Song: The cell block tango from Chicago (If you know what this song is about you Know (;;;;

Sup bitches guess who wrote 10 k words in 2 days for a new unsympathetic Patton/Loceit fic! Get ready for that once this fic is over

Tw: Manipulation, mentions of overdose, substance abuse, Choking (not the kinky kind, I see you Jared)

Remus was in the woods near the school. It was a normal Wednesday and he would have been in class if not for the fact that being in the same room as his best friend suffocated him so much he didnt even dare to go.

So he was in the woods instead. Looking for bugs while crawling around on all fours.

Just as he picked up a green shiny one a shadow appeared on the ground in front of him. He turned around and saw Dee standing there. Hands in his pockets. Smile on his lips. Eybrow upwards making him look cocky.

"Hello darling" Was all he said.

Remus accidentally squashed the bug in his hand as his body tensed up.

"What are you doing?" Dee's voice was gentle as he sat down next to him.

The boy in green gulped "Nothing" he finally forced feeling like someone was choking him.

"Are you alright? You look stressed" He asked while caressing Remus cheek and moving closer as the other forced a smile.

"I'm fine"

Dee leaned on Remus' shoulder. His hot breath went against his neck as he quietly admitted "I've missed you"

"Sorry"

"It's alright" He said with a smile "I'm glad you're alright"

"Yeah...yeah I'm alright" Remus repeated. "I have to go I'm eh busy with...role playing as Al Capone sugar baby...Yeah, That" Remus babbled out moving to stand up but Dee calmly placed a hand on his knee.

"Dear you're still a horrible liar" He replied "I wonder what'll happen in the future when the others get better and leave this place. Don't you think the only reason anyone bothers caring about you is because they're forced to be in the same place as you"

Remus gulped "Not....not-t everyone right"

Dee shone up into a smile "Of course not. I'll always care about you, to me you're worth something. Can't say the same about the other's. I'm the only one making you worth anything" He hissed the last part out.

"Oh I-I dunno about th-hat"

Dee let out a short laugh "What's up with the stutter. You're sounding like Patton" Fun fact: drug abuse (heroin in particular) can actually cause stutters though Remus is doing it out of pure anxiety.

"Sorry" He stared down at his hands. He tried to focus on how the bug blood on his hand would taste instead of focusing on the arm around his shoulder.

Dee smiled at him before pressing their lips together. He closed his eyes and did his best to pretend like he was kissing Patton or at least Logan though it was hard when a puny mustache was tickling his face.

To be honest his heart first of all still belonged to Patton but besides that Dee was 100% more attracted to Logan in every aspect than he was to Remus but the duke was easily manipulated while he had 0,1% chance with Logan so he took what he could get.

The duke stared out into the trees and forced himself to fantasize away. Think about how if his heart beat any faster it would probably explode. Think about how if he shook his head hard enough maybe his brain would spill out of his ears. Think about how if HE kiLlED DEE HE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORRY AGAIN.

Remus moved back out of the touch. He hit his hands against his head trying to make the horrible thoughts stop.

"Hey hey Em. Calm down. It's alright" Dee tried to reasure "Deep breaths okay. None of the thoughts are real"

"I don't want to be together with you" He spit out to panicked to think clearly.

Decan's eyes got small and cold as he frowned. He stroked his hand through Remus hair which made him flinch at every movement.

"But Darling you left for so long and it hurt me really badly and now you immediately try to hurt me again when you're back. That doesn't sound very....nice but I'll overlook it this time" He said putting extra umph on This Time.

"I mean it" He responded feeling as dread made his body turn cold.

The stroking in his hair stopped for just a moment instead turning into a light tug. It could have been him getting stuck in a strand of hair.

"Are you seriously going to leave me just like everyone else?" He asked. "Wait no nevermind you already have once. No actually twice. Can't forget that time you went and got yourself sent to the hospital. Finally something was able to shut you up"

"No I-I mean I" He stuttered out not knowing what to say.

"It's actually amazing how you've somehow gotten stupider. You can't even form coherent sentences"

Remus gave up on responding instead simply nodding along.

Dee swung his arm around Remus waist and Remus leaned into the touch. He thought about how easy it would be to just give in and pretend like he'd never been gone.

His brain had already started to go back to the familiar hazy state when he heard Dee mutter "-Makes you think idiocy runs in your bloodline. Let's be real only someone at the bottle of the barrel when it comes to intelligence would do what Roman does"

Remus eye twitched as he turned to Dee and said without any stutter "Have you ever even thought that maybe there's a reason everyone leaves you"

"And that's coming from you? Darling I'm the only one you have left" He replied with a smirk.

Remus put his hands over his ears mumbling "No no that's not true Roman was worried about me he tried to find me he-"

"Pff let's be real here the only reason he did that was because if you weren't here he wouldn't be allowed to come back to the school. You were nothing but a tool for him"

"No no no you're lying. Remy-"

"Remy is nothing but attention hungry. Of course they would even go as low as to be with you as long as you give them what they want"

"But Patton said he likes to talk to me" He choked the words out before shutting his eyes tightly.

"Are you seriously trying to say Patton is a good person. Either way why would anyone willingly talk to you. The only reason he does is because he pities you"

"I think-"

"Don't bother thinking, you're not good at it. I'm sorry about hurting you, I really am but it's in the past now okay and you know how much I despise the past. Now when you're back we can start over"

"...Was Patton really that bad to you? Bad enough for you too hate him like this I mean" Remus nearly whispered out as he started to doubt it.

Dee's eyes got cold "Really nice of you to not believe the victim" He bit off "If we're going by that logic I'm oh so sure your dad didn't even hit you. I'm sure he's a great fucking guy"

"So hitting someone makes someone abusive one wow that's ned" Remus scoffed out quietly to himself.

"What did you just say?" The snake asked while his tight for gripper.

"Nothing" He quickly blurted out while chills ran down his spine.

"Did you insinuate that I hit you?"

"Oh I'm sorry" Remus gasped "Would you rather here me mention you burning me"

"Didn't I just say we leave that in the past" Decan nearly growled it out, there was a hint of a threat lingering in his words.

"Okay! How about you getting mad at me for not wanting to act like I'm romantically in love with you even though I'm aro! And ace! in fact! but apparently that didn't matter when you made me kiss you to 'prove' that I love you!" Remus' intrusive thoughts, the violent ones got louder with each word he yelled.

"Dear again with the lies. I've heard you say you love me before we even got together"

"I meant platonically! I don't work like you want me to!" 

"Just shut up!" Deceit exclaimed while letting go of him. Instead he crossed his arms as his frustration grew "Y'know if I was actually abusive I would probably hit you right around now instead I'm just telling you to shut up with your nonsense"

"Make me. Rip out my teeth if you have to because I am tired of giving a shit about what think" the duke bit out as he moved to stand up,

"Come on darling I would never do that, I don't want to do that"

"LIAR" Remus yelled jumping forward and pushing Dee down under him.

He held him down under him snarling while digging his nails into Dee's hands to keep them down. He put one of his legs on his stomach almost feeling good when he noticed the way the other squirmed around under him.

He frowned. "You should have stopped pushing your luck if you didn't want karma to come and fuck you over"

He didn't even noticed he'd rammed his knee into his stomach making the other wince.

Dee looked at him with eyes filled with pity. It just made him angrier. It was too late to rethink what he had done now. The damage had already been done. He had already been forced to become someone he didn't recognize.

"You're such a bad boyfriend I tried to leave you for the afterlife" He growled out.

It was like his hands were moving on their own, up to Dee's neck. His intrusive thoughts were so loud he couldn't hear what Dee was saying, he could only see his mouth moving.

"You destroyed me" He repeated over and over again while the grip around his throat got harder.

Decan struggled to move his hands up around the other boy's wrist. he lightly tried to tug them away. His skin slowly turned red as air left his lungs.

Remus moved his head closer and snarled "Don't try and make me pity you now. You should have packed the dirt over my grave tighter if you didn't wanna hear me gasping for breath"

Right now Dee was the only one gasping for breath. His hands holding onto Remus' wrist let go when he didn't have any energy left. He thought that maybe this was a good thing. Maybe this was supposed to happen he thought as the colors around him started to swim into one another and it felt like his eyes would pop out of his skull.

He tried to smile as his eyelids closed.

It took Remus nearly a minute before he realized the other boy wasn't breathing or moving or oh god oh no nonono. He shook his shoulders to try and wake him up. 

"Dee? Dee wake up. This isn't funny. Wake up! Now! Wake up" a tear left his eye followed shortly by a sob "Please I'm sorry I swear stop pretending I didn't mean to. You can hit me I swear just please wake up. I'm sorry I'm sorry"

1 minute

2 minutes

3 minutes went by and the only movement was Remus' shaking shoulders.

The only sound was his sobbing as time ticked by. The only thing he could think about was how much of a monster he was as he leaned his head against dee's chest.

If Remus hadn't been a mess he would have probably noticed the heart beat or the hand moving up to his back. It wasn't until a gloved hand tugged at his hair to make him move his head up he realized Dee had woken up.

"Dear your eyes are red" Dee murmured while wiping his tears away. There was already a red mark around his neck in the shape of Remus' hands.

"I-I'm sorry" The duke cried out, his body was still shaking from fear.

"No worries darling, it's okay. I've been through worse besides when I started dating you I was expecting a bit of choking, not in this way but still"

Remus couldn't help but laugh and the laughter grew into a cackle of relief. For a moment it felt like the old times when they were just friends.

"I'm a bad person, I have to leave I don't can't hurt anyone else" He rambled out. In a much quieter tone he added "I'm just as bad as you"

Oh darling you're not a bad person. You're loyal and that's great and relatively nice and-"

"LIAR" Remus yelled feeling new tears prickle into his eyes " There is nothing nice to say about me. I'm only the worst fucking parts of a human being. There will never be anything good about me" He continued while standing up.

"That's simply not true" Dee objected. His voice was raspy from being choked. In a total of 30 minutes the action would caught up with him and he would be stuck in a flashback induced panic attack with no one to help him out of it.

Remus shrugged before turning away "I'm leaving" He muttered.

Dee took his hand and intertwined their fingers "But I love you" He said.

"Please let me go. I don't think you can love anyone" Remus bit off before forcing his hand away.

Dee tried to come up with a way to lie his way out of it.

"Can't stop thinking that if you only treated me that bad than and not Patton it must be my fault! And I deserve it. Thanks for forever etching the thought that I should be hurt into my fucking skull"

Decan eyes narrowed into a glare and he could feel his chest tighten when he realized Remus was actually serious about breaking up. He was losing the little control he had. His mind went haywire as he tried to grasp on to any last piece to hold himself together.

"Don't leave me" He yelled grabbing Remus' arm harshly. He dug his nails down hard enough to spill blood as he continued "You don't get to leave me. No one will want a pathetic piece of shit like you. You'll be all alone and no one will ever care about you again"

Self projection much.

"Ow ow ow" He repeated as he tried to get his arm away "I don't want this"

Dee tugged at the other boy's hair forcing him closer before hissing out "I need you" It sounded more like a desperate plea than something angry.

Remus met his eyes and they burned with hate as he grinned and growled out "I hope you die in a fucking fire"

The tug in his hair turned so harsh it felt like his scalp would start to bleed.

"Let go of me or I'll rip of your nails and put them in your eyes!" Remus yelled

"Can't you see that the only reason I don't want you to leave is because I care about you" Dee insisted while letting his grip go.

"No!" Remus interrupted. He curled his hands into fists as he continued "Advice time BItch! Maybe if you apparently care oh so much about someone you shouldn't insult him at every godamn turn! And then maybe he wouldn't want to hide from you!"

"How could I've known it was wrong. To be fair-"

Remus pointed his finger into dees chest and nearly yelled out "You do not get to blame this on your fucked up past because you are just like whoever the hell gave you those cigarette scars on your arm" He reapeated in a quieter voice "You are exactly like the one who hurt you"

He walked away with his hands in his pockets.

Decan parted his mouth to reply but closed it again looking down into the grass feeling a cold realization crawl up his throat along with a disgusted feeling towards himself.

Remus' head was spinning as he went through the entrance of the school. Oh god he'd hurt Dee now he was just as bad as him. What if he hurt somebody else. What if his intrusive thoughts take over. He should take a drill into his skull so he thoughts can swim out.

He frantically looked around in his old hiding spots. Had to find some. Had to calm down. Had to shot pure bliss into his veins. Had to shot himself so he could be forgiven for ever daring to exists.

He strung a green band around his upper arm and watched as the veins got more prominent. It was best this way. Besides Roman had gotten back o his dear friends and his dear Virgil so who was left to miss him.

New record for least people at his funeral goes to Remus Prince.

The thought made him smile and the substance going into his body made him smile even more. He didn't know how much he'd taken but apparently it was enough to make his body into a ragdoll.

He sunk down to his side with his face against the cold tiles. When he tried to move his hand merely a finger twitched. That was probably a bad sign.

A bad sign?

No. Nonono. A good sign. Of course a good sign.

Why was he suddenly so determined to call out for help when minutes before he was so sure he didn't want to see another day. Whywhywhywhywhy.

"Roman?" He tried to call out but only a whisper left his mouth. "Dee? Deecy? Dee?" His brain instantly went to him as his second choice. "Anyone?"

But nobody came.

If Remus was in his normal mindset he would have joked about how it must have ben a darn bad orgy if nobody came. He closed his eyes and laughed. Why did he even think he would succeed on leaving this time when he'd failed all the other times.

He was so tired. Life made him exhausted, he just wanted to sleep. Why did people keep waking him even when he tried to sleep forever.

"Remus?" He suddenly heard a worried voice call out.

The closet door opened and a wide eyed Roman looked down at him. His gaze got caught on the syringe still stuck in his vein. He hunched down in front of his twin and forced the syringe out before putting his head in his lap so he didn't get cold.

"If you've overdosed again I'll cut you in two with my sword" He said with a trembling voice.

"Did you know that cockroaches can live like an entire month without its head. Bring me the guillotine brother! It's time to see if I'm secretly a cockroach!" He slurred out.

"Be serious for once! It's not like you to call out for help like that!"

 "Ok well did you know that the luna moth doesn't have a mouth. Imagine me without a mouth. Impossible right i just go on and on. Oh and Earthworms have 5-"

"Shut up!" Roman exclaimed his tone clearly irritated. he said something else but Remus didn't hear it. His thoughts got too loud.

Great you screwed everything upYou really expected him to not hate you anymore
You're too loud, needy, annoying, stupid, demented

Too much you.

There were blacks spots in his sight. He started to scratch at his arms without thinking about it.

He doesn't want you aroundHe would be happier if you weren't aroundDon't you want to keep your friends happy?Your own family happy?Your own flesh and blood? The blood that should escape your veins and
And maybe Roman can finally be the lone child your parents always wanted

"Forever?" Remus meekly asked at this point nearly reopening old scars from how harshly he was scratching.

"What?" Roman grabbed his arm so he wouldn't hurt himself "And stop that"

"You want me to go shut up forever?"

"No of course not" Roman cursed to himself on the inside "I didn't mean it like that"

"But I-" 

"Bro I need to know what happened. I need to know if I need to call for help or something" 

"I just tried to overdose. Or I'm still high but I'm unsure if I took enough or not but I changed my mind y'know. I don't really feel like dying right now so yeah. But maybe I do. But maybe it's just my thoughts. But I'm so tired of waking up so mayb"

"Dukey, breathe"

"Sorry"

Roman picked up his phone thinking it would be for the best if they got to the hospital before he passed out.

"Don't" Remus said as he slapped the phone out of his hand. "I'm not sure I took to much"

"But what if you-"

"You can call when I vomit up blood or whatever. I'm not really there when it happens how am I supposed to know what happens during an od" Remus eyes widened though his pupils were weirdly small "Holy shit do I get like black eyes, do I speak in dead languages?"

"Don't joke about it" Roman tried to remember what Logan had told him indicated an overdose. Tried to remember what had happened the times before.

"Just asking" The prince pulled his brother into a hug.

"Don't leave" Roman whispered through gritted teeth. He tried to go through a list to see if he was okay. His lips and nails looked normal. So did his skin. His breathing was normal. Though when Remus didn't respond he got nervous.

"Hey could you keep ranting or something?" He was sure one of the things were being awake but unable to talk. What if it was too late. What if he was hugging a corpse. What if

"Did you know snakes have two dicks" Remus said while his face cracked up into a smile. His heartbeats were oh so slow but he didn't want to tell Roman that and stress him up even more.

"In fact I do, You've told me that one before. You have to step up your game"

"Yeah..HUmans can bite off their thumbs if they want. That would be fun to test" He laughed out. 

"Please keep talking"

It took an hour of disturbing torture methods and bug facts before they were both sure Remus wouldn't die. They were hugging out of relief.

"I think" Remus began to mumble "I think I want to go to rehab"

--

It had gone 2 weeks since then. Remus was nervous. Really really nervous. He chewed on his nails and drummed his feet against the instrument panel leaving dirty marks after his shoes.

Roman squeezed the steering wheel tighter tapping his fingers lightly against it. "Hey bro?" Rem looked up a little startled by the sound. "Are you sure about well this? I mean didn't you say rehab made you miserable last time. I support you in trying to get clean but I don't want to force you into this"

Also friendly reminder that Roman doesn't have a drivers license. Idiot brothers.

"Last time I didn't have a choose. It feels better now when I choose to do this. Now you and Remy and all the others can come and visit too right. Mom and dad never allowed visitors. They said I was too unstable but I'm not right? Right?" Remus asked while staring out the window and imagining the cars crashing into one another.

"Of course you're not. I'll come every second Sunday, I promise. I just wish they let me come more often"

"It's alright. It won't be pretty the first weeks anyway soooo you're not missing much. Unless you want to be disgusted if so I can give you some nice facts about bodily mutilation like how-"

"Not while I'm driving please. Just so you know.....I'm glad you're trying to get better. You're doing great"

"Could say the same about you RoRo"

"Ehhh I've barely gained any weight so no" He forced a nervous laugh.

"You have to stop focusing so much on the numbers. Isn't the most important thing you're trying" Remus punched his arms lightly smiling. He pretended to gag "Ugh that sounded way too cheesy. Butts! There balance restored"

Roman decided to change the topic since he really didn't want to get teary eyed while driving. "Pretty sure Remy put something in your bag. Told me you would forget it otherwise"

Remus opened the small bag that was laying at the space his feet were supposed to be. He had only packed the most important stuff. Two octopus plushies were there, a sketchbook and lots of pens and charcoal, his friendship bracelets, a fidget cube and two chewing bracelets. Patton had had to remind him to pack clothes. The dad had also baked him cookies to take with him. Logan had given him a moon keychain so he had something to remind him he wasn't alone even though they weren't there with him.

Under all of that laid a notebook.

"Oh goodie Remy put down my notebook" He held it up so Ro could glance at it. When he continued to look ahead Remus threw one of his stinking socks in his face and Roman nearly gagged from the smell. Rem was still laughing as he opened the book. On a random page he wrote:

Rehab day 1

Clean 2 hours

Feeling hopeful