapter foreshadowed the writing of the entire book, and how the book we were reading itself was the one discussed in that final chapter. What a lovely and nostalgic way to conclude the story. Well done! 

OVERALL SCORE: 19/25

Overall, a chilling but nice read that pulls at the reader's heartstrings. Just work on your tenses and punctuation, and you should be good to go. I hope this review helps!