Deserey couldn't sleep. The Legends had decided to park the ship in the Temporal Zone, banking on getting some rest before heading into the '80s, since apparently it was nearing one in the morning back in Central City. (Dez wasn't really sure why they decided to go by Central's time frame or even why the time mattered considering they were floating outside of it, but she was exhausted so she decided not to question it too much.)

She had entered her room, fully intent on getting some shut eye, but the moment her head hit the pillow she began tossing and turning. There were so many thoughts running through her head. The images that Rip had showed everyone that first night he gathered them on that roof swirled in her mind, accompanied by the almost disastrous Central City that would have resulted from Ray accidentally losing that piece of his suit.

That first fight with Chronos in the ‘70s crawled it’s way into her head, followed by the big battle at the auction and the fight at the asylum. Her head was reeling, now that she had a moment to stop and think about it all. It had been cool in the moment, if not a bit terrifying. But now, laying there in her dark room, the gravity of the situation finally settled in. She could have died. They all could have died. Kendra had almost been raped, and she would have been, too, if Dez hadn’t gotten there with Rip and Sara.

Ray had almost accidently caused World War III prematurely, and Deserey had been shot in the gut and left to bleed out. (Was it bad that that last one was the least of her concerns?) In the future millions, maybe billions, of people would die because of Vandal Savage; but the – for lack of a better word – Legends had failed to get Savage both times they’d gone after him so far. If anything they only escalated the issue and hurt themselves in the process. Were they really cut out for this? Those people… Those poor innocent people… They deserved better heroes…

Deserey tossed her blanket off to the side, growling in frustration. She wished her mind would just shut up for once. It was hard enough to sleep on a normal day, never mind after almost getting murdered and ruining everyone’s lives. (Literally.)

“You seem to be having trouble sleeping, Miss Dunet,” Gideon piped up, like Deserey didn’t already know that. “Would you like me to prescribe you a sedative?”

It was a tempting idea, Dez had to admit. She belatedly wondered how much of the drug she’d be able to take before it killed her and if Gideon would be willing to give her that much. Shaking her head, Deserey decided against it. Rip would probably have ordered her against it anyway. (And she really didn’t want to risk worrying any of the four people who knew her dark secret anymore than she had to. It was a miracle they even let her sleep in her room alone.)

So, Deserey turned her thoughts elsewhere. To the pronouns of their AI friend. She…

It seemed so natural to say, and yet Dez still had trouble wrapping her mind around the idea. Maybe it was just something to focus on, something better than the misfortunate future they were trying to stop, better than the suicidal thoughts swimming around in her head, like her mind was some kind of pool party.

From the knowledge her kids had shared with her (and her own experiences) Dez knew just how important pronouns could be. So, why then was it so natural for her – of all people – to just assume Gideon would use female pronouns? It had been bothering her since she came to in that drowsy state after the AI had healed her wound. She wasn’t sure why it mattered so much (especially since everyone else just went with the female pronouns as well), but Deserey knew it was, even if Gideon was just a machine.

“No,” Deserey said after a moment of contemplation. “But, uh, I do have a question…”

“Of course,” Gideon said.

“What pronouns should I use for you?”

The AI was silent for a moment, and Deserey could have sworn Gideon was taken aback. “I’m not sure I understand the question.”

“Pronouns,” Deserey repeated. “He/him, she/her, they/them, ze/zem, etc. etc. Which ones do you prefer?”

Gideon stayed quiet for a moment longer, considering the question. The AI had clearly never been asked this question before. “I was modeled after a female human.”

Deserey nodded slowly. She could tell Gideon wasn’t really grasping the concept of gender identity, and she was trying to figure out the best way to explain it to the AI. “Okay…but do you feel like you are a female or…?”

“AI's aren’t programed to experience feelings, Miss Dunet,” Gideon told her. “Only mimic them.”

“Uh…okay,” Dez said slowly. “So…female pronouns?”

“If you wish.”

“But what do you wish, Gideon?” she said, putting emphasis on the word ‘you’ so that Gideon understood her feelings were what mattered the most. Not Dez's. Deserey was growing a little frustrated. Not at Gideon. Just at the fact that this conversation was more complicated than she had anticipated. Did AI's really not have preferences? Desires? Was it all just fabricated? Fake? It seemed wrong, when they seemed so real…

Gideon was quiet for another minute, and Dez wondered if the AI was getting frustrated too. “I suppose you could just use she/her pronouns, like the person I was modeled after would have.”

Dez sighed, glad that conversation was over with but still a little grumpy and unconvinced that that’s what the AI actually preferred. Was she just saying that because that’s what she looked like? Or did she actually believe she was female? Sure, she had just said all her feelings were fabricated, but somehow Dez still felt they were more authentic than that. Gideon seemed too much like a real person. How could she not feel anything? Regardless, she was using the female pronouns anyway. “Okay… Is anyone else up?”

“Captain Hunter is in the parlour,” Gideon said. “Though I’m not sure he would like to be disturbed.”

“Why?” Deserey wondered. “What's he doing in there?” She had half a mind to suggest he was jacking off, but she didn’t think the AI would appreciate the dirty joke the way someone else – like Leonard for example – would.

“It is a private affair,” Gideon said, which really didn’t help Dez get her mind out of the gutter. She stood up, clearing her throat to cover up the laugh that wanted to escape her throat. “Well, I’m gonna go bug him anyways,” she told Gideon.

She walked out of her room and padded down the hall towards the bridge. The halls were dark, as the lights were turned nearly all the way down so that the team could sleep, but somehow she managed to find her way without tripping over herself.

Rip had a lamp on in that little office of his, and he was slumped over in one of the arm chairs looking rather put out. In front of him, there was a holographic video playing: a beautiful brunette woman and gorgeous young blonde boy talking to Rip, telling him how much they loved and missed him.

With a start, Deserey realized this must’ve been his wife and child. Miranda and Jonas. His family… Deserey's heart twisted in her chest, and she suddenly felt very guilty about her dirty joke earlier. This must have been the last message Rip had gotten from his family before they had died…

Dez was about to turn around, feeling like she was intruding, but Rip looked up before she could move, spotting her in the doorway of the bridge. He hastily picked up one of his many remotes laying on the table in front of him, clumsily flicking the message off. Deserey frowned, slowly stepping further into the room. “They’re your family?” she asked softly. From the broken look Rip gave her in response she knew she had guessed correctly. “I can go if you want…” She knew some people, herself included, didn’t like others around when they were feeling down. Maybe Rip just needed to have a cry by himself…

But he shook his head, tiredly running a hand over his face, before jumping to his feet and looking a little more chipper. (Though Dez could tell it wasn’t real.) “No. No, it’s fine. Do you need anything?”

She shrugged walking to the doorway of the office and leaning in it. “Just bored. Can’t sleep.”

“Ah.” He nodded slowly, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting awkwardly. Maybe it was her mother instinct, maybe it was just because she was so tired of everyone feeling sorry for her that she wanted it to be the other way around for a change, but Deserey couldn’t help shooting a worried look his way.

She felt guilty. He’d been through something so tragic: watching his family brutally murdered, helplessly standing by as his home burned to the ground around him. He had come from a war with many casualties. But she hadn’t really stopped to consider that before now. She had been so wrapped up with herself and her own problems. How useless she was, how she would never live up to the name Legend, how she’d almost been killed.

The mere image of that dreadful future was enough to give Deserey nightmares and keep her up all night. But Rip? He had actually lived through it. She couldn’t imagine how he must have been feeling, and she had never even stopped to try because he always seemed so composed when the team was formulating plans. (Well, except when they screwed up…)

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She tossed her hand up limply, before letting it hit her leg softly. “Here I am whining about being bored and you…” She sighed. “I’m sorry…”

Rip shrugged as if he didn’t care. Or maybe he just wasn’t sure what to make of her apology. Either way, it did nothing to assure Dez that he was alright. (And honestly he probably wasn’t. No sane person would be…)

Deserey glanced over to the spot on the floor where the hologram had been moments before. “She’s really pretty,” she commented. “And your boy looks just like you…”

Rip made a soft hum, nodding once more. “Miss Lance said the same thing,” he muttered.

Deserey raised an eyebrow at him. “Sara saw this too?”

He shook his head, grinning sheepishly like he thought she might call him stupid for it. “I have pictures of them too.”

“Oh.” She pushed herself off the wall, heading deeper into the parlour, until she was sitting in the recliner across from the one Rip had been sitting in. “You know you don’t have to be embarrassed about missing them,” she told him, and she cringed at how much she sounded like her latest therapist. “They died in one of the most awful ways possible. Of course you miss them.”

Rip hovered in his standing position for a moment, looking thoughtful. He pulled his hands from his pockets finally and awkwardly sat back down. He didn’t say anything though. So, Dez hastily added, “But I get it. Sometimes it feels like you’re a bother, or it’s just too hard, or you don’t want to seem weak. Sometimes you just want to lock yourself up in your favorite room and let it all consume you…and sometimes you just need someone to sit with you through it. Even if you don’t say anything…”

Rip sat silently, not moving a muscle for the longest time. Deserey didn’t say anything else. She didn’t want to scare him off or annoy him with stupid, cheesy words that never quite worked the way they were suppose to. If he wanted to talk about it, he would. And if he didn’t… well, that was fine too.

Dez lifted her feet off the floor, curling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. She and Rip stared at opposite walls, sitting in a silence that bordered between awkward and comfortable. She let the thoughts of those images pass through her mind once more; she let herself remember those fights with Savage and Chronos. Because the shudder that trembled through her whole body was nothing compared to what Rip must’ve been feeling. She let herself be consumed by the awful pictures of those dead children, that vast wasteland the people of the future were forced to call home.

Deserey wasn’t sure how much time had past, but when she finally looked away from the wall she started seeing white spots dancing in her eyes. Her body was stiff, the way it normally got when she spent hours on a drawing, but this time there wasn’t a beautiful portrait she could hang on the wall staring back at her. This time there was only empty space. On the wall. In her heart. All around the ship. Nothing but empty space…

Rip spoke suddenly, startling her slightly. “He wanted to learn to swim.” And at her confused look, he added, “Jonas.” After a pause. “I never did get to teach him…There never seemed to be enough…time. Ironically…”

She glanced at him solemnly. It was strange how hallow his voice sounded. “How old was he?” she asked carefully.

“He would have been eight as of two days ago…Well according to the date I left 2166 anyway…”

Deserey blanched. He’d gathered them all on his son’s birthday? The boy had died just before one of the most pivotal moments in a child's life time. And Rip hadn’t even mentioned it… (Though, Dez supposed, he didn’t really have a reason to do so.)

Rip sat back in his chair, staring at the wall with an empty look in his eyes. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, and she thought maybe he was remembering his family. She sat up and stared at him until he glanced back at her with a concerned expression, like maybe he thought she’d lost her marbles.

“This is going to sound like such a mom thing to ask,” she said, “but have you slept since they…you know?” She trailed off, not really sure if it would be appropriate for her to keep talking about his family’s murder so bluntly. “Have you even eaten anything?”

He shifted a little uncomfortably. “Of course, I –”

“Gideon, is that true?” Deserey asked, glancing up at the ceiling for the AI's input.

“It is not,” Gideon confirmed. Rip gave the ceiling a rather offended look, letting out a sharp, “Oi!” in protest.

Dez smirked, but she quickly grew serious again. Jumping to her feet, she started tugging on Rip’s arm, forcing him up too. “C’mon. We’re going to the galley to get something to munch on. Then, you’re gonna go to sleep.”

“Why are you mothering me?” Rip complained as she drug him off to the kitchen. “I thought we were all supposed to be taking care of you. Not the other way around.”

Deserey shrugged. “I don’t want to kill myself right this second, so you’re off the clock. Besides, I’m a mom. It’s my job to mother people.”

“Yes,” Rip said. “Your own children. Not your captain!” But they were already half way to the galley by that point, and Deserey wasn’t going to give up. So, Rip had no choice but to accept his fate.

When they got to the galley, Deserey steered Rip over to the dining table and made him sit, before making her way into the kitchen to find something light. Scrolling through the food selections Gideon offered, Deserey finally settled on a plate full of turkey and two glasses of iced tea.

Rip tilted his head at the selection, when she set it down on the table. “Why tea? Because I’m British? You know, that’s a stereotype! Not all of us drink tea!”

Deserey shot him a look, as she sat across from him. “I’ve seen you drink tea before.”

“Yes,” Rip agreed. “But that’s besides the point!”

She rolled her eyes at him, scooting the plate closer to him. “Just shut up and eat, Cap.”

“Blimey, you’re strict,” Rip muttered, stalling a bit longer. “Bit like my own mother.” He picked up a piece of the turkey at Deserey's stern glare. The look didn’t disappear until he’d popped it in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

Deserey grinned at having successfully gotten the Waverider's captain to eat. She reached over, grabbing a piece of turkey for herself. “So I remind you of your mom, huh?”

Rip nodded, taking a long sip of tea before he responded. “Adoptive mother. But still my mother.” He shrugged, as he took another piece of turkey. “Not sure what happened to the bio parents. But then…none of the Time Masters really do.” He shrugged indifferently.

Deserey hummed, eating another piece of turkey and taking a sip from her tea. “That’s kind of odd…”

“Huh? How so?” He took another sip from his cup, eyeing her curiously.

She shrugged. “I mean, you all just happen to be orphans? Kind of a weird coincidence, don’t you think?”

He gave her his own shrug in return. “I never really thought about it before. Time Masters can’t do any harm to the time line, so they recruit orphans. That way they don’t disrupt the natural flow of time by taking children away from their parents. It’s the same reason they have us change our names.”

“Well, yeah. But I mean –” Deserey shifted in her chair, moving so that she could sit on her knees. She was about to express more confusion, when her mind decided to go elsewhere. “Wait. Rip isn’t your real name?”

“Of course it’s my real name,” he told her, sitting up slightly. “It’s just not my birth name.”

She nodded slowly, chewing on another piece of turkey. “Makes sense. Deserey isn’t my birth name either.” Her eyes widened, as she realized what she’d just said, when Rip squinted at her in befuddlement. “My parents and I had a fight, when I was a teen,” she added hastily. “So I changed my name to spite them.”

It was a vague summary of that night, but Rip didn’t need to know all the details. He didn’t need to know what the fight was about or that they tossed her out of the house afterwards. He didn’t need to know about the years that followed, when she was forced to live on the streets because not even her best friend would allow her to stay with them. And really didn’t need to know that the first time she fell in love was on those streets. Or that that love had ended horrifically. And he really didn’t need to know that all of that was the reason she wanted to kill herself.

Besides, she did her best not to think about that night, and recounting the whole story to the captain might just cause the waves of despair to come crashing down upon her again. Then, there was the fact that telling him just might have the same results as that night… He could kick her out the moment he knew the truth. She eyed him carefully. The captain didn’t really seem like the sort of person who’d do something so drastic over something so small… then again, her parents hadn’t seemed like the type either…

Dez shoved the thought out of her head. She didn’t want to think about it. Not now. Not ever. Thankfully, Rip didn’t ask about it. Instead, the two just silently finished the plate of turkey and drank the rest of their tea, before placing the dishes in the sink. Then, Deserey walked the captain to his room, just to make sure he actually went to bed.

Rip complained about, but Dez insisted. She wasn’t satisfied until she saw him climb into the bed. Part of her wanted to tuck him in like a five year old and maybe even read him a bed time story, (that had been her favorite thing to do with her kids when they were younger) but considering he was a grown man it would probably be pretty weird. So, she opted for just turning out his light and whispering a small, “Goodnight, Cap.” Then, she trotted back to her own room, hoping to get some sleep herself.

To make up for the long wait of the last update, here's a much quicker update! Just a bit of Dezzie getting to be a mom. (She'll have plenty more mom scenes where that came from, so hopefully you liked it!) And I've started hinting at Dezzie's back story a bit with some vague information. (Don't worry, you'll get the fully story when we reach the Pilgrim episode) But I'm curious. Any theories about what the full, detailed story is? What do you think the argument Dez had with her parents was about?

Next update we'll have another interlude, before finally getting into White Knights and Fail-Safe! Then...some more changes from the canon script, bahaha!

Also, I made an edit, and I'm proud of it. So, I'm gonna show it to y'all.

Isn't it neat?

Well I hope y'all like it and enjoyed this chapter!

PS I also made a thing to celebrate reaching 2K reads! Eek!