Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

Napoleon Hill

Haven Pierce's POV

Weeks had passed since my accident in Santi's private gym, and so far, nothing had progressed in our relationship. I sighed deeply while I was alone in my room. Not that I am complaining about the status of our relationship. I was well aware that I have a huge crush on him, but I am not sure if it goes deeper than that.

The same goes for Santi. I didn't know what kind of madness had possessed him when he said that we're officially dating now, but I think the reason for his decision, knowing that he hasn't had relationships in the past, was that he was uncomfortable with the fact that he was seen flirting and kissing with his ward. Though, in my opinion, there was nothing wrong with our relationship, still...

I think we need to talk about this. We—I mean, he rushed into a relationship when we were both half-hearted about it. I am sure that he feels the same way as me. We were just caught up in the unexplainable passion that erupted between us like combustible gas. My brain might have forgotten him in the past due to trauma but now I remember him as the teenage boy that I had a huge crush on from my childhood still makes the butterflies residing in my belly flutter their wings. The effect was still there but would it go deeper than that?

That's the question I want to answer for myself. I want to know if making a big mistake rushing everything. I want to take a step back and think about what might be my real feelings for Santi Marchesi. Because my feelings for him might not be real. I have a crush on him but I also have a huge crush on Gray Everett.

Maybe it would be better if I went back to LA and separated from him for a while to see how my feelings would progress from there. I would like the use the opportunity to think about all about this and then see how it goes for him too.

With a full determination inside me, I was about to go out of my room and search for him when I only managed to take a few strides, and Santi burst inside my room.

"Oh..." I was rather surprised to see him standing in my room as if I just conjured him up in my mind. "...I was just about to look for you."

A slow sexy smile fitted his lips. "Why? Miss me?"

His flirtatious manner never failed to make my heart skip a beat but I must remember that there was nothing special about it. He used to do that with women all the time that's why they ended up in his bed, right?

Are you jealous? A tiny voice inside me had asked.

"Are you busy? Can we talk?" I asked, pointedly ignoring the voice inside my head that was nudging me with nonsense.

He smiled brightly in my direction. "I am about to say the same thing with you. I have been busy these past few days that I somehow feel that I have been neglecting you. Let's go on a date wherever part of the world you want."

I bit my bottom lip as I felt slightly guilty that I was about to ruin his good mood. I tried to return his enthusiasm. "Can we talk first?"

Santi was now eyeing me curiously. Maybe he was probably wondering what I wanted to talk about to him that urgently. He led me to the French door on the balcony of my room and sat on the iron chairs outside. "What do you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath as I mustered the strength I had in me to inform him about my decision. "The thing is..." I paused for a moment because I was well aware of how my heart started hammering in my chest and gauging his expression at the same time. "...I have decided to accept your suggestion weeks ago that it would be a good idea if I just stay in LA than here."

He went still in his seat. He looked as if he'd been struck by lightning on a hot summer afternoon. "W-Why—w-what do you mean by that? A-Are you saying..."

I stared at him apologetically. "I want to go back to LA now since my summer vacation was about to end in a few weeks. I think I should need to focus on my application for an internship. Noah has already been accepted by the company that he applied for. Maybe I should do the same."

"I thought you don't want to leave Sicily until your summer vacation is over?" He asked in a voice that was deprived of any emotion. "What change your mind of all a sudden? Is it my busy work schedule?"

"May I be frank you with, Santi?"

He shrugged imperturbably. "I don't see a reason why you can't."

I avoided his forceful gaze. I don't think I can look him in the eye at the moment. "I think it would be better if you have some time off with one another."

I mentally winced when I saw the way color left his face. "What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?"

"You make it sound so awful." I jested lightly but his face remained cold and distant. It was the same expression he used to wear when I first met him.

"That's how it sounded to my ears, Haven." He retorted back hotly. "You want to break up, right?"

I bit my bottom lip while he was busy making a scary expression on his face right now. "It's for the best. We entered this relationship—" I laughed dryly just thinking about it. "—I don't even know if we can it a relationship since we entered hastily. I think we're rushing things that we might regret in the future. We're not ready for this."

"So you're dumping me?"

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. I will reconsider my decision if you can tell me straight in the eyes that you love me, as in you are in love with me."

"Are you serious, Haven?" He gave me an annoying look.

"See? That's what I am talking about." Even if, I knew that this would be the result it's still hurt knowing that he doesn't love me. "I too can't even say the same thing. I know that I love you but I am not sure if I am in love with you. That's why I want to use this opportunity for us to reconsider our feelings in the time we are separated."

"What if I don't agree to this?" He said heatedly, his eyes were dark and wintry which made me shiver down my spine.

"Be honest with yourself, Santi," I said gently, touching his hand that was resting on the iron table. "What if this madness between us will not last because this relationship is only based on lust? We will just both be miserable at the end."

There was visible anger on his face. "Isn't that enough reason? What else do you want?"

I shook my head determinedly. "I don't want anything from you and I am not saying this to emotionally blackmail you."

"So you think of this thoroughly, isn't that right?" His voice was lifeless just like his eyes. "You are now firm with your decision. Nothing can change your mind, is that what you are saying to me?"

"Yes."

He was looking at me as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. "This is ridiculous. I don't know what kind of nonsense crosses while I am away." He glanced at me with hard eyes. "You are making a grave mistake about this decision of yours, Haven. I know you will regret it in the future."

I smiled sadly in his direction. "I don't think so, Santi. You'll see soon enough that this is the best for us."

For a moment, I thought I saw vulnerability in his eyes but he quickly blinked it away. "Very well, if that's what you want. I will respect your decision I will inform you about the house when you're ready to move."

I knew this was what I wanted but when agreed with my decision I couldn't help but feel a twinge in my chest. For a second, I did have second thoughts about this but then I reminded myself that it's for the best so we could analyze our feelings for one another. I need to be sure that what I feel for him is beyond a childhood crush. Besides, he's also known for being a notorious womanizer what if he can't remain faithful to me? I think any woman deserved better than that.

"T-Thank you, Santi." I managed to say even if my heart was starting to constrict at the thought of going back to my old life in Los Angeles. In the weeks that I spent here, I've never been happier surrounded by people who might be ruthless members of the mafia family but have been so kind to me from their boss to their hired household help.

"Don't thank me. This is what you want right?" He replied coldly. The coldness in his voice was enough to give me a pause. This was not the Santi I used to know.

I eyed him guardedly as he stood in front of me commanding and all. "Are you mad or something? Please be honest with me."

I laughed cynically in my direction, his dark eyes were hard and distant at the moment as if I was talking to the crime boss, and not to the man I have known intimately. "What makes you say that? And why would I be mad in the first place?"

I bit my bottom lip warily. He was fumingly mad. He might deny it all he wants with his words but his expression says otherwise. Maybe he was angry at the fact that for the first time, a woman wanted to call quits in their relationship since it was the other way around most of the time. Probably, for the first time in his life, he feels out of control about the situation. But I knew sooner or later he could accept this and admit that I was right about ending this because we entered this relationship hastily. A few stolen kisses and that was it.

"I will have Vito guard you twenty-four-seven once you are in Los Angeles. I will have him report every movement you do even how many sneezes you do in a day. I will also permit him to forbid you to go on a date when he thinks the guy isn't worthy enough."

I stared at him with utter disbelief. Does he know the way he sounded? He sounded like a possessive, jealous boyfriend. But if I would point that out to him he would just laugh it off since he was the type who had never been possessive nor jealous of a woman before.

Then, there was also a high possibility that I was just thinking too much about his words because I hoped that he would feel that way.

But this was Santi Marchesi we're talking about. The man who never sleeps with the same woman twice. Would he also dump me once he finally has the chance to bed me?

The thought made my heart break into a million pieces. The heartache in my heart was so unbearable that it was better if I stayed away from him until I could and my feelings for him were still uncertain before it went deeper only to find out that he was not ready for commitment yet.

"...are we clear, Haven?"

I only managed to nod my head in agreement. "Do whatever you think is best. I will not complain about your decision when it comes to my safety."

"Oh, I will do whatever I want."

"Excuse me?" I said when I didn't quite catch his reply since he spoke in a low tone as if he was only just saying those words to himself. "Care to repeat that?"

He gave me a full smile but that smile made me shiver down my spine since it was more of a diabolic smile—that kind of smile telling you that he's wicked and should not be trusted but then again, I might be reading too much of this. "Nothing important, sweetheart. I will just keep an eye on you while you are away from me. I will make sure that no insect will have the chance to get close to you. I will pulverize them with my hand if they try."

I frowned questioningly at him. "Are we still talking about my safety here, Santi?"

He gave me a holier-than-thou kind of grin. "Of course. Always, love."

I eyed him with a foul look. This man was not playing fair. I don't know if it was intentional or not but he was making it difficult for me to leave when he casually threw these endearments like confetti making me feel giddy and long to hear them again from him.

"That's not fair," I mumbled under my breath.

He gave me a smug look as if he understood what I was talking about. "Life is unfair, amore. In a game of life, only the stronger will win. Always remember that, my lovely Haven."