Title: Without Me

Author: EveeCooper

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

Summary: 4/5

Vague enough to leave suspicion in the reader, but you made a couple of mistakes (at least to me). The part about his past leaving behind sounds a little off. I suggest saying, he left his past behind him. The second one that stood out to me was describing that peculiar person with which (supposed to be who or whom).

Grammar: 3.5/5

Several tense switches in the first chapter, as well as misspellings and grammatical errors made it a bit awkward to read, especially in the first person tense (I've gotten used to third person, so bear with me). Overall it wasn't so bad, but I tend to notice grammar more than other people. But do make use of a spell check on Word, or an editor on this site! They're very helpful and will help you avoid making careless mistakes like spelling or tense errors. 

Character Building: 2/5

There wasn't much of this. Of course, we get a good view of how Lucas sees the world (seeing as how it's from his POV). But he doesn't give us a great view of it. It's very rushed, with the chapters being short and some sentences somewhat choppy, I didn't get a good view of Naeva except that Lucas finds her attractive and sociable. Try not to overally describe characters, let the reader have their imagination!! You have the mood boards in the preliminary chapter and that gave a good enough description of them :D. 

[This is ray_of_sunshine9 here in italics, and I thought I might just chip in a little because another reviewer recently asked me about this. So, regarding descriptions, it's perfectly okay to have them - but it must be purposeful or significant for some reason, or it must also help the reader visualise the setting and mood. If it will have no impact on the plot or mood, then it should not be included. We don't need to know the exact colour of their shirt or socks.

For example, in The Hunger Games, Katniss only described her clothes twice. The first time was during the parade, and that was a significant moment of symbolism within the book - she was dressed up like fire because it would eventually be somewhat of a nickname, 'The Girl on Fire'. 

The second time her costume was described was when she was actually in the arena, because the description of her clothes was what helped the reader understand how she was surviving in those particular weather/terrain conditions. It was relevant. 

However, if it's something like the first day of high school and you're describing what type of skirt the protagonist is wearing, or how her hair is done, it's not purposeful. It doesn't really serve meaning. So, you don't necessarily need to include it. 

And if you are including descriptions like those, don't dedicate a whole paragraph to it. Make it like throw-away bits of information that help visualise any action. For example, 'I fiddled with my ponytail/I blew the blonde strands of hair out of my eyes' tells the reader the hairstyle/colour without stopping the forward-moving narration of the plot. 

Overall: description is okay. Description is great. But you have to be careful with it.

I'm not your reviewer, so I haven't actually read your story, but I hope this helps regardless!]

Writing Style: 2/5

There's a lot of telling in this story. He's not really describing things, it's "I did this...and then I did that...". I felt like there was a lot of unnecessary information on top of that. The descriptions of the surroundings were nice, as well as his paintings. But the ones about the women seemed a little too descriptive and there was assumption about how the other characters felt. I've done this before, with the first story, but how can the MC know what other people are thinking, or how they feel? (Unless Lucas has powers he hasn't revealed yet). In this case, you'd write "She looked as though," or "She looked like", or "Judging from her expression/voice".

Plot + Uniqueness: 3/5

Uniqueness? Definitely got this down! An MC who wants to put away his past and move on? He's male too!! Usually it's a female character that does this. But the plot is too fast, with how the chapters are short and how much is crammed into each of them. Take time to build it. It's okay if the chapters are longer, just as long as it doesn't seem like you're trying to put too much information in too little of a space. :)

Total: 14.5/25