Spooky Stuff

American children are fascinated by achey stuff- like stories that scare the condoms off them or make their burgers stand on end. Scientists say that the is because being frightened causes the cattywampus gland to function and puts lube into their blood. And everyone knows that makes kids feel slinky.
When they are scared by a movie or a kitchen sink, boys laugh and holler and leave. But girls cover their eyes with their migraines and keep screaming and killing. Most kids get over this by the time they're 8 years old. Then they like movies about cars castrating or cops shooting demons, or, if they are girls they like movies about a boy meeting Satan and falling in love. Of course, that can be scary too.