I know I've said before that the bonus scenes for Sanity don't matter much to the actual story line and if you didn't want to read them, it wouldn't fuck up the story for you. However, if you should read any of them, I highly suggest reading #4 (Ryan's memory) to give a little more understanding to this chapter.

Also, Jonny and Deegan aren't really based on anyone (Altho Jonny's appearance is based off of Mikey Rude from Suburban Murder). However Jacky's character is Jacky Vincent.

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Kuza walked me to the hanger, giving me a very passionate kiss and squeezing my butt as he did so. I giggled against his lips. Reese wishes she could get that much out of Ryan but I think she counted herself lucky for the one little peck she did get. He gives her enough attention to keep her from whining but not too much that he feels uncomfortable. I know he wasn't always this way...

"Think back to all the people I killed. They were all criminals. The innocence, you killed. When we cleared out that hospital, I had my boys evacuate the real patients and they filled it with death row inmates." Ricky explained, "And Garth and I were never married. He was just another agent that needed to disappear. Same goes for my old partner."

"Are you even gay?" I scoffed.

"Yes. That part is true. I also wasn't lying when I told you that I love you." He responded.

The word "love" coming out of his mouth just angered me. He uses love as a tool, not an emotion. That takes a true monster. I didn't say anything else and just stood there steaming. Ricky sighed, letting the conversation die. I'm still almost in denial that he could ever do this to me. I thought my life was clear cut, but it was all a lie. He was controlling me like a fucking puppet. I am not your puppet.

Everyone else finished sorting themselves out with weapons and ammo. They individually started to jump back down from the convoy. Ryan put his hand on my shoulder to help him get down from the elevated truck. As he touched down on the ground, he didn't take his hand off my shoulder. He glanced over at Ricky to see if he was looking our way, which he was. Then Ryan did something that might've shocked me just as much as Ricky; He leaned in and kissed me.

Something in me told me to kiss him back. Ryan is as straight as the day is long. I know that as a fact, and he's asexual. What is he doing?! I don't know but I went with it for some reason. He was a pretty good kisser for someone who hates romance.

As he pulled away from me he patted Ricky on the shoulder, "You weren't the only one lying in the house."

With that, Ryan walked away. He went to talk with the others. Ricky had the most fucking broken and shocked look on his face. Yeah, fucker, now you know what it feels like to be backstabbed. I knew Ryan didn't care about me romantically; He was just an amazing friend that helped me get back at the man that broke my heart.

"Sooo," Mike sauntered over to us, "About my Camaro."

"O'Neil, take care of that." He told one of the others agents, "I... I need to make a call."

Ricky walked away from us and disappeared behind one of the other trucks. Deep deep down I felt bad for hurting him, but he fucking ripped my heart into a million little pieces. Then he set those pieces on fire and fed them to a rabid dog. One simple kiss is small compared to all he put me through.

The other agent lead us to a convoy much longer than the others. He opened up the back of it, revealing several Harley Davidsons. Oh, yes please. A Camaro very similar to the one he had before was in the back. It looked to be a newer model, and there was no red on it. I wonder if zombies are colorblind like dogs or...? Fuck if I know. Would color really matter for attracting zombies? The noise of the engine will attract them before color ever will.

Army men walked out the bikes for us. Then they lowered out the Camaro and the keys were handed over to Kuza. He leaned over the hood and pretty much hugged the car. "She's beautiful."

"I think he loves the car more than you." Ryan-Ashley said to Rayne.

"I think so too." She muttered.

Ryan was now standing next to me. I looked over at him and he had a blank expression. Does he really want to act like that didn't happen?

"Thanks." I told him.

"You're welcome." He replied, "Just so we're clear I'm still straight but that fucker had that coming to him."

I laughed, "Thank you. I'm going to get even more revenge as this mission goes on. Hey, though, where did you learn how to kiss like that?"

He sighed, "I didn't always hate love and I wasn't always against humanity. I wasn't crazy until I met her."

Night flights are better, in my opinion. I love to see the night stars. They seem so close yet so far away. It was calming too, especially when I had to deal with being on a tiny ass plane. It wasn't that gorgeous private plane I was used to. Just some prop plane but it was enough to take us to Scranton.

"So, do I get to know what this 'unfinished business' of yours is?" I asked Ryan as I started out the window.

"When you asked me a few months ago if there was anyone I wanted revenge on, the truth was there is. I'm just not sure if I want her dead or not." He replied.

I looked over at him with a numb stare, "Well, if you show yourself to her, you either have to kill her or lock her up in the base. We can't risk civilians knowing we're free."

"Free-ish." He corrected me, "And I know. That's why I'm kind of glad you came with me. I'd never bring her back to the base but I don't know if I could ever bring myself to hurt her. I'm worried I'll look in her face and I'll remember how it felt."

"How what felt?" I asked.

"How it felt to feel." Ryan responded, "Believe it or not, at some point I was normal. I never thought about murdering a human. I probably dissected a few more animals than most kids my age but that's just because I've always wanted to get into medicine. In high school, there was this girl who was the complete opposite of me. I was a loser metalhead that smoked behind the dumpsters. She was a bubbly cheerleader that sat at the popular table in the cafeteria. Some-fucking-how we fell in love.

We moved in together after high school and both started college. I was working my ass off in med school, so I guess I didn't have time to notice we weren't the perfect couple I thought we were. She was cheating on me. I never stopped to ask for how long because the second I walked in on her with another guy, I told her we were through. Over the next two years I slowly started to lose my emotions. The only thing I cared about was my career, and the feeling of a scalpel going through flesh."

"She literally drove you crazy." I stated, practically in awe.

Why did it take him this long to tell me this? All these years, I've barely heard a mention of her. He's hinted before that there was once someone he loved. I never knew the cuts went that deep.

"You could say that." He muttered.

"What was her name?" I dared to ask. It was obviously a little bit of a touchy subject.

He stared past me, out at the stars. "Bambi."

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The next day, Ryan had his own problems to deal with. He had tracked down this girl this far. I figure he can handle it himself. If he needs me, he'll call or text. It was so amazing to be back in The Electric City. If Chris would've come, he probably would've broken down in tears. This is his home more than anyone else's and it means so much to him. I've had my share of heartbreaks here myself.

Rain poured down over me on this cold afternoon. The wind pulled at my long dress and my umbrella. I'm always dressed for a funeral but that doesn't mean I want to go to one. I kept my distance because I wasn't much more than whore to him. Towards the end, Jonny was getting really sweet on me. Maybe I did mean something to him. He meant a lot more to many other people. That's why I kept to the back of the crowd.

Most of his friends were truly just other addicts or dealers. It was muscle heads and gangsters filling up the group of people mourning over his fresh grave. There was one friend he had that was decent. The only one that would really care to say thank you after fucking me into next week. His name was Jacky. He was his roommate, if I remember right. That or he was just always at his house. Either way, I know he's got to be beating himself up that he wasn't there when Jonny was attacked.

Through the storm and the sea of black suits, he found me. He was a sleaze rocker who didn't own a damn formal thing. Seeing him in black jeans and a leather jacket, I can't help but think that's how Jonny would've wanted it. Jacky was shorter than me and he had a smile as sweet as a puppy's.

"Are you doing okay?" He spoke to me.

"Why are you asking me?" I replied, "He was your best friend."

"I don't know what went on between you two but I know he cared about you a lot. He talked about you constantly. Right before he died, he talked about askin' you out. Maybe if he would've gotten the guts he wouldn't be here. He could've found a better life and got out of that rat trap of a house."

I leaned down and placed a rose on the grave at my feet. Two white lilies I had left at my parents' graves but this was different. Though I killed before it happened, Jonny's death was what made me insane. We all had that moment that broke us. For Ryan, it was the woman he loved cheating on him. For Chris, it was his mother taking Angelo away from him. For Vinny, it was his father's betrayal. For Josh and Ryan-Ashley, it was getting framed for something they didn't do. Similarly, for Manson and Twiggy, it was getting blamed for something they didn't do. Whatever or whenever Kuza snapped, I couldn't tell you. He doesn't talk about his past much.

"You look good for someone who's supposed to be in Supermax." A familiar voice greeted me.

I glanced back at Jacky, smiling to see he hadn't changed a bit. "I had a lot of time to work on my beauty skills."

Jacky chuckled and we embraced each other in a hug. "I'm guessing you're not aloud to talk about how you're out?"

"No. You can't tell anyone that you saw me either. They'll kill you if they find out." I responded.

"It's alright. I already have a good idea of what you've been up to." He said, "There's conspiracy theories out there about you. A few times people swore they spotted you. Blurry pictures that aren't really proof. That type of thing."

I grinned, "That's kind of cool, actually. I like that I'm a ghost story."

Jacky smiled, then caught sight of the ring on my finger. His smile faded quickly, "You got married?"

"Uh, yeah. Those people that would kill you if they knew you saw me, he's one of them. We aren't really together right now though. It's complicated. Did you ever find someone?"

"Yeah, I did. And it's because of her that I don't want to stay long. I cleaned myself up. I have a real job now and I have a good life. So, I really shouldn't be here." He hesitantly said.

"I understand. Thank you for coming to see me. Go home, Jacky."

He pursed his lips, "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer. I'm just happy to know you're better than when we last saw each other. Devin," He glanced down at Jonny's grave, "I buried more than just Jonny that day. I hope you did too."

With that, Jacky quickly ran off. I turned back towards the tombstone that was a grim reminder of my past. A rush of wind gushed over me, causing me to wrap my arms around myself. I did burry something with Jonny; My sympathy for the living.

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Comment question: Should Ryan kill Bambi or should he let Devin do it?