sorry this chapter took longer than usual, I was hit by an intense need to write an entire dukeceit fic in like a week and my mental health has gone to shit but that's besides the point

Also the title is a line Logan would have said but I cut that part out sadly ):::

Roman was idly staring out at the trees going by on the other side of the window. The air was cold and aside from him and the driver the only other person on the bus was Remus who was sitting with his head leaned against his twin's shoulder. His eyes were closed and he was humming quietly.

"We should be there soon" The prince said.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean full offense but me going back seems like as much of a bad idea as a bunch of cut of grizzly bear dicks flailing around trying to kill me with chainsaws" Remus replied while biting his nail to see how far down he had to bite before blood came.

"Thanks for the mental image"

"No prob. It's just...I don't think any of them like me. In fact I think everyone...almost everyone at the school hates me"

"I don't, I know Remy doesn't and I don't think Patton is capable of hating anyone" roman reassured.

"Oh fucksticks I broke Patton! That's how hateable I am!" Remus exclaimed while his eyes widened.

"Come on bro! You know that's not what I meant!" Before he could say anything more the bus stopped at the last stop on it's way.

Roman had to pretty much drag Remus with him. It took them about 20 minutes of walking before they could see the grey gates that surrounded the school. All of those minutes were filled with the duke coming up with the most disgusting excuses as to why they should stop and go somewhere else.

When they were right outside the gates Remus stopped and sat down on the ground "Go on without me!" He said dramatically "I think I'm dying blleerggh" He fell down and closed his eyes.

"You know what I am tired so I will go see my friends and when I come back you better still be here or I will cut you in 2 with my sword" Ro sighed to which Remus did a thumbs up.

 Roman had already called Patton and told him they were on their way back while on the bus so he'd barely taken a step on the school grounds when the bubbly boy (followed shortly by Logan) ran up and pulled him into a bear hug.

"I've missed you s-so much!" Patton squealed bouncing up and down on his feet when he finally let go of him.

"I've missed you too!!" The prince exclaimed.

"You are looking well" Logan added patting his shoulder with a small smile.

"Oh I dunno about that" He forced a chuckle rubbing the back of his head. "I uh I almost died but ehhh how have you two been doing?"

"You W-WHAT" His dad mode was on. "My precious little kiddo I have to w-wrap you up into blankets and take care of y-you for the re-est of forever. What happened? Are you alright? Did someone hu-urt you? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine don't worry" He did jazz hands to really prove it even though he was in fact very much not fine. Better than at his worst but certainly not fine.

"Did you not say that Remus would be accompanying you?" The nerd asked after looking around and seeing 0% rat goblin.

"Oh yeah! I've been so worrie-ed about him! Why d-did he run away?" The dad added.

"Ehhh he's ehm in the woods somewhere" He tried to not say anything about why he had been gone. It was Rem's choice if he wanted to tell them.

"Neato. I'll go give him a b-big ol hug"

"Sure" When Patton was a good enough distance away from them so he couldn't hear them Roman leaned over and asked with a smug smile. "So will I have to be your wingman or are you a thing yet?"

Logan facepalmed and groaned loudly.

-

The duke was closely inspecting a long bug crawling across a stone. He was debating whether or not to lick it. Maybe even eat it. His very serious inner debate was disturbed when he heard

"Hey kiddo" from behind him. Of course his first reaction was to scream and scramble away because his nerves were on the level of 1000 "Sorry for s-startling you. Glad to see yo-ou back" Patton hunched down next to him with a bright smile.

Remus brain was like a lagging windows error screen as he replied with "I uhheh hi uh want bug?" He held up the bug while he hoped the other boy wasn't too angry at him.

"Oh please I wouldn't w-want to BUG that poor insect" He attempted a pun.

"HehHEH yeah I'm gonna go and uhhh fill an ocean with fake blood....yes! important stuff" Remus stood up as he said it and looked around for the best direction to run off into.

"Y'know kiddo I'm not an-ngry at you, you don't have to b-be worried. It's alright" Patton said with the most comforting voice he could muster.

"Alright" Remus didn't trust him but he went along in case not agreeing would make him bad.

"Alright alright alright" He wiggled his shoulders while smiling "Wanna come-e inside? No one has joined since you left so you c-can take your old bed"

Memories of being pinned down on the sheets mixed with brief flashes of words and pain went around in his head until he shook his head. The smell of lemon shampoo started to take over and his fingers went numb. Then as he looked into Patton's baby blue eyes his thoughts erupted into a storm.

Since the everything that had happened his self preservation had shot up through the roof and his disullions with reality felt more real than ever. Now his thoughts screamed at him over and over that the kind bubbly boy was about to hurt him. Why? He wasn't sure people needed a reason to hurt him anymore.

Without him noticing Patton moved closer and was about to hug him when he noticed how red Remus's eyes were.

"Why are y-you crying?"

'Why are you crying?' He could practically hear Dee's voice. He could practically feel his back pressed against the sink and his hands on hi-

When Patton put his hand on his shoulder Remus bit down into it. A scream escaped his lips as his hand started to bleed. He barely even noticed that the boy in green pushed past him and ran.

He ran and ran towards the woods. Surely his hidden stuff was still there. Surely his hammer and his...medication was still there. It felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. From the corner of his eye he saw Roman talk to his classmate.

The ground under him wasn't solid anymore. It was threatening to fall apart under him. He hated that he had let his brother take him back here. Being forced to remember everything hurt too much. It was like he and the world around him was in a silent contest in who could break down the fastest.

He stumbled over a stone falling face down on the ground. Without wasting another second he got up on his knees and started digging around in the dirt. His whole body was shaking like a leaf in a storm as the things weren't anywhere to be seen.

Unbeknownst to him Patton had come looking for him and now he was huffing a little from running.

"What are you l-looking fo-or kiddo?" He more cooed than asked while trying to figure out how to comfort the boy who very clearly didn't want to be comforted by him.

"Go die in your own vomit" Remus bit off.

"Now now th-hat wasn't very nic-ce" He clasped his hands together and forced a reassuring smile on his lips.

"I won't be nice to an evil bastard like you!" He shot up to his feet and stormed over to Patton taking the shorter boy by the collar of his shirt. "I will break your legs and watch as you suffer before you even have the chance to hurt me. You hear that" He sneered.

"Remus-s calm d-down I wa-asn-n't going t-"

"I just need my hammer and my.. an-and then you're done for" He looked around again too lost in his own search to hear when Pat called out for help as he was seriously starting to think that the duke had lost it.

Suddenly there were arms around his waist pulling him into a hug from behind.

"Bro" As Remus flailed his arms around Roman grew a bit impatient. "You rat face of a brother calm down"

Logan was patting Patton on the back since he was quite shaken up over being threatened. 

"Come on deep breaths, in and out. 4, 7, 8 r'member?" Roman continued while patting his brother on the back. The duke nodded while trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't I wasn't I don't know what I was thinking I just I just I'm sorry. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's like my thoughts have been split into two, into a into a butt" At the end of the sentence he was merely whispering. 

"I get that you're experiencing..." Roman snapped his fingers while looking for the word. "Nerd word you use"

"Cognitive distortion" Logan quickly answered.

"Cognitive distortion! Just because you're experiencing that you can't go around threatening people"

"But I had good reasons he was....he was..." They wouldn't believe him if he said that Patton was about to hurt him because it probably wasn't true. A part of him knew that another part of him was still screaming about danger being all around him.

It was like coming back to the school had forced him to look back on the puzzle that was his brain right now. Pieces of it that was before missing before had been refund but that wasn't exactly good. The pieces were full of memories he had buried and memories of who he used to be, it was all too overwhelming.

So he tried to push the pieces away, to hold of on putting the puzzle together to another day. Instead he continued to hold onto his twin until he wasn't panicking as much.

"I suggest we go to dr. Picani. I'm sure he can rewrite you into the system" Logan said while pushing up his glasses.

"Yeeeeh" Roman agreed. He pushed away his brother before standing up. He bit his lip and looked down at the ground nervously since he knew coming back here meant he would be forced into therapy again. He took a deep breath as he reminded himself that help was good.

The prince was about to say something when the words of a certain snake interrupted them "Why did you all decide to be this loud today?" Deceit groaned as he walked towards them. He winked at Logan as he leaned against him "Hi sweetheart" He murmured in a fake flirty tone before blowing a kiss at him "If you have invited that blue haired freak over again I wil-Fuck is that Roman?"

His discolored eyes widened as he realized that if Roman was hear that meant that He was also here.

"Remus" The word was uttered in a breathless way, filled with surprise and relief as he looked at him. 

"Dee" The word was uttered with total fear as Rem looked at his past friend.

Decan smiled and took a few steps towards him, he wanted to hug him and tell him how glad he was to see him. Instead Patton steeped in between them. Remus in an attempt to make sure Dee wouldn't get mad was going to hug him but Pat stopped him.

"Don't let him m-manipulate you into forgivin-ng him" He said coldly while not breaking eye contact with Dee.

"Pat deary this isn't exactly your thing to decide" He smirked as he continued "But you're not a newcomer to making stupid decision are you"

"Shut your m-mouth" He gently tugged at Remus sleeve smiling at him "Let's go o-okay?" He glanced back at his ex "Don't even try-y to tal-lk to me-e or him for that matter until you understand that what you did was w-wrong"

Even as the boy in green whined Patton continued to walk and drag him after.  His viridescent eyes stared up at him with a worried look. "You're being too kind. Please don't make me kiss you" He mumbled but so quiet that no one heard him.

Logan had followed behind them. Roman well he might be underweight as hell but right now enough rage fueled him he could smash a car so he'd stayed behind.

"Where have you been anyhow?" Logan asked.

"Places....Mostly hell though" Remus half joked "I didn't really expect anyone to notice I disappeared or maybe it would make people happy I dunno"

"How could we not notice" The nerd responded with a monotone tone "You take up a normal amount of space and it did feel quite empty without your presence"

A warm fuzzy feeling took over his chest. Maybe it was happiness over being reassured  of or maybe it was anger from being reassured. He didn't trust the kindness and he would rather not  stay in the warmth and get burnt.

"Ugh logic is sooo sexy. Keep disproving my bad thinking with facts please because I think I just found a new kink" Remus fake moaned while sticking his tongue out to keep up a happy facade.

"Uhu"

"Do you prefer being called master or sir?" When he didn't get a response he continued anyway. "Oh master please tie me up and whisper sweet bounds of rrrrreasoning in my ear"

"No thank you" Logan answered.

Remus pouted "You're sooo booring"

Unbeknownst to them a figure had appeared at the start of the hallway towards Picani's office. Now it was quickly coming towards them and before any of them had time to react Remus had been tackled to the ground in a very tight hug.

Remy had just been minding their business y'know depression and ice cream. The normal stuff. When what sounded like loud and furious arguing between Dee and Roman came from the hallway.

"If you ever even touch him again I will hurt you worse than you ever hurt him"

"That sure is threatening coming from someone who looks like cheap halloween decoration of a skeleton"

"Listen I am a nice prince but right now I am very happy your name is so accurate because I will Dec you!" 

It had taken Remy a moment before they went ..wait...what the fuck is Ro doing here. They quickly ran out and hugged the prince and telling him how much they'd missed him. Ro told them Remus was back all while shooting deadly stares at Dee. They had immediately went to see Remus and now they were hugging him.

"Girl never pull shit like that again. I swear I've aged 10 years just from worrying about you. I'm so glad you're okay!" Remy squealed out of happiness continuing to hold their friend closely by the waist.

When Remy noticed how still their friend was aside from a constant rising and lowering chest they let go asking. "Are you okay?"

Remus just nodded while faking a smile.

"That's a big B for Bitch that's Bullshit" They scoffed while letting go of him and standing up "Like no offense but you look a lil bit like ye dying, like you look like 15 kg lighter"

"Nooooooo" He exclaimed dramatically falling to the floor only now realizing that maybe barely eaten for several months made him lose weight "What about my juicy butt now?? And my stomach that had just enough of a slight chub so it was squishy and nice. I need an arsenal of gummy bears and deodorant right in this instant! I am gaining everything back bitches"

Before he could get any deodorant to eat Roman came back from his argument. He'd used extreme self control and not committed a murder. The prince had to assure his classmates that he wouldn't somehow disappear again before dragging his twin with him into Picani's office.

The therapist was 'busy' watching cartoons on his phone when they barged in. His face shone up as he pulled them both into a hug. 

"I've missed you boys!" He exclaimed. Picani was ready to adopt every person in this classmate in a matter of a heartbeat.

"Uh thanks?" Roman replied. 

When the therapist let go Remus quickly scrambled back and crossed his arms tightly around himself.

"We want to rejoin the school. Living here, classes, therapy, everything" The prince explained.

Picani smiled at them "That does make me glad to here but I'm afraid your parents unlisted you two and unless they decide to relist and pay the living fee I can't let you rejoin"

"I can pay. We can't go back home right Rem?"

He looked up suddenly as if he hadn't really been listening. "Uh yeah I uh Emile when we talked about my parents I left some things out but either way I don't feel...Even if it's not about me they left Roman unsupervised for the whole time I was gone even though they knew he needed help which is just a dickmove so I think that either we stay here or we simply kill some people with an axe and take their homes"

The therapist thought for a few moments. "Well I'm sure I can talk to mr.Sanders and we can come to an agreement with you living here and taking classes" He grinned at them. "My office is still open whenever you need me and your old room is ready to be taken" The brothers tried to high five each other as subtly as possible.

Picani eyed Roman up and down. He couldn't help but notice how his collar bones were so prominent they could probably catch water. Or how his ribs stuck out so much they were visible through his tank top. Or how his ankles were to skinny to hold his socks up.

"On second thought, Mr.Prince have you ever thought about getting proper treatment? You've been in the risk zone for a long time but I can not let you keep going here if it puts your health at serious risk" Picani stated.

"Sweet Chris Evans why does everyone keep trying to make me go to inpatient! Look I'm here accepting help but I am not that sick!" Roman groaned out in response.

"Yeah!" Remus agreed "I've been with him for like a week straight I mean gay and he's had at least 2 meals every day and I'm proud of him!"

"You are?" The prince asked with a baffled expression.

"Of course I am!!!"

"Fine" The therapist sighed "But if you start losing weight again I'm calling your parents" He continued with a softer tone "I'm glad you two are back, I'm sure everyone else is too"

Both the twins looked away as they doubted that last part. Roman couldn't help but think about Virgil.

--

Roman had been able to get back into class a few days after coming back. Remus could barely function normally much less work. Right now he was going to 2 therapy sessions a week and the rest of his time was spent drawing or laying in his bed feeling miserable. Sometimes Remy laid beside him and literally talked for hours. It was nice since they didn't really expect him to answer.

His brother had been happy to see him draw again. He wasn't as happy when he saw what he was drawing, he expected to see the usual torn off limbs or dead bodied but instead the drawings looked like they had been taken out of Remus memory and put on page.

Skeletal like people banging their heads against walls. A corpse lying in the middle of a room full of people, white powder around their nose and a weird fluid leaking out of their mouth. Empty eyes lost of hope and contorted hands with bleeding fingernails.

Sketch after sketch after sketch of Decan's face. Different angles. Different expressions. Most of them angry. Pretty many of them had discolored parts where water had stained the paper.

Roman wanted to burn them. To take them away so neither of them had to see them or be reminded of what had happened ever again.

Annnnyway. Today was a sunny Thursday (FUCK THURSDAYS). Everyone was away at class and Remus was so sure he'd locked the door he felt it was safe to take out his medicine. He hid it under the floorboard where cigarettes used to be before Dee was made to change rooms as per Roman's incredible passive aggressive request. A belt was quickly strung a little over his elbow so his veins would appear more prominently. The dark purple spots covering his elbow still made him uneasy.

The syringe was an inch away from the vein when strong hands grabbed his wrists forcing his arms behind his back and taking it away from him. 

"Gurl that was too close. I thought you had stopped" Remus was taken back when he realized it Remy's slightly squeaky voice.

"Please don't burn me" He pressed out with a meek voice still unsure whether he was safe or not.

"What? Oh shit" They let go of his wrist. "Sorry hun didn't think just reacted"

"It-It's okay"

"Sure Jan. Now" They looked down at the syringe in their hands. "Where do you even like keep this?"

"My butt" Remus answered without hesitation.

".....Seriously? Like it wouldn't surprise me. Like I've meet guys who can shove cups up there. Who needs a garage am I right"

"It's like they say in Steven Universe, let me drive my van into your ass" Remus replied "But no, I won't tell you where I keep it tho"

"Then you should have closed the floor pan again" Remy triumphantly commented after spotting the anomaly.

Before they even had time to take a step they were dragged back by the collar of their jacket. Their back was pushed into the wall. Remus had a wild look in his eyes.

While baring his teeth he growled "Don't you dare take it from me"

"Really now girl....Choices. Also temme tell you a secret" With ease they pushed his grip away from them and sat him down beside them instead. "You're not as strong as you used to be" When they saw the immediate fear in their friends eyes they added. "Don't worry. I won't use it against you"

"...I'm sorry. Did I hurt you??"

"Nah girl" He let out a relieved exhale. "So anyway are you like trying to stop or are you back to full on like addiction?"

"I want to try but it's like when you're dissecting a squirrel, you never know where to start. I don't want to bother everyone with my withdrawal but also I'm so afraid of the medicine making me forget things. My memory is so bad. I want to be able to remember everything from now on"

"That's an easy fix sweetie" they crawled up into their bed and searched around before jumping down and holding something in their hand. Remy held forward a black notebook. "It comes with a prize though"

Before they got another word out Remus had backed into the wall. He moved his legs up to his chest and his his head behind his arms "I can't. I'm ace I swear sorry I'm sorry"

"Woah girl I was going to ask for a hug or some shit not That. Are you like okay?" They asked while sitting down beside him.

"I'm fine. Sorry"

"Are you like actually ace? Just wondering"

"....Yeeeeeeh...haww. I've never told anyone cause I felt like I was copying Roman and I have all these sexual intrusive thoughts so I didn't really feel like anyone would believe me"

"I believe you" They reassured with a smile "Here" They placed the notebook in his lap.

"Thanks" He mumbled.

"I got one of my own just so you know" They said grabbing their grey notebook which cover had been filled with stickers. "Picani told me to write down my feelings and shit in it. We can be notebook pals"

"Woohoo" 

"Do you realize how depressed you sound? like the tone of your voice. Like good god girl get a grip. Get some self esteem or something. The fuck. We need a spa day. Those solve everything" Remy rambled on.

"I'm a literal goblin. Unless it's a mud bath I'm not interested" Remus replied.

"Honey we can get allll the mud baths! Nothing like 2 friends going on a relaxing mud trip!"

"Friends?" Remus asked with a baffled expression.

"Yeah friends. Ding dong ye brain still working" They joked while lightly knocking on his head which made him flinch away "Of course we're friends why would you think we're not. Do you like need to vent some stuff out?I'm not the best listener but I'm a good try-er and I will try to listen"

"Oh no I just kind of thought that everyone hates me as much as everyone dislikes getting their nails ripped out one by one while being electrocuted through the nipples"

"Kinky" Remy fake coughed it out before putting on their serious expression and gently placing their hand on Remus' knee "Listen, this is me being real n-"

They both started to laugh because it 100% didn't sound like they were being real.

"Ok ok but really" Remy tried again with a soft tone "No one hates you" And for the first time in a long while Remus actually believed it.